After the Fall

Disclaimer: Not Mine

After the Fall

The Eighth Christmas After

Hermione woke and sat up on the edge of the bed, reaching for the bottle of aspirin she had put on her nightstand the night before, after she had swallowed four. She wished she had a headache potion. She and Bridget had a little too much holiday cheer and now she was paying for it dearly.

She stopped suddenly and slowly turned around, hoping she would not see what she thought she would. She groaned and covered her face, seeing the impression of his head still on the extra pillow. She heard the whistle of a teakettle and cursed under her breath.

"I heard that." Richard's voice came from the doorway to the loo.

She looked back over her shoulder and saw him leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. He wore boxers and a tee that she remembered she had been more than eager to pull off him the night before. Turning back to hide her face, she pretended to be interested with the aspirin bottle.

She felt the bed sink down as he crawled over to her and, moving her hair, kissed the back of her neck. She closed her eyes and felt a chill as goosebumps broke out on her arms and she fought not to moan and lean back into him.

"Richard..."

"I know, Vickie. But last night you seemed to be okay with it." He chuckled as he thought of the way she had whispered his name as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him lower to her. "Are you having second thoughts already?"

"Oh Richard, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Vic, we have been going out now for six months. We've talked about this." He crawled around her and pulled himself up to sit next to her on the bed.

"I know, but what do I say to my friends? They already tease me about my grades. Yes, I am sleeping with my professor?" She leaned her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. "Gods, Richard, I just don't see how this can work."

"I don't want to leave, Vic, but I will if that's what you want."

Hermione shook her head but kept her face buried in her hands. "You don't understand, Richard. You just don't understand."

"Is there someone else?" He reached over and tipped up her chin. "I know you said there's not but something is keeping you back, something I need to know. I think after last night you know how I feel. Vic? You do know I don't plan this to be just a one night thing."

"I just can't get close right now. There is too much you don't know." She turned away from his face again.

"I don't care about what happened before I met you. Everyone has baggage. They learn how to carry it or they throw it out."

"Oh, don't be too sure about that," she said, fighting a nervous grin. "There are things I just can't go into now and things I can't just toss out."

"Does it have anything to do with your nightmares?"

She jerked her head to look at him. "What?"

"Last night you were talking and yelling in your sleep." He frowned at her. "Did you see someone ... someone killed... something with a fire or an explosion? Was it a car accident?"

Hermione stood up and grabbed her robe from the floor next to the bed. "That's nonsense. Come on, I am starving. Whoever spends the night cooks breakfast. That's my new rule. So get to that stove and get cooking, boyo."

"I tried," he laughed, standing up and following her to kitchen. "I found two tins of soup, three eggs and something growing in a plastic bowl in the back of the fridge."

Hermione opened the fridge and looked at the empty shelves. "I could have sworn I shopped this week."

She felt his arms come around her waist as he leaned down to kiss her neck again. "So, you are okay with last night?"

She turned around, looked at him, and nodded her head, tempted to tell him that she was more than all right with it, that she had wanted him for so long. "I just didn't want it to happen like this, I guess. But I am okay with it."

"Get dressed." He smiled and kissed her quickly on the mouth. "Jake's open. We eat and then you'll tell me the way you wanted it to be, and we will see what we can do about it later."

"Last night was good," she said, turning red. "I shouldn't have said I didn't want it to happen, I did, just not now."

"You are okay then? I know we both drank a little too..."

"No, Richard." She put her fingers over his mouth and shook her head. "Don't, it makes it sound like it didn't mean anything, that it was cheap, that ... it was the only reason we ..."

"I assure you it meant something." He grinned at her and pushed a hank of hair behind her ear.

She kissed his cheek and hurried to the shower, grabbing a set of clean clothes as she went. "You do the shopping while I shower. Get coffee. I want coffee for Christmas - strong, hot, black coffee."

"Already giving orders?"

"Yup." She grinned as she stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.

Hermione hurried through the shower, anxious to be ready when he returned, and was surprised at how natural it seemed now, to have him here. She paused as she stepped out, wiped the foggy mirror, and rolled her eyes at the ceiling. My gods, she thought, that is what he sees in the morning and he still wants to stay?

She grinned at the mirror and stuck out her tongue, giggling, and then started to brush her teeth when she thought to run to the window to peek out to see if he was coming back yet. He had a way of walking up the hill with his hands shoved in his pockets and his head up as he hummed a song or sometimes actually whistled. She would chide him and slap his arm, laughing at his off-tune attempts, all along not wanting him to stop. Toothbrush in mouth, she looked down at the street and felt as if a bucket of cold water hit her when she saw the same figure she had seen before, exactly a year ago, walk up the pavement.

