I'll Stay With You

I'll Stay With You

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Many eyes were upon him, but he didn't care. He always hated it when he was the focus of so much attention, but this was different. Owls didn't ask him what was wrong, and that suited him just fine. He missed Hedwig since she had left the owlery after he had been there for about an hour. She was probably out getting some dinner, he thought. The thought of being hungry was foreign to him of late, as was most any other life sustaining thought.

Harry was suffering from depression. Like many people who suffer from the disease, he was "treating it" by withdrawing into himself. He didn't wish to be around anyone; for fear that he would infect them as well. At times, he felt that the walls of Hogwarts were closing in on him, while at others he felt as if he was standing alone on a crumbling ledge overlooking an infinite void of nothingness. Sometimes he prayed that one or the other would actually happen, just to get out of the pain involved in living through another day. He could only hope that, wherever Sirius was, he wasn't as miserable as he was.

Harry's mind constantly ran the same memories through over and over. He thought of Hermione telling him it could be a trap, then the realization that it was a trap, then the happiness of seeing Sirius alive and unhurt, and then the horror of seeing Sirius blasted through the veil. And then he thought of Dumbledore telling him about the prophecy. It was all too much to take in then, and it still was now. Why hadn't Dumbledore told him these things sooner? People's lives had been taken in vain, and it was all because of him. Why hadn't Dumbledore just let him fight Voldemort there at the Ministry and have done with it? Did he know that Harry couldn't possibly have won? Was he, even now at the age of sixteen, living on borrowed time? Life was so bleak; death would provide a welcome release from it. What would be so bad about it? As Harry continued to ponder the advantages of his own demise the door to the owlery opened, causing him to look up in alarm. Standing in the doorway with Hedwig perched on her shoulder was Hermione.

"I thought this is where I'd find you," Hermione said as she felt Hedwig take off from her shoulder to return to its lofty perch. "Hedwig wouldn't give over until I followed her up here to get you."

Harry stood up from the floor and brushed himself off. He wasn't sure if he liked the term "get you." It made it sound like he was incapable of looking after himself.

"I'm fine, Hermione. I was just up here sending a letter. I'm allowed to do that, aren't I?"

Hermione walked over and sat down on the window ledge and looked over her shoulder at the clear blue sky. A day like this one used to find the two of them, along with Ron, down by the lake, but that was before Harry had withdrawn into himself so much. Hermione returned her gaze to Harry and had no intention of pulling punches with him, unlike everyone else who seemed afraid to say anything to him.

"Come off it, Harry. How dumb do you think I am? You've been coming up here all the time lately. Who would you write to, anyway? The Dursleys? Not likely. You come up here to isolate yourself from everyone else so that you can wallow in your own misery, well, that's pathetic. I told you before not to act all misunderstood, and here you are, doing exactly that."

Harry's face reddened in anger.

"Is that what you've come up here to tell me, that I'm the world's biggest prat? Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I wish everyday that all this would be over, one way or the other?"

Hermione stared at him. Her anger was now mingled with concern for him.

"One way or the other? Harry, do you mean...are you talking about...suicide?"

Harry shook his head.

"No, not suicide, not really, I mean seeing an end to it all. I'm just so tired of being a part of something that I don't know anything about, and that nobody seems to be able to explain to me. It's like I'm some kind of Darwin-like experiment. Evolution, survival of the fittest, kill or be killed. I mean, how can a prophecy map my whole life out, when I hadn't even been born yet?"

Hermione felt her body grow rigid. She had avoided two topics with Harry since they had gotten back to school: Sirius, and the prophecy. Sirius she knew about, but the prophecy was still an enigma that was never truly explained to her satisfaction. Everyone was led to believe that it had been destroyed, but Harry seemed to know more about it than he had originally let on. He had never kept anything from her before, and she didn't want this to be a sign of things to come.

"Harry, what is it about the prophecy? How has it mapped your life out?"

Harry lowered his hands from his face. Hermione would see the bags under his eyes and the sweat on he brow. The day wasn't that warm, and Hermione knew that the sweat was a product of stress and anxiety. She'd seen Harry like this often since that fateful night at the Ministry, and it broke her heart every time she saw him like this. She missed those beautiful emerald eyes that she had fallen in love with. Harry sighed and looked down at the floor.

"The prophecy, well, my prophecy, was destroyed that night at the Ministry. However, the person who the prophecy was told to could still remember it perfectly. They could remember it perfectly, because they had preserved the memory in a pensieve. Hermione, it was Dumbledore that heard the prophecy, and it was Trelawney that made it."

