Siriusly Deluded

Chapter 24: Considerations

They were in the library, studying yet again, on a Sunday afternoon in mid-January. The day before had been the Quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, and all of the Marauders, plus Lily, had joined Lauren and her friends in the Ravenclaw stands. She found a hard time paying attention to the game, as her gaze was usually drawn to Sirius.

Sirius, unlike Lauren, was not devoting his complete attention to his notes, but was instead watching her out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly he slammed his quill down onto the parchment in front of him and sighed loudly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, barely looking up from her notes.

"You."

"What?" That was not the answer she had expected. She'd thought he'd just complain a bit about studying, then she'd remind him that the NEWTs were soon, and he'd groan and turn back to his assignment. She turned toward him slowly.

"How am I supposed to concentrate on anything with you twirling your hair and driving me crazy because I want to touch it?"

She quickly removed her hand from her hair. He was not going to use an idle habit of hers as an excuse to not study.

"Sirius, if I can concentrate with you smelling...the way you smell...I mean, not in a bad way...your cologne...and when your hair falls into your face...and when you're biting your lip because you're thinking really hard...then you can." She didn't even realize that her voice had softened with each admission, her indignation losing its effect immediately when she stammered.

He just stared at her in response for a second, then he turned away from her and picked up his quill, a bemused smile on his face.

Lauren returned to her notes, clutching her hands in her lap this time.

She reached up after a few minutes to turn the page. Suddenly she felt another hand join the free one in her lap, the cool fingers lacing into her warm ones. She didn't look up, but a slow smile spread across her face.

"I'm sorry," Sirius murmured next to her.

She squeezed his hand in response.

'This is pointless,' Sirius thought about an hour later, as he tried to read the same passage for about the third time in a row. Just a few minutes ago, Lauren had crossed her legs, and her skirt had slid up just the tiniest bit, but it was more than enough for him.

Taking a "break", he looked around the practically deserted library, twirling his sugar quill idly in his hand. Suddenly he had a very, very good idea. Well, it was more of an experiment...

His hand was still clutching Lauren's under the table. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and squeezed to get her attention. She snapped her head up and looked at him questioningly.

He didn't say anything, he simply gazed at her. He knew that she would know what was on his mind.

'God, why does he have to look at me like that? He knows that I can't--he's so manipulative!'

"Sirius, I really need to fini--"

He cut her off by placing his sugar quill to her lips. Then he stood and pulled her up with him and walked backwards as he led her behind the first set of bookshelves, staring into her eyes the whole time.

When they were in the secluded corner, he suddenly reversed their positions, and gently pushed her back against the wall. Then he lowered his head and kissed the side of her neck softly.

She raised her hands up and rested them on his shoulders and closed her eyes, whimpering softly when he tilted her chin up and kissed her throat, gently sucking on her pulse point. She loved it when he did that.

Then she slid her hands and cupped them around his neck, finding it rather hard to breathe normally.

He grasped her waist for a while before sliding his hands up slowly over the front of her shirt.

She gasped when his hands grazed her chest and opened her eyes, just as she started to feel him loosen the knot in her tie. Before she even had time to think about what he was doing, the tie was in a coil on the floor behind him.

When she finally did recover the capacity to think, his deft fingers were already on the second button of her shirt.

By the fourth button, she regained the ability to speak. "Sirius," she ventured weakly, "we're in the library."

He nodded, but continued his actions.

She started feeling that strange sensation in her stomach again and for a second felt like crying.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" she asked, her voice quivering slightly with panic.

"It's okay. Trust me," he whispered, his hands lingering over the last button of her shirt as he looked into her eyes.

Tears actually did fill her eyes once he drew his attention back to her shirt. She knew that she could trust him, that he wouldn't do anything that she didn't want to do, but she was scared. She was scared that she wouldn't be able to stop him from doing anything at all, because she did want to...

He glanced up at her once he was done. She blinked and looked down immediately.

He lifted a hand and tilted her face up to his. "Hey," he said softly, wiping the tears that were tracing their way down her cheeks. "What's wrong?"

She sniffed and glanced down at her open shirt before looking back at him and biting her lip.

His eyes widened immediately. "I'm so sorry, so sorry," he said softly, starting to button her shirt back up clumsily. 'Merlin, I'm so stupid!,' he thought to himself, replaying the scene in his mind. It scared him how much he'd sounded like he was going to rape her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, allowing all the remaining tears to fall. When she opened them again, Sirius was still fumbling with the buttons on her shirt, looking incredibly guilty and quite pitiful.

She placed her hands on his and pushed them off of her gently.

'Great, now she doesn't even want me to touch her.'

Not knowing what to say, she glanced around and caught sight of the sugar quill he was still holding. "Why...did you bring that here?" she asked slowly.

He raised the quill up to his chest-level, twirling it around once. 'Damn sugar quill,' he thought. She was scared of him now and all because he got an idea looking at a stupid writing utensil.

He didn't even know how to explain why he'd brought it in words, so he extended his arm and lightly traced her jaw line with the tip of the feather. She sighed involuntarily and visibly relaxed.

He stepped closer, and slid the feather over one cheek, across her lips, and to her other cheek. Then he ran it over the bridge of her nose.

She shivered and wrinkled her nose, which he noted was quite adorable before he continued the path to her forehead.

He paused before he lowered the feather and brushed it across her eyelids. She sighed again and opened her eyes slowly.

She bit her lip and reached her arms out, pulling him closer to her.

"I'm sorry about before," he apologized softly, outlining her throat with the feather.

She took a deep breath, wanting to just forget about it.

"I didn't mean--I wasn't going to--I would never--" he tried to explain, his tone desperate and his eyes pleading.

She knew he was being sincere by the look in his eyes. He looked like he'd never wanted anyone to believe him more.

Exhaling shakily, she asked quietly, "What were you going to do?"

He paused for a second, then raised the feather in between their faces.

She rolled her eyes slightly and put her arms around his neck.

"Is that really what you were going to do?" she whispered in his ear.

He shivered slightly before nodding, rubbing his cheek against hers.

She pulled away from him and slowly raised her fingers to her shirt, undoing the buttons once again, which she would have had to do anyway because in his haste, he'd done them up all crooked before.

He stared at her, his jaw hanging open slightly for a second before he realized that that was probably his cue and he placed the feather on her lips, then drew a vertical line down from there, drawing tiny circles on her collarbone as she finished unbuttoning her shirt. He bit his lip in concentration as he moved it downwards from there, across the top edge of her bra, between her breasts and down to her stomach, where he hesitated for a second, then brushed it over the spot he knew was ticklish.

She inhaled sharply and slid her fingers into his hair.

She felt him draw the outline of a heart on her stomach, causing her to feel those familiar tingles.

Then she realized that he was writing invisible letters on her skin. She closed her eyes tighter and concentrated.

"--O--V--E--Y--O--U"

She opened her eyes and found him staring at her as he skimmed the side of her torso.

"I love you, Laur," he said softly.

Again with the fluttering in her stomach. "I love you, too," she whispered back.

He smiled and started to button her shirt up again, kissing the skin before covering it. He buttoned the top button and made a trail of kisses up the side of her neck to her jaw, then across to her lips.

He gave her a sweet, chaste kiss before bending down and picking up her tie. She watched him, lifting her hair off of her neck accommodatingly, as he tried to tie it.

Realizing that he was having difficulty because he'd always done it from the opposite perspective, he slid behind her and reached his arms around her shoulders to tie it.

Then he kissed the back of her neck before reaching down and clasping onto her hand gently and leading her out to their table. They spent the rest of the afternoon studying contentedly.