Siriusly Deluded

Ch. 3: Confusion

Sirius awoke with a start the next morning. 'Why the hell did I charm my watch to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning? On a Saturday?!' He asked himself angrily. Then he remembered that Lauren had wanted to complete the first step of their Muggle Studies project the next morning, when supposedly the fish would be biting or something.

For the first time in his life, Sirius dragged himself out of bed before the sun itself had risen. He didn't bother to change his white t-shirt, but sleepily pulled a pair of jeans on over his boxers. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and splashed cold water on his face in an unsuccessful attempt to wake himself up. He reached up to rake his fingers through his hair, then decided it was too early to bother.

As he walked back into the dormitory, Sirius stretched out his hand to grab his wand out of habit, then unhappily dropped it back on his nightstand as he remembered the terms of the assignment. Then he walked (well, halfway fell) down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. He was not surprised to see it completely deserted. 'Anyone who normally gets up at this ungodly hour must be crazy!' He was disgusted by the mere thought.

Sirius sleepily walked down the corridors, to the entrance hall, out the doors, and down to the shore of the lake. What he saw there finally returned him to the land of the conscious.

It was Lauren, carelessly walking along the shore of the lake, her back turned to him. Her dark hair was moving gently in the wind, and her white cotton skirt was being blown around her legs.

It had been a long time since Sirius had seen her in muggle clothing, and those seven years had 'surely done her good,' he thought wickedly to himself. She was, in a word, "stunning." There was something special about her. Some peacefulness that raised her to a whole other level than all the girls he had dated at Hogwarts.

He didn't want to interrupt her solitude, but he coughed to get her attention. His breath caught in his throat as she turned around to look at him, smiling. He remembered that smile. Her truly genuine smile, the one that reached her eyes, causing them to sparkle. He certainly hadn't been on the receiving end of it for a while, especially not yesterday in class.

Suddenly, her expression changed, as if she had recalled some bad memory. He had a pretty good idea of what that might be.

He remembered that night as if it were yesterday. It was his fondest pre-Hogwarts memory. In fact, most of the happy memories he had from those days included Lauren. She was the bright light in a childhood full of darkness.

It was a dark, stormy night in August, only one week before they were going to travel to Hogwarts.

Sirius' family had held a huge dinner party, supposedly in celebration of the beginning of his education in magic. All of the Black family was there. He was not very happy about it. Mainly because, every time the Black clan got together, they eventually started talking about other wizarding families, including Lauren's.

Apparently Sirius' aunt wasn't very fond of the Walkers. He had listened to her saying things about how they disgraced the reputation of pureblood wizarding families with their refusal to sign a petition demanding that muggleborns not be allowed to attend Hogwarts.

Sirius was sick of the whole thing, really. He had no problem with muggleborns. He thought it was really cool that he was going to be able to meet new people. The pool of people he was currently allowed to be friends with was not all that great. It included Snape, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, LeStrange, and many other entirely spoiled, conceited children.

Sirius had had enough. Why couldn't his family just be normal? Certainly, not every family spent all their time complaining about people behind their backs just because they didn't agree with them on certain issues.

He got up from the table, disgusted. No one seemed to notice that he had left. He had the feeling that the "party" was merely an excuse to badmouth other wizarding families.

When Sirius got to his room, he shut and locked the door. He heard a sharp crack and a terrible thundering noise a few seconds later. He hadn't really noticed how bad the storm had gotten during dinner.

Then he thought about Lauren, pushing his angry thoughts about his "family" aside. About how much she was afraid of thunderstorms. 'She must be so scared right now.'

Sirius hurried over to his fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder. He threw it down onto the marble and stuck his head in, speaking, "Third floor, 342 Clairmont Avenue."

A few seconds later, he was looking into Lauren's room. He saw her lying on her bed with the blankets over her head.

"Lauren," Sirius whispered, afraid to scare her even more.

Lauren slowly pulled the covers off her head and looked around. She half-smiled when her eyes fell upon Sirius' head in her fireplace.

"Hey," she said softly. "How was your party?"

"Just great," Sirius replied sarcastically.

Lauren gave him a knowing look. Then she ventured, "Need to get away?"

She knew she would get in big trouble if her parents found out about this, but she was scared of the thunderstorm raging outside and Sirius always knew how to make her feel better. And he seemed unhappy about his family's behavior, even more so than usual.

"Yeah, okay," she heard him respond.

A couple seconds later, all of her friend had appeared in her fireplace. He walked swiftly over to her bed and sat down beside her.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked, trying to read his expression.

"Not really," he said, avoiding her eyes. His parents were so...so infuriating. He couldn't imagine how he could possibly be related to them.

