The Dating Game

The Dating Game

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"Good luck, Ron. I'll go and get my seat now."

"Ok, Harry. I'll let you know how the date goes tomorrow. I doubt I'll get a chance tonight, if you know what I mean."

Ron clapped Harry and the back and laughed. Harry merely shook his head and smiled. A snort was then heard from the other side of the room.

"You should not count your nifflers until they haff hatched, Ron. I vill send you both an owl when Hermy-own-ninny and I are getting married. I do hope you can make the ceremony."

Ron's face reddened.

"Yeah? Well, that's just what you say, Vikky. Where's Draco anyway? He should have been here by now."

As if in answer to his question, Gilderoy Lockhart swept into their dressing room. His memory had never come back to him entirely, but he had regained enough to know that show business was in his blood. At the moment, however, he was in an absolute tizzy.

"It's off! We have to cancel the show, boys. Without three bachelors, we can't go on. Sorry about all this. It's worst for me, of course. It's sweeps week this week, and now the station will have to re-run an episode of Hogsmeaders. I'll never get my vacation home in San Tropez now."

"What happened to Draco?" Ron asked.

Lockhart sat down and put his head in his hands. He looked as if he had just been told he had an incurable disease.

"He eloped this morning with Pansy Parkinson. Since he's no longer a bachelor, he can't be on. Mind you, he still wanted to be. Of course, from what I can remember of Miss Parkinson, I don't blame him. There wouldn't be enough fire whiskey in the world to make me take that on."

"But I haff came all the vay from Bulgaria to be here. I had to cancel a grand opening at a Val-Mart to be here!" Krum grumbled.

Lockhart continued to shake his head and stare at the floor.

"I know, I know, but what can I do? Without three bachelors, we can't have a show."

"Ve are knackered then, yes?" Krum said.

Ron's head shot up, a look of revelation on his face.

"No we aren't! We have three of the most famous bachelors in the world right here."

Lockhart raised his head to reveal a devilish grin on his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Weasley, but I have to host the show, I can't..."

"Not you, you prat. I mean Harry!"

All three other faces turned to look at Harry, who had been slipping quietly out of the room since he had heard that Malfoy wasn't coming. He hadn't made it out in time, and was now being watched by all of them. The only thing he knew for sure was that there was now way he would be talked into this. No way, no how.

"I am not going to do this. I'm only here to give Ron support, that's all. I've been on television enough, thanks. Sorry, it's a no go with me."

"Come on, Harry," Ron was begging. "You have to stand in. You won't have to do anything but answer some stupid questions. Nobody will even know it's you."

"That's right, Harry," Lockhart was also sounding rather desperate. "You three will all be behind a screen, and your voices will be magically modified so that she doesn't know who you are. If she doesn't pick you, then no one will be any the wiser. Come on, it'll be fun!"

Harry crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head.

"No! How many times do I have to tell you? I am not going to go out and make a fool of myself."

A thought struck Lockhart. He didn't remember everything about Harry, but he did remember that he had a lot of morals. Lockhart liked these kinds of people, they were easy to manipulate.

"Harry, did you know that I make about a thousand galleons a show for hosting?"

"So?"

"Well, I hardly need any more gold myself, but think of all the good that money could do. I've heard that the Longbottom Center for Mental Health is having some financial difficulties. I'm sure that a thousand galleons would help them quite a bit."

Harry's eyes narrowed as he looked at Lockhart. He was hitting well below the belt now, but it was still effective. It was true that Neville was struggling to get his project off the ground. A thousand galleons would be a godsend for him. He had no choice but to give in.

"Ok, I'll do it. But nobody finds out who I am, right?"

"Sure thing, Harry," Lockhart beamed at him, flashing an amazing set of capped teeth.

"Yeah, it's not like you're going to win or anything. I've got it in the bag," Ron said.

"Ve shall see, Ron. I haff knowledge of Hermy-own-ninny myself. She vill be mine in an hour's time," Krum grunted.

Lockhart clapped his hands and rubbed them together.

"Excellent! Well, time for the star to take his place. See you all out there!"

