Seventeen Forever

The next few days were a hellish blur.

Lily walked through the halls in a daze, not noticing the pitiful glances that were shot her way from classmates too afraid to approach her. She never heard the hushed whispers exchanged by the teachers as she slouched by slowly, nor did she hear the murmurings that rushed through the hall when she drew near. She was sheltered physically by James, who never left her side, and mentally by the hazy barrier her mind had established between herself and the real world. Life seemed to be blurry and blunted, nondescript. She was a ghost of a girl, hidden away in a precious and fragile cocoon that protected her from the pain. James, Maguire, Anna, Sirius and Remus did what they could, but it seemed as if nothing could reach Lily. She was in a perpetual state of dreaming and awake and they dreaded the moment she would wake from it.

~*~*~

Upon departing Hogwarts on the eighteenth, the group made their way to a secluded compartment and settled themselves quietly, so unlike the bantering, raucous group that had boarded the train back in early September. Immediately upon arriving in the compartment, Lily had placed her head heavily in James' lap, shut her eyes and fallen asleep. The thick, anxious tension that hung over the compartment was nearly tangible as everyone had a go at making some semblance of conversation, each attempt failing miserably. James remained silent throughout the journey, silently stroking Lily's red-gold hair methodically as eventually everyone gave up and fell asleep one by one.

While everyone around him slumbered onward, James stayed awake, continuing to caress Lily's hair. Even though he was sure he had been thinking heavily on things, he was never be able to remember what it was he had thought about on that long train ride. He stared out the window of the grey, dismal landscape that whisked by him and thought pensively. Once in a while, his fingers would become entangled in a snag of a curl and he would gently untangle it, smoothing it out as he continued to run his hand through her hair. His finger caught in a curl at this moment and he looked down to carefully unwrap it from his finger but stopped and stared. Lily lay curled up, enfolded in on herself so much that she resembled a small child. Her lips were parted slightly as whispers of breath escaped in the slow rhythm of someone who is deeply asleep. Her lashes fluttered on her pale cheeks, a previously unnoticed dampness lining the bottom lashes. He grimaced and felt his heart drop into his stomach at the sight. James wanted so desperately to wipe the remnants of tears away but he didn't, because he knew he would wake her; waking her and bringing her back into the harsh reality of the world would do no favors for her, either. Though she had never said anything of the sorts, James knew sleeping was the only reprieve she got from the tortured misery of living out each of the past few days. He knew that was how he felt after his father's death; nothing could compare to the security and absence of depression that he felt whenever he slept. Peaceful, calm and void of any of the pain he felt when he was among the conscious and living, James reveled in the hours he spent sleeping during the days after his father's death. It frightened his mother half to death; she thought he was becoming a recluse or worse, suicidal. Understandably distraught by his father's death, as the weeks had dragged on, James only sunk deeper and deeper into his depression. After James had spent a whole day locked in his father's library without making a sound or diverting his eyes from out the window, Keira had reached her breaking point. The cavalry had been called in; Remus, Sirius and Peter arrived the next day at the house, prepped with their mission of helping James cope. And cope he did, eventually; he learned to move past the tragic loss and come to grips with the new life he lived, one without his father. Sirius' well intentioned antics kept him smiling and even laughing within the hour upon his arrival; he could count on Remus for a good, brotherly heart to heart in the middle of the night when he needed it most; and little Peter, the chubby tag-a-long, assisted in making all kinds of treats in the kitchen and offered his undying awe and reverence towards James, boosting his ego in a most helpful way. He realized one night, as the boys stayed up too late for their own good, gorging themselves on éclairs, cookies and other treats from the Potters' kitchen, and talking late into the night, that he was happy. Surrounded by his best mates, he felt safe and content and realized he no longer had to feel guilty for being so. And so, he vowed he would do the same for her.

He would make her happy, safe, and loved every second of every day until he died, he decided, drinking in the image of sleeping Lily strewn across his lap. It was a strange thing, he thought, mulling over the strong, insatiable urge to protect her that washed over him now. Her happiness, he realized, was what he had missed most during these past few God awful days. Lily had rarely spoken or smiled--let alone laughed--since the night of the ball. The last time he remembered seeing her smile had been when Sirius had drunk one too many shots of Firewhiskey in the common room the night before and had landed face first in a cream pie someone had nicked out of the kitchens. He smiled wryly at the memory and looked down at Lily again, wishing he could see that happiness he so loved about her radiating from her face again. He leaned down slowly and kissed her gently, resuming his routine of combing his fingers through her hair and vowed to make her happy again. With those thoughts, he too finally shut his eyes and his gentle snores mingled with those of his best friends and the soft breathing of the girls in the silent compartment.