"Okay," came Lauren's simple response. He loved 'wait, since when have I loved anything about Lauren Walker?' that about her. She always understood; she never pushed him.

He saw her cringe as another thundering noise rumbled outside. She was trying to be brave, probably because she knew that he had suffered through a bad night.

Then he carefully put his arms around her, hugging her tightly. She put her arms around him as well, and rested her face in his chest.

They stayed like that for a long time. Then, when it seemed like the storm was dying down, Sirius let go of her after giving her one last reassuring squeeze.

They started talking about the impending school year. They were both very excited. He knew that Lauren was dreading being away from her family for such a long time, but she never told him that. He knew that she didn't want to remind him of his own family. He was very much looking forward to being away from them. The next week couldn't go by fast enough in his opinion.

They talked about what subjects they were going to take. Sirius was quite interested in Transfiguration and flying. When he told that to Lauren, he noticed her frown slightly as he mentioned the last part. He knew her other fear was heights. She was probably envisioning him falling from a hundred yards in the air from his broom and crashing onto the ground below.

'Girls are so stupid sometimes,' Sirius thought.

She told him that she was really looking forward to Astronomy and Charms. She had always loved the stars and the sky. It was ironic really, since the things that interested her most were so far above her and the thing she hated most was heights.

Then they talked about what they thought the school was like. He told her what he'd heard about the moving staircases and the Forbidden Forest (she didn't seem too happy about that, either).

They talked the whole night, about anything and everything under the sun. Soon, they were both lying down, still carrying on their conversation lazily.

Eventually they both fell asleep.

Unconsciously, over the next few hours, they had moved so that they were side by side, facing each other, her back to the window and the occasional flashes of light from outside. His arms were around her, holding her close to him.

They were in this position when he woke up around four in the morning. He didn't even remember falling asleep, but there he was, lying in his best friend's bed with his arms wound tightly around her. Before he knew what he was doing, he had kissed her forehead and whispered, "I love you." Then he fell asleep again.

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But that certainly wasn't the problem. The problem was that he had told the Marauders about it. Well, not exactly...

It was the first night back at Hogwarts for their third year. They had all noticed how much all of the girls had seemed to mature over the summer. Sirius had noticed how James' eyes had been glued to Lily Evans during the entire feast.

They were having a major discussion about their female classmates, and somehow it had evolved into a conversation about how far each of them had gone with a member of the opposite sex.

Peter, of course, hadn't done anything at all. That didn't surprise Sirius in the least. He didn't think that Peter was exactly what any girl would consider attractive.

Remus hadn't really done anything, either, but Sirius suspected that was because he was so shy. 'And the whole werewolf thing probably doesn't help much,' he supposed.

James, apparently, had snogged a girl over the summer.

Sirius, who had noticed Lauren as she was climbing into a carriage, had been thinking about that stormy night three years earlier.

James had noticed Sirius' expression, and demanded that he tell them whatever he was thinking about.

But Sirius really didn't want to share it.

However, when James had jokingly suggested that Sirius hadn't done anything with a girl and compared him to Peter, Sirius was none too happy.

Not wanting to be upstaged by James, he had smugly told them that he had once spent the night with a girl.

They asked him who the girl was, but he wouldn't tell. He felt it was bad enough that he let his ego cause him to share that very private and precious memory, and in such a biased and half-truth kind of way.

Nevertheless, the other boys had been very impressed by Sirius' admission.

Sirius, however, was not very happy with his friends when he heard people talking about it the next day at breakfast. He didn't know which one of the Marauders had told (although he suspected it was Peter wanting to get some attention, 'The stupid git').

He had been watching as a raven-haired girl leaned over to Lauren, whispering in her ear. He didn't have a very good feeling about what was going on. He felt like someone was performing the Cruciatus Curse on him when Lauren turned around and looked at Sirius, the pain obvious in her eyes.

From that moment on, Sirius knew that she hated him. They hadn't really been friends for the past three years, so he hadn't felt an immediate loss. Actually, the rumor had made him very popular among the guys, who wanted to know all about the experience. He didn't tell them anything, saying they'd "just have to wait and find out themselves," another half-truth. The female population, put off at first, had come to be quite intrigued by the mysterious and handsome boy.

Now in his seventh year, Sirius was definitely the most sought after boy in the school. He had dated, and snogged, just about every attractive girl in the school, including nearly all of the seventh years, several sixth years, and a select few fifth years (not to mention the girls who had already graduated from Hogwarts). Unfortunately, that didn't make him feel any better about what affect the rumor probably had on Lauren.

