Staring

Staring

He had stared at her since 5th year when they were at Hogwarts together. She could feel him stare. He always stared, constantly, day in and day out; and Bellatrix had wondered what was wrong with him. Really, what could make him, a damn Gryffindor, stare at her? And no, he hadn't stared at her with hatred or contempt; he had stared at her with confusion. And once Bellatrix had decided to stare back, just to see what would happened. But nothing did. He continued to stare at her. And it made Bellatrix even more confused.

Did he try to figure her out? she wondered. But... what was there to figure out? She was a Slytherin; of course she taunted and hexed Hufflepuffs. Not to mention, she was a Black. Surely he had heard about her from that traitor Sirius.

So Bellatrix had been confused. What made him stare? she had asked herself constantly at Hogwarts.

And then her wedding came. It had been big and white, and every girl's dream. And Rodolphus had looked so handsome in his dark suit. And, yes, Bellatrix had been happy. Rodolphus was everything she wanted; he was handsome, rich, powerful, had the right connections - and the right opinion about those mudbloods. Not like him, that stupid... And then Bellatrix had stopped thinking. She hadn't seen much of him since graduation, although she had heard he was an auror now. Not the best people to keep in contact with when you were a Black. Unless you were a traitor like Sirius and Andromeda were. No, Bellatrix had decided, this was for the best. Not to mention that she hadn't had any contact with him, actually. Staring at each other at school didn't count. No, this was for the best.

So, when she walked up to Rodolphus, sweet, loveable Rodolphus, she had tried to push him from her mind.

But then she had seen him, standing in the crowd, his eyes staring at her like they had in school. She had thought about stopping the wedding, of throwing herself in his arms, and of kissing him. She didn't know where that thought had come from, and she blocked it out quickly. She had thought about calling off the wedding, walking over to him, about yelling at him and demanding an explanation. What the hell was he doing here? She had thought about finding her wand, hexing him, and killing him. How dare he show up to her wedding!

But in the end, she had done nothing. She was a Black. Blacks did not call off their weddings, no matter what. So she continued to look at Rodolphus like nothing had happened. And really, nothing had happened. Nothing had changed just because he was there, at her wedding; it didn't mean anything. Nothing. Maybe he was there as an auror, keeping an eye on a marriage between a Lestrange and a Black? She knew that there had been aurors at Narcissa's wedding, so why shouldn't there be at hers? Yes, that was probably why he was there. It didn't mean anything.

So Bellatrix married Rodolphus, and tried to forget him.

Then the Potters died and the Dark Lord disappeared. Bellatrix could at first not believe it. He, the Dark Lord, had been defeated by a little baby? No, that could not be true. Something else had to have happened, so Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastian, and Barty, Jr. searched for the answers at the Longbottom's.

Unfortunately, they only found life sentences in Azkaban, and in Rodolphus's case, a curse from his wife because he didn't keep watch as he should have. Really, Bellatrix had thought when she had been arrested, you can't count on Rodolphus. She had sent evil eyes at Rodolphus the whole time, and tried not to notice the auror who stood a couple of meters from her with his wand pointed at Bartemius. But it was hard, especially because he had noticed and was staring at her the whole time, his eyes almost black. And for the first time there had been a sliver of hatred in them. Bellatrix had loathed herself then.

So, she ended up in Azkaban, in her little cell. She was alone, surrounded by darkness and pain and death. Memories of the darkest parts of her life haunted her, again and again. And he was in some of them, that stupid Gryffindor. Those memories were the worst. It was like a 'What if' game. What if she had talked with him at Hogwarts? What if she had called off the wedding? What if she had stared back at him when she was arrested? It annoyed her, made her angry, made her sad, this lack of knowledge. And again the question came back to her. Why did he even stare? She didn't know, and she hated him for it. Hated him for making her wonder, for making her question something. And sometimes she thought she hated him more than Dumbledore and Potter together. Yes, sometimes she even thought she despised him more than Sirius and Andromeda for leaving and betraying her. And in those moments she planned his murder. One day, she swore, one day she would get out, one day she would be set free. And one day she would kill him.

One day he wouldn't stare at her anymore.