*~*~*

With a jolt, Lily awoke, thinking she was back in her room on the first day of term. She could have sworn she heard Rosie and Violet's soprano voices wafting through the air, feeling their little bodies tumble across her bed on top of her. Caught between the haziness of reality and imagination, Lily found herself highly confused.

She opened her eyes blearily, lifting her head slowly since her neck was sore from holding the same position for so long. James looked down worriedly at her, his hand still cupping the side of her face. She met his gaze for a few moments, feeling very much like a small child.

"You good?" he whispered, petting her hair again. She didn't answer. Lily didn't know what to say or how to say what she wanted to because she seemed unable to form words. The silence lapsed between them for a moment. James sighed heavily, breaking the spell, and kissed her softly before hoisting her upper body off of his lap so he could grab their trunks. She sat, dazed and confused, on the seat until Maguire crouched by her, smiling slightly.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," she said tentatively, her smile wavering faintly. She wondered if it was it too soon to be making jokes and to be light hearted around her friend. She hated seeing Lily so morose, depressed and so un-Lily-like. She wanted nothing more than for everything to be back to normal and to see her best friend happy again. Maguire wasn't good when dealing with grief; it terrified her to make that first move back to normality and happiness.

Lily looked at her blankly, a look of incomprehension stamped across her face. Mmm, too early, Maguire thought regretfully, her smile dying instantly.

"C'mon, let's go. Everyone's waiting," she said quietly, trying a new tactic as she reached for Lily's cold hand to help her up. Limply, she allowed herself to be led off the train, never saying a word.

The usual crowd of students, animals and assorted personnel created the familiar scene of barely controlled chaos the group had grown accustomed to over the past seven years as they stumbled ungainly off the train, still caught up in the last lingering remnants of sleep. A pile of familiar bags, carts and cages lay strewn in a very misshapen circle that signaled the Marauders' location. Maguire quickly strode over towards them, Lily still in tow. She looked at Lily worryingly for a second and then gently dropped her hand as she ran to help James and Sirius collect carriages for everyone's things. Anna and Remus remained with her as the others dissipated into the crowd. Lily glanced down, an almost curious expression on her face as she studied her now empty and quickly cooling hand. She didn't have much time to give it full consideration as Anna deftly slipped her own hand into her friend's, smiling sadly when Lily turned her green eyes up to her. The small act of holding her hand made Lily realize just how much she really loved Anna. It was Anna's quiet, maternal qualities that always endeared her to Lily when she needed a little piece of serenity in the disarray of everyday life. In the midst of the recent life changing confusion that was her reality now, Lily never realized just how much she relied on Anna's quiet ability to keep her sane.

"You know I love you. Everything is going to be okay again, I promise," the blonde haired girl whispered quietly. Lily could feel tears once again beginning to sting her eyes and attempted to stop them, promising herself she could cry once she was out of view of her peers and the strangers blurrily rushing by. Unable to use her voice, Lily merely nodded as she kept her head down. Anna hiccupped softly, her breath hitching in her throat as tears began to crystallize in her ice blue eyes. The two girls, both desperately trying not to cry, stood there for a moment before Remus, surprising himself more than anyone else, enveloped both of them in a hug. At Remus' sweet, uncharacteristically affectionate gesture, both girls lost the battle with their tears and surrendered, allowing wet tracks to course down their faces. The three teenagers, silently crying and hugging, stood there for a moment until Maguire, Sirius and James returned, joined by a new member of the little gang following close behind.

At the sight of the girls crying in Remus' arms, Maguire dropped her parcels with a loud bang and rushed over to join in the group hug, already bawling before she had even reached them. Sirius and James looked at each other for a moment and then joined in the fray, each comforting their respective girlfriend.

