Such Sweet Sorrow

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again

‘Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did

I hear footsteps approaching and freeze. I know who it is. Who else could it be? Only he knows where to find me on a night like this. It was he that brought me here the first time. In seconds, he is standing behind me. Close enough that his familiar scent tickles my nose. My heart is pounding against my rib cage. Oh, how I loathe this feeling. It is one that I know all too well. My body is screaming, aching for the familiar warmth of his skin on mine. And then, to make matters worse, his voice floats through the night air, as smooth as velvet.

"I thought I would find you here."

It has not healed with time

It just shot down my spine

I nearly choke as I swallow all of my possible responses, some of which include throwing myself into his arms. No, the time for that is no more.

He steps forward and slides down to sit beside me, but does not look at me. He is suddenly very interested in his hands.

"Say something," he pleads.

I feel a slight tug on my heart. "What is there to say?"

"Anything. Just talk to me, please."

You looks so beautiful tonight

Reminds me how you laid us down

And gently smiled before you destroyed my life

I look at him then. At the perfectly shaped lips from which that broken voice emerged. At the pale hair falling casually over cold, silver eyes. I hate to see him weak. He is made of stone. Yet I know that his armor is chipped, he is not so steady anymore. I can tell. I always could. And for so long, he despised me for that very reason. But now, here he is. Begging me to talk to him. I know very well that he was not brought up to beg. It is not in his nature. That makes this occurrence even more remarkable. So, against my best judgement, I reluctantly oblige to his request.

"It is beautiful out here," I say, tearing my eyes from him and focusing on the glittering black water that stretches before us.

"It is," he agrees.

Silence for a few moments, and then: "Do you miss me?"

Would you find it in your heart

To make this go away

And let me rest in pieces, let me rest in pieces

This question does odd things to my stomach. I feel him staring at me now. Heat floods my face. A nasty habit of mine. I am very grateful that it is dark. Should I tell him the truth? That I miss him every minute. That he has left me with a hole deep inside, one that aches every time I think of him. That when I see him snogging his new girlfriend of the week, I feel ill. That I wake up in tears, after dreaming of him. That I don’t care if he is selfish, or rude, or cruel, all I want is to hold him again.

No, I cannot tell him that. So I simply nod.

Would you find it in your heart

To make this go away

And let me rest in pieces, let me rest in pieces

He slowly exhales. He almost seems relieved.

"Have you missed me?" I ask, surprised at my boldness.

He is silent, and my heart drops into my stomach. Why did I ask that? Of course he hasn’t missed me. Why would he? Why would anyone?

"Yes. I really have."

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again

You’ve got much closer than I thought you did

I almost think I’ve heard him wrong, and look up at him for confirmation. It is there, in his eyes. My heart takes a flying leap into my throat, and begins racing like mad.

"If this is a joke . . ."

"It’s not. Why do you always think I’m making fun of you?"

I smile weakly. "Maybe because for years, the only words out of your mouth were insults."

He gazes back at me, perfectly serious, and says," I’m sorry."

This is possibly the first time I have ever heard him apologize to anyone. And then he is leaning in, inching closer and closer.

I’m in your reach

You held me in your hand

His lips brush against mine, and I accept them hungrily. I’ve ached for this for so long. Now I am drinking him. I have been starving for him, for this. He tastes like the air after rain fall. I allow myself to melt into him, into this kiss. It is truly heaven.

But unwanted thoughts spring to my mind, tainting my moment of bliss. This is the same person who I have lamented. Who I have shed tears for, sobbed for. These lips have kissed many others. As I sat in my room, locked away from the rest of the world, and attempted to mend my broken heart, he sought a different type of comfort. I wonder if he thought of me as he held them. Did he tell them that they were different, they were special? Did he make them the same promises he whispered against my skin? Did they cry, as I did?

Would you find it in your heart

To make this go away

And let me rest in pieces, let me rest in pieces

I pull away, using my hand to gently push him back. He gives me a confused look.

"What’s wrong?"

"I–I can’t do this."

He rubs a hand down my arm, sending chills down my spine. "Why not?"

Tears sting my eyes. "I can’t be with you. I can’t be put through that again," I say, my voice cracking.

He pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ears. "I promise, it will be different this time." His hand moves to my cheek, where a single tear falls upon his pale skin.

Would you find it in your heart

To make this go away

And let me rest in pieces, let me rest in pieces

Resisting the urge to nuzzle into his caress, I take a step back. Hurt flashes over his face.

"You say that now," I whisper, "But we both know it won’t be."

"Give me a chance. You never know what will happen."

I sigh heavily. "No, I don’t. And that’s a chance I can’t afford to take."

He crosses his arms over his chest and gives me a defiant glance. "You don’t want to do this."

"No, I don’t want to do this."

 He steps toward me again.

"I have to do this."

He stops, gazing at me in disbelief. I turn and begin to walk away. I take a few steps before he catches me by the arm.

"Ginny . . . wait."

I shake myself free of his grasp. I cannot give in now, not when I have come this far.

"Goodbye, Draco."