The Last Few Words

The Last Few Words by Erika Skyfire

Chapter 5~

When Lily awoke the next morning, she felt extremely groggy, filthy, and tired. She'd managed to get to sleep at about 3 in the morning, but she was usually woken at 7, so when she did so that morning, she was extremely annoyed. She would have dearly loved to go back to sleep for a couple more hours, but it was impossible. She sighed and decided to shower.

When she came down to go to breakfast, she felt a little better. Her puffy eyes had reduced from the shower and she felt clean, even if she was still tired. James approached her as she entered the Common Room.

"You look terrible."

"Thanks, you're extremely comforting," Lily replied, not exactly in the greatest of moods. James seemed to realize this and said nothing else about her appearance.

"Everyone went to breakfast, I thought I'd wait and see how you were doing. You didn't look all that great last night... want to come with me?" he asked innocently, and she sighed and nodded.

They walked down to the Great Hall. Lily looked a little wary, since she rarely sat with James or his friends at their table, but she did anyway and eventually became comfortable with them. She picked up her fork and waited for breakfast to appear, but then she glanced up at Dumbledore and realized he had an announcement before the meal was served. She paled, torn between disbelief and fear as she thought of what it could be about. She dropped her fork on her plate with a large clatter as gold hit gold. The majority of people glanced at her horror-stricken face, and then at Dumbledore, to whom her face was aimed at.

Dumbledore smiled, but without the usual happy twinkle in his eyes.

"I see I have all your attention, even before making it known. Very well. I have some grave news. Last night there was a Death Eater attack," he paused, as there were a few gasps, "As you know, they have begun to become more and more frequent these coming years, and I'm sorry to say that there were a rare few that managed to get away."

Lily began to shake; James glanced at her in confusion, half listening to Dumbledore as he tried to comfort Lily.

"There was a Christmas party in Paris last night, which mostly consisted of our well-known people. Unfortunately, one in our midst was there at the time and did not make it."

As everyone glanced at each other quizzically, James noticed as Lily's eyes began to tear... and he knew. He knew what had upset her so much last night - her dream must have said or showed something.

And then he remembered something else that made him pale himself.

"The person was Kira Ravenstar." He was interrupted as Lily gave a shrieking moan and buried her face in her arms on the table, shaking her head slightly. "Needless to say, she will be remembered for her honorable death."

He sat back down. Whispers broke out from the students, and James tried to console Lily. Her face was still hidden, but he knew she was crying. Suddenly, though, she jumped up and ran from the room. James watched her go for a moment, before glancing at the shocked faces of his friends and getting up to chase after her.

He glanced around the Entrance Hall, wondering which way she went before he realized the front doors was slightly ajar. As if someone had rushed out and hadn't closed it properly. He peeked outside and saw a redheaded figure a bit of a way off, struggling through the snow and then falling. He ran towards her.

~*~*~*~

This ended it. I ran out of the Great Hall. I didn't know why I was even bothering to live anymore. All the people important to me were dead - my parents, Kira, even her parents who had become somewhat like a second family to me. That dream hadn't prepared me, because sometime in the night I had managed to convince myself that it couldn't have happened. Who dreams of their best friend's death?

I remember being hit by cold air. I had managed to run outside, not exactly knowing which direction I was actually headed in for. I stopped sobbing, somehow being soothed by the cold wind and snowfall. I just ran, ran as fast as I could through the snow and the pain, towards the numbing of the body and the numbing of the mind.

I eventually tripped. Falling face first into the snow was a definite shock. I sputtered a moment and tried to get up, but merely struggled. I burst into a new amount of grief and began hitting my fists against the hardening snow...

~*~*~*~

My hand stops. I close my eyes to envision Kira's face. I hold back tears. I look over and my husband. James is oblivious, but Harry has been watching the flow of activity from my hands for a long time. He just smiles and holds his arms out to me, mumbling 'mamama...'

I stand to pick him up from his father's arms. I carry him back to my desk, delighting in his clinging arms. He has been a good boy today, very quiet and happy to just be cuddled. I wonder why, he has never been this cooperative. But I merely hold him close to me as I continue to write, his eyes following my quill...

~*~*~*~

I was slowly dragged out of the snow. James had come to help me. He carried me back to the castle and we went up to the Tower. Neither of us had noticed that we didn't have any breakfast. I wasn't hungry; I was too sad to eat.

When we got to the Tower, James helped me up the steps to my room. I just fled to my bed, lying on my stomach with my arms curled up against my chest, staring at Kira's empty bed. For a moment, I thought I would be left to my misery, but James paused to close the door and sit on my bed, my back to him.

And then he pulled my wet red hair from my neck and face, stroking my hair and back.

It was unbelievably comforting. Kira had never done something like that, not when I was in the position of falling asleep. A hand that was curled up next to my neck began to finger the pendant necklace. James continued to stroke my back, and I wept silently.

And I have never forgotten the feeling of James' comforting hand on my back.

~*~*~*~

"Hey Evans!"

Lily stopped. She didn't know why she did, she knew who was speaking. It was a sixth year Slytherin by the name of Nott, known for not giving a damn of who he was speaking to. She knew he wouldn't care if she were Head Girl, so why was she stopped? It was the first time in two weeks when James hadn't been nearby - it had been like when her parents died, with him and his friends usually around to circle Lily protectively. Classes had resumed, and James had been called back by Professor McGonagall to speak about tutoring a younger student. So she walked to class alone.