Sirius pried an openly sobbing Maguire off of Lily and took her off to the side, holding her closely as he rocked back and forth, desperately trying to calm her frayed, worried nerves. Sirius had never seen her like this. Seeing Maguire cry unnerved him deeply since she so often projected a fierce, tough exterior. Even during That Awful Night on the banks of the Black Lake, she hadn't cried like this, he realized with another jolt of fear as she shook violently in his arms, failing miserably to stifle her sobs. He looked around in desperation and saw Remus and James dealing with similar situations. Keira had followed behind Sirius, James and Maguire and was now rushing from one couple to the next, attempting to console the distraught girls and their equally distraught counterparts. Students still milling around the station shot questioning looks at them, some concerned, others grotesquely interested. Sirius would have liked nothing more than to tell them to fuck off but he felt that would only disturb Maguire more. He shot another desperate look at James when Maguire let out a particularly piercing howl, sobbing even harder.

For Merlin's sake, Sirius thought wildly, his nerves jangling at the sound of the girls' cries, what the fuck's wrong? He thought back to the much desired moment of silence before the girls had burst into tears and recalled that the sight of Remus hugging the crying girls had set Maguire off which had, in a domino effect, started the other girls in on their own intensified crying jag.

"MOONY," Sirius roared over the sobbing girls, "I BLAME YOU!"

The werewolf looked around in shock, his pale eyes wide with fear as a crying Anna buried her blonde head in his shoulder. "What in Merlin's name did I do!?"

"You sensitive prat, you hugging them started this!" Sirius called out, his voice raspy with desperation. "Dammit, look what you've done!"

Remus merely muttered to himself, shooting Sirius a murderous glance as Anna started up with a fresh round of crying, clinging more tightly--if that was even possible--to him. He groaned, looking at James for support but was sadly disappointed as he found none. James stood off to the side with a sobbing Lily, an expression of total terror stamped across his face. Remus would have laughed had the situation not been so dire. Dark eyes round in fear, James stood silently, clutching Lily in his arms as tightly as she was clinging to him. Occasionally he would murmur something in her ear and that seemed to lessen the amount of noise coming from their corner as she began to hiccough, catch her breath and eventually cease crying altogether, though she still clung to him fiercely. He looked around in shock mixed with ecstasy at his best friends, who only greeted him with looks of rage and envy as their own girlfriends continued to cry. Remus tucked his head closely next to Anna's, still buried into his shoulder as she continued her emotional outburst, shivering sporadically as each new sob wracked her.

"Shh, Anna, shh. I promise, everything's fine. Look, Lily's stopped crying; everything's okay. You're all just over tired and stressed. The last few days have just gotten to everyone but it's okay, I promise," he whispered soothingly.

Anna looked up at him for a moment, eyes sparkling with tears, her mouth open just a little as she fought to catch her breath. He smiled hesitantly, hoping this was the beginning of the end. Instead, her face crumpled once more and she began to sob, her cries filled with a new energy. Remus groaned loudly.

"Shh, please, please, please. For the love of Merlin, stop crying," he begged, his voice cracking in desperate fear and emotion. He hated seeing Anna like this; in fact, he wasn't sure of the last time he had seen her cry, if ever. Her serene, easygoing nature usually dealt away with such hormonal outbursts and she rarely showed a flip side to the otherwise perky, jovial personality she portrayed. It scared him, if he was to be truthful; Anna in pain and crying scared him almost as much as his inner animal and the havoc he could wreck in that form. He clung to her, a victim of his own weakness now, willing to do anything to make the pain stop. Remus kissed her head repeatedly, murmuring comforting noises every now and again as her tears subsided and finally--thankfully--ceased. She looked up at him again at long last and almost laughed at the sight of Remus' face, at the sheer joy and relief in his eyes that the much feared female crying episode was over. Anna hugged him tightly instead, standing on tiptoe to kiss him on the soft, tender skin of his neck as both an apology and means of thanks. He was all too eager to oblige when she moved her lips onto his.

Sirius glanced around worriedly again, noticing the other girls' now tear free--if only a little bit, at least--faces and compared them to the slick, shiny face of Maguire, whose tears had yet to give up the battle. She sniffled, the sign that she was about to start up a new assault of sobbing and Sirius panicked, unable to handle any more tears for any longer. Quickly he ducked his head down to her height and kissed her, hoping beyond hope that this would, at long last, silence her.

Her eyes flew open in surprise at this change of tactics, damp eyelashes sticking together. He broke the kiss off and looked at her expectantly, not sure whether he should try it again or to continue to comfort her as she cried. The soft giggle that escaped her lips was definitely not what he had been expecting. He vowed silently that he would never, never understand the female psyche, no matter how long he lived.

