Touchstone

~Touchstone~

Chapter Six

By Gin

Snape woke with a start. His neck and back were sore so he stretched and took notice of where he was. Still in the hospital wing. He remembered why he was there and looked down at Hermione's body and took her hands in his, they were still warm. 'I must have been holding them the entire time,' he thought. He looked down at her pale face and then glanced out the window- it was dark outside. He raised his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, they felt gritty. Sitting up straighter he rolled his shoulders; he felt so drained.

For the life of him he could not understand why he had been so affected by her. Each night he had felt a weight growing heavier and heavier and only intensified when he was "with" her. And every night he wondered why he thought about and dreamt about her so much. They really must be connected. But, it was almost...more. That look she gave him in Malfoy's estate was almost tender, and caring. He raised his hand to his cheek where she had touched his face and gazed thoughtfully at Hermione for a moment. Then he blinked and shook his head cutting off any further train of thought. He sneered, 'Well damn her anyways. If she wants to be selfish and make others miserable then so be it. Maybe its better she leaves after all.'

But she had leaned into him while the memories had been playing. 'She did that because she needed strength. Surely she wants to come back then.' Frowning he paused to think about that and frustrated he sighed. 'So why won't she?!' he thought angrily. Looking at her he thought if he was this tired she must be nearly dead. He shuddered. He would go back tomorrow; and he would definitely need to brew a powerful Fulcio potion tonight if he was going to make it through next time. If he did make it through....

Snape got up, stretched his limbs again and gave Hermione a wistful look, then sneered again and made his way back to the dungeons. He needed to brew that potion now so it would be ready for in the morning. The walk to his personal lab was taking forever. He hadn't remembered it ever taking so long, but luckily there were a couple of students in the halls he found an excuse to deduct House points from, so it made the trudge a bit better. When he entered his rooms he went straight to his lab through a door on the right.

It wasn't very large but it was enough. There was a high counter that ran all along the wall on the left and there was a large, old, heavy looking wooden table in the center of the room. He had various gleaming cutting utensils, properly stored as any bit of dust could disrupt a potion. As well as a few jars of the more commonly used ingredients. His store room was through a door at the far end of the room where he kept every other ingredient and herb he had that was not for the students' use.

Along the short rack on the wall to the right of the door, Snape selected a cauldron then gathered his other materials from the storeroom. He reached for a cutting board on the wooden table and began to meticulously chop his ingredients into tiny, equal bits. He could do this with his eyes closed; although he wouldn't. His fingers deftly moved with the blade, each stroke perfect. Then he set the fire to the correct temperature and carefully measured out powdered unicorn horn into the cauldron. Brewing had always relaxed him, and he also enjoyed it. So many people took potions for granted. It truly was an art. 'Eight counter-clockwise stirs...' his mind was automatically re-calling the procedure. He could have gone to Poppy for the concoction (he'd made her an ample supply that was still usable) but he needed the distraction.

'And why am I so distracted by her? True, she saved my life, but I've repaid the debt. I do feel sympathy for her, but why does it bother me so?' he thought warily. He had somewhat gotten to know her in the days before the war. Well, maybe not as she normally was as the death of her parents and her own rape had dulled her spirit, but she appeared to be moving past it. There were more important issues at hand, but he had come to admire her wit and intelligence. She was no longer the hand-waving Gryffindor Know-It-All that had so agitated him while she was in school. She had matured into an agreeable young woman. She had even offered to help him brew a potion just last week, before the last battle. However, judging from Potter and Weasley's reactions, she had apparently been acting very distant at that time. True, she did have a more stony appearance to her facade, but that had been expected. However he never pushed her. He would have listened to her if she felt she wanted to talk, so he left it up to her and chose to, at times, work in companionable silence.

One day he noticed her constantly looking at his personal library and offered to let her peruse it. He saw a small spark light up in her eyes before it was dimmed, and she made her way delicately over to the bookshelves. He found it amusing watching her eyes widen at some of his personal favorites- who would have ever thought the formidable Potions master would like Muggle poetry?

