I Hate Mornings, But That's Okay, I'm Dead Now

I sob for hours and go watch Potter's Quidditch practice for the first time ever. He sees me and when he's showered he comes and sits next to me, not saying anything.

He looks like he's expecting it. I tell him and he asks me to marry him. I say yes and tell him I'm a lesbian. I assume it's only fair that he know if I marry him. I break up with Narcissa that night and explain everything.

She says she understands, but when I look in her eyes I can see her thinking "whore". James and I go to a church in Hogsmeade the day after, on Sunday.

James goeser and asks if we can share a room. It helps that his family is rich and powerful. As the winter break and Narcissa's wedding near I notice her hair whitens. Leave it to Narcissa to have platinum blond hair when it whitens with worry. It only makes her look more beautiful. For the first week of winter break James and I visit his family.

Sirius Black, his best man, lives with them. Mrs. Potter is very nice, but hates me for taking her little boy away. Mr. Potter is nice enough, but I know it's a facade.

After that comes the agony. My mom cries the moment she sees me, and my father is "disappointed".

They both hate James and I feel really bad for him. Sirius stayed with the Potters. James sleeps in my room and I kiss him on purpose for the first time, except for the wedding, and the only reason I kissed him then was to bind the contract. He holds me and I let him because I don't hate him anymore.

The next day my sister, so pregnant her bulge could reach across the street, and her nf a husband arrive. She is ten years older than me and looks like a horse. She sneers at me and calls me a slut. I have to physically restrain James from making her eyebrows grow down to her toes. He is so sweet.

Christmas is crap except for when Petunia gets James and me matching "Mr. Freak" and "Mrs. Freak" jerseys. James spoils her fun by pretending to love them and we put them on and made her take thousands of pictures of us in them with his *special* *freak* camera. We get Petunia and Walrus Man children's play broomsticks that only go about a meter high, and then orange baby robes. My favourite part is when Petunia runs out of the room crying and Walrus Man turns purple. James and I laugh our arses off. I think I am finally in love with him.

"I think I love you, James."

"It's about bloody time. You're only behind the entire female and gay male student body of Hogwarts... and a couple teachers." I punch his arm and laugh.

"That's not what you're s!"

"I love you too."

"Good." I kiss him and let him walk me to the bed.

On New Year's Eve Dad goes to visit his parents in some far off town and Mom goes off to play Bingo. James and I pick up Sirius and go to Diagon Ally. We're having a lot of fun until some Death Eaters spoil it all. Bastards.

It's easy to spot Malfoy when his hood falls off, revealing his silky, shiny hair. That pansy. And then I see her. If you don't know whom I mean, you're a moron. Even with the hood and mask I could recognize her. She was wearing her wedding ring. I'd almost forgotten she was married 20 December. Almost, but not quite. I love James for the most part now, but it still hurts. And then I see him.

On his face I see the remnants of he got it from our father. Narcissa curtsies to him, head bowed, points to me, head bowed, curtsies again, and backs away, with her head still bowed.

Flanked by Dementors, he strides toward me.

"Dear sister," he spits, "I hardly recognized you. Oh, the sentimentality... Now all that rubbish is finished, I can kill you."

"Fucker."

"Such language! You should be taught a lesson."

"Sorry, Mouldy Shorts, I'm in no condition for the Cruciatus Curse right now."

"Don'tEVER call me that again, you little shit, and I know of your condition from your little lover there," he says, gesturing to Narcissa.

"Someday, you'll be dead, just like everyone else. And I have a feeling I'll have something to do with that."

"Ah, such foolish dreams."

"Fucker."

"Are we going round in circles?"

"I believe we are. Fucker. And you're not going to kill me. Or my husband. Not today."

"Want to bet?"

"Yes, actually," said James, as he and Sirius grabbed me and we Apparated to James' house.

And then they both panic when they see the Dark Mark over Godrics Hollow. We find his parents lying on the floor of the front room, wands clutched in their hands, eyes wide and beginning to cloud with death.

We go back to my house after that, and when Dad doesn't get home for a while, I do a summoning charm on him. We find him and my grandparents dead in their house. I call the Aurors and tell Mum that morning. She seems all right until I find her dead body hanging from the shower curtain rod with her wrists slit three hours later. I call the police and cry my eyes out onto James' shoulder.

We go back to school and I tell Narcissa she's a horrible person. She says she's sorry and she hates herself as much as I hate her. I tell her that James and I are both orphans now because of her leader and she says she's sorry.