"Are you...okay?" he asked tentatively, completely terrified of what kind of reaction he would get, since all was no longer right with the world and he knew nothing of this new one in which girls went from crying hysterically to laughing as if nothing were wrong.

Maguire closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths as Sirius' heart rate skyrocketed in terror. She can't cry anymore, he reasoned fearfully as he screwed his eyes shut. She's gotta be out of tears by now. When there was no sound of heavy, hiccupping sobs, Sirius dared to open his eyes a sliver to see a no longer crying Maguire in front of him, looking at him as nervously as he felt.

"Are you okay?" he repeated quietly, looking at her still tear dampened eyes anxiously. She nodded, seemingly unable to form words. Instead, she too followed Anna's route and buried her face into Sirius's neck, her warm breath moistening the skin there.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, the words hot against his neck.

"No, it's fine. I totally get it," he said, still nervously awaiting another outburst of tears.

"That wasn't fair, though, to go all hysterical on you. I'm so sorry," she whispered, pulling back to look at him. "That--yeah. I'm sorry, I just got stressed and everything caught up to me when I saw them and Remus and...yeah."

"It's okay," Sirius replied, smiling down at her. She smiled back and pecked him quickly.

"Come on, let's go say goodbye to everyone, before..." Maguire said, letting the rest of her sentence die on her lips, unwilling to voice what she knew was coming. She felt, yet again, a new round of tears prick her eyes. She hated the idea that she wasn't going to see Sirius everyday over the Christmas break. No more late nights by the fire, eating lunch together with the other Marauders, secret sleepovers spent lying in his arms in the seventh year dorm--though perhaps they were not so secret, since she long suspected that the ever observant Remus was well aware something sneaky was going on--or any of the other little details that encompassed their daily lives together at Hogwarts. It was stupid, she knew, to become so upset at the idea of being apart for what would only be a few days since she planned on visiting as often and as soon as she could, but she hadn't realized just how intertwined their lives were until the idea of being apart seemed all too real. Deep down, it was the loneliness that truly made her reluctant to leave Sirius; she dreaded the idea of being away from him and everyone else during the vacation. The thought brought her back to the weeks on end she had been forced to spend locked away in her house, locked away from everything. She shivered.

Breaking out of her reverie, she shook her head and led Sirius by the hand back to where the group had all gathered again, the girls looking a bit sheepish with their red rimmed eyes. They stood in a circle, all unwilling to be the first to say goodbye. Just as the silence began to stretch into an awkward one, Keira both thankfully and unthankfully initiated the goodbyes.

"Well, lads, we better be off," she said, brushing a strand of white hair out of her face. "I'll go start the car then, shall I? Jaimy, you know what it looks like." She smartly turned around, instinctively knowing that the teenagers would need some privacy as they bid each other goodbye.

Sirius sniggered as Keira vanished into the column portal. "'Jaimy...'" he muttered quietly with a laugh. "Oy Prongs, mind if I start calling you Jaimy now, too?"

With that, the group burst into laughter, awkwardness dissipating as they began to hug each other. Sirius first embraced a still somber Lily, kissing her on the cheek.

"Cheer up, mate! You get to spend all of break with me and your man!" he crowed, grabbing James to his side and pinching his cheeks. She cracked a small smile, which only made James grin wider, thrilled with seeing some form of emotion coming from her. As Maguire and Anna promised to write to each other while Anna was away in Italy, Remus stepped forward to envelop Lily in a soft hug again.

"Happy holidays, Lily," he said quietly as he stepped back, his brown eyes saying much more than his words.

"Happy--happy holidays, Remus," she whispered, pulling him back into a grateful hug again. He grinned and nodded, turning to face Maguire, who swooped him into a fierce hug, swaying back and forth.

"Go and eat something while you're on break, won't you?" she teased, pecking him on the cheek as they released each other.

"Will do, doctor," he answered jokingly, straightening his rumpled hair. "Have a good holiday, even though I expect I'll see you before you know it."

"Wonderful! Have a happy Christmas, Remmy," she said brightly, smiling again. She turned to Lily, who was finishing her bittersweet goodbye with Anna, each girl once again fighting back tears as they embraced for the third time. As the blonde haired Veela stepped back to give Maguire some space with Lily, the three Marauders huddled themselves into a circle of much back slapping and boisterous shouts, invoking their masculine form of farewell on each other. The girls merely shook their heads as they looked on at the men who would always be little boys at heart. Maguire laughed heartily as she stood in front of Lily, allowing it to die slightly as she took in the expression in her best friend's eyes. Pale-faced Lily looked at her from beneath lashes that had dampness still barely clinging to them and Maguire could have started crying all over again. She fought the urge, rushing forward to hug Lily tightly instead, whispering in her ear.

