Fate

Chapter 37 - Only Four

"Remus! Wait up!"

The voice was familiar, but Remus had to turn around to put a face to it.

Right, James Potter.

James, one of his best friends.

James, the first Marauder to die.

He ignored the impulse to frown in annoyance. He didn't need this right now. Or ever for that matter.

James seemed to have a different opinion.

He stopped just in front of Remus' now very fidgety form. He was having a hard time looking at his friend, finding that all he could think about was tomorrow, and what they were all condemning everyone to.

Giving his same cheeky grin that Remus remembered all too well, James spoke again.

"How are you holding up?" They started walking side by side down to the visitor's rooms where Remus had been headed.

Remus shrugged, unconcerned. Oh, I'm just fine, dealt with this before numerous times and I'm so bloody scared that I've just gotten numb to it all...

"I'm doing fine."

He knew that James could see through his lie, but thankfully, James decided for some reason not to acknowledge it.

"Have you talked to the other Remus?"

"Only briefly."

"How's he doing?"

Remus felt his upper lip twitch just a bit. Oh he knew exactly how he was doing...

"I think the right word would be, spiritless, yes?"

James sighed. "Right, stupid question."

They walked for the next several feet in silence which was once again broken by James.

"You don't seem too happy to see me."

Remus stiffened just slightly, stopping and turning to James. "Should I be?"

James smile dropped a bit and he put on his "calculating face" as Sirius had always liked to call it, quite a difference form his almost permanent smile that they saw all through Hogwarts and missed during the last few months of James' all too short life. Remus hadn't had the opportunity to be under one of James' "calculating faces" for quite some time now and he started remembering how nervous it always made him.

"Are you mad at me, Remus?" James finally asked, one of the last things Remus expected him to ask.

"What?" Remus answered, flabbergasted. "What kind of question is that?"

James crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Why don't you tell me?" He grinned a bit. "You always were so easy to read, Moony," Remus felt his heart leap a bit as he heard James say his old nickname, "like a book. Not that that was always a bad thing," James smiled larger. "Came in quite handy when we finally find out your secret in second year."

Remus reached up, running a hand through his graying hair, sighing and grateful that he wasn't looking at James at the moment.

"You've been avoiding me," James' knowing voice broke in again.

Remus was quiet after that statement, not even bothering to try and come up with an excuse not to turn around. He just stayed with his side to James, eyes mostly focused on the ground as his thoughts jumbled all together in his mind.

James seemed content to wait him out. Typical.

Gritting his teeth, Remus sighed, looking up at the ceiling as if asking a grand "Why?" before he finally spoke to James.

"It's just something from the past...it deserves to be left there."

"The way I see it, you're in the past now with it. Maybe it's time to get rid of it for good," James replied, sounding more philosophical than Remus remembered.

Grimacing, Remus turned back to James. What good would it do to bring it up now? It's not like I can change it...or you can change it...

He sighed. "It's just silly. I don't know why I worry about it anyway."

"Moony," James grinned, "Nothing is ever 'silly' with you-"

"You thought I was the spy," Remus finally blurted out, slapping the grin off of James' face.

James didn't move, but Remus heard his breathing change a bit, acknowledging that he had heard and understood exactly what Remus had said. There were several moments of awkward silence as Remus refused to look at James and James remained unusually quiet.

Remus clamped his eyes shut again.

That was stupid! Why did he need to know? He didn't! It's going to happen anyway and you're just going to have to deal with it. It doesn't help at all to open old wounds when you've been carefully concealing them for so long...

James spoke,

"I'm sorry."

And the wound healed just a bit.

"Me too, James."

----

"What are you going to do with that now?"

'Sirius' jerked his head up at the voice, calming only a bit when he saw his older self standing in his doorway, a questioning look on his face. 'Sirius'' hand reflexively curled around the ring that he had been fiddling with, the ring and last true reminder that he had of his now dead fiancé. He had refused to lower her into the grave with it on, something about the sight making him even more upset than seeing her pale and lifeless in a casket.

He shuddered again at the though.

"I'm not exactly sure," he answered truthfully, looking back down at its intricate design. On impulse, he took off his own ring, placing them both on his hand as he studied them together. He still remembered when they had bought them. 'Sirius' hadn't been too sure about wearing a ring himself, but the one that she had wanted came with a partner, so he had finally consented. He grew very accustom to it on his finger, even grew to love that it was always there. A constant reminder of her.

But what was the point now? A constant reminder of her only brought on pain. Pain that he knew he wouldn't be able to handle.

Sirius seemed to be able to read his younger self quite well, for he kept quiet, walking into the room and sitting next to the younger man on the bed, looking at the two rings with him.

"You think it will help to remember?" the older man whispered.

'Sirius' felt his bottom lip twitch at the question. "How should I know? Why don't you tell me."

"That would give away the ending, kid," Sirius said, a nostalgic looking coming onto his face.

'Sirius' glanced up at him. "You're not wearing your ring."