Harry felt slightly sick. What had he gotten himself into? He had to admit, a date with Hermione wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, and he did fancy her...a bit. From about the age of sixteen, Hermione had really come into her own. He remembered in their seventh year at Hogwarts when Hermione had replaced the Patil twins as the most sought after female in the school. He had heard from a few people that he was the most sought after male, but he didn't believe them. It would explain why Draco resented him so much, but he always thought it had more to do with sending his father to Azkaban. Besides, he had almost no experience with women in the first place. He was going to come off looking like a complete fool, but at least nobody would find out. In his mind, he would still be rooting for Ron, since he knew that he'd had a crush on her since their fourth year and this would be his big chance. Krum would have to get over it; he'd had his chance and blew it. Harry's plan was to just be himself. It was a simple plan, but one that would prove very effective.

"Hello, and welcome to The Dating Game. I am your host, Gilderoy Lockhart. Today on the show, we are very fortunate to have one of the most eligible witches in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Hermione Granger!"

"Greetings, Hermione! How are you today? Nervous? Anxious?"

Hermione smiled.

"A little, I guess. I plan on having fun with it, so I'll be fine."

"Absolutely right, you have nothing to be nervous about. Now, for the sake of those listening on their wizarding wireless and have been hiding under a rock for the last ten years, I will now give the particulars on Miss Granger here. She has chestnut hair, chocolate brown eyes, five foot six, one hundred ten pounds, and her measurements are thirty four-twenty six-thirty two. Now, let's meet our three bachelors!"

"Bachelor number one is eighteen years of age. He's six foot three, blue eyes, and hopes to play professional Quidditch someday. He lists his likes as being food, Quidditch, and girls with brown hair. Yes, what a coincidence that is."

"Bachelor number two is twenty one years old. He's five foot nine, brown eyes, and plays professional Quidditch. He lists his likes as being reading business publications, Quidditch, and girls with brown hair. Well, that's not much of a surprise."

"Bachelor number three is eighteen years old. He's five foot ten, green eyes, and is currently in the Auror training program. He lists his likes as helping people, long walks, and talking in front of a warm fire. Well, I guess that means he's neutral about the whole hair thing, eh?"

"So, Hermione, what's your first question for our lucky bachelors today?"

"Thank you, Gilderoy. My first question is for all three of you. What would you plan for our first date if I picked you?"

Ron spoke up first, seeing as he was bachelor number one.

"Well, babe, I'd take you out to a really fancy restaurant, like the Leaky Cauldron, and then we'd come back to my place. Don't worry; I'd make sure that my family wasn't home at the time. I hope you like orange sheets."

Krum rolled his eyes. Did Ron think he was being cool? The girls back in Bulgaria would curse him into oblivion for calling them babe. Being number two, it was his turn to speak now.

"Well, I believe we would go to one of the finest restaurants in Europe, and then we would come back to my castle, I mean house, and plan for our marriage, I mean second date. You could read the society page while I read the business section. Oh, and I need an heir by the time I am twenty five or the crown will go to my uncle."

Harry sat in disbelief. If Hermione didn't know by now who Ron and Krum were, he'd eat Buckbeak. He'd have to try and be a little less obvious.

"Uh, well, I don't know. What would you like to do? They have good pizza at Dobby's Pizzeria. And then, I don't know, we could catch a concert in Muggle London. I think John Mayer is playing tonight. After that, we could stop for a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. I think you should really give bachelor number one a chance, though. You should pick him."

Hermione was now confused. The evening that bachelor number three had spelled out sounded great to her. She was a huge fan of John Mayer after hearing him her seventh year. Memories of hanging out in the Three Broomsticks also gave her a warm feeling. But what was this about picking bachelor number one? Was it someone that knew Ron? Why didn't he want to go out with her? Why was he even here if he didn't?

"Bachelor number three, why should I pick number one over you?"

"Uh, because, he's a lot better looking than I am. And, uh, I'm really boring. You wouldn't have any fun with me at all."

"Wait! What about me? Hermione, it's me, bachelor number two. You should pick me! I am a member of the aristocracy! I have an army of house elves to attend to your every whim. Bachelor number one still lives with his parents for god's sake!"

"Hey, shut up! Hermione, it's me, bachelor number one! Don't listen to that guy, you should pick me! That guy has about the personality of a bar of soap."

