Fate

Chapter 32 - Make the Pain Stop

James had always considered himself a good friend, especially to 'Sirius'. Knowing each other from day one at Hogwarts and becoming as close as brothers, they always knew they could count on each other.

Taking in all the facts, James knew that it was him who had to tell 'Sirius' about Arianna.

So after several hours of mind numbing tears and too much time to think, James found himself sitting next to an sleeping 'Sirius', surrounded by the unnaturally white and sterile hospital walls.

The animagus had thankfully come out of coma after only a few hours and they were now just waiting for him to wake up so that they could give him the last few potions he would need and rewrap his still-tender arm. But before they did any of that, James was going to tell him.

Exhaustion seemed to be settling in, so James found himself leaning on the soft bed, his head resting on his arms as sleep started to call out his name. He vaguely heard the door click open behind him and footsteps walk up to the side of the bed.

"Hullo Remus," James said softly without opening his eyes.

The person cleared their throat softly and James peaked open one eye, almost jumping in surprise.

He snapped his head off the bed, sitting up straight again. "Professor Dumbledore...Albus! Er...sorry." His cheeks colored and he glanced away, his gaze falling once again on his sleeping best friend.

Dumbledore surprisingly didn't say anything in reply. In fact he didn't even move, a fact that would have unnerved James quite a bit if he didn't have more important things to worry about.

Still looking at 'Sirius', James watched Dumbledore out of the corner of his eye. "Where are the others?" he whispered.

Dumbledore finally moved over to the other side of 'Sirius'' bed, his gaze copying James' as he glanced sorrowfully down at his old student. "It's not safe for those three to come here, James. You know that."

James wanted to laugh, but couldn't find the energy. Of course he knew. He knew that he and 'Remus' were alone on this one.

"Is Hogwarts safe?" His voice didn't seem to be able to go louder than a whisper, but Dumbledore was still able to catch all his words.

"It is now."

"And Harry?" James dreaded the answer to that, and he wasn't sure if he was referring to his present or future son.

"Harry, Remus and Sirius were attacked by Voldemort in the hospital wing," Dumbledore explained, making James' heartbeat speed up. No...no, he couldn't loose one of them too....

"Luckily, Harry was able to hold off Voldemort until the Auror's showed up."

James managed a relieved half grin. "So Remus got word out in time?"

"Yes, James," Dumbledore said gently. "A squad showed up by special portkey with impeccable timing, as often happens in the Magical Law Enforcement department." He had a small twinkle in his eye and James had to agree. Being a part of that department himself, he knew how they often had the luck of showing up at just the right time when they were called on assignments. "However, Voldemort had disabled most of the wards, therefore making it easy for him to disapparate and make a quick escape."

"Is the school safe now, sir?"

"Oh yes, no need to worry, James. The Aurors are still there and they are finishing the wards as we speak."

Neither seemed to want to mention that those same wards had already been breeched once today.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, as James couldn't think of what to say. He hadn't said much in the past few hours except his cries for Arianna and 'Sirius'.

"James?" The unusual sense of hesitation in Dumbledore's voice made James finally look up at him and he was shocked to see such a downcast and saddened expression on the old wizard's face. "We received Remus' note about Arianna..."

James felt another tear creep down his face and he was quick to reach up and wipe it away, moving his gaze away from Dumbledore again.

"She's dead," he replied bluntly, not willing or not able to skim around the issue with anyone at the moment. He was still trying to figure out the right words to use with 'Sirius'. "How did he take it?"

They both knew who James was talking about.

"Honestly, I'm not exactly sure," Dumbledore sighed. "He rushed out of the room after he read the note, but Remus went after him." James could feel the pain in Dumbledore's words. "I'm sure he'll be alright, though, after a time." James could sympathize with Dumbledore's feelings as they both understood that even though Sirius could probably be strong through this, having experienced it before, 'Sirius' was going to have no such luck.

They were both pulled out of their thoughts by a sudden movement from 'Sirius'' bed, making James start a bit as he whipped around, eyes wide when he saw 'Sirius'' eyes start to flicker and he rolled on his side a bit.

James hardly noticed as Dumbledore quietly stepped out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him and leaving James and 'Sirius' alone.

----

The hospital had never been 'Sirius' favorite place. So waking up in it for the second time in almost a week, his first feeling was one of annoyance. Even worse was that his head was pounding out of his skull, his arm felt like it had been amputated and he wasn't exactly sure what had happened.

He managed to blink a few times, the bright white lights of the hospital doing nothing to relieve his pain or confusion. Only on the fourth or fifth blink did the hovering face of his best friend come into focus and he got a good look at exactly where he was.

"Hey, Padfoot," James said softly. Why was he whispering?

"Wha-?" his voice was scratchy and raw. He frowned. Had he been screaming?

Like a tidal wave, all the answers hit him at once. Flashes of the darkened basement, his father's insane face....Arianna's screams...

He must have somehow been trying to sit up, for he suddenly felt James' hands on his shoulders, pushing him back on the pillow. If he wanted to struggle, he didn't show it. His breath was coming fast as James pushed his head down on the pillow and he felt his heart going faster than ever.