"Obviously I love you, you know that. Everyone loves you and we're all here for you, forever. Fuck what my parents say; I'll be over soon, I swear. It sucks so much right now but it does get better, really. I love, love, love you. Please be happy; try. Okay? It gets better. It will be better," she whispered fiercely, emotion choking her. Lily merely nodded, tears glittering in her eyes as she hugged her best friend harder.

Unwillingly, Maguire let go first, heading to the second hardest goodbye next. James took her place as she turned to find Sirius. He stood quietly in a corner a little distance off, hands pushed deeply into a pair of Muggle jeans that fit his lean frame perfectly. She sighed as she walked towards him, feeling choked by emotion once again with each step. She couldn't believe how emotional everyone had been; she hadn't been expecting to spend the majority of the goodbyes sobbing. Standing in front of him, she waited for him to meet her gaze as she scuffed her shoes softly against the rubbery tips of his beloved Muggle high tops. He looked up, a wisp of dark hair caught on his eyelashes that haloed his even darker eyes. Instinctively, she reached out to gently swipe it away and as she did so, Sirius caught her fingers and kissed them lightly, pulling Maguire into him so he could make the kiss a real one. It was a kiss she knew she would remember for a very long time; soft and sweet but still so fiercely passionate that it stole her breath and her heart race. They broke apart when the need for oxygen grew too great, leaving each of them feeling as if they never wanted to leave the other's arms.

"I miss you," Maguire whispered, wrapping her arms around Sirius tightly. He laughed quietly, holding her as closely as possible.

"Don't you mean you will miss me?"

"No, I miss you now. Already," she explained, her voice unable to reach above a whisper. He made a noise of agreement and closed his eyes, knowing exactly how she felt.

"You'll be over soon, though. Just in a few days," he answered, even though he himself knew that was a weak alternative to being together all day, every day.

"It doesn't matter. I still miss you," Maguire argued. He kissed her again, wanting to stick her in his pocket and take her with him everywhere.

"Write to me when we're not together," he told her as he held Maguire at arm's length to better look her in the eye. "I wanna know that you're okay and safe."

Up there all by yourself, he added wordlessly in his mind. Sirius knew she would be alone during the holidays for the first time in a very long time. Her parents had refused to see her during the season and Nate, oblivious to the row his parents and sister were currently embattled in, would be at his place with his wife; and Maguire would be once again left alone at the house as she had been just a few months ago. He argued that she could always lie to her parents and come stay with him at the Potters' until Maguire reminded him of how loyal the house elves were to her parents; he thought bitterly of the house elf at his parents' house, Kreacher. There's always one, he grumbled internally.

He hated himself for the fact that Maguire and her parents were essentially rowing over him. They had forbidden her from staying with him when they had found out it was Sirius Black she was dating. They had assumed she was dating Regulus, the ideal mate for any pureblood girl, and had written several lengthy letters to their daughter about why she was dating the wrong Black boy. Maguire had written several lengthy replies straight back to them, highlighting all of Regulus' shortcomings, most importantly his associations with the man calling himself Voldemort. Her parents had disregarded the letters completely, ignoring her claims and writing her off as a "foolish little girl," as her father had put it. Not to say that her parents consorted with the new so called Dark Lord; Sirius personally doubted whether the Burgesses paid enough mind to the news to even know what was going on. Instead, they cared more about what image their daughter would project if she became "mixed up with" the black sheep of the Black family. He gritted his teeth together at the thought, wishing they had at least one family on their side.

With a small sigh, he broke out his reverie and looked down to see Maguire's answer to his request. She nodded morosely, feeling the choking emotion scramble back up into her throat as their goodbye began coming to an end. She dove back into his arms, never wanting to let go or to leave the safety and warmth that made up Sirius. He reciprocated, hugging her tightly, almost to the point of painfully, before he began kissing her again, trying to memorize that which he had already had memorized. All too soon, Sirius could feel James and Lily's waiting presence and he had to disentangling a most unwilling Maguire from his body to end the kiss.

"I gotta go," he whispered regretfully, wishing once again she was coming with him. She nodded sharply, exhaling softly as she wiped tears from her eyes. "Write me."