"A bar of soap? Why you little..."

"Ok! Well, we normally would have a series of questions, but we've ran out of time with two of our bachelors arguing with one another. Hermione, you can ask one more question. What do you want to ask?" Lockhart was starting to wish that the show hadn't happened after all.

Hermione didn't hesitate on who or what to ask. To her, there was only one person she had anything more she wanted to know about.

"Bachelor number three. Do you think you could ever really care about me, I mean really care?"

Harry shifted uneasily in his seat. Why had he let Ron talk him into this? He didn't even want to be here, and now he was being asked to explain his emotions to everybody? Why didn't she ask one of the others something? He decided that he might as well tell the truth, lies only seemed to bring more trouble.

"Could I ever care about you? No, I don't think I could. Could I ever wake up everyday and thank god for you? No. Could I ever think of you and smile? No. Could I ever look at your hair and wonder what it felt like slipping through my fingers? No. Could I look into your eyes and renew my faith in the world? No. Could I ever hear you laugh and realize that there was still some good in this world? No. Could I ever dream of what it would be like to kiss you? No. Could I ever worry about you, and wish only good things for you? No. I couldn't do any of these things. I couldn't, because I already do. But I'm not the only one. All three of us do. They're both great guys. They can give you everything you want. I've got a lot of uncertainty in my life, and you deserve better than that. Caring about you is easy, Hermione. You're everything a guy could want."

Hermione could not believe what she had just heard. Not a single sound could be heard in the studio. Not even Ron and Viktor were arguing any longer. It was several minutes before Gilderoy could bring himself to speak again.

"Yes, well, thank you, bachelor number three. Hermione, who would you like to pick?"

"I pick Harry."

Harry was stunned. Had she just said his name? Maybe he could still make a run for it...nope, maybe not.

For, at that very moment, the screen in front of all the bachelors was retracted. Ron and Viktor remained behind theirs in a combination of stunned silence and sullen defeat. They had to hand it to Harry; he had knocked them out fair and square.

Hermione ran and threw herself at Harry. They shared a deep kiss before simply standing there to hold one another. The audience was now riotous in their applause. Gilderoy could practically smell the air of the Riviera.

"Well folks, that's all the time we have for tonight. Tune in tomorrow when our guest will be Colin Creevy. Until then, I bid you adieu."

"Cut! That's a wrap ladies and gentlemen."

Ron shook his head as he watched his two best friends hug each other. Why had he ever begged Harry to get involved? And since when did he talk like that? Ron didn't think he had ever been drunk enough to say those things. No wonder all the birds swooned over him back in school. If he wasn't his best friend, Ron thought he could have really resented Harry just now. A low cough snapped him out of his reverie.

"Vell, this makes the second time I haff been beaten by Potter."

"Yeah, well, join the club. We never stood a chance, did we?"

"Perhaps not. It is a pity, though. I haff reservations in Paris for two."

"Paris? As in France? Wow, I've always wanted to go there. I went to Egypt once. I ended up with sand in all sorts of places."

"Vell, vould you like to go? Everything is paid for in advance, so I vould be losing the money if ve didn't go."

"Yeah, ok, thanks. This doesn't sound gay or anything does it?"

"Only if you let me wear my ass-less chaps."

Ron's face turned a violent shade of red as he began to stammer nonsensically. Krum grinned.

"I am only kidding. They say that a black tie is optional, but I don't think they vould quite stretch that far."

"Oh, yeah, I knew that. I always pee my pants around this time of day."

"Vell, shall we go then? I don't think that Harry or Hermy-own-ninny vill notice if ve don't say goodbye to them."

"Yeah, let's go. You know, Viktor, you aren't such a bad bloke after all."

"Neither are you, Ron. By the vay, could I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Is your sister seeing anyone?"

"What?!?"

Crack!

Both men then apparated away to continue their discussion elsewhere. Now alone in the darkened studio, Harry and Hermione continued to hold onto one another. There would be plenty of time for pizza and concerts in the future, this was more important now. As Harry allowed his fingers to stroke Hermione's chestnut curls, a humorous thought occurred to him. He made a mental note to send he biggest wedding gift to Draco that he could find.