No Time for Us

Title 'No time for us' is a song by Broder Daniel and is © them.

The low-hanging sun was blazing and its orange rays waltzed playfully across Gellert's soft face. His fingers were softly rummaging through the grass and we were both spread out across the ground; he was carelessly resting his head on my lap. My hand had carefully sneaked down to touch him, to cup the round of his shoulder. He didn't notice, or perhaps just pretended not to.

"...are you even listening, Al?"

It had been a long day of planning and discussing, as so many others before it. I wanted to rest for a moment, but Gellert had a never-ending flaming enthusiasm for what we were planning and seemed unable to push it out of is head, even for a short moment.

"Actually, no."

I sat up, but Gellert didn't lift his head from my thighs just yet. He looked up at me with a vague smirk on his lips, and I reached to move one of his pale curls from his cheek.

"It's been a long day," I said. "Can't we just... talk about something else?"

"And what subject would you prefer, Albus?"

There was something mischievous about Geller Grindelwald's entire appearance, perhaps it was that spark in his dark brown eyes or the way he peered under his curly bangs. He didn't look his age. Sometimes, he looked so much like a child I had to remind myself he was indeed sixteen years old. Other times, often when he spoke fiercely of his - our - dreams, he seemed much older than myself. It frightened me sometimes, but I shook it of like a temporary hallucination.

"Don't you think we ought to speak about the day of your departure?"

The glee in his gaze, as well as the smile on his thin lips, disappeared. He sat up and sighed calmly, looking straight into my eyes.

"Why?" he said silently. "What is the point of talking about it? We both know the day will eventually come, so why should we even dignify it by speaking of it?"

"We need to speak about it," I said. "We can't keep avoiding it forever."

"But why would you want to speak of it? We are happy as it is right now, are we not?"

Gellert was upset. Though he never once raised his voice at me, I always recognized the certain, low-voiced tone he used when something made him feel uncomfortable or bothered.

Despite the situation, I couldn't help but to notice how beautiful he looked in the light of the setting sun; his hair seemed almost golden and his high cheekbones where enhanced by the shadows on his face.

"Yes," I answered, slightly smiling, "very happy. But I still think we ought to speak about it. We should try to decide what we are going to."

"What do you mean 'what we are going to do'?"

"I mean, what will become of the two of us after you leave?"

He sighed and looked away for a moment or two, staring into the sun, then looked into my eyes again and reached for my hand. He held it between both of his own, scrawny hands and caressed it. I could tell that he was thinking hard, perhaps trying to find the right words.

"Albus," he exhaled, "you know how much I appreciate your company, don't you?"

"I do."

"These past weeks have been heavenly, probably the best couple of weeks of my entire puny excuse of a life."

"I feel the same," I answered, as warmly as I could.

"But," he continued, "I can't stay with great-aunt Bathilda forever. And we were both aware of that when we started this, were we not?"

I didn't answer at once; I searched his eyes and tried to see into his mind. He didn't reveal one thing; he merely looked at me in silence and awaited my reply.

"So this was never more than a way for you to pass the time?" I asked quietly, pulling my hand out of his grip.

"Don't say that," he said. "It sounds so..."

"Foul?"

Then, Gellert smiled softly. He reached to gently stroke my cheek, but I recoiled before he could touch my skin. The smile vanished.

"Oh, Albus, are you honestly saying that you were expecting this to be a long-term relationship?"

At this, I got up from the ground and walked away from him, staring down at the houses in Godric's Hollow. I was so angry with him that I couldn't even find it in me to shout at him. I imagined my heart breaking at that moment, the disappointment dug so deep into my bones that it hurt.

Gellert walked up to me and stopped next to me, but didn't look at me.

"I'm sorry if I led you to believe this was more than I intended it to be," he said slowly. "I thought it was obvious. You know what they do to homosexuals in this country."

That's when I turned to him, revealing the tears in my eyes and said, "I don't care about that. You and I are going to start a new order, remember? We could do whatever we want. You and I would decide the rules and the norms, Gellert."