"I promise," she swore, looking at him longingly one last time.

"Love you," they said simultaneously, causing identical grins to break out on their faces. Sirius laughed, unable to resist stealing one more last kiss before Maguire stepped back, grabbed her trunks and Disapparated.

He sighed, feeling a little bit weaker, a little less himself now that Maguire was gone. He closed his eyes again, breathing in her lingering scent deeply, as a pang of sadness resonated throughout him. Nevertheless, he knew he had to plaster a smile on his face and walked over to rejoin his friends by their trunks.

"Where'd Moony and Anna head off to?" he asked, coughing softly as he dislodged an odd blockage in his throat that had seemed to appear during his goodbye with Maguire.

"They headed out ahead of us. I think Anna took him to meet up with her parents, actually," James replied, a hint of brotherly pride in his voice for his friend's accomplishment. Remus, while probably the most ideal of the boys as boyfriend material, had never held down a girlfriend for so long as to be deemed serious enough to meet the parents. Sirius whistled appreciatively at his friend's feat.

"Damn, that's my boy," he said proudly. "Taught that kid everything I knew, I did."

James laughed loudly. "Shut your trap and help me get the bags on the carts so we can get out of here," he shot back, heaving a trunk onto one of the trolleys Keira had left with them.

In short time, the trolleys were loaded and the two boys and Lily were ready to depart, grabbing hold of handle and hand--in James and Lily's case, anyway--as they rushed headlong through the platform gateway. They stumbled through, narrowly missing passing Muggles as they regained their equilibrium in the dark, badly lit platform. A pigeon flew by them, emptying its stomach contents right in front of Sirius.

"Ah, London," he sighed fondly, breathing deeply and immediately coughed, choking on the foul air.

James laughed, Lily smiled weakly and Sirius grinned again as they began meandering their way out of the King's Cross maze of a station towards the parking lot. On their way out, they spotted Anna with her blonde haired parents. Her mother, easily recognizable as a Veela with her stunning looks, waved cheerfully and shot them a dazzling smile after Anna pointed them out. Lily could have laughed at the spectacle the boys made, tripping over themselves as they ran towards Anna for brief introductions, but she couldn't find the energy to produce it. They hurried back after being pointed in what Anna told them was the direction in which Remus had parted and quickly sped up to find him. James' hand gripping hers strongly, Lily lagged behind, her shoes hitting the wet concrete ground roughly with each step.

Spying Remus' familiar slight, loping build pushing a cart loaded down with two rather sorry looking trunks, Sirius and James easily caught up with their friend and ambushed him in true Marauder style, causing a ruckus not usually seen in King's Cross. A passerby would never have known that the friends had just spent a good half hour saying goodbye back on the platform; the way the boys were theatrically greeting each other would have made one think that they hadn't seen each other in years.

"Cheerio, mate! Say, pretty big smile you got there," Sirius remarked loudly with a wink. "Didja win the Giacombas over with your charming good looks, wit and grace?"

"I'd like to think so," the werewolf replied quietly, after he got over the initial shock of once again being in the presence of his best friends.

"Oy, that's not good enough. What's with the chipper, joyful attitude, eh? Why, you're positively beaming, Moony," James joked with a jab to Remus' ribs. He waved them off, grinning all the more.

"It's nothing. I just--we did--I told her I loved her," he finally admitted, blushing furiously at the word. Sirius stopped walking shortly, causing James to ram into him, eliciting many a curse from the two Marauders.

"You did what!?" James crowed, as he rearranged his now askew glasses.

"Yeah, I mean--well--uh, I said it. At least I'm almost positive I did, if I'm not hallucinating. While we were saying goodbye, it just...I mean, it seemed appropriate, given the circumstances," he answered, managing to find an intellectual spin on the matter even in the situation of professing love to his girlfriend.

"And these circumstances are...?" Sirius prompted.

Remus blushed. "I love her."

Sirius shouted loudly, causing Lily to jump, as he and James smacked Remus around the shoulders and head in an intricate male celebration of happiness.

"Good on you! Atta boy, I knew you could do it," James replied, rumpling Remus' hair once more for good measure. "Listen, come over tomorrow or someday soon, 'cause we've gotta go. My mom's waiting for us."

"Oh yes, can't keep Keira waiting on her ickle Jaimykins," Sirius quipped with a grin.

