Dissonance

Fear

Sidling up behind me, you slip your hands around my waist. Sighing, I lean back into you, enjoying the warmth of your embrace. Laying my head back on your shoulder, I turn slightly to sigh into your neck.

"I'm scared."

Upon hearing this, you turn me around and I'm enveloped in your strength. You look at me with an expression that can only convey love. Placing your lips upon mine, you slowly murmur into the kiss.

"I know, love, but I'm here."

Within your arms, I am myself. Titles disappear. Suppositions are relinquished. You don't expect-have never expected-anything from me. I know I can only be whole with you. Slowly releasing, you turn and start to walk away.

"Come back to bed."

I follow, knowing that tomorrow, this could be gone.

I've been doing this for far too long, living on the brink of death. Never knowing when the attacks would start, ready to defend at all costs. Sometimes I think death is the only answer, a complete release from everything. But even in death, I know I'll be haunted by those I let die, just because I'd been so selfish as to go and kill myself.

"Harry, stop thinking and go to sleep."

With arms encircling my body and lips caressing my shoulder, I realize that you're right. I need to stop, else I'll break down even more than I already have.

"I love you, Sev."

The only response I get is a light snore, and warm breath floating over me.

Discord

The bed was cold. Severus got up slowly, groaning as he stretched. Harry had gone already. How much longer must this debacle last?

Three years. The battle had started three years ago, and has since shown no signs of letting up. While Severus stayed at Hogwarts, making healing potions and helping Poppy with the wounded, Harry went where he was called. Like a trained mutt.

While walking to the bathroom, Severus started mulling over the night before. It wasn't often that Harry was able to spend all night with him lately, but they were both so exhausted that neither wanted anything more than sleep.

As scalding water beat down upon him from the shower head, he started contemplating what trouble might be occurring that had wrenched Harry's presence from him so early in the morning. He missed the brat. He didn't like to admit as much, even to himself, but four years together can do that to a person.

*flashback*

"Professor?"

"Yes, what is it? It's late and I must get to bed. So should you be. There's a meeting in the morning."

"I... sorry sir. Never mind. I'll go."

"You're already here, so just spit it out!"

"I... Ijustwantedtosayyoulooknicetoday."

"What? I can't understand a word you said. Stop jumbling your words."

"Just... you look nice today."

Severus stood there, stunned, as Harry bolted down the corridor.

*end flashback*

He didn't realize what he was doing until he nearly choked on the water spraying down on his face. Quickly ending his shower, he stepped out to finish getting ready for the day.

Halfway to the infirmary, Severus was flagged down by a very anxious Dumbledore.

"My boy, my boy, how are you doing this bright morning?"

"As well as can be expected, headmaster."

"Very good then, Severus. Won't you join me in my office then? I have some matters of import which I must discuss with you."

After that, the headmaster started down the hall towards his office. Severus stood there for a moment, then hurriedly dashed to keep up with the man, spry still at his advanced age.

Seated in Dumbledore's office, Severus politely declined several different sweets before he could get the headmaster to talk about why he brought him there.

"Kindly tell me why in Merlin's name I am sitting here in this uncomfortable chair, across from a nearly barmy man, so I can go continue my work in peace."

The headmaster sat there and chuckled a bit, with hints of a grave expression slowly seeping out.

"I'm sorry Severus. I know I tend to be a tad evasive at times. Let's get down to business."

Finally.

"Your presence is required at the front."

He sat there, dumbfounded. Both by the fact of how blunt the headmaster was acting, but more so by what he was being asked to do.

"Headmaster..."

"I'm truly sorry, Severus. You will be hidden away from the brunt of the battle, but I cannot promise anything. There are so few alive anymore that are competent enough to brew what is needed quickly enough to be useful. We are stretched to the limit in that respect, and one has just died. I know for a fact that Poppy has sufficient potions to last at least another five months. Longer if the casualty rate stays this low."

"How long will I be gone?"

At least three months, but perhaps another two if we can find someone capable enough, for you will have to provide training for working in the midst of battle."

Severus sat there, lost on thought for a moment, contemplating what he was going to tell Harry. They already only spent 4-5 days out of every month together. Now he was going to be gone for at least five months with little contact. As he thought, Dumbledore continued chattering on, oblivious to Severus' inattention.

"...at the very least, I suppose you'll be glad to be seeing more of Harry."

"Wh-what did you say?"

"Dear boy, haven't you been listening? It was Harry's cluster's potion maker that was slain. Though he argued admirably against your appointment, he was eventually forced to listen to reason..."

Severus tuned him out again, thoughts of his Harry sticking up for him, not wanting him near the fighting, surging though his mind.

Back in his quarters, Severus was sitting in front of the fire, emotions caught between the joy of being able to see Harry and the horror that he would be facing soon. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize when Harry slipped into the room until a hand started waving in front of his face.

"Severus?"

"Oh, Harry..."

He stood up and swept Harry into an encompassing embrace.

"I love you so much," Severus mumbled into Harry's shoulder.

Raising his head up slowly, he stared in to the emerald green of Harry's eyes. It was almost as though he could get lost within those jeweled orbs. After seemingly an eternity, Severus pressed his lips against his lover's in a maddeningly slow caress, tongues entwining, neither knowing where one ended nor the other began.

Harry pulled back, breathless, with only one thought on his mind. Bedroom. He grabbed his lover and started treading backwards towards the doorway, managing to bang his ankles and legs against every possible hindrance. When, at last, he felt the softness of the bed thumping against his knees, Harry pulled Severus down with him, laughing at his irritated expression.

Attempting to maintain control of the situation, Severus growled and pushed him back down onto the bed, crushing Harry's lips against his. A struggle for power ensued with demanding kisses and brutal touches standing in for overwhelming despair and furious rage.

With clothes strewn about the room, they lay there sated and weeping in each others arms.