Snape lowered the flames under the cauldron; all that was left was to let the bright green liquid simmer over night. He then extinguished the lights in the lab, and proceeded to his living quarters through the door on the left side of the room. He was too tired to drink tonight and he imagined it would do him no good anyway. So instead he made his way to his bedroom but was stopped by a very hungry cat. Snape bent to pick up the animal and scratch his head.

"Sorry, I was preoccupied." The feline croaked in acknowledgement and nuzzled Severus' face encouragingly. He set the animal down and he twined through Snape's legs impatiently. Any other time this would have agitated Severus but tonight he was just too weary. He poured the cat's food into the heavy porcelain bowl (He went all out for the cat, even if it was temporary, or at least he hoped temporary for Hermione's sake.) and filled the other with fresh water. The cat, appearing satisfied with this arrangement, left Snape alone to eat.

Tiredly, Snape wandered over to his bedroom and just barely made it out of his clothes before he collapsed. It bothered him to feel so weak and vulnerable. He lay in bed, luxuriating in the feel of the cool satin against his skin, and almost fell asleep before he remembered the lights were still on. He frowned gracefully lifting his arm, and with a quick movement extinguished the flames as he felt his live-in pounce up onto the bed and fell asleep thinking of her again.

*~*~*~

Hermione sat in complete darkness-- it was getting harder to breathe. Today's little episode had just about done her in. She absentmindedly thought the episode wasn't really 'little' though. What was more perplexing than anything else however, was Snape. He almost seemed...put out when she made him leave earlier; how curious.

The pain was threatening to invade her senses again and she whimpered and wrapped her arms about herself. She was so cold. She had been forced to re-live the violence again today, but as long as she was in here the feelings could not completely overwhelm her. She had briefly considered just staying in here, a permanent coma. All she wanted to do was read her books, stare at her fire and not have a care in the world. She quickly discovered the insanity of being torn between two worlds soon enough. She could barely rest because the visions were constantly clouding her mind. The pain was a small tick in her chest that tightened with each passing day, minute, even breath. She could not have absolute peace no matter how hard she tried.

'And yet when Snape was there....' She shook her head. No...when he was there she felt more at ease almost. She had gotten to see past his defenses a small bit the days preceding the war, but only a small bit. They had neither the time, nor her willpower to get to know each other. 'Plus, how ridiculous would it be if they were to have a.... something.'

Hermione closed her eyes. Tonight she had planned on letting go. She really had. She was a Gryffindor. They did what they said they would didn't they?! However, that was before Snape mentioned that Harry was alive. 'Oh Harry...' she sighed. But he hadn't been clear as to exactly what his state was. For all she knew Harry could be in the same condition as she. She wanted to laugh at that. 'The Wonder-Trio...ha!'

Faintly she could hear her mother screaming again and Hermione began to rock back and forth. She tried to focus on something else. Unbidden the image of Snape came to her. He was sleeping, or at least she thought he was sleeping. He was covered in satin sheets but appeared to be...nude? She could see his pale arms and lean back poking out of the sheets. But just as soon as the image came it was gone. Frustrated she tried to think how or why that had just happened.

"You and I are linked; that is why I am able to be standing before you...." Didn't Snape tell her that earlier? How?

Hermione tried to think how they could be conceivably linked without magic involved. 'However, there was magic all around us, and we were all in highly traumatic emotional states...it could have been possible.' Hermione almost grinned.

The image of Ron's death flashed before her eyes and she cried out. She huddled deeper into herself as she heard screams from unseen people all around her. She couldn't take much more of this....

*~*~*~

Albus Dumbledore left the Great Hall before anyone else that morning after breakfast. He had watched Severus for an hour while he was under the Communis Spell before leaving him to Poppy's care the day before. She had made him leave too. Like Severus, he also was showing the signs of stress and wariness, and Poppy Pomfrey had made him promise to go take a nap. Albus chuckled at the remembrance of her order.

