Stars and Shadows

I stand in the shadows. The darkness is where I belong. Beyond me, I watch, look on. The scene before me unfolds.

I watch her.

For the first time since forever do I see her.

A brilliant shaft in virginal white slowly lighting a steady path. A path to her future. A life without me.

Finally, I have been broken.

It had felt like forever.

For years have I carried her with me, as I would the pendant on the silver chain that hung from my neck.

Every sunrise and each sunset, she is a part of me. As real as the sun and moon. As beautiful and perfect as the stars against the night sky...

For that is what she is. A shining golden hope inside the darkness of my heart.

My life has been difficult. And through each battle fought and each victory won I close my eyes and am mesmerized by her smile. The one smile that could light a room.

That could light a life.

My hands are cold. I clasp them together to keep them warm. To keep them from shaking. I look down taking in the paleness of my skin. But I can still see it. I can still feel it.

Blood.

My father's blood.

I've tried to erase it, remove it from my mind. But there it shall remain for all of my endless days. The beginning of my freedom. My rebirth.

No.

That would be wrong.

For my life began the day she loved me.

But I could not love her.

A new world of magic was born with the death of the dark lord. A world of happiness. Of joy.

But I do not belong to this world. My world is of stale bread, a lumpy and unused bed, a deranged mother and thoughts. Thoughts of her...

I dream now. Sleepless dreams, as I stare off into eternity.

Dreaming of a perfect life with her.

I dream of loving her.

Loving her in the most life-consuming way I could imagine, the way I could hope to imagine. A wondrous jumble of laughter and tears, sleepy mornings and passionate nights, smiling children and annoying pets...

I have yet to learn how to smile.

There hasn't been much to smile about.

Especially now.

I see him reaching for her hand now and I break all the more. The happiness in his bright green eyes speaks to me. As if sensing my eyes on her, she turns slightly.

I cannot stand it any longer. I turn away.

I begin to walk. I start to run...

She is happy now. She is happy now...

I must keeping repeating this for if for just one moment I doubt myself...

I stop now. I find myself standing in front of a dilapidated door. The entrance to the gloom and doom where I eat and in theory, sleep. I do not live here. I live nowhere... never have...

I dig my hand into my pocket and clutch at the cold metal of my keys. Numb, I turn it in the keyhole, flinging the door open. The unwelcome musty smell of my empty flat greets me.

Closing the door behind me I collapse against it.

A constriction in my throat. Wetness in my eyes.

I have lost her.

The one thing in my life ever freely given to me...

Her love... I shall never taste. Never feel.

A love I will never be able to return.

But she is still with me.

A part of me...

Forever.

I close my eyes.

I bask in the memory of my name on her lips.

Draco...

A name she will never utter again.

*****

Draco...

I blink.

Perhaps it will be easier this way. To let the madness consume me...

Draco...

Her voice will not stop echoing in my mind.

Do I want it to stop?

Draco...

There is a knock on the door and it reverberates through my body.

"Draco?"

My breath is halted.

This is no wind torturing me, playing havoc on my senses.

I am propelled by faith...

and love...

I throw the door open.

I see an angel. She stands before me. In white. Covered in white.

Her lips part and her sweet voice fills my being.

"I waited for you... I thought that you were... they said... I saw you."

She stops and shakes her head.

She smiles.

I smile.

I smile.

I finally smile.

Outside of myself, I watch as she lifts her hand to my cheek.

She wipes away the tears.

"I love you."

Her lips against mine, I know it to be true.

We have broken down the walls of my heart.

We have found my soul.

And I will always truly love her.

I died in your arms tonight

I dreamt of rainbows and roses

I close my eyes shut tonight

There, lay sweetness and you

I gazed into your eyes in my dreams tonight

I gaze into your eyes tonight

I die tonight