Sirius' face remained neutral and he shook his head. "Nope."

"Well, where is it?"

The man shrugged. "Don't know."

'Sirius' narrowed his eyes. "Don't you even care anymore? Merlin! What do I become?"

Sirius' eye hardened and for a moment 'Sirius' was afraid he might lash out, but they softened almost instantly and the older man let out a sigh, leaning forward and running a hand through his hair.

"You become exactly what you see: An escaped convict whose only living friend is a werewolf and who has a moral and personal responsibility to a sixteen year old kid who's destined to save the world." Sirius put on a sarcastic grin and looked back up at his younger self. "Excited?"

'Sirius' clenched his hand around the rings, feeling a flash of anger run through him. "I see I also don't grow up much. At least Moody will be able to shove it in my face that I still act like a twelve year old."

Sirius stood up, seemingly unconcerned by the rude statement and turned back to look at the hand that was now clutching the two rings. 'Sirius' fuming gaze followed his and he stared at his closed hand for a few moments before opening it again. He saw that the rings had left faint white imprints on his hands because he had been clenching them so hard. But right before his eyes, they slowly disappeared and were gone.

He glanced back up at Sirius who was now looking at him instead of the rings.

"Everything will fade away, just like those lines did," Sirius pointed to his hand. "And all you'll be left with is those two cold rings and a past that you couldn't change, no matter how much you wanted to."

'Sirius' once again locked eyes with his older self and resisted the urge to shudder as he saw how dark and empty the man's eyes were.

"Let her go, Sirius," the man's voice broke in. "For both our sakes...for hers as well."

And Sirius left him there, sitting all alone once again.

'Sirius' stared at the now empty doorway for several minutes, running through Sirius' words over and over again.

After a moment he glanced back down at the two rings in his hands. They were cold and still.

Walking out the door to go get a snack in the kitchens, he left the two rings on the dresser.

----

Harry tiptoed through the darkened nighttime halls of Hogwarts, feeling all too much like a first year with the way he was struggling fiercely not to get caught.

Not like there was really anyone around to catch him at the moment.

He finally climbed down the last staircase, walking a bit quicker down the silent hallway and glancing carefully at the paintings along the hallway, praying that he would be able to find the right one...

Ah, yes.

Godric Gryffindor was dozing slightly in his frame, but jerked up quickly when he heard Harry's soft footsteps.

"What? Who's there?"

"Shh!" Harry said quickly, not wanting to wake any other portraits up. Angry paintings were not fun to deal with. "Er...The sword in the stone."

Gryffindor gave him a questioning stare, but ultimately had to open up since Harry had told him the correct password. Harry shot him a small smile before climbing quickly into the room behind the portrait.

He wasn't surprised to see red and gold adorning the room everywhere. A large king size bed was set against the wall about twenty feet in front of him, two high dressers and a mirror on the opposite wall. Harry glanced around and saw a door leading to a smaller bedroom where he saw the corner of what he assumed to be a baby bed. His gaze was drawn back into the main room where a few stuffed animals and toys were scattered on the floor and as Harry looked up again, he finally noticed the last bit of furniture in the room. Or more precisely, the person who was looking at him with mixed curiosity and happiness.

Lily sat at a low table with two high back chairs set at it, numerous papers spread on the table in front of her and a quill in her hand that seemed to be frozen just above one of the said papers. She seemed to have forgotten about it, though, as she looked at Harry.

Harry managed a weak smile. "Hi."

That single word seemed to bring more joy to Lily than Harry thought was possible. Her face split into a wide grin and she put the quill down quickly. "Hi."

"Hi!!!"

Harry almost jumped back in surprise as 'Harry's' little head poked out from behind the other side of the bed, grinning madly, but both he and Lily just ended up laughing. He seemed to like their game very much as he giggled loudly at his own private joke. Harry looked up to see Lily smiling down at her small boy with a sparkle in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, coming over to the bed and sitting next to where 'Harry' was standing. Lily looked back up at him, still wearing a dazzling smile as she saw her 'son'.

"Paperwork," she said, her grin becoming more of a grimace as she turned back to the table and started shuffling the papers into piles. "I don't usually get this backed up at work, but with everything that's been happening lately I haven't had much time to do anything for work."

"Where do you work?" Harry asked curiously. "Sirius and Remus never told me."

"The Department of Mysteries," Lily said matter-of-factly, now completely turned around as she sorted through the remaining papers that weren't in piles. "Specializing in Charms."

That gave Harry a small start. His mom had been an Unspeakable? Guess you learn something new everyday. Though he still had trouble picturing his emotional and petite mother working for such a mysterious and...dangerous department.

"Isn't that work rather dangerous?" He asked timidly.

Lily shrugged, turning back around and obviously not catching the soberness in his statement as she kept her eyes on a few papers she was still holding.

"Oh not really at all," she grinned, finally looking back up at him. "I mostly do research and collect data. Rarely fieldwork."

"Are you allowed to talk to people about it?" Harry didn't know much about the Department of Mysteries other than his short excursion there last year.

