Fate

Chapter 25 - For Once

Sirius' head was still pounding as he managed to gulp down the headache potion that Madam Pomfrey had cooked up for him and Remus. After receiving the memories, both Remus and Sirius had been so exhausted that they had practically fainted and ended up sleeping for about six hours. Neither of them had spoken since waking up, but what was to be said? He supposed that this situation could be taken two ways. On the one hand, these new memories and scars were a good sign, showing that they actually were accomplishing what they had planned to accomplish. But on the other hand...

Sirius gulped the last of the potion and turned to watch Remus finish his. He could see by the look on his friend's face that they both had realized the same thing.

His musings were interrupted by the hospital wing doors opening and three people entering. Sirius immediately forgot about what he was worried about and almost dropped the goblet that he was holding.

"I don't believe it."

Harry and James stopped walking and looked up at Sirius, cracks of smiles on their faces as they obviously knew what he was talking about. Turning around to their third party member, they gave him pointed looks.

Sirius, however, was not so polite. He opened glared down the older Severus Snape, cursing that man into oblivion for coming back here and trying to act the hero. His gaze trailed over to the younger Snape who was standing over near Dumbledore by the beds of 'Sirius' and 'Remus' and who hadn't seemed to grasp the whole "time-travel" concept yet. 'Snape' was looking his older counterpart up and down, as if trying to take off Polyjuice Potion with his eyes. Sirius' eyes traveled back and forth between the older and younger Snape, realizing that both of them were wearing identical sneers, had their hands curled into fists and neither seemed to have washed their hair within the last two years.

"Dear Merlin, there are two of them..."

He felt like he was going to pass out again but figured that that wasn't the best thing to do at the moment, especially that there was some major explaining to do on all sides of the room.

Dumbledore, as always, didn't seem to be phased by the new arrival of the older Severus Snape. In fact, it looked almost as if he had been expecting it.

How in the world did he do that?

"Ah, Severus, so glad you could join us," Dumbledore said cheerfully, and Sirius noted with a minute sense of relief that Snape seemed to not look so annoyed when Dumbledore spoke. Maybe they would be able to accomplish something as long as Dumbledore was always there. "Why don't we all sit down?"

With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore conjured several chairs around the room and closed the curtains of the still unconscious 'Remus', 'Sirius' and Emily. Snape's eyes flickered to the still forms, but he passed over them quickly and sat down in the nearest chair, farthest away from any of the others.

Remus and Sirius both sat down as well, Harry next to them and James next to him. Dumbledore and 'Snape' also took their seats.

Everyone paused for a moment as the eyes traveled across the room.

Sirius sat fuming over his recent bout of bad luck and he could have sworn that his headache was coming back just because he was sitting in the same room as two Severus Snapes. No one should have to suffer that much.

He turned and saw that Remus looked perfectly normal, blast him. He had paled a bit at seeing Snape, but seemed to now be in control of the situation and was whispering quietly to Harry who seemed the least concerned of anyway and looked to be worrying more about Sirius and Remus' headaches than anything.

James was sitting lazily in his chair, twirling his wand in one hand, his gaze occasionally resting over on the older Snape as if itching to curse him.

Snape looked more like a pouting three-year-old than a full grown man. His arms were folded in front of him and he seemed content to glare at both Harry and James while occasionally fiddling with a bag that was strung on his shoulder.

Dumbledore was looking with a raised eyebrow at everyone in the room, one by one studying them, just as Sirius seemed to be doing.

'Snape' couldn't seem to take his eyes off of his older counterpart. He was frowning still, of course, but seemed to also be scrutinizing him, measuring him up and trying to decide from himself who that man really was.

Sirius didn't blame him. If he saw his older self and he looked like that, he wouldn't want to believe it either.

"I believe I'll begin, as I seem to know more of what's going on than even our guests," Dumbledore said carefully as all eyes flickered to him. Sirius had to agree with the old man. He now knew, thanks to the memories, what had happened last night, but he suspected that that was the only knowledge that he held to himself at the moment. Most of the answers today would be coming from Dumbledore.

Dumbledore pulled out a folded piece of paper that appeared to be tattered and looked at many times. Sirius recognized it as the letter he had given to this Dumbledore from his time's Dumbledore. He had almost forgotten that.