He quietly made his way down to the dungeons. It was 9:45 by the time he made it to Severus' door and let himself in. Albus had always been the only one to breach the heavily warded doorway; a talent that constantly agitated the quick-tempered Potions master. He glanced around the entryway and living rooms. No sign of the younger man. So the Headmaster made his way to the laboratory. He noticed a softly simmering potion and went to inspect. Almost as soon as he approached the cauldron the flames went out. 'Severus must have charmed it to turn off at a certain time' the elder man deduced. He then exited the room and went in the direction of the bedroom. However the sound of Hermione's pet made him look down. The cat was obviously hinting at the other man to be quiet. The Headmaster smiled and stooped over to pet the feline, which vaulted in to the touch and purred.

He then noticed that the door to Severus' room was open- a very un-Snapish thing to do, but since the cat was obviously not distressed he calmly entered the bedchamber. Severus was still soundly asleep. The Headmaster silently thanked whichever deity was responsible and quietly sank into the chair by Snape's small fireplace and watched the younger man. He had noticed the weight Severus had lost, as well as the purple smudges under his eyes. The boy had never been a good sleeper, but lately this fact had clearly made itself known. Of course, being under the Communis Spell could not be helping matters any. The Headmaster was worried about his Potions master, and he noticed that Severus had been increasingly distancing himself from everyone. Naturally he was not a sociable man, but he made his appearances from time to time to let everyone know he was alive. And though Severus would never admit it; Albus knew he missed the faculty's busy-body company after extended periods of time away. He smiled at that thought.

But the fact that this time he hadn't been making his presence known except to play martyr with Hermione only increased his fear and worries. Long ago he had made Severus promise not to kill himself; that they needed him and he could make amends for the evils he had committed. But now the times had changed. There was nothing more he could do really, at least in that aspect. Or so he imagined Severus would think. Dumbledore sighed. 'He has so much to offer the world if he would only give in and acknowledge that.'

And with that thought he continued to sit in the chair staring at the sleeping, defeated man and prayed to all the saints to watch over him and Hermione.

*~*~*~

Severus Snape was having the most bizarre dream. He was for lack of a better word, happy. Or at least in his dream he felt peaceful. And there was someone with him. They were laughing ('Laughing?!') and holding each other talking about nothing in particular. Warm eyes peered up at him, and he smiled down, he had never felt such a sense of completeness as he did then. But then darkness surrounded them, and a chill swept through. He tightened his arms around the faceless figure in his arms, desperate to keep it safe. Then all of a sudden there was a tapping sound. He looked around but there was nothing. He looked back to the figure in his arms. It was gone. A deep sense of loss overcame him as he called out for the nameless figure while the tapping sound persisted.

He woke with a start. Suddenly light was streaming in through his window and a figure was opening it. Instinctively Snape reached for his wand then the person spoke.

"Easy my boy, you've just received owl post." Dumbledore reached into a pocket and fished out an owl treat and sent the bird on its way. He looked at the younger man with sparkling eyes.

Snape relaxed when he realized it was only Albus and lay back down on the bed, his heart thudding painfully in his chest. Abruptly he wrapped the sheets around himself tighter and sat up scowling.

"What do you think you are doing?! I was asleep! Why do you always come in at the most un-godly times-"but he was cut off.

"Calm Severus. You have a letter from...Dr. Baringer. He is the current doctor attending to Harry is he not?" The smile he was wearing at Snape's outburst faded when he realized whom the letter was from. He lay down the piece of parchment and left the bedroom so Severus could get dressed. Dumbledore sat down in one of the large wingbacks and conjured up a kettle of tea and a plate of kippers, eggs and toast. As well as a mug of coffee for Severus.

Snape tiredly made his way out of his bedroom a few minutes later still agitated at Dumbledore's presence. However the smell of hot food and coffee eased his disturbance a bit. He sat down and gratefully accepted the cup of coffee. After making his adjustments on the beverage he took a large sip and glared at Albus, however the questioning look in his eyes made him lessen his frown.

"I was merely inquiring as to Potter's state. He has stopped raving like a lunatic, however he is no better, and no worse." Snape explained and took another drink.

