The Apology

The day was declining slowly, casting golden lights and shadows between the trees, reverberating on the still lake. Everything seemed so peaceful.

Harry was walking slowly. He still didn't know exactly what he was going to say. He just knew it was the right thing to do. There it was. The very simple grave was reflecting the last rays of day, which gave it an eerie glow. He stayed silent for a few moments.

Here rests Severus Snape.

Unknown to all, braver than many.

It was hard to speak. Harry could picture Snape's last moments very clearly in his mind. A little too clearly for his own taste...He had watched him die without doing a thing. Hermione had tried to reason him, of course. "Harry, we were in the tunnel, what could we do? We were too far and anyways, we would have died if we had shown ourselves." Sure, Hermione, but when did this prospective ever stopped us from saving someone? Whoever they were...even Draco and Goyle...

He forced himself to look at the grave again.

"Hello Snape." Urgh! I sound fake.

"See, I felt I had to come. Thanks to your memories, I finally learnt the truth. About you...about pretty much everything. I never thought that could come from you." He stifled a bitter laugh.

"I owe you a lot, Snape. But most of all, I think I owe you an apology".

He drew a big breath.

"I never trusted you. As a matter of fact, I hated you. Well, I believe you pretty much shared my feelings, didn't you? I don't really know how I feel about you anymore, but one thing is certain. I am sorry.

I should have realized. If not from the many times you saved me, at least I should have known Dumbledore was not an old fool to cast his trust upon you. I should have known he would not die in vain. I should have understood that, this day on the tower, he was not pleading for survival with you. His words still echo in my mind, you know. They were one of the scariest moments in my life, and I hated you so much for them and for what followed. But now I know better. He was pleading for you to kill him. And, even if it disgusted you, even if you were angry at him and you felt he mistrusted you (how many times have I been angry at him and felt that he was not telling me everything?), you executed your orders. You did it. I am not sure I could have.

I thought we had nothing in common. I thought we were exact opposites. But now I think about it, our relationship was born under the worst of auspices: prejudice. That's all there was to it. You were prejudiced against me because I was my father's son. I was prejudiced against you because you were the Head of the Slytherin House, and because you looked so awfully bad. All about bad looks, huh, you and me? My mother knew better than that, didn't she? She only sailed away from you when she realized your heart had changed and you were drawing closer to the Death Eaters. She never judged you from your looks, only from your actions. And even then, you never gave up on her. Thank you, Snape. You tried to save her. You risked your life for her. That means a lot to me, even though I know you didn't give a damn about my father and me.

I have been thinking a lot about you, these past few days. I've thought a lot about the friends I lost, of course. You...you were not my friend, never could have been. I guess the Sorting influences our perception. For me, you were the perfect Slytherin...and so, of course I thought you must be sly and cunning. And sly and cunning you had to be...how better to be a spy? But worse than that, I tended to think that bravery, loyalty and cleverness were somehow out of your reach. These are the other houses' qualities, aren't they? How silly of me...look at Hermione's cleverness, she could be in Ravenclaw, actually I often wondered...or Luna's loyalty...

You had them all, hadn't you? You were clever. Actually, I hate to say it, but you were probably damn brilliant. That allowed you to deflect every suspicion from them...but not from us. What a good job of looking the worst you did. And here I was, feeling awful every time somebody spoke badly of me throughout these years. How was it to live knowing that there was only one person who really believed in you? And one that not even told you everything? Did you care? How could you be so selfless? Did you feel you already had lost it all, anyways? You could not have shown more loyalty to my Mum than you've had. And facing Voldemort every single day, knowing you were lying to him, of all the things he could not bear from his servants... Oh, how you must have hated Dumbledore in the end...we couldn't imagine how close our mixed feelings to this man were, I suppose."

He paused, suddenly deep in thoughts.

"Mmh, it looks like I'm suddenly putting you on quite a pedestal, doesn't it? Well, I still think you were the most unfair and insufferable teacher ever, don't you worry." Harry smiled. Smiling at Snape...what a strange sensation.

"I can't bring myself to like you. But still. We'll both have a hard time believing it's me speaking now."

He stared directly at the white stone at his feet. His voice was low but clear.

"If I have children one day..." he saw Ginny flashing in his mind, "I hope they'll be lucky enough to share some of your qualities. You have been the Bravest man I've ever met. Please rest in peace, Professor Snape. You've taught us a lot. I know Lily is proud of you and you're at her side now. You deserve it.

Farewell."

As the sun finally sank, light and shadow merged for an instant on the horizon.