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Sirius didn't realize that the whole time he was recalling the memory, he had been staring at the brunette in front of him.

Lauren eyed Sirius warily as she said, "Well, Black, are you ready to get this entirely unnecessary project over with?"

Strangely, it seemed to take him a second to realize what she was saying. She noticed him almost imperceptibly shake his head, then nod as he led the way to the boat shed about 20 yards down the shore. She followed.

And she tried really, really hard not to notice how...well...his clothing...er, fit...him.

Sirius reached the shed and swung open the door a little more forcefully than he intended. He heard Lauren's voice murmur behind him, "Watch out, Black! Are you trying to knock me unconscious or something?" "Er, sorry 'bout that..." he managed. He was surprised at himself. Normally he would have been able to retort with some impossibly charming line. He grabbed one of the small boats inside the shed and began to pull it outside, towards the water. He caught Lauren's eye and motioned that he didn't need any help.

Lauren raised her eyebrows at Sirius' behavior, and particularly his expression. He was normally loud and well...obnoxious in class. But today he was strangely quiet, as if something was on his mind. Without thinking, she ran her fingers through her hair, grabbed a net, and followed him once again.

Meanwhile, Sirius had pulled the boat into the water. He stepped into it, then stuck out his hand to help her in as he remarked sarcastically, "Miss Walker, would you care to join me on a wonderful fishing trip?"

Before she realized what she was doing, she had grabbed his hand. She was very, very shocked as she felt a jolt of electricity run through her body the instant they touched. However, she did manage to retort, "Why, of course, Mr. Black, I would be delighted," as she stepped haughtily into the boat.

They both sat down, facing each other. 'Now what?' Sirius thought to himself. He was not very fond of situations in which he was completely incompetent (especially as they occurred so rarely). "How do you suppose we start this thing?" he questioned, just loud enough for Lauren to hear. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Lauren reached her arm across him and pulled down on a cord next to this box-like thing at his end of the boat. Sirius took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could smell the coconut scent of her hair. He liked it...a lot.

Suddenly, he heard the boat's engine roar to life. "How did you know what to do?" he questioned her. Lauren raised her eyebrows once again, amused at his ignorance of something. "Family vacation to the Mediterranean," she quipped as the boat was propelled across the water.

She chanced a glance at his face once she realized that she had talked about her family. He was staring out at the water, apparently deep in thought. Lauren thoughts carried her into the previous year. Her mother had told her that Sirius had run away from home. She wasn't surprised by that at all, but...his family didn't even seem to care that he had left. And she never quite admitted it to herself, but Lauren had been worried about him. It wasn't as if sixteen year old boys had many safe places to run to. She almost hoped that he would show up in her fireplace. She had experienced a strange mixture of relief and disappointment when her mum relayed to her that Sirius had gone to the Potters.

Lauren still wondered what happened the day Sirius finally left that dreadful house. She knew that he had endured a lot with them, so something particularly horrible must have happened. She also knew that Sirius wouldn't want to talk about it now, especially with her. In fact, he had never really gone into detail about what went on at his house, even when they had been friends.

Then Lauren realized that they were far enough into the middle of the lake. She reached across Sirius again (perhaps a little more slowly than was necessary) and quieted the engine. And there she was, stuck out in the middle of the lake trying to catch a fish with Sirius Black.

Sirius coughed again. Irritated, she looked at him. Apparently he expected her to do everything. Strangely, she didn't really mind all that much. But she still gave him a cool look as she said, "I guess we just drop this net into the water and wait for one to come..." She trailed off, not wanting to seem like she knew what she was doing when she truly had no idea.

Sirius' voice broke the silence. "So that's it then, we just wait for a fish to happen to pass by and get caught in the net?" he asked exasperatedly.

Inside her, Lauren felt her anger flare up. "Excuse me, Mr. Big-Man-On-Campus, did you have anything better in mind?"

Sirius tried to fight back a smile, because he certainly had other things on his mind than just...waiting for the fish to come. He opened his mouth, found himself at a loss for words, then shut it again.

"That's what I thought," Lauren said huffily. "And I would appreciate it if you would take your anger out on someone who's willing to endure it."

With that, a peculiar silence settled over the boat. In a way it was uncomfortable, because they had stopped talking on such unfriendly terms. On the other hand, it was almost like before, when they knew each other so well that every second didn't need to be filled with meaningless chatter.

Suddenly, Sirius heard something in the water. "I think we got one," he said excitedly to Lauren. Her eyes lit up. They both got up and grabbed onto their respective ends of the net. They looked at each other, waiting for a signal to pull it up. Lauren watched as Sirius nodded his head twice. Then on the third nod, they both pulled. There was a single, small fish in the net. 'Beggars can't be choosers,' Lauren thought.