She looked more closely, trying to discern his size, age, anything that could help. All she could see was the hooded cloak and the black leather boots and once again, she thought to run. She dropped the toothbrush on the floor, used the back of her hand to wipe her mouth as she ran to her nightstand, and took up her wand. Holding it to her side, unable to hide it in the knickers and tee she wore, she decided to put it back in the drawer rather than run the risk of Richard walking in and seeing it.

She went back to the window and saw the cloaked figure stop in the road and turn to her apartment building. She froze and stepped to the side, hiding behind the curtain and biting her nails as she peeked though a crack at the side of the curtain. She watched him reach out a hand and trail his finger down the list of names on the mail slots from top to bottom, hoping whoever it was did not know her new name.

She sighed in relief as he looked around and took one step and then disappeared from sight. She knew he was powerful by his absolutely silent Apparation and that he either knew someone in this place or had a strong tracking spell to be able to find her after all this time. She worried her lip and thought of rouge Death Eaters and wizards that would not appreciate her surviving the final battle.

She sat in the chair she still kept close to the window, and drew her feet up under her and continued to stare unseeing out the window, thinking of Death Eaters and seeing again the final battle, the line of bodies and the faces of the survivors.

"Vickie?" Richard had squatted down in front of her. "Hon, I've been calling you. Are you all right?"

She saw him as if coming out of a dream and nervously nodded her head and tried to smile. "Yeah, I ... I guess I ... I must have fallen asleep."

"I stopped at the coffee shop and picked up a cup of that mocha you like." He put a paper cup next to her on the end table. "Hold on, let me get a real cup."

He came back and put a mug down on the table, poured her coffee into it and then picked her up, turned around, and sat down with her on his lap.

"Something is wrong, Vic. It's more than just last night."

"I guess it's just the whole Christmas thing."

"That's what you said two months ago, remember? You said it was the whole Halloween thing that upset you at Bridget's party."

Hermione snuggled comfortably on his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, and looked up at him, trying to put her thoughts onto words. She could not tell him of Halloweens from the time before and costumes of werewolves that reminded her of Remus but brought up visions of Fenrir. She could not explain how she saw the Muggle super hero of Batman in the black cloaks and silver half masks of Death Eaters.

"Here it comes, right Vic?" He scowled at her. "Your famous push off speech? The one you even gave Bridget?"

"No, well I guess that's up to you." She sat up straight, looked at him, and then got off his lap.

"If you can accept me just for the here and now and not ask for any promises or ask questions then I want to be with you. If you can't then I ... I will have to say I don't want to see you anymore. I'll have to say goodbye."

"What about me?" He stood and faced her, putting his hands on either side of her face. "What if I want more? What if I want a commitment from you?"

"I can't. You don't understand, Richard. I can't offer you more. Not now, please. I...I need time."

"How much? Give me a date." He let her face go and stepped back from her. "What? A month? Six months? A year? How much time to you need?"

"Richard, please, don't do this." She started to turn from him only to have him hold her arm and turn her to face him.

"You know I love you, Vickie." He locked his eyes on hers. "You know last night was not an accident, or a mistake. One year. My contract here is up in one year, then I plan on leaving. I want you to come with me. Whatever this is, whatever is between us, we need to settle it in a year. I can't live like this. Not knowing from one day to the next if you want me around."

"I'll be done here in a year as well, when I graduate." She looked at him though a blur of tears. "I'll try, I'll really try. I promise ..."

He slid a small box in her hand and pulled her chin up to look at her. "I bought this two months ago, waiting for the right time to give it to you."

She opened the box and saw the engagement ring he wanted her to wear. Her chest felt as if a hand was squeezing her, making it impossible to breathe. She swallowed, trying to clear the lump that lodged in her throat, painfully preventing her from speaking. He took the ring from the box and put it on the third finger of her right hand.

"For now then, take it as a Christmas gift. We will move it to the other hand when you are ready. But hear me, Vickie, this is my intention. You have to stop pushing me away only to pull me back. It is all or nothing."

"Richard, I can't promise, there are things about me you..." She choked out the words through her tears.

Her words and tears stopped when he pulled her to him and crushed his mouth to hers. "I don't care about those things," he whispered in her ear, "I only care about you."