"Albus -"

"Don't. Don't say anything, I already know. It's not about the punishment, or what people would say," I said. He looked at me with his big eyes, looking curious at what I had to say. "You were ever just interested in something to calm your stirring hunger for another human body, but you are afraid to bind yourself to someone."

Gellert said nothing. He leaned in to kiss me, and I let him, but it was a shallow and empty gesture. Afterwards, I didn't look at him. I kept my eyes closed and a part of me waited for him to prove me wrong. He never did.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You know I never meant to hurt you."

"Empty words," I whispered and turned away from him. "Go back home to Bathilda, Gellert." Then I strode down the hill without looking back at him.

~ ~ ~

1945. The year that I wish I could erase. So many speak of my duel with Gellert with amazement and reverence in their voices; they see me as a hero for what I did. Although I understand why, I always found it hard to agree with them, because I know more than they do. None of them knew about mine and Gellert's past and up till this day, none of them still do. I believe my brother had very strong suspicions about us, but he would never tell anyone. I'd like to think I at least know him that well.

The duel... It was perhaps the most painful thing I've ever experienced. To finally see him face to face again, after all these years, and see what he's become - what I helped him become - it hurt more than I could have imagined. There was no trace of that vivid, beautiful face I had known so long ago. His whole appearance had changed so radically I hardly recognized him: his face was twisted with his hunger for power and when he moved it was in a hunched way, like he was afraid of being jumped at any moment.

"I am afraid you are fighting for a lost cause," I said to him. "Can't you see it has driven you mad?"

"I recall a time when you, my dear friend, shared my ambition of having a pure wizarding society. I recall a time when you worked alongside me to reach this very same goal."

"I was... mistaken. I was young and -"

Young and in love. Love can be so misleading; it blinds your sight and sensibility and drives you to do things you never saw yourself doing. Though, it would be wrong of me to put the blame entirely on my infatuation, since there were other things driving me, such as my wish to prove myself, to become something. I had talent and I knew it, and I wanted the world to know it as well. Gellert shared that feature and it was the first thing to draw us closer to each other.

"It isn't too late yet, Albus," he said to me on that dreadful day. "It isn't too late for you to rejoin me in my fight for purity. Imagine it! Imagine all the things we could do together. Start a new world order, like you always wanted."

I was so tempted to accept his offer, to just let go of everything else and become what I once wanted to become. It would be so easy for me to forget all of the things I had learned over the years, the person I had turned into, and just fall into Gellert and his world and stay there forever. It could be beautiful, I thought. Staring into those large, brown eyes, I saw a glimpse of that summer, and it ached inside of me. I missed it so much. I had missed him so very much.

"You and I," said Gellert, "we could rule this world. Together. As long as we stand together, we will be untouchable. I know it is what you want, Albus. And deep down inside, you know it too. For old times sake."

His voice was soft and for the first time, I recognized the sixteen-year-old boy I had once known. He reached to touch me, but I didn't let him. He smiled. For the first time that day, I saw a hint of beauty in his face, but I knew it was only passing; a trick to lure me in. I forced myself to come to my senses.

"Times change, Gellert," I said. "Our time is no more."

The beauty in his face vanished and it became twisted, angry and ugly once more. The duel began. He made the first attack, but I made the last. I still remember the sight of him, lying on the ground and looking up at me with weak eyes. He couldn't speak, but I knew what he was asking me with that look. He was asking me for forgiveness. He thought he was going to die, and so did I. Then I had a weak moment, when guilt and shame flooded me. I know that leaving him to die would have been nothing but fair, but I couldn't. I tried, but every time I turned my back on him, something kept pulling me back.

I still loved him.

I sent out two patronuses, one to the nearest wizarding hospital and one to the Ministry, explaining what had happened. I waited with him. It took about fifteen minutes for the first people to find the location, and I silently watched him as I waited, bleeding, suffering, without once looking away. Then, when the first Ministry personnel arrived, I gave him one last glance and left.