Oddest Couple

Severus wandered out of the examination in a daze. He was so sure he had made a mess out of the information on werewolves, no matter how much Lily had helped him study for it. He read over the examination sheet, trying to figure out what questions he had blown.

Severus settled himself down beside the bushes, not far from the Gryffindors: Black, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin. He tried not to look over at them. They were always so full of themselves, crowning themselves the Marauders and trying to be named kings of the school.

Severus buried his nose in the parchment again, trying to block out their excessive chattering. When Severus couldn't take it any more, he shoved the parchment into his bag. That was when he remembered that he was supposed to meet Lily under the old oak tree. Unfortunately, this meant walking past the Marauders. Severus patted his robes, where his wand was stored, ready to use it if and when it was necessary.

He walked across the grass, not looking at the Marauders, knowing that it would make Potter and Black feel obligated to hex him.

'All right, Snivellus?' Potter called across the grass. But Severus was ready. His hand plunged in his robes for his wand, but just as he pulled it out, holding it up high, James shouted, 'Expelliarmus!'

Severus had no choice but to watch as the wand slipped from his grip and flew high into the air, landing with a thud in the grass behind him.

Black laughed before pointing his wand at Severus and said, 'Impedimenta!'

Severus was knocked onto his back by the spell before he could reach for his wand. Students surrounded them and howled with laughter. He struggled against the jinx, but couldn't fight against it.

'How'd the exam go, Snivelly?' Potter sneered, amusedly.

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,' Black added viciously. 'There'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word.'

Several students laughed at Black's remark, but Severus felt like everyone was laughing.

'You - wait,' Severus gasped for air. 'You - wait....'

'Wait for what?' Black laughed. 'What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?' He screwed up his face in an attempt to mock Severus wiping his nose with his hand and pretending to have bogeys all over it.

'You bloody, effing, wanker - Relashio!' Severus shouted, but nothing happened. His wand was too far away. 'Stupefy! You mother-buggering, arrogant, prat!'

'Wash out your mouth,' Potter said, shaking his head unpleasantly. 'Scourgify!'

Bubbles filled Severus' mouth, causing him to cough and gag. He felt like his airways were shrivelling up inside his throat.

But, just as Severus was beginning to feel like he was going to black out, he heard a voice that made him look up.

'Leave him ALONE!' Lily shouted, emerging from the crowd.

'All right, Evans?' Potter said pleasantly. Had Severus not been already gagging, he was sure he would have been gagging upon hearing Potter talk to Lily in that manner.

'Leave him alone,' she repeated, glaring at him, her lips nothing but a thin line across her face. 'What's he done to you?'

Potter seemed to find this question rather amusing. 'Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean....'

Severus watched as both, Black and Pettigrew, along with many of the surrounding bystanders, laughed in agreement. Severus looked to Lily, who was more furious than before, and then to Lupin, whom was still staring into his book, but obviously listening to everything they were saying.

'You think you're so funny,' Lily said harshly. 'But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.'

James seemed to be creating a brilliant scheme in his mind, because a grin formed upon his face. 'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' he said, raising an eyebrow at her. 'Go on...Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.'

Severus' eyes immediately went to Lily. For one fleeting moment, Severus worried that she would agree. After all, he was one of the more handsome blokes in their year. But he quickly remembered that they were in love and Lily wouldn't do that to him.

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,' Lily sneered.

The Impediment Jinx was beginning to wear off and Severus was able to break free from it.

'Bad luck, Prongs,' Black said before turning to see Severus breaking free. 'OY!'

Severus snatched his wand and pointed it at Potter just as he turned around. All of the anger mustered up inside of him caused him to remember the spell he had just begun to create. Sectumsempra! He thought with all his might.

A flash of white light shot at Potter and a rather large gash appeared on the side his face. Severus frowned. The spell was supposed to have a greater affect, but for now that was a bit satisfying.

But before Severus had time to celebrate, Potter whirled around and shot a jet of light toward him. As if an invisible rope was tied around his ankle, it shot up into the air and Severus was hanging from his ankle and his robes flew up over his head, revealing his underwear.

Severus could hear the crowd cheer. He could only hope that Lily wasn't laughing.

'Let him down!' he heard her yell furiously.

'Certainly,' James said happily. And suddenly, Severus wished she hadn't said that. He landed on the ground, nearly breaking his neck.

Just as Severus got to his feet with his wand raised, ready to strike Potter, Black shouted, 'Locomotor mortis!'

Severus' legs went stiff and he was unable to move.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' Lily shrieked, pointing her wand at Black and Potter. They stared at it, making a decision of whether or not to stop hexing Severus.

'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you,' Potter said incessantly.

'Take the curse off him, then!' Lily said sharply.

Potter, who couldn't push his feelings for Lily aside, sighed and pointed his wand at Severus, muttering the countercurse.

'There you go,' Potter said grimly. Severus got to his feet, wiping dirt off his robes. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -'

Anger like no other boiled up in Severus' gut. This had been part of the reason he hadn't wanted to go public about their relationship.

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!' Severus instantly wished he could take back what he said. Why had he said it? He didn't mean it. He loved Lily. But he had called her that foul name for no reason...

*****

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

Lily couldn't believe her ears. She blinked at him, unsure if she heard him right. When the crowd went utterly silent, Lily realised that he had called her a Mudblood.

'Fine,' Lily said calmly. Her heart was breaking and she knew it was a matter of moments before she would start crying. 'I won't bother in the future.' Lily bit her lip and added hastily, 'And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.'

'Apologise to Evans!' James bellowed at Severus.

Lily rounded on James. 'I don't want you to make him apologise,' she yelled. The truth was, she wanted him to apologise on his own. 'You're as bad as he is....'

'What?' James shouted. 'I'd NEVER call you a - you-know-what!'

But Lily wasn't even thinking about that. She was counting all the reasons why she hated James. 'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.'

Tears blurred her vision as she strode off away from the crowd of students. Lily could hear James say something about taking off Severus' underpants, but at that moment she didn't care. She couldn't decide whom she hated more: James or Severus.