"You bastard, I will kill you for that," James replied brightly with a grin. "We'll see you soon, mate, and congrats again!"

With that, the Marauders and Lily bid Remus adieu again and walked out of the station and into the drizzling rain of London.

*~*~*

The light drizzle turned into a full on onslaught as the three teenagers hurriedly searched for the Potter car.

"Over here! She's over here!" James called out, his voice carrying over the drumming of the rain against the streets. He pointed towards the familiar powder blue Chevy Mustang, doubling back towards the sheltered drop off area in front of the station where Lily sat with the trunks.

With his school robes draped over his heads, Sirius surveyed the scene and quickly dashed towards the direction in which James had pointed. The cart he was pushing bumped violently over the cracked pavement as he ran, narrowly avoiding a mess of slipping and tripping as he went. He skidded to a stop inches from the car's trunk, grateful for the easily opened end as he shoved the trunks inside. Leaping around to the side of the car, he slid inside as quickly as he could, loathe to spreading rain drops on the leather seats or his hair.

"'Ello, Keira!" he called out brightly, shaking his slightly damp hair in a very doglike fashion. His adoptive mother laughed as she always did and looked at him through the rearview mirror.

"Hello, love," she answered, smiling broadly at the sight Sirius made.

She could still remember the tiny first year friend James had dragged home during Christmas break. His scruffy, over long hair, wide dark eyes and loud, barking laugh all made him seem like a stray puppy. The similarity increased even more so when she heard him telling James parts of his home life late at night when she walked by the room to check on the two boys. She listened at the door in horror as Sirius retold his experiences of the sometimes physical and more frequently verbal abuse he suffered at the hands of his parents, particularly his mother. Though frightened at the idea of what horrors the boy had gone through, it was the bitter, emotionless tone with which he spoke that truly scared James' mother. When Keira relayed the stories to John as they sat up late that night six years ago, he immediately wanted to take the boy in. He knew of the Blacks and warned Keira that they would only do much worse to their child as Sirius distanced himself from them, and more specifically, their beliefs and values, over the years. For the short three years he had known him, John too had loved Sirius as his own, stepping in as a father figure for the boy since his real father, Orion, had stepped out when he was so young. Keira knew it would have thrilled John to no end to see that they had, in the end, gotten to take Sirius in, under unfortunate circumstances though they were. From the first time he had seen him with James, acting as naturally as if they were, in fact, legitimate brothers, John had thought of him as his own. And Sirius in turn had treated John as if he was his natural father; bantering with, being lectured by and addressing him with all of the respect and awe of a hero. For that in fact was what John Potter had been to Sirius: a hero. He provided the boy with advice, a listening ear, guidance, a firm hand when needed and a place he could feel safe and at home. For that, Sirius would forever be grateful to the man he had always wished was his father. Sirius had been as torn up and distraught over John's death as James had been but he had nevertheless done his duty as adopted son and helped the Potters during the dark time, honoring John in the small way that he could. Keira sighed; she hated to think of those times. With another soft sigh and shake of her head, she returned to the present, looking at Sirius with more love and nostalgia than she had been previously.

"So, was that her? The long awaited Lily?" she asked, thinking back to the teenage meltdown on the platform.

"Yup, that's our Lily-gal. Shame you're finally meeting her after--well...I know James has already told you," Sirius said, his sentence dying off awkwardly. Keira nodded again, sadly this time. She remembered shrieking in disbelief and joy after James had written home in November how he had finally, finally, finally won over Lily after seven long years--seven long years she had had to suffer through just as much as James had. Then, mere months later, she had cried after learning of the Evans family massacre. Immediately she had opened her home to the girl without a second thought when James had asked this favor of her in his hastily scrawled letter the night of the Ball. The red eyed, silent girl who was now walking slowly through the heavy rainfall towards the car with James seemed nothing like the glowing, vivacious girl James had so often described in his letters.

James matched his pace with Lily's, deftly hiding his shivering frame and chattering teeth from her. Truthfully though, she probably wouldn't have noticed, so caught up in her own thoughts as she was. He directed her towards the shotgun seat of the car, covering her with his jacket when he opened the car door for her and shut it gently. He quickly slid in beside Sirius in the second row, cracking his wet knuckles briskly as his best friend threw him a blanket Keira had thought to pack. He tossed one up to Lily, who let it flop heavily over her shoulder.

