These Words I Ought Not Say

Alone, Hermione boarded the Hogwarts Express for what she knew would be the final time. She had made a point to say her last farewells to each, of her professors, excluding Snape--something neither Harry nor Ron would accompany her in doing. Miserably, Hermione walked the train, looking for her friends. After several minutes of searching, Hermione decided upon an empty compartment.

She sat down next to the window, putting her book back on the seat across from her. Lazily, Hermione rested her head against the warm glass of the window. She closed her eyes and felt the painful reminder of the tears she had shed only minutes ago.

The train whistle blew, signaling the departure of the train. Many of the teachers stood on the platform, waving goodbye to the train as it began to pull out of the station. McGonagall blew her nose in her handkerchief, and Hagrid stood next to her, tears trickling down his crimson cheeks.

In the distance, Hermione could see the outline of the castle she had called her home away from home for six years.

Squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to keep the tears inside, Hermione felt her greatest fear wash over her, just as a wave of grief had done to her earlier.

Some time later, as Hermione sat alone crying, the compartment door slid open. Expecting the sweets' trolley woman, Hermione quickly wiped her eyes to hide her tears. She looked up and was grateful to find herself staring at the ginger-haired boy that she knew she could confide in.

Ron took the seat next to her, sitting much closer than he used to. Hermione rested her head on his shoulder and sighed when Ron put his arms around her.

'I don't want all of this to end,' she said quietly, fearing what her words were admitting to him. 'We're just starting to...' For some reason, nothing was coming out as smoothly as it had sounded in her head. 'Things are just...'

Ron nodded. 'I know. We're right where we've wanted to be for...I don't even know how long.'

Hermione smiled, so glad that he understood and was so calm about it. She placed her hand on his knee, as she had wanted to do for so long but was too afraid of how he would react.

'I don't know what I'd do if I lost you,' she whispered. 'Or Harry or Ginny,' she added as an afterthought. 'We've only had six years together. That's not enough for me.'

Ron reached up and pushed a piece of hair out of her face, his calloused hands brushing her face ever so slightly, sending shivers up her spine. 'It's never going to be enough. Even if I get the chance to spend a hundred years with you, Hermione, it'll never be enough for me.'

Hermione stared at him in amazement. Something told her that his emotional range was far more than a teaspoon these days. While incredibly touched by his beautiful words, something about the vagueness of his statement scared her. Not knowing what would come--that was what scared her.

'What?' Ron said, clearly confused as to why she was staring.

'Nothing,' Hermione said, smiling slightly as she felt her vision go blurry from tears. 'It's just that...that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.'

Their eyes met and Hermione mentally kicked herself for thinking he was going to mention Viktor. Suddenly, all Hermione could see was Ron, and it seemed like their souls rather than their bodies were clinging to each other, each asking the other one last request--to be together forever. Though the question would never be voiced, they both answered with the simple look that they gave one another.

Their faces inched forward little by little, as if drawn together by an invisible force. Neither of them fought against it, both having wanted it for years.

Ron's eyes were the last thing Hermione saw before she closed her eyes and their lips met. With that kiss, Hermione felt complete for the first time in her life. She could feel everything slide into place. She could feel her stomach tighten into a knot that was almost painful; but at the same time, she hoped that it would never go away.

Ron's fingers tangled themselves in her hair, rubbing small circles in the back of her head. Hermione could almost taste the smell of his cologne lingering in the air around them. She could feel the warmth of his touch that told her that his feelings for her were far deeper than his feelings for Lavender had ever been.

They both pulled away slowly, but neither moved far from the other. His eyes bore into hers, and she could almost read his mind. 'Hermione,' he whispered breathlessly. 'I lo--'

Hermione pressed a finger against his lips to silence him. She stared into his eyes and shook her head, longing to kiss him again.

'You don't feel the same?' Ron said, fear echoing in his words.

Hermione shook her head. 'No, nothing like that.' Ron cocked an eyebrow, waiting for a reason as to why she wouldn't let him say what he so longed to declare.

'I don't want you to say it until I'm sure that I can say it back,' Hermione explained. 'I don't want to say it until I know that it's not just because I know that there's a chance that either one of us could be killed at any moment. I want it to be true.'

'You're not sure?' Ron said.

'I am,' Hermione said confidently. 'But it's not just me; it's you too. I want to know that after the war--when we know that we can be together for the rest of our lives--I want to hear it then.'

Ron smiled slightly, but Hermione could see that he had never wanted to say anything more in his entire life. 'Then, I'll wait. Because I know that you're the only one I ever want to say this to.'

Hermione smiled and leaned into him as he put his arms around her once more. Everything felt perfect in his arms--just how she liked it.

'Hermione?'

'Yeah?' she said.

'What I'm not supposed to tell you,' he said, and Hermione could tell he was beaming, 'I mean it.'

Hermione felt her heart do a summersault, as if it would almost jump out of her chest. She smiled and quietly said, 'Me too.'

The End