"This," the old wizard began, "is a letter from myself, to me, and was written approximately fifteen years from now."

Thankfully everyone seemed to have a good enough grip on the situation that they weren't surprised, merely curious.

"And it says some things in here that I think everyone should know. For one, I, that is, my future self, did indeed plan on having Severus join us back here if things went ill."

Everyone turned to Snape, most likely wondering what exactly "went ill" meant. Sirius was, however, surprised to see Snape get a little pale under everyone's gaze and after hearing Dumbledore's words.

"Albus is currently unconscious, well, by this time he could very well be dead," Snape said shortly.

"What!?" Remus was the first to get out and Sirius was startled by his outburst. "What happened?"

Snape shrugged. "No one is quite sure. He was found in the Department of Mysteries underneath a pile of rubble."

Sirius went quite pale at those words and Remus looked as if he was about to faint. They both turned to each other, ignoring the others in the room who were giving them questioning glances.

"The earthquake-"

"Right as we were leaving-"

"He must have-"

"He got hurt."

They both whirled on Snape who put on his sneer again.

"He was by the veil?" Sirius questioned quickly. "In the Death Chamber."

"Yes," Snape answered shortly. Sirius was surprised by his lack of taunting and derogatory remarks, but he had come to realize that whenever Dumbledore was involved, Snape at least seemed to try and stay civil. The old man's kindness to the ex-Death Eater had certainly made a large impression on him.

Silence ruled again and the only people who seemed to have the remotest idea what was going on were Sirius and Remus who were still sorting through their own thoughts. Finally, Sirius turned to Dumbledore.

"As we were leaving, just about to go through the veil, in fact, the chamber around us started to rumble, like some type of earthquake or something."

Remus continued. "We had anticipated that something might have happened to prevent us from going in. After all, we were dealing with Fate here and she doesn't like to be screwed around with."

"We knew the consequences, though, and Dumbledore was actually the one who practically shoved us into the veil, leaving him alone in that chamber that was going to destroy itself to prevent us from changing anything."

Dumbledore looked highly interested, his eyebrows raised and leaning forward in his seat. "So even I knew the consequences and you still chose to come back? For the lives of two people?"

Sirius at once felt like panicking but managed to control himself and looked helplessly over at Remus whose eyes were darting over to Harry who was looking at both of them with interest. Neither of them had explained these finer details with Harry, unsure of how he would react.

Sirius loved that boy like his own, but sometimes, lots of times, he knew that it wasn't enough.

Remus finally caught his eye. "You want to tell them?"

"They're going to have to find out sooner or later," Sirius reasoned.

Still looking doubtful, Remus nodded slightly and Sirius turned forward, not really wanting to face anyone in particular as he spoke.

"The prophecy. We've talked about it before."

He glanced over at Dumbledore and saw the old man nod. Sirius' eyes darted to 'Snape' and felt a pang of nervousness as he saw the young Death Eater. He only hoped that Dumbledore was making the right decision for him to be in on this meeting. Having the older one here was bad enough.

"It's true that one of our first impulses to go back was to save Lily and James," Sirius gulped and looked over at James who grinned at him. "But we did our homework, did our research, and came up with a few alternate reasons why we were going to take such a big chance."

He closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts and taking a deep breath. "In our world right now, Voldemort has just come back for the second time, gathering many, if not all of his followers again, even breaking them out of Azkaban. There are even rumors of Azkaban going under Voldemort's control within a few months, as the Dementors are becoming so unreliable and unwilling to stay on our side." Another deep breath...he could do this. "Both Diagon Alley and Hogsmead had been attacked several times over the past few months and Auror numbers are dying down too fast. More and more people are joining his side and are leaving us with few options. Our ministry is in shambles and the only people who seem to be doing the right things are Aurors, who are becoming few and far between. Hogwarts is basically the only safe haven, and we've been careful to try and keep these things out of the student's eyes."

Sirius spared a glance at Harry who was looking at him with worry and distraught in his bright green eyes. He wasn't able to maintain eye contact very long.

"The Order is working...but we aren't making much ground. Our only hope in the moment is in Harry...Harry and the prophecy."