"Mum, this is, um, this is Lily. Lily Evans," he said, stuttering briefly. This was not the introduction he had so often dreamed about over the years. He had imagined his mother and the girl he loved meeting under much different, much happier circumstances. Lily nodded mutely, staring unseeingly down at her shaking hands.

Keira reached over slowly and tentatively, as she would towards a nervous animal, and touched her warm hand to Lily's icy one. "I'm Keira. It's lovely to finally meet the girl my son is stark raving mad for after all of these years, dear."

James sputtered wildly. "Mother!" he shrieked, his voice cracking in outrage.

Sirius laughed loudly, chuckling as the embarrassing revelations James suffered throughout the day only continued to amass. He was silenced by a sharp cuff to the head that sent him smacking his head roughly against Keira's headrest.

"Oy!"

"Oy nothing, you prat. Defend your best mate's honor!"

"What are you, a princess? On second thought, I wouldn't mind being a knight. Sir Sirius always did have a nice ring to it," Sirius mused, a pensive look flooding his features.

As the boys continued prattling aimlessly in the backseat, only Keira noticed the small smile and weak giggle that escaped Lily's lips at the outburst. The older woman's smile widened; laughter was always a good sign, even in miniscule amounts.

Eventually the boys' voices slowed, slurred and turned into snores as the car made its way through the grey, rain streaked monotony of the countryside. On they drove with silence pervading the car, broken only by the boys' snoring and the methodic beating of rain against the hood. Lily's green eyes remained open despite the hypnotic rhythm, alert and upright in her seat next to Keira. It was out of character for her to remain silent for so long, but the past few days had long since driven any sense of normalcy from Lily's life. Keira desperately wanted to talk, to comfort, to provide the girl with a sense of understanding, but held back in fear of insulting or hurting her even more than she already had been. Her fear of unintentionally reviving any painful memories restrained Keira from reaching out to the girl sitting only a few inches from her.

And so the silence stretched on.

In light of recent events, Lily had learned out of necessity how to shut down and cave in. She had learned to hide her emotions more carefully in the past few days than she had in all of her seventeen years. It kept her sane, blunting the severity of her grief. The concept that her family was dead and gone, never to return, was being held at bay by the barrier she had created. Shielding herself away from everything had proved to be a good defense against the world Lily realized as the days had passed with monotony and silence. It killed James, she knew; though everyone thought she had become an unseeing and unfeeling zombie, she wasn't an idiot. She wanted to reassure him, to make him feel better, but she couldn't rip herself open that way. The idea of trying to do something--or anything at all, really--seemed too hard. Everything was too hard lately; the world was heavy and breaking her as it weighed down on her back. Burdened with the impossible, indescribable weight she carried now, she was held captive by the fear as well; the fear of memories, of reality, of guilt, of everything. She wanted to scream but couldn't find her voice. So she remained silent. Silence was the one constant, soothing presence. By locking herself away in the shadow of silence and isolation, Lily could protect herself from the world. And the natural, innate instinct to shield and protect herself from the impossible idea that she was alone was what had brought her to this state now; alone, silent, almost dead herself. For Lily wasn't living anymore; she should have been counted among the dead rather than the living given the way she had been acting lately.

At thought she frowned slightly, disliking the bitterness in the tone of her mentality. She seemed to wake up a little from the heavily cloaked fog her mind was enshrouded in and blinked rapidly. With clearer eyes, she looked out the window and listened to the thunderous snoring that erupted sporadically behind her. Though Keira had said nothing to her since the introduction what must have been at least two hours before, Lily turned slightly in her seat and murmured quietly.

"Thank you."

Keira jumped sharply at the noise, pressing too hard on the gas pedal for a moment at the surprise. They sped forward for a moment before she jammed her foot against the brake in response and regained control of the car. The petite older woman drove on, turning her gaze to the redhead beside her as they adroitly sped down the rain streaked roads.

"Don't you give it a second thought, Lily. I'm absolutely thrilled to meet you and to have you stay with us only makes me happier," she said, keeping her voice down. Lily could only nod, once more returning her gaze to the monotonous setting they sped by. Keira watched her carefully for a few more heartbeats and then also returned her gaze to the road ahead of her.

"Why don't you sleep some, dear? We're still a bit away from the house. I'm sure it would do you some good."

Silent again, Lily complied. She leaned her head against the window, reveling in the iciness of the window compared to the warm suffocation within the Chevy, and slept.