"I guess that whore got what she deserved, eh?"

Lily froze. She could handle insults thrown at her - about her, her family, and her daily habits - but not insults about Kira. Adrenaline rose and anger pulsed through her veins, and she stood there, clenching her fists and trying to regain her composure. Lily slowly turned to face Nott, her emerald eyes flashing so dangerously that the others that had gathered to watch this little event wondered how Nott still managed to stay standing.

"Especially after making friends with a Mudblood like you."

That did it. Lily lost control.

"You son of a bitch!"

As she shrieked that, she dropped her bag while grabbing a book from it, running up to Nott and smacking him right across the face with it. He staggered back, and she was on him again, book forgotten as she just used her fists to knock him back. People around were shocked. Lily Evans never swore.

The only thing she knew was beating the shit out of Nott. She resisted when a pair of strong arms pulled her back, which she later realized were James', just screaming as many insults as she could at Nott.

"Thirty points from Slytherin for provoking a fight! C'mon Lily..." James said, grabbing her by the arm and leading her away. With one last glare at Nott - whose eye was swelling and nose was bleeding - she allowed herself to be dragged away.

She finally shook herself out of James' grasp, simply following him. She chanced a glance at his face and he was looking grave. She noticed he had grabbed her knapsack and books, and she looked down at her feet as they walked, feeling a mixture of embarrassment of losing control and guilt. But she did not give an excuse for what she had done. They headed for class in silence, both deciding not to talk about it.

~*~*~*~

That was the first time I'd lost control enough to attack someone. I haven't done it since, but who knows about the future. It wasn't exactly the insults that set me off. If they were insults about me, or my dead parents, I wouldn't have minded. It was because he'd known Kira, known her as she walked to class like any other student, and then he insulted her memory. It was overwhelming. How dare he do that? It could have been him - at the time I wished it had been him - because the Gryffindors would have had the decency to be at least respectful of his memory, even if we didn't like him.

I eventually explained what happened to James. He'd taken me to a little tower hidden behind a display case of a bronze spoon. The room was small, just big enough for a fireplace, a loveseat couch (even if I didn't dare call it that at the time), and a little coffee table set on a large purple rug.

It became our haven. We'd hold Head Boy and Girl meetings there, go there when Sirius was too much, go there even if we just wanted to sit in silence and stare at the fire. We loved the serenity that enveloped us when we got there. We named it Serenity Tower.

~*~*~*~

Lily was lying on her side on the couch, and James was on the floor, leaning against it, with his legs under the coffee table. They were both staring into the fire thoughtfully, but Lily noticed that James was unusually agitated; his hand kept running through his hair and messing it up even more. After he'd done this for the twentieth time, Lily finally smacked his hand from doing it again and began to gently flatten his hair.

"What's the matter?" she asked quietly, while doing this.

He shifted to face her, peering at her with his dark eyes. Her hand was still in his hair, but neither seemed to mind. He gazed at her for a long time, trying to read her expression.

"My mother was at that party," he suddenly said quietly.

Lily stared, her hand stopping its rhythmic caress. She hadn't been expecting that. James' face seemed to be waiting for her reaction, and she suddenly realized what happened.

"She didn't make it, did she..."

James just shook his head, finally looking away, apparently struggling with tears.

"Who knows?" Lily asked quietly.

"Dumbledore... my friends don't even know... I was distracted from the fact that she could have been hurt for a while, because you were so upset about Kira... I would help you so I could forget about it. And that day, when you were on your bed, you fell asleep, and Sirius found me and told me Dumbledore wanted to see me..."

His voice broke for a moment. He stopped to regain his strength, then continued, "I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't used the stupid excuse of being Head Boy, I could have been there to protect her, and even Kira and her parents... then you wouldn't be in so much pain..."

He broke off, finally losing control over his emotions. Lily wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close as he broke down. She stroked his hair, whispering "shhh..." and hugging him gently as he clung to her. After a few minutes, he calmed down enough to hear her speak.

"James, don't blame yourself. Things like this happen for a reason. We never may know what the reason is, but we should take comfort in knowing that they died honorably, and that they will never be forgotten as long as we live. If you had been there, you might have been killed, and I probably would not have survived the grief of losing my best friend, plus you, whom I've depended on these last few weeks."

James pulled back, staring at Lily as he thought about her words. Lily just smiled a little and kissed his forehead.

"C'mon, we should be getting back."

She stood up, helping James up, who was still thinking about her words. They started down the dark staircase, only lit by candles that extinguished themselves once they left, until James stopped her at the hidden door that opened up into the corridor.

"Lily... thank you."

Lily nodded silently, thinking he was done, but half wondering why he'd stopped her. It was when he lifted her chin and brushed his lips against hers did she realize why.

~*~*~*~

That first kiss was the most incredible thing I can remember. It started slow and gentle, as if testing the waters. Then it deepened. It was then when I realized that I had only been existing for the last couple of weeks, and not really living. I didn't know what I had left to care for, since the death of my parents, and then Kira's. Until that kiss.

Not that I knew it at the time, but I have lived every day since then for James.