"Voldemort...." He looked over at Dumbledore. "Over the summer, Voldemort was able to hear the entire prophecy. He knows now just how important Harry is."

"What?" Harry's strained voice broke in and Sirius turned painfully to look at him. Harry was staring at him with horror and sadness. "And you just never thought to tell me? About any of this?"

"Harry, you don't need to-"

"No, Sirius!" Harry yelled, standing up, glaring at him. "I DO need to know! Or have you forgotten exactly what the prophecy says? Have you forgotten that I'm the one who has to beat him?"

Remus stepped in for good measure, but Sirius already knew that he had screwed up. "Harry, you're already dealing with school and with Sirius dying and then coming back, we thought-"

"Argh!" Harry cried. "I'm so sick of you people thinking? Can you for once think about what it would be like to be in my place? To be told that things that I've been told and seen the things I've seen and lived the way I lived?"

He whirled on Sirius and Sirius wanted to cry out as he saw Harry's fuming face and James in the background looking more upset than angry.

"For once, for once I thought I had you two! Two people that I could look up to and trust in and get answers from."

"We gave you answers, Harry," Sirius said softly.

"Well...obviously not all of them," Harry replied coldly before storming out of the room, slamming the door loud behind him and leaving the entire room silent as the grave.

Sirius shakily leaned back in his seat and ran a hand over his face, trying to erase Harry's cold words and his scathing look.

"That was stupid," Remus' soft broke in and Sirius looked over to see his best friend as white as him and shaking slightly. Remus turned to him. "We should have learned our lesson by now, but we still screwed up."

Sirius didn't reply, but merely turned to Dumbledore, trying to ignore James' piercing stare on the back of his head.

"That," he pointed to the door where Harry had just exited, "is the main reason we came back. That boy...that young man, he needs someone...and I'm not enough."

"Sirius-"

"Cut it, Remus," Sirius couldn't help but snap. "You know I'm right, and stop trying to justify it. Harry can't get through this with an incompetent, on-the-run Godfather and a loner werewolf."

He could practically see Remus flinch at his harsh words, and he regretted them the minute they left his mouth. But he didn't apologize, he kept talking.

"So much went wrong at this time, in this place..." Sirius paused. "We had to come back."

Silence again and Sirius looked down to the ground, still feeling James' eyes burning into him, but not quite knowing what to say to him. Dumbledore broke the awkward silence by turning to Snape.

"Severus, perhaps you could tell us your side of the story."

Sirius grimaced as he looked up at Snape, not really wanting to hear the man taunt him anymore.

"There's not much to tell. I went to the hospital to see Albus and found some small notes in his pockets that outlines spells and potions and a book for Time Travel. No one knew exactly what Black and Lupin had been working on, but Minerva and I became suspicious when neither of them or Dumbledore or Potter showed up for half a day. We surmised from the notes that it was time travel, and Miss Weasley confirmed that for us."

"Ginny?" Sirius asked in disbelief. How much had Harry told her?

Snape nodded shortly. "She was at the hospital with Minerva when I got there. Apparently she knew more about what had happened than anyone else. Must have to do with sticking her tongue down Potter's mouth."

"Watch it, Snivillus!" Sirius hissed at him. Merlin, don't let this start now.

"Now is not the time, either of you," Dumbledore warned, getting both of them to lean back again. Sirius, however, was still fuming in Snape's direction.

"There is not much after that," Snape said, all hint of humanity out of him as he looked once again like his old, greasy, miserable, mean self. "I managed to make the potion and travel back. Though to what purpose I haven't a clue."

----

A quick relocation to Dumbledore's office whittled their party down to just Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus. Snape had agreed to visit with his younger self for a while, neither sure what would come out of it, but both keen on interrogating one another. James had volunteered to go after Harry, who no one knew the whereabouts of, and after trying to catch Sirius' eye several times and failing, had gone to collect Lily and both of them would look for their future son.

"The memories," Dumbledore began, sitting down at his desk, "the memories are a strange thing, and I'm afraid that I don't have many answers for you, only theories, each as unlikely as the next."