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Severus made it back to the dungeons before Minerva knew he was gone. He had lifted the wards so she would not know he had left and wait for him as she had done last year. He took the package from his pocket and tossed it on the table, wondering what had induced him to buy it for the know-it-all in the first place. If she wanted to leave this world he should just accept it and leave her be. I must be getting old, he mused to himself.

He grabbed his bottle and took one swallow of whiskey before putting the cap back and replacing the bottle on the table. He looked at the clock and went into his bedchamber to change his clothes from the extra layers he had put on against the cold this year to make a warming charm unnecessary, to something more suitable for breakfast.

Minerva was keeping the Great Hall open this holiday season for meals since not only Poppy but also Neville and his new wife would be in residence over the break. After he changed he took one more swallow of whiskey. He had decided long ago that if he did not sleep at night the social stigma of drinking this early did not apply. He also needed the extra fortitude to face this morning's meal as Minerva had invited the Weasleys to join them in yet another bid to heal the past.

He opened up his desk drawer, pulled out a small box, opened it up and peered at the clear crystal that lay on a black velvet bed. He touched the crystal with one finger and felt the shimmer of magic that radiated off the ancient healing stone. He had found this after a long search and paid two years' salary to now hold it in his hand and wonder how to give it to the Mediwitch and keep his distance at the same time.

He sighed, tempted to put it back in the drawer, then shoved it in his pocket and strode to the infirmary, determined to hand it to Poppy without an audience. He should have given it to her before the holidays came and he cursed himself for putting it off until now, making it look like a Christmas gift.

He pushed the doors open and walked to her office in the back of the infirmary, hoping he was early enough to catch her before she headed to the Great Hall. He sighed in relief when he heard her muttering and cursing to herself long before he saw her.

"So, are you winning the argument?" He smirked at her.

"Not yet, young man." She frowned up at him. "I will thank you not to take sides either. I will handle this one on my own."

Severus felt his lip twitch, then he frowned as the looked around the office. "Poppy, did you have an accident in here or is this your idea of holiday decorations?"

"Peeves thought it would be funny to fill my office with bubbles," she spat as she waved her hand, indicating the pick goo sticking to everything. "I would not mind so much if it was just bubbles, but he thought bubble gum would be so much more festive."

"I am here to collect you for breakfast. Minerva has turned it into some sort of celebration again," he said, looking at the mess Peeves had made and choosing to ignore the problem.

"You know how she has been these past few years," Poppy sighed, and took her wand off the desk, holding it by two fingers and looking at Severus.

He smirked and pulled out his wand, flicked it at hers and rid it of gum.

"Thanks." She shoved it in her pocket. "Minerva still thinks she should have done more. She seems to think she alone could have changed things. She thinks she could have saved young Weasley and Tonks if she had been quicker."

"She should know better." He scowled and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I know, I may say the same for you."

"It is time for ..."

"No, I will have my say." She put her hands on her hips and looked at him. "You were in here at least a dozen times a year as a student and more after that. I have reattached pieces of you left lying in fields and nursed you back to health more times then I remember after Voldemort had his fun with you. The last time was not even the worst. It may have been more painful for you, but it was not the worst injury you had."

"I am aware of that. However, now is not the ..."

"No, you listen. You feel guilty because you lived. Simple as that." She poked her finger into his chest to make her point. "You did in the first war and you do now. Only the first time you were young and foolish. This time you should know better, just like Minerva should, and stop trying to act like a git all the time."

"You would be disappointed not to have someone to berate," he sneered at her. "I am here to serve."

"No, I can assure you I would not miss scolding you. You need someone to use as a scapegoat and now that Voldemort is gone you have only yourself. Buy a familiar and blame it until you learn to give it up, young man. Things will not get better until you do."

"I have been a year without pain. That is as much as I asked." He took the package from his pocket and grabbed her hand, shoving it into her grasp. "Now, shut up, witch, it is time to eat."

He turned on his heel and headed out the door, muttering about foolish witches and holidays foisted on him by a devil named Minerva.

Poppy scowled at the box in her hand, quickly setting it down lest it bite. She stood back and used her wand to flick open the lid, stepping closer and gingerly leaning forward to peek in. She felt the air leave her lungs as she sat heavily in her chair.

"My, Merlin!" She picked up the crystal, held it up to the light and felt dizzy with what she held in her hand. Tears began to form as she realized all the lives this could have saved during the final battle. She hurried out the door to find Severus but he was already gone. Knowing better to rush and thank him, she looked down at the crystal and smiled. She slid it back in the box, deposited it into her pocket, and went to have breakfast with Minerva.