La Vie en Rose

La Vie en Rose

by Elais

Chapter 13: Je suis venu te dire que je m'en vais... et tes larmes pourraient tout y changer...

Two days later

"Hermione! Hermione, open the door! Hermione, please! I know you're here! It's me! Sophie!"

Sophie was pounding with all her strength at the door of Hermione's flat.

"Hermione!" she cried in French, "Hermione, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry and so is Aymeric. He told me so. Forgive me! Hermione, please, if you're here, open the door!"

Curled up on her couch inside her flat, Hermione was ignoring her friend's desperate pleas. She didn't want to talk to her right now. She didn't want to see anybody. She just wanted to stay on her couch and cry, but she no longer had tears to cry.

"She's not there," Hermione heard her old neighbour Monsieur Préel say from the other side of the door. He was a very nice man Hermione was very fond of. He was always sweet to her and had even invited her to drink ta in his flat a few times. With his grey hair and his round spectacles, his nice smile and his gentleman like manners, he always reminded her of her late grand-father. "I haven't heard or seen her for two days."

Hermione knew he was lying for her sake. He had seen her come back two days before and had asked her with worry in his voice and eyes what was wrong. She had only looked at him with despair, silently asking him to leave her alone. He had nodded his head understandingly.

"Are you sure?" Sophie asked Monsieur Préel.

"Yes, Miss. Miss Smith isn't there. Or she's not been moving for two days. This often happens. Sometimes I do not hear her for days and then she comes back."

This was not entirely a lie. It was true she often disappeared for a few days. She went near the sea and looked towards England. She had even been to Calaisonce and had looked at the white cliffs of Dover, tears invading her eyes. She had been close to embarking on a ferry and going back to England. But when she had looked at the cliffs again, a dark cloud had been hovering over them and she had understood that it wasn't the time.

"Oh... Alright... I hope nothing's wrong..."

Sophie stared at the door as she reluctantly walked away from it.

"I'll come back later," she told the man. And Hermione as well. Sophie was sure her friend was inside. But she could understand why she didn't want to talk to her.

Hermione heard Sophie walk down the stairs and her neighbour close his door. She looked exhausted. She hadn't changed in two days. She still wore the clothes she had been wearing when she had left her apartment with Ron two days before.

She kept playing that fateful morning in her head, wondering how things had gotten so bad between them. How could she have said that about Eileen? She had been angry, but it wasn't an excuse. She was disgusted with herself. Ron had looked at her with scorn in his eyes. He had never looked at her that way before. She had felt his burning gaze on her forehead. He had never been that angry. Ever.

She hadn't heard from him for two days. She was not expecting to hear from him ever again.

She sighed and hung her head. She had destroyed everything. Life had given her a second opportunity to be with Ron, and she had wasted it. She remembered him asking her why it always was difficult for them to be happy together. She hadn't known the answer. She still didn't. Her brain refused to work now. It was completely numb with pain. And sorrow.

She turned her head towards the window and looked at the sky, wondering. Ron was probably back in the UK by now. Would he tell the others he had seen her? Would he tell them the way she had treated him? And would she soon see people from her past coming to Paris to see her? Should she expect her parents to knock on her door some day or another? A few days before, she had decided to leave Paris. But now she wasn't sure anymore. One part of her wanted to go away, to fly to another country once more, to assume another identity and start a new life. The other part of herself snorted.

"As if you've been able to start a new life in Italy, Greece or France. Would Germany, Spain, or even the United States be different? Stop fooling yourself, Hermione. You're not a child anymore. You know what you have to do. You just have to leave France and head directly for the Burrow and ask for Ron."

"But there's no way he could ever forgive me for what I've said and done. I'm no good for him. I always bring misery in his life. I should let him live his life. Be happy with someone else. He deserves to be happy," she stated aloud. "Bloody hell, I wish I knew what to do," she cursed, surprising herself.

She suddenly heard a faint noise coming from the window. She looked up and saw an owl waiting on the edge of the window. She got up, surprise filling her eyes, and went to the window. The owl was brown and black, and was looking at her with its head cocked to the side, its big, golden eyes filled with curiosity. She opened the window and took the letter it was carrying. She immediately recognized Ron's handwriting.