"What....what's wrong with me?" He wheezed out, realizing now that his voice was probably scratchy due to his screaming...his own screaming as he had tried to drown out Arianna's cries.

"Nothing," James said firmly, a little too firmly. He reached out his hand, covering 'Sirius'' hand with his own and squeezing it softly. "You're going to be just fine."

"Cruciatus curse," Sirius mumbled back, finding it hard to keep up his energy. Blimey, how long had he been laying here? How long had he been under the curse? He squeezed his eyes shut. "Last thing I remember..." He got a flash of his wandless magic getting loose, his father flying across the room, James and 'Remus' rushing into the house...

He turned his head so that he could see James again and was surprised to see that James wasn't looking at him. In fact it seemed like James was trying to look anyway but at him.

"Prongs?"

James hesitantly turned to look at him.

"What is it?" he coughed, cursing himself for his apparent weak state. He was stronger than this, he knew he was. Besides, he'd done it. Arianna was alright.

Wasn't she?

His body started to shake slightly, his lip trembling more so as the thought hit him. James pulled his hand away from his and looked away again. "Sirius, we..."

'Sirius' started to realize he was shaking his head in disbelief, hardly daring to keep listening but knowing that he must.

James clamped his eyes shut and tried to hide the tears that 'Sirius' had already seen leaking out of them. When he looked back at 'Sirius', James' eyes were miraculously dry, though his voice was even shakier than 'Sirius'' was.

"Arianna..."

'Sirius' felt his heart stop again and his blood ran cold

"The healers did all they could..." James couldn't seem to form the words for they came out slow and almost too quiet for 'Sirius' to hear. 'Sirius' felt time stop.

"She died, Padfoot..."

"Oh, God, no..." 'Sirius'' shaky whisper came out. "Oh, God, no!" He let out a dry sob, somehow unable to cry, unable to make the tears come. He brought his hands up to hold his ears, his eyes clamping shut, as if he could block out the world....or at least block out his friend's words.

His head continued to shake back and forth and he somehow sat up, inching as far away from James as he could managed and pressing his aching body against the wall behind his bed.

Make it go away! His mind cried. Make the pain stop!

He hardly noticed James reach forward and pull him into a shaky hug. He hardly noticed that James was trying to make him move his arms away from his ears but eventually gave up and just held him tightly, like his life depended on it.

'Sirius' didn't know how long it was before he finally dropped his hands and he finally found himself holding onto James just as tightly, his knuckles going white and his arms tense and tired, but with no intention of ever letting go.

Clinging to one of the last people he had in the world, 'Sirius' finally cried.

----

Harry's head was reeling as he heard the news of Arianna's death, watched as Sirius rushed off, Remus following, and then saw Dumbledore purposely stride out of the hospital wing, leaving him alone with the Aurors.

Gideon, was it? Gideon seemed to be the only one who had noticed Harry and that still seemed to be true as he led him back to a bed ("You stay in it this time!") and called the nurse over to give him something for his pain.

Pain? Harry frowned, for the first time realizing that he actually was in pain. A pain only accentuated when a body slammed into him, a petite arm practically chocking him as he finally realized that Lily had just entered the scene.

"Harry! Oh, Merlin, Harry...are you alright?" She pulled back and Harry saw that little mini-me was in her other arm, looking as if he would very much rather be sleeping at the moment than consorting with the weird boy who looked like his father.

He opened his mouth to assure her that he was just fine, but right then, Madam Pomfrey's hand came out of nowhere, shoving him down on the bed and shoving a potion in his hand.

"Never...in all my years..." she was huffing and Harry looked from the potion to her, seeing that she was white and shaking as she attended to him. "What were you thinking young man! Did you have any idea who that was?"

Harry grimaced. Great, another person scolding him about defending his life.

"What was I supposed to do?" he growled out, purposely not looking at his mother. "Lay down and die?"

Pomfrey just huffed again and tutted until Harry grudgingly guzzled down whatever potion she had thrust into his hand.

"Harry?"

He lowered the bottle, glancing over at Lily and saw that she had set 'Harry' down and he was now fascinated with the sheet partially hanging off of the bed, or rather, fascinated with stuffing it in his mouth as much as he could.

"Was it Voldemort?" she said softly, as if she already knew the answer.

He nodded half-heartedly and broke eye contact again. There was still something about staring into those eyes, eyes so much like his, that unnerved him.

"Here, drink this one too." Another vial of potion was thrust into his hands and he dutifully guzzled it down, grateful for an excuse not to see the look on his mother's face as she heard about her son going face to face with Voldemort.

Setting the vial down, he finally did turn back to his mom, but was surprised to see that she wasn't there anymore. He frowned in confusion, and even more so when he heard 'Harry's' tiny voice talking.

"Mummy sad?"

Harry scooted over towards the edge of his bed and looking down saw that Lily was crouched down next to Harry, tears running down her face as she had both hands on his face, simply looking at him. Little Harry, not to be undone, was reaching out, touching his mother's face as well, though, not as gently as Lily was doing.