The weeks go by and I can no longer go the whole night without waking up with cravings or needing to go to the toilet. Narcissa corners me during Transfiguration and tells me she's pregnant too. She's upset that he is using her to bear his hateful offspring, so I kiss her forehead and tell her it will be all right.

She says that she will have an excuse to not be raped by the monster she is married to again, and at least she'll have someone to love. McGonagall gives us detention for talking. Her husband was a casualty at Diagon Ally on New Year's Eve and she hasn't been the same since. She even wears her hair tucked away now, and wears all black.

Evidently my brother was really pissed when I left. I heard it had something to do with a Prophecy. On my eighteenth birthday James takes me to Hogsmeade and we celebrate. Tom comes and tries to kill us again. I say it's getting old, he knocks me out, and I wake up in the Hospital Wing. I panic and James sets my mind at ease by telling me I didn't miscarry.

We discuss baby names and James doesn't want it to be James Jr. if it's a boy. We decide on Harry James or Rhiannon Mab. He doesn't know I inform him on the Queen of Faerie.

On Valentine's Day James hires a Dwarf to wear a cupid costume and follow me around, shooting sticky arrows at any kissing couples and showering me with confetti if I ever stop smiling. N.E.W.T.S. come and go and James and I reassure each other we did all right and bite our nails. Sirius looks for reassurance and we look away, whistling.

He laughs and Remus pats him on the back, pityingly. Peter the rat laughs for too long and I roll my eyes. We never really ended up getting along. There's just something suspicious about him. Stupid tosser.

On the train home, we are stopped on a bridge and we hear people screaming at the front. Dementers float by and we think, "Not this again."

Peter has disappeared off somewhere and James makes sure I'm safe before he, Remus, and Sirius dash off to save the day. Unfortunately, he couldn't keep me from the Dementers and one pulled me through the window.

I kicked and screamed, but I was almost eight months pregnant and my wand was in the train. Tom came and we all went somewhere miserable and I was really buggered. Then Dumbledore came. He was like a guardian angel in purple robes and high-healed boots.

Tom was a wuss like he always was around Dumbledore.

Dumbledore was like a father to me after the death of my parents and would be the headmaster at Hogwarts next year. I have no idea how he got to me or where I was, but I was in bad shape when they found me.

James and I join the Order of the Phoenix, which Dumbledore is the head of, after that. There is a picture taken and afterward I get to know Alice Longbottom, who is a few years older than me and just as pregnant.

She's really nice and all four of us go out for dinner after the meeting. The Ministry is attacked and the Milled. Everyone wants Dumbledore to take the place, but he refuses. There is a quick election and Cornelius Fudge is elected.

James is worried for me and decides to put us under house arrest with Sirius as a Secret Keeper. Sirius thinks it's a better idea to have Peter do it because he would be the obvious choice to have Keep our Secret. I'm close to insanity the last month of my pregnancy, cooped up in Godrics Hollow, and I finally give birth to Harry James Potter.

I'm still going stir crazy and Alice and I knit a thousand tea cosies. And socks, and hats, and scarves, and sweaters, and vests. I can't wait until the weather cools down this summer is so hot. Tom is still on a rampage. Halloween comes and goes, then Christmas, then New Years', then my birthday, then Valentine's Day, then James' birthday, then Harry's birthday.

The Longbottoms come over and we celebrate our sons' birthdays together, since they were born on the same day. This summer is just as hot as the last and Alice and I knit more. On Halloween I take another home pregnancy test. This one turns blue as well.

I put Harry to bed and go downstairs to tell James. Tom blasts the door open and James tells me he loves me and to get upstairs.

I kiss him for what I don't know is the last time and go upstairs to stay with Harry. There is a horribly tense silence and then a thump, followed by even worse silence. I fight back tears and know that James is dead.

I lock the door of Harry's room even though I know it's useless. It'll just hinder Tom. I kiss Harry on his forehead, where later on Tom will leave a mark that will make my son stand out from all others. The door slams open and I stand in front of Harry's crib.

"Stand aside."

"No."

"Just what your husband said. Very well thvada Kedavra."

There is a rushing sound and a flash of green light. I see James standing by me and we look ahead to the end of a tunnel where there is a light. In my belly glows a pink aura.

James touches it and says, "You didn't tell me."

"I never got a chance."

A Dark Spirit sails past us, screaming. A hole opens up and the Spirit flies into it. Seconds later the hole reopens and the Spirit are released. I recognize it as Tom as he sails back past us, still screaming, back to the Living.

"A man so cruel Hell spat him out again," I say to myself.

James and I walk into the light holding hands.