"I see. Well, at least he hasn't gotten worse then." Albus thoughtfully stirred his cup of tea. 'Always the optimist,' Severus thought scowling again.

"My turn." Severus sat up straight and returned his glare full-forced. "Just what exactly were you doing in my private bedchamber while I was sleeping?"

"We missed you at breakfast." Snape arched an eyebrow.

"Again." The Headmaster gave what passed for an innocent smile.

"I'm not buying it Albus." Suddenly he had a thought and his expression darkened. "Is Hermione okay? What happened?" He leaned forward staring attentively at the Headmaster.

Albus of course picked up on the man's obvious distress, and noted that Hermione's safety was his first response before replying.

"No, no. She is fine. Well, that is, she is just as she was the last time you saw her. I think. That's not the reason I am here at any rate." He calmly swirled his tea and took in Snape's now visibly relaxing form. The older man's lips twitched slightly, his blue eyes glittering.

Albus offered the plate of food to Severus who hungrily obliged. As Snape ate he explained his reason for being there.

"It is as simple as the fact that I am worried about you. I realize you have been stretched thin lately as results of the spell, but you appear to be, how do I say this, hiding from everyone?"

Snape slowly looked up at his mentor, paused, his face impassive, and then returned his attentions back to his food. "Miss Granger has been a bit troublesome you might say," he growled a moment later. He mumbled under his breath, "Ungrateful little twit...."

"I'm worried about you Severus." Dumbledore stood up and began exploring the living room pausing every now and then to admire a trinket of Snape's. He seemed particularly fascinated with the miniaturized model of the galaxy in a large glass ball in one corner of the room; Severus had received it as a Christmas present from an aunt last year.

Snape having been watching the Headmaster's observations out of the corner of his eye the whole time stopped shoveling food in his mouth to reply frustratingly, "Don't you have one of those?"

"Yes," Dumbledore sighed happily. Snape rolled his eyes and reached for more toast.

Albus finished his self-tour of Snape's living room and went to stand in front of Severus, who had by now finished his breakfast and was banishing the remains. Snape leaned into the chair, and looked up into Albus' face.

"You do not have to go through with this today," Albus replied looking down, although haltingly. He registered a momentary look of panic in his young friends face.

"But if I don't...she may not...that is to say," he sighed. "Despite the fact that I believe she does not wish to die, she may become too weak to be able to do anything about it. And if I do not go back, she, being the insufferable Gryffindor that she is, could take it as a sign that she is not wanted and will stubbornly let go. The silly child...." He shook his head dejectedly.

"I think I'm close Albus. I must go back today. I will be fine, I assure you." Inside he knew that might not be the case. He rubbed his hands over his face; absently he realized he needed to shave.

"You do realize what could happen if you return to her conscious mind in your weakened state don't you? I'm surprised you are as alert as you are now." Albus surveyed him over his half-moon spectacles.

Snape simply looked at him for a few moments before replying. "I do."

Albus gazed sadly at his young colleague. However, he knew the younger man wouldn't bend. "Well, if you insist Severus. I assume that potion you had brewing in your lab was an energizing concoction of some sort?" He smiled at the look Severus shot him. "Well then, I'll leave you to it."

Albus turned to leave; pausing at a chair the cat was now contentedly occupying the back of to scratch his head before leaving. "By the way, have you given this animal a name to call it by until Miss Granger is back?"

"I call it 'cat.' Sometimes even, 'blasted feline.'" Snape said sardonically.

Dumbledore chuckled. "I think he looks like a 'Pendleton, or even a 'Sir Tavisham' call him Tavvy." The cat stared blankly at the Headmaster and he chuckled again.

Snape screwed up his face in disgust. "I can only marvel at how easily entertained you are old man." Dumbledore beamed at him and made for the door. Once there he stopped and turned to face Snape.

"Severus...." His voice was serious and almost pleading. The assurance clearly making itself known with the simple word. Snape nodded and watched the older man exit his rooms. He sighed and headed towards the lab to bottle up the now cool potion and swallow a vial of it. Afterwards he took a shower and prepared for the next visit with Hermione. He was definitely not looking forward to the aftereffects of this one--Fulcio potion or no.