Unfortunately, the fish was not very happy about being out of the water. It flopped frantically around the deck of the boat as Lauren watched, amused, as Sirius tried to catch it and place it in a bucket on his end of the boat. It was one of the most entertaining things she had seen in a long time.

Lauren was not at all amused, however, when the fish made an exceptionally energetic leap out of Sirius' hands and...back into the lake.

"Brilliant! We're gonna have to wait forever until another fish comes, especially after all the racket you've made!" Lauren said exasperatedly. This was just too much.

When Sirius looked back up at her, there was a distinct fierceness in his eyes. "I didn't see you trying to help me," he practically barked back at her.

Lauren had never been affected by Sirius' temper, and this was no exception. "Well, I figured one of us scrambling around looking like an idiot was enough," she laughed.

The sound of her laugh relaxed Sirius a bit. He began to laugh too. The ridiculousness of it all certainly wasn't lost on him. Then he got a weird urge...to jump into the lake. Yeah, he knew the giant squid was there, but he didn't care. He stared at the water, a strange smile upon his face.

Lauren was watching him, and realized was he was about to do. "Black, don't you dare!" she pleaded. She heard a splash. Too late. Then she leaned over the side of the boat he had jumped off of. It seemed to be taking him a while to resurface. She started to worry...

Then she felt cold water splash her on the back. She whirled around and saw Sirius grinning at her from the water. She walked over there and gripped that side of the boat, kneeling on the deck.

"I don't think your famous charm is going to help you catch any fish," she joked. But she was really thinking, 'Don't scare me like that!'

He laughed and suggested, "Maybe some mermaids, then?"

Lauren rolled her eyes and stood back up. 'Leave it to Black to be looking for dates when we're trying to do a project.'

"Will you please get out of the water? I'd really not like to stay out here all day," Lauren asked calmly.

"What, Walker? Are you in a hurry? I don't have anywhere I need to be..." Sirius said in response.

Lauren found that very hard to believe. She knew about his...social activities. She sighed.

She was relieved to see Sirius climbing back aboard. Well, he was attempting to, at least. He was struggling to get a good grip on the slippery, wet side of the boat. She sighed again and stretched out both her hands to help him up.

Sirius was surprised to see her extend her hands to help him out of the water. It was probably the first truly friendly gesture she had given him the whole morning. He grasped them (maybe a little too eagerly) and pulled himself back onto the deck. They were still holding hands when he stood up. He looked down at her. She looked like she was trying hard not to look at something, namely him. Inwardly, Sirius laughed. 'Always trying to play innocent,' he mused. Then he decided that he wanted to kiss her...

Lauren had tried really hard not to marvel at the way his soaked t-shirt was clinging to his chest while Sirius was pulling himself out of the water. 'He's really too good looking for his own good,' she thought as she looked up into his eyes. 'Scratch that. He's too good looking for my own good.' By the time that she realized that his hands still hadn't let go of hers, she saw his face moving closer...

Her eyes fluttered closed involuntarily. Then she felt his lips touching hers gently. It felt...really good. That's when it hit her. She didn't want to be one of Sirius Black's little groupies. This is probably what he did with all those other girls. She couldn't believe she had almost fallen for it. She placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away from her.

As soon as Sirius' lips touched Lauren's he realized that this kiss was going to be different from the other kisses he'd shared. Most girls had their arms around him and we're shoving their tongues down his throat in two seconds flat. However, he wasn't exactly prepared for what Lauren did do. It felt like half a second before he felt her hand on his chest...pushing him away?

He reluctantly pulled back, his mouth hanging open a little. He looked down at Lauren, who was determinedly staring at the floor, refusing to make eye contact with him. Sirius didn't really know what to do. This was not something he'd ever experienced before. At a loss, he sat down on his side of the boat.

He was sitting there for about a minute, watching Lauren out of the corner of his eye. She was still standing there, frozen in the same spot. He was very uncomfortable about the situation.

Then Sirius noticed the net twitching again. He swiftly reached around Lauren and grabbed each end of the net with his hands. He'd learned his lesson before, so he just put the whole net on the deck, not bothering to disentangle the fish from its folds.

"I--We got one," he said simply, sitting back down. He moved to start the engine (he was a quick learner) and motioned for her to sit down. She obeyed, still not looking him straight in the eye.

They propelled back across the lake in much the same manner as before, in complete silence. This silence, however, was quite uncomfortable.

They had parted near the entrance to the Great Hall, after Lauren had muttered something about writing the essay, since he had caught the fish.