Hermione was stunned. Trelawney had made the prophecy? Well, that would explain why Dumbledore kept her around. She'd heard of pensieves before, and knew that they could keep a memory fresh forever. If Dumbledore had heard the prophecy, then he must have told Harry about it. She realized the magnitude of what this meant now; it was Harry's life that was involved in the prophecy.

"Harry, what did he say? Please, it will be better if you talk to somebody about it. I want to help you, Harry. I'll stay with you, no matter what."

Harry shook his head. She didn't understand at all, he thought. She couldn't help him.

"You don't get it, Hermione! The prophecy was very exact; one of us has to die by the hand of the other. Since you're so damn smart, you should know what that means. It means I'll be dead, or I'll be a murderer. So, do you still want to stay with me? Do you want to be dragged into this with me? Do you think Voldemort will care if he has to kill you as well? I can't let that happen, Hermione. You're the best friend I've ever had. Even when everyone else has been against me, you've been there to help me. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, Hermione. I can't let you be the next person I love to be killed."

Harry spun around and leaned against the cold stone wall of the owlery. Hermione could see his shoulders shaking and could hear the sounds of his sobbing. In many ways, it reminded her of the previous Christmas. Harry had shut himself away from everyone for fear of harming them somehow, and Hermione had been sent in to talk him out. She was doing much the same thing now, but it didn't seem to be going as well. Her concern for him caused her to have a delayed reaction to the end of his speech. He had mentioned something about not wanting her to be the next person he loved to be killed. What did he mean by "love?" She hoped that she already knew the answer, but she had to hear it from him first.

"Harry, what do you mean by not wanting me to be the next person you love to get killed?"

Harry continued to lean against the wall; his voice was husky with emotion.

"What do you think? I mean I don't want to see you get killed because of me."

"No, not that bit. I mean before that. I mean the 'person I love' part."

Harry's shoulders stopped shaking. It seemed as if he had just come to some kind of epiphany. He straightened up a bit, but continued to avoid Hermione's face as he spoke.

"Uh, well, you know, I wouldn't want you or Ron to get hurt."

"I see. So, do you love Ron?"

"What? No! I mean, not 'love', exactly. He's my best friend."

"Ok, so, do you love me?"

Harry remained motionless for what, to her at least, seemed like an eternity. Eventually, still not facing Hermione, he answered.

"Yes, I do love you."

Hermione couldn't help but smile. She had been hoping to hear Harry say that since the end of their fourth year. She wanted to make sure they were on the same page, though.

"Harry, what do you mean by 'love'?"

Harry turned around to face her. The bags under his eyes remained, but she thought sure that some of the twinkle in his eyes had returned.

"I mean just what I said; I love you, Hermione. You are the best friend, the best fighter, and the best person in the world to me. Everything that I'm not, you are. I could never have gotten this far in my life without you. I keep telling myself that I have to let you go, that I have to think of your safety above my own selfish needs, but I can't. If I'm ever going to be able to defeat Voldemort, and I still don't know that I ever will, I'll need you next to me. Most of all, I love you for the way I feel when I'm around you. Growing up under the stairs at Privet Drive, I used to pray to god to send me a night light so that I could at least be able to see in the darkness around me. Well, it took him long enough, but he finally sent me one; you. When everything around me is black, I look to you for light. Hermione, I just get so..."

What it was that Harry got, he was unable to say. Hermione's lips had met his, and all else in the world fell away. He was not aware of it at the time, but Hermione had also prayed for much the same thing as a child. Being the only child of constantly working parents, she had often wished for someone to one day care about her, and to be with her always. They had found these people in each other, and now they could look towards their future together. As they continued to kiss and hold onto each other, a pair of amber eyes far above them blinked knowingly at them before coming to a close in order to take a well deserved nap.

I'll Stay With You

I'll stay with you I'll stay with you

I won't leave you alone

I'll stay with you yes I want to

Make your pain my own

And if you need me all night or until I grow old

No you don't have to ask me to

I'm gonna take good care of you

Yes I'm gonna stay with you

I'll be right at your fingertips

Hold on tight and we'll get through this

Angels are calling from all around

Lifting what is broken comforting what is bound

Now you can rest in your time of need

I am here when it's hard to breathe

If you can't remember what is good anymore

I will surrender and kick down heaven's door

No you don't have to ask me to

I'm gonna take good care of you

Yes I'm gonna stay with you