Crucify

Crucify

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Dear diary: It's my first day here at Hogwarts. I got my wish and was sorted into Gryffindor! I'm so happy! I always suspected that I would, since all my brothers have been Gryffindors, but Hermione (a friend of Ron's) told me about twin girls that are in different houses, so maybe it's not a genetic thing after all. Ron, Fred, George and Percy were all happy too. I didn't care about them though. I wanted to be a Gryffindor so I could be close to Harry. I've had a crush on him since I first saw him last year.

Dear diary: I still can't talk around Harry! Every time I try, I either end up saying something stupid or breaking something. He hangs around my brother Ron all the time. Him and that other girl I mentioned before. All I want is for him to notice me. My goal is to start a conversation with him tomorrow. I've been working my nerve up since he came to stay with us over the summer. I wish I were pretty. Then he'd notice me. Sigh.

Every finger in the room is pointing at me

I wanna spit in their faces then

I get afraid of what that could bring

I gotta bowling ball in my stomach

I gotta desert in my mouth

figures that my courage

would choose to

sell out now

Dear diary: Well, I failed...again. I walked up to him today and was all prepared to talk to him, and then he turned those beautiful emerald green eyes on me and I wimped out. At least I'm not alone. I've overheard some of the other first year girls say that they like him too. Colin Creevy (a muggle-born first year) said that he thought Harry was going out with Hermione. I don't think that's true though. Fred and George tease Ron about her sometimes. I think he's the one that fancies her. Or maybe I just hope it is.

Dear diary: The weirdest thing happened today. I remember going to my Intro to Transfiguration class and then, for some reason, I was outside Hagrid's hut. I don't even remember walking down there! I must have gone down there to cut some plants though, because I had a knife with me. I was over by where he keeps the chickens when Hagrid called out my name and I snapped out of some kind of, trance, I guess. Then, on top of that, when Hagrid asked me what I was up to I mumbled the first thing to come to my mind, the thing that's always on my mind, Harry. He laughed and said he wasn't there. I was so embarrassed! I ran back up to the castle and straight back here to my room. I really don't remember walking down there. It must be the stress of first year.

I've been looking for a savior

in these dirty streets

looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets

I've been raising up my hands

drive another nail in

just what god needs

one more victim

Dear diary: Things are getting even stranger. I blacked out again today. This time I was leaving potions, and the next thing I knew, I was behind Greenhouse 3 with blood all over my robes! I checked to see if I was hurt and didn't see anything wrong, but I did have feathers in my hair. What could have happened? I can't tell anyone because they'll just think I'm going crazy, and if mom finds out she'll probably make me come home, and what about Harry? He probably already thinks I'm a nutter. This would make him sure of it. I'm just so confused.

Dear diary: It's happened again! I was coming back to the common room, after doing some work in the library, when I blacked out again! When I came to this time I had red stuff all over my fingers and my feet were soaked. It wasn't raining out, so where did the water come from? And what was the stuff all over my fingers? It looked like blood again. What's wrong with me? Am I really going mad? Oh diary, I wish you could tell me what to do. I could really use your help.

why do we

crucify ourselves

every day I

crucify myself

everyday and

my heart is sick of

being in chains

Dear diary: I took the advice you gave me and haven't told anyone about the problems I've been having. You're right, they wouldn't understand. In fact, Harry told Ron and Hermione about hearing voices, and they don't know what to make of it. I can only imagine what they would do if I told them about my blacking out. I wish Harry would talk to me like he talks to them. I'm beginning to think that Colin might be right; Harry and Hermione are almost always together. I wish I were a year older. Then it would be Harry and I together. Not that mud-blood bitch.

Dear diary: Oh my god! It's happened again! I remember being at the Quidditch match for the Gryffindor/Slytherin game, and then I woke up in front of the fat lady's portrait late at night. I don't even remember walking back from the stadium! I thought maybe I had been really tired and went to see Harry (he was injured in the match and is in the hospital wing now). One good thing though, I didn't have blood or feathers on me this time. What can all this mean? Please Tom, what can I do to make this all stop? I'm just so scared!

got a kick for a dog

begging for love

I gotta

have my suffering so

I can

have my cross

I know a

cat named Easter

he says

will you ever learn? You're

just a cage girl

if you

kill the bird

Dear Tom: Colin was attacked last night! Professor McGonagall said it was around the time of my black out! What if I had something to do with it? I know you keep telling me not to worry, but what if I have been doing something bad during my black outs? I'm so confused. Please Tom, tell me what to do.

Dear Tom: Why are you being so mean to me now? Don't you think I know that I'm a stupid little girl? I don't care what you say anymore, I'm certain that I've got something to do with all of this. You keep telling me to keep my mouth shut, but I can't stand it anymore. Too many people have been hurt. Writing you isn't helping me like it used to. I'm going to talk to Harry; he'll know what to do. You're wrong about him; he won't make fun of me. I wish I'd never gotten this diary!

I've been looking for a savior

in these dirty streets

looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets

I've been raising up my hands

drive another nail in

got enough guilt to start

my own religion

please be

save me

I cry

looking for a savior

in these dirty streets

looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets

I've been raising up my hands

drive another nail in

just what god needs

one more victim