"Well, we're both pretty much clueless at this point," Sirius huffed. "You realize it's like we haven't changed anything? We both have memories from last night, but we still have the memories from James and Lily dying, from Arianna dying and Emily going missing....nothing....nothing disappeared."

Sirius sighed. When he received the new memories, he expected...more....more memories, more change more...deletion.

But there was nothing. It was like nothing had changed except they had had one more adventure and that was it. He still remembered his years in Azkaban too vividly for words. He remembered his absolute sorrow and pain the night that he found out that James and Lily were dead...

He remembered Harry's livid face as he held a wand at his Godfather's chest, believing him to be the reason for his parent's deaths.

Dumbledore, surprisingly, just nodded. "Yes, my future self suspected that."

"Well what does it mean?" Remus leaned forward, as thirsty for knowledge as Sirius. "Does that mean that it didn't work? That we haven't changed anything?"

"Oh no," Dumbledore chuckled, "You three certainly have made some keen changed around here, and for the better if I do say so myself. No, my theory is in two parts. One, that you have made changes, but those changes could still be changed themselves, nothing is certain yet. Two, that for some reason or another someone could possibly undo the changes you have made, making them obsolete."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, trying to take in exactly what Dumbledore was saying. Remus seemed to be faster.

"That would explain why Harry isn't getting new memories. If the changes are erased, or the events still happen..."

"He still wouldn't know his parents," Sirius finished.

"Exactly."

"But, Albus, who would be able to change what we've done?" Remus wondered aloud. "I mean, I still have memories of finding Emily dead in no less than three days and I know for a fact that she's safe in the hospital wing."

A thought came quickly to Sirius.

"Remus, think about it. What went wrong?" He reasoned.

"Well, Peter, obviously," Remus said slowly, coming to the realization himself. "But we still exposed him. He can't possibly become James and Lily's secret keeper."

"No, he cannot," both of the younger men turned to Dumbledore as he spoke, "But, you forget what is possible under magic. Strong memory charms are an option, as well as deceiving, which we all know Peter is capable of."

"Who could be that powerful, though?" Sirius said carefully. "They'll have to charm all of us and then send us back to the future before tomorrow is over, since that's when this stuff really begins."

"Can you think of no one?"

"...Voldemort..."

----

There were plenty of times when James had just wanted to be alone, away from it all and sit and mull over his thoughts. Most of those times had been during seventh year when he had been desperately trying to get Lily to go out with him. So he figured he knew the prime spots for seclusion and could at least find his son...wherever he went.

But it proved harder than he thought.

"I just don't get it! I mad the map! I should know everything on it!" James said in exasperation to his ever so patient wife who just smirked at him.

"Maybe Harry and his friends found something you didn't know about," she jabbed him, smirking. James looked over at her and saw that she had hold of both of 'Harry's' hands and was helping him "walk" with them, 'Harry' having the time of his life as he giggled and smiled. James smiled reminiscently and stopped for a moment to watch his son.

Lily must have noticed, for she looked up at him, her smile dropping slightly. "James?"

"Humm?" he replied absentmindedly.

"You're awfully quiet...did something happen?"

"No," James said too quickly, standing up and starting off down the hall again, wanting the break to be over and done with suddenly.

Luckily, Lily let it go and the rest of the search was in silence until James finally found him. He was in one of the last places that James would ever have guessed, but as he saw it, he realized somewhat why Harry had come here.

It was a tall tower on the north side of the school that the Marauders actually had discovered, but James never remembered them coming back to it. It was completely devoid of anything magical in it, which always seemed to irk James, wondering why such a plain room would exist in such a magical place. He cracked open the door a bit more, making it squeak a bit and Harry jerked around form his place at one of the windows, surprised.

James frowned and looked back at Lily who was waiting behind him. He motioned for her to stay put and entered the room by himself, carefully closing the door behind him and taking a deep breath, gearing himself up for this. He wasn't sure he was ready, but he knew from just those few moments in the hospital wing that James was the one person Harry needed right now, even if they only were six years apart, and even if neither of them quite knew why.

Harry looked at him uncertainly and James was at least pleased to see that he hadn't been crying, merely thinking and watching and waiting. James knew the look, as he had experienced it several times in his life. The more he learned about Harry, the more he wondered how his son could grow up to be so much like him without even really knowing anything about him.