"I can talk about some things. I can tell James everything, though," she smiled, her eyes going a little dreamy when she spoke James' name. Harry smiled at the sight. She seemed to snap out of it finally and turned back to Harry. "We're allowed to choose one person who we are able to talk freely with. Most people choose their spouse, or, if they don't have one, a parent or mentor."

"Why is that?"

"They established the rule about 10 years ago, afraid that people were getting emotionally and physically sick with the amount of secrets they had to keep from their entire world. It was quite a mysterious organization back then."

"Still is," Harry said with a grin.

"True," Lily nodded, "but not as much as it used to be. It wasn't healthy for people to keep so much inside, so every new employee choose a 'companion' or what some people would call a informal 'secret keeper'," Harry bristled a bit at the work, but Lily didn't notice, "who they would be able to talk to about it."

"Sounds like a good plan," Harry said, nodding. He looked down, feeling a slight tapping on his leg and saw that 'Harry' was banging a block softly against his leg as if testing for hardness or something.

"Oh, come here you," Lily grinned, grabbing up 'Harry'. "It is most definitely your bedtime."

She turned back to Harry with 'Harry' squirming in her arms, whimpering about "no bed!" and smiled.

"I've got to go get him into bed real quick-"

"Oh, no, it's no problem," Harry interrupted quickly, standing up. "I was just coming by to say hi and see what you were doing...." He trailed off, but Lily didn't move, sensing that he had more to say. "And well, to apologies. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, back there-"

"Harry," he looked up at Lily's face as she continued to smile sweetly at him, "Don't even worry about it, I completely understand. You barely know me," her voice seemed to chock up with emotion. "I had no right to question you like that."

"But I should know you..." Harry all but whispered.

He was surprised a moment later to feel Lily's arms reach up and wrap protectively around him, pulling him close. His eyes found 'Harry' standing on the ground, arms clinging to his mother's long robes and looking up at his mother as she hugged the strange man who looked like his father, but wasn't. 'Harry's' image blurred all too quickly as tears filled his eyes again.

I am so sick of crying...Why am I crying so much?

As Lily tightened her grip once more and Harry finally got the nerve to reach up, wrapping his arms around her as well, he got the answer to his question.

Because tomorrow it will all be over...

----

Severus Snape couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as he finally saw the dark shadow come up the grounds of Hogwarts. To most this would probably be a frightening sight, but Severus knew exactly who this particular cloaked man was.

"You're late."

'Severus' flipped his hood off, glaring at his older counterpart. "I'd give you a lecture about how hard it is to go behind the Dark Lord's back, but I'm sure you know all of that already."

Not able to hide his smirk, Severus just motioned for 'Severus' to follow him as he led him towards the Headmaster's office. The halls were quiet and still, something Severus loved about the summer break. No annoying children disturbing the silence.

They finally reached the gargoyle, not a word exchanged between the two of them. After all, Severus knew exactly what 'Severus' was thinking and going through and 'Severus' realized that he had to do this on his own. It was now or never.

They stepped off of the revolving staircase and saw that Dumbledore was waiting for them at the door.

Severus kept off to the side as Dumbledore explained a few things to 'Severus', watching his younger self carefully, once again thinking it crazy that he used to be that young, that naïve.

Finally when Dumbledore and 'Severus' both stood up and shook hands, finalizing 'Severus'' induction into the Order, Severus felt sharp, but small pain in his left forearm.

A second later, 'Severus'' hand flew to his arm, holding it as he clamped his eyes shut, not crying out or showing any other signs of the immense pain that Severus know accompanied the signaling of the Death Eaters through the dark mark.

'Severus' glanced quickly over at Dumbledore who gave him a reassuring nod before he turned and began to leave.

Right as he was about to open the door, he turned towards Severus, and 'Severus' saw that through the obvious fear that 'Severus' was showing in his eyes, bursting through it was determination, determination to do the right thing, to end the war and be on the right side of it.

Severus also offered him a reassuring nod and without a further thought, 'Severus' whipped out of the room, black cloak billowing behind him as the door slowly....shut.

Silence reigned as Severus stared at where his younger self had exited and slow a smile spread on his face.

Yes, Severus...you will do just fine. I know you will.

----

The darkness of night soon enveloped all of Hogwarts castle as the clock resolutely struck twelve. Only four were still up to hear it.

One, a werewolf, sitting alone on his bed, more at peace with himself and his past than he had ever been in his life.

Another, a spy and traitor to his kind, sitting in the darkness of the dungeons he called home, and for once in his life smiling as he felt his life once again turning back to the straight and narrow.

The other, an escaped convict, isolated from the other occupants of the castle as he walked around the grounds, whose darkness, guilt and pain that he had tried for years to conquer was now completely gone.

And the last a young teenager boy who, sitting high a top a hidden room in the castle, with tears trailing down his face, finally smiled as he pictured himself over and over again hugging his mother and talking with his father, and locked that feeling in his heart forever.