She must have noticed his gaze, cause she looked up, blushing and then picked up 'Harry' straightening up while Harry scooted back into the bed, growing sleepy indeed and grateful that the potion had indeed stopped most of the pain in his body.

"I'm sorry," Lily said quietly, still gripping 'Harry' tightly to her as she glanced at the older version of her little boy.

"I wish people would stop saying that," Harry said in a soft tone as well, scolding but not enough to make it sound harsh. "You do remember that you're the reason I'm alive?"

Lily nodded, a few more tears. It seemed the connection that they had built up had crumbled quite a bit as Lily Potter thought of her son fighting the Dark Lord. Harry felt a bit of remorse at that fact, but knew that his parents had to come to terms with that on their own, as he couldn't exactly lie about what his life had been like up that that point.

"I know," Lily said meekly. "Look, I'm sorry I have to go..." She started to go, but Harry held up a hand to stop her.

"Wait! Lily..."

She turned and he saw her eyes flicker a little sadder as he called her by name.

Harry gulped. "Did you hear about Arianna?"

"What?" The color drained out of Lily's face and for a moment she was frozen. Harry tried to open his mouth to tell her, but the look on his own face seemed to say more than words ever could.

Without another glance, Lily rushed out of the room, forgetting the toddling 'Harry' on the floor next to her who seemed quite upset that his mother had just run away from him.

Harry's expression darkened at the thought of what everyone was going through at the moment. He swung his legs off the bed, trying not to picture the horrified look on both Sirius' faces as they realized that their fiancé was gone. He tried not to picture the look on the other Maruader's faces, and Lily's face...

Frustrated, he slammed his hand against the bedpost, attracting 'Harry's' attention. Obviously not one to be left alone, 'Harry' toddled over to Harry and grabbed onto his leg.

Glancing down, Harry sighed.

"Just you and me now...." He reached down and picked up the child. They stared at each other for a moment, once again having that strange connection that Harry was sure only happened when meeting your past or future self.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he said half sarcastically. 'Harry' tilted his head to the side a bit.

"Dada?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "How many times have I heard that one?"

Just as he was realizing that he actually was too tired to think about watching after 'Harry' at the moment, Madam Pomfrey rushed in, commanding him to get back in the bed. Harry complied, handing over 'Harry'.

"Lily Potter left him here. There was an accident," Harry said carefully, not quite willing to give everything away, "with one of their friends."

"We'll just keep him occupied then," Pomfrey said dutifully, pushing Harry back down into bed and taking the little Harry over to a side room. "You. Sleep. Now."

"Yes'm."

But Harry didn't fall asleep until the noise of the remaining Auror's died down, till he could no longer hear 'Harry's' little gibberish from Madam Pomfrey's office, till he could have sworn he saw the outline of his mother and father entering the hospital wing and coming over to him.

----

James didn't want to, but he still breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaning against it for a moment, trying to pull himself together.

"Prongs?"

He whipped around quickly. It was only 'Remus'.

"Hey Moony," he said tiredly.

'Remus' walked over, clapping him softly on the back. "How is he?"

James shrugged. "About as you'd expect...they came in and gave him the last of the potions though, so he's sleeping again. They say he should be able to come home tomorrow though, if he makes sure to keep his arm bandaged for another few days..."

'Remus' nodded, probably expecting an answer like that.

"Have you seen Dumbledore?" he asked.

James nodded his head. "Came and left. Did he talk to you?"

"Just mentioned a few things," 'Remus' replied, leading them both over to a pair of chairs nearby. James was grateful. He couldn't stay on his feet much longer.

They were both silent for a moment before 'Remus' finally broke it.

"He said we should be getting back to Hogwarts soon-"

"No," James said firmly, interrupting him. "I'm not leaving Sirius."

'Remus' sighed. "James, that potion is going to keep him out for, what? Ten hours? You need your sleep too, mate." He hesitated. "We can't do anything for him while he's sleeping."

James knew he was telling the truth, but he still felt the guilt. "What about Ari...." He whispered.

"Dumbledore's contacting her family," Remus said softly. "We'll have the funeral tomorrow."

As if that was the finally straw on the camel's back, James felt the depression set in. Before it had been blind grief, rage and anger. Depression, James realized, was even worse. His face fell and he had the feeling that nothing in life was ever going to be alright again. Ari was gone...what else was there?

"James!"

His head perked up. "Lily?"

He glanced wildly around, trying to find her and immediately saw her rushing towards him, tears streaming down her face. He stood up, taking two steps forward as she rushed right into his arms.

"Ari..." she hiccupped and her shoulders were bobbing. "James, she's dead...."

James didn't say anything, didn't question on how she had found out and didn't even offer words of comfort. He just held her, stroking her hair and trying to not let her see his own tears.

This is "what else" there was. Lily. Lily, Harry, Sirius and Remus...

Glancing over he saw that 'Remus' had gone, leaving him and Lily alone in the quiet hallway. Looking back down he clung to her tighter and for the first time his thoughts betrayed him as he considered the possibility that everything was going to come out just as the time travelers had predicted.