The World Through Three Eyes

"SHOES!!

I spoke to him! I actually spoke to the one and only Mr Fit. There was eye contact there and everything- obviously a spark. And I'm going to see him tomorrow! Oh God, he's gorgeous, you know, I thought I would die when he walked in. Shoes, shoes, I'm so in love!

I don't know what to say, not really so I'll keep it short today. I'm so excited!"

This morning I decided to put my plan into the action- you know, the one where I end up with a gorgeous, amazing, muscular god of a man. I stayed true to my word and picked a low cut top; pink, so it would match the purple Diviner's cloak. I planned to do much leaning over, elbows together naturally. Then I did a perfect engorgement charm on my lips for that irresistible pout, a little curling charm on my hair and sprayed myself liberally with vanilla perfume. And finally, the pièce de resistance- my itsy-bitsy purple Pulling-Pants. Well, every girl's got to have a pair of Pulling-Pants, you know. You just won't score without them.

Oh yes, I was gorgeous. A classy bird if ever I saw one.

I got a few wolf-whistles on the way to work and a couple of rounds of "Get Your Tits Out For The Lads". Call me common, but I quite like the attention. Well, at least you know your body hasn't gone to the dogs yet. Of course, you mustnever show the "Lads" in question that you're flattered. There's a rule written somewhere that you are obliged to walk past them with your nose in the air as if you never heard in the first place. Alternatively, you could "Get Your Tits Out" but I reckon that's going a bit far.

I drifted into work like Cleopatra, scanning the place with a hawk's eye to see if there was anyone for me to get my claws into. I suppose I was being a little hopeful- it is extremely rare that a man walks in and asks for a Diviner. And if he does, he often leaves before the reading is over. You see, men's minds are different to women's. Men are so sceptical, so cynical. They can't understand how someone can look into a crystal ball and see the Divine Truths, the secrets of life as it were. Sad, but true.

Camille got me started with the star charting straight away. I was placed with a bearded old hag whose life seemed to rely on knowing whether the Scunthorpe Scorpions would qualify for the Quidditch premierships.

"Who are ye all dressed up for, child?" she rasped as I plotted Saturn in its seventh house.

"Are ye looking for a laddie?"

I started to wonder if I was giving off desperate vibes. Did I look like I was gagging for it, trying to ensnare the closest thing to a bloke that was possible?

"Reckon my Urk's about the same age as ye. Ooh yes, lass, Urk will be so thrilled with a bobby-dazzler like yesel'!"

I muttered something about the Scunthorpe Scorpions being knocked out in the fourth round and saw her off, sincerely hoping my path would never cross with her Urk's.

The rest of the morning was uneventful. During our tea-break there was a little uproar, due to Jacqueline thinking she'd seen The Grim in Esther's cup but it was soon revealed to be soggy Rich Tea biscuit instead.

After two more Quidditch fans, the hopeless Mrs Starkadder and a one-legged man who mistook us for a teashop, I was beginning to lose hope. That was when I saw him, Mr Fit, standing outside with a curious look on his face. I have no record of powers of telepathy, but I reckon he somehow must have heard me silently willing him in as within seconds, he was standing at my desk with the most knee-trembling smile I'd ever set eyes on.

"Hello," he smiled. Oh, if I thought he looked gorgeous, he sounded twice as good! His accent was extremely posh and he spoke with a clear, deep voice. He had that little je-ne-sais-quoi, or as they call it in Essex, 'Class'.

"I've been debating this for ages, but I think I'll just throw myself in at the deep end."

Oh God. Oh God. This couldn't be happening.

"I'd like to book an appointment to have my palm read," he said, with a half smile.

Inwardly, I sighed. It wasn't happening. But then, how likely was it that he was just going to waltz in there and ask me out?

"An appointment," I repeated. "Let me check the book."

I felt it was necessary to lean right over as I picked up the book, formulating a nice little cleavage. I opened the book with a great air of importance, sweeping my hair back as I did so. Little did he know I actually opened the book at a random place, pretending to scan the blank page scrupulously.

"Ooh, we're very busy," I muttered, lowering my voice a little. Don't know if I mentioned it before, but I can flirt for England. "But we can squeeze you in at half-past twelve tomorrow. Looks like everyone else is busy, so your Diviner will be me."

He smiled again. I wished he'd stop doing that. I was already finding it hard enough to stay upright.

"Great. Oh, and by the way, I'm Justin."

Justin... Justin. So beautiful. Lavender and Justin..

"Oh. Lavender." I stuck out my hand, but he just laughed. It was extremely confusing.

"Nice to meet you, Lavender. But shouldn't you take my name down?"

I just nodded and smiled apologetically. Stupid. Bloody Justin, taking away all power of rational thought.

"Well, we'll see you tomorrow, Justin. Mind the step on the way out, we had an angry half-giant in earlier."

"Right.." he frowned, looking like he was about to say something else but then shook it off. "Until tomorrow then."

And he was gone.

"Shoes, this cannot be happening to me. I must be the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. Oh, you'd know if you saw him. He's beautiful, he's perfect. I wish I knew his surname so I could see what my name would sound like if we were married...

Oh. Got a bit carried away there, didn't I? I'm just so, so excited about tomorrow. Scared too, mind. I'll probably do something really stupid and embarrass myself.

He seems kind of familiar, this Justin. I can't put my finger on who, but he reminds me of someone. Some other gorgeous, amazing god of a man I suppose.

Well, Shoes. Fate has spoken. Justin is obviously the man for me. Obviously. What will I wear tomorrow? What should I say?

I think I'll get some beauty sleep. With that, and a little magical intervention, Justin won't know what's coming to him!"