*~*~*~

Snape was feeling a bit better, now that the Fulcio potion was taking full effect, and he was quickly walking to the infirmary. Passing the staff room he could hear a woman who sounded like she had been crying. He halted wondering if he should see whom it was when he thought he heard Minerva speak up as well; she too sounded odd. He listened outside the door.

"Filius' new supplements arrived today for next year," sniffled Cerelia Sprout. He heard the sound of someone blowing their nose.

"Yes. Vector's shipment should be coming in as well very soon," came Minerva's Scottish voice. "Oh...we'll have to hire new teachers too as well as a new caretaker to take over Filch's spot, bless him. I do so not relish that unhappy task-"her voice cracked.

"Oh, it just won't be the same. Not without them, it just won't," wailed the distraught Herbology professor.

"I know Ceri, I know, but we've got to go on. No one can ever take their places, but we must move on. We cannot let this get us down. Just think of all the poor students who lost their families during the war, we have to be strong for them. It will be okay with time..." her voice trailed off sadly.

From somewhere in the room Gamula Hooch's voice piped up, "And then there's Severus...has anyone heard anything from him lately? He's starting to worry me."

Someone sighed, and Ceri continued to sniffle and said haltingly, "Yes, I am too. You don't think he's-"Minerva cut her off.

"No! He'll be fine. You shouldn't think that Ceri." If he could have seen the women in the room, he would have seen the stricken looks on their faces. Particularly McGonagall's. "Severus is just...tired. That's all...he's just tired. He's been so busy, and he hasn't gotten proper rest...." She was just babbling as if trying to convince herself of his safety. The Herbology professor began softly sobbing again and Snape heard shuffling. He quickly turned away from the doorway and continued on to the infirmary lost in his thoughts.

'Are they seriously worried about me? Nonsense...' He pushed open the door angrily and made for Hermione's bed. Albus was already there waiting for him.

"Good afternoon Severus. Nice to see you again." Albus smiled despondently.

Snape quirked an eyebrow and Madam Pomfrey made her way over to him.

"Severus! Hello, how are you this afternoon?" she asked nervously and taking in his appearance whipped out her wand and began taking readings.

He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to protest but she beat him to it.

"Endure it." She said sternly. Albus chuckled and Snape's frown increased. "Oh, I just don't know about this...you really are in no state...," she fussed. "You've taken something I see." Snape nodded.

"I made a higher concentration of Fulcio last night." The medi-witch nodded cautiously.

"Well," she sniffed. "If it were up to me, I would try a different angle." Both men opened their mouths to reply but she went on. "However, I cannot argue that this would be the best way, for Hermione's sake." She looked at Snape. "You just be careful. It could be very dangerous this time. And you will follow my every direction when you come back Severus, do I make myself clear?" Her eyes bore into his. He glowered but nodded.

"She's quite strict isn't she Severus. I think she takes joy in bossing us around, eh?" the Headmaster said.

"I wouldn't doubt it; she's a nurse, and a female at that." Snape grumbled. Poppy clucked, but smiled in spite of herself. Snape hastily moved away from her to take his place at Hermione's bedside and gently took her small hands in his. He rubbed his thumbs over her fingers and closed his eyes, preparing to concentrate. He missed the knowing look shared between Albus and Poppy.

Albus began the complex incantation again, as Snape once again waited for his cue to begin. He focused hard and mentally began asking for permission as his mouth muttered the spell. His head was getting light, but other than that no change. No tingle. He squeezed his eyes harder and concentrated with all his might, demanding his admittance. Still nothing. His heartbeat quickened and he vaguely heard Poppy shifting uncomfortably. Albus' voice faltered when he realized what was going on, but quickly regained his composure and kept on. Severus began sweating and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears.

'Hermione, let me in. Please let in Hermione. You don't want to do this. Trust me, please don't give in. Just let me help you, I swear I will. Hermione...'

He heard Poppy softly cry out after 5 more minutes of saying the spell.