Kissing Games

"Hey," Cho Chang said, as she brushed past each person she knew in the
halls. Cho. Cho Chang the perfect, the untouchable. I remember that her
makeup was always perfect, her eyes always darting from familiar face to
familiar face.

"Hey," I responded, looking directly at her, looking into the chocolate
brown irises. How did she do it? I wondered. How? Why?

Every time I look at Cho I feel a frisson go down my spine. A funny word,
frisson, and a fitting one. Only I would know that word. I can't understand
why this is happening to me; it's not fair - I thought I was immune from
the usual social razzle, that I didn't need anyone other than Harry and Ron.
Hermione, I can imagine them saying, What are you thinking of? Are you
kidding? You're seriously talking about Cho. They couldn't, wouldn't
understand. Girls are not supposed to have a crush on the same person
their male best friend does. It just doesn't work out well.

But there it is. My life in a nutshell. Ever since I was little I knew that it
wasn't supposed to happen, that I wasn't supposed to feel like this. Little
girls play nicely with other little girls. Nicely, I remember my mother
telling me, does not mean kissing games. Little girls cannot play kissing
games with people, especially not other little girls.Then she hugged me
and smiled, but it was the worst blow in the world. How could I say, being five years old, that I was going to grow up and marry little Chelsea
someday? And how could my mother accept that that was just the way I
was?

When Cho brushes past me there's a certain buzz in the air, a shiver, and I
can imagine kissing her. My lips are rough and huge, I know, compared to
hers, and the soft pink tint would be lost under my gaudy color. But then I
can only let myself stare for a moment, frightened that she sees what I
feel.

Because little girls don't play kissing games with other little girls, and
I'm not yet old enough to push people around. I don't think I ever will be.

-----fini 1/1