"I thought you might be the one they'd send," Harry said softly, finally breaking eye contact and going back to leaning against the window ledge. "I don't think anyone quiet knows how to deal with me anymore."

A pang of familiar guilt shot through James and for the hundredth time he wished that Harry was younger, young enough that James wouldn't feel odd giving him a hug and wiping away his tears.

"I take it that the fight in there wasn't a one time thing," James asked carefully, coming around to stand by Harry, both of them looking out the window.

Harry blew out a long sigh. "It's that obvious is it?"

"Well, I do know Sirius and Remus better than anyone else."

James was surprised when Harry smiled a bit at that, turning to look at him. "Don't get me wrong," he turned away again, "they're both great....more than I deserve I'm sure..."

Frowning at the thought of his son feeling worthless, James kept his mouth shut.

"It's just hard a lot, like they're too overprotective, trying to shield me from things that I have a right to know even before they do."

"Every parent makes that mistake, I'm sure," James reasoned, remembering how protective he was of 'Harry' and Lily. "It's something I didn't understand until becoming a parent myself. It's hard to understand, but there are some things, some people that you protect with your life, no matter what."

Harry snorted. "I think I know the feeling...I've experienced it enough."

"Have you really?"

Harry turned to look at him, curiosity on his face.

"You say that I died protecting you and your mother, and that Lily died protecting you. Is it so hard to believe that Sirius and Remus, my two best mates, would do anything they could to make you happy?"

His son seemed to consider this for a moment before turning away again. "They make me happy..." it was so soft that James wasn't sure he was supposed to be hearing it. "Can't they see that's enough?"

"I think you have to understand Sirius a bit before making another assumption," James said after a moment. "He's my brother, truly, in everything but blood. He was actually the one who got your mom to the hospital the day you were born and then came to get me at work...He's over at our house constantly to just play with you and be with you." James smiled as he remembered. "He said he didn't want you to grow up not knowing who your Godfather was, claiming that that title was the most important he ever had."

James turned and saw Harry looking at him with wide eyes and he chuckled. "Yeah, I know, hard to see Sirius acting so like his namesake, isn't it?"

"No...it's just..." he turned away again. "Never mind."

James looked at him curiously, but let it go and continued, hoping by some miracle that he was actually getting through to the boy. "Your first word was actually 'pafoo'."

Harry actually chuckled. "Really? Now there's something I never thought I'd learn..."

"Yeah..." James went back to looking out the window, trying to picture his beautiful baby boy and finding it hard to look at the sorrowful teen beside him. "I was so bloody mad....claimed Sirius had been, and I quote 'corrupting my child'..."

Harry laughed a little louder and James felt his spirits lift.

"The point is, he was like a second father to you, truly, and I didn't mind it at all. He was my best mate and I wanted him in your life as much as possible. He took that job seriously."

James looked over just enough to see Harry's mouth quirk up a bit.

"I have no idea what it would have been like for him to lose me...I can only imagine what it would be like for me to lose him." He reached over, laying a hand on Harry's shoulder and the boy looked over at him. "I guess if you should really be blaming anyone it's me. He feels he has to make it up to me by letting you stay naïve and innocent."

Surprisingly, Harry's face fell and he flinched back out of James' reach, frowning. "Do I look innocent, James? You know the prophecy. You know what I have to do."

"But that's just it, Harry!" James reasoned, trying not to think about how Harry had called him 'James' and not 'dad'. "You're so bent on that being the only reason for your existence! Don't you see what Sirius and Remus are trying to do?"

He took two steps forward; laying a hand on his son's shoulder and making Harry look up at him.

"They're showing you that you're not just the bloody Boy-Who-Lived...but that you're Harry Potter, the son of their best friend, and you're their whole world right now and you deserve to live just like any other kid in the world."

James thought Harry would break down there, but all that came out was a single, solitary tear that railed down his right cheek.

"But I'm not just any other kid," he whispered. "I can never be..."

"Harry..." he finally did it and pulled his son into a fierce hug, elated as Harry testily wrapped his arms around him, holding him back. "That's what they're trying to change, son. We all are..."