"How?" she asked the bird. "How could he... how did he break the spell? I had cast a spell on myself so that no owl could find me... but of course, you knew where to find me. That's probably why... "

She looked down at the letter she was clutching in her hand...

Ron...

Ron had written a letter to her. Her hand began to shake as she was wondering what the letter contained. When she glanced at the owl again, it was gone.

She opened the envelope with shaky fingers, then stopped, wondering if she really wanted to know what he had written. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. She had to read it. If he had taken the time and the pain of writing to her, she should at least read his letter. She shut her eyes tight for a few seconds, then began to read.

"Dear Hermione,

I don't know where to start. I don't even know why I'm writing this letter. I guess it's because I still love you. What you said about Eileen the other day was awful. Right now, I don't know if I can forgive you. Maybe someday, I might be able to. Or maybe I won't. I don't know. All I know is, I still want you in my life. I know it would not be easy every day, I know we always used to bicker about everything, that we almost never agree on anything.

But Hermione, it can't be harder to be together than to be apart.

Hermione, these last five years have been worse than a nightmare. For me. For you as well. I could see it in your eyes.

Like I told you two days ago, I wanted to start a new life with you. Maybe I have not been clear enough that night. I have thought about it all and I have come to the conclusion that Eileen isn't the problem. That she never was the problem. We kept hiding behind her because we were too scared to open our hearts to one another. Too scared of losing this precious friendship we had. But now that we have crossed a line that cannot be drawn again, don't you think we deserve to be happy at last?

I once read something in a book -- yeah, I do read books. You've been a bad influence. At least, that's what George and Fred would say."

She couldn't help but smile through her tears.

"But back on topic. It was a quote from someone named Seneca. I'm sure you know who he is. He said, "It's not because things are difficult that we daren't do them. It's because we daren't do them that they are difficult". When I read this, which was after you had disappeared, I realized how right he was. And how foolish I had been. How foolish we had both been.

I want to give you the house with a white fence you're dreaming of. I want to spend Saturdays and Sundays with your family and mine. I want evenings with Harry and Ginny. But most of all, I want the children you talked of. You said you wanted them to be red-haired. Well, I want them to have brown eyes and to be little book-worms. I want a little girl who'll spend her time reading Hogwarts, A History. I want you, Hermione. You, and no one else. And if you never come back, I won't ever be with any other woman the way I want to be with you. Because they're not you. They're not even close to the wonderful woman you are. Of course, you are stubborn as a mule sometimes, and you've hurt me more than any other woman has. But I'll learn to forget how we hurt each other. We would not hurt so much if we didn't love each other madly.

But, my love, I don't want us to suffer any more. I want us to stop hurting. We've been hurt so much already. Don't you think we deserve to be happy, at last? So, if you think that we should stop seeing one another, that we should resume being apart, I'll respect your decision. I must confess that I'll be miserable if you decide not to be in my life anymore. You'll always be in my heart, though. You've been my best friend for so many years, and you're the love of my life. You're the only one I can open my heart to this way, but you're also the only person who could break my heart into thousands of pieces if you wanted to.

People say time heals everything. That with time, we learn how to deal with our losses. People told me so after Eileen's death. And it's true. It's awful of me to say this about the girl I asked to marry me, but I learned how to deal with her being dead. Not completely with the way she died, though. I can't help feeling guilty, in spite of all I told you the other day. But I cannot spend the rest of my life blaming myself for what was her choice. I broke up with her, and that probably was what triggered her to commit suicide, but I didn't give her the rope she hung herself with. Don't think I'm making fun of this, because I'm not. But seeing you again made me understand that it was time for me to move on. And also that I did not kill Eileen. It was her decision to end her own life. It's cruel of me to say this but it's the truth. I realize I was the centre of her universe, but I'm not worth dying for, especially this way. I don't want to hide behind Eileen anymore. I loved her, believe me, I did, though not the way I love you, I mean I was not in love with her. What I mean to say, Hermione, is that were I to live a thousand years, nothing would ever heal my heart if you decided to leave me for good.

When your friends Sophie and Emric (don't know how to spell it, sorry) told me that you had tried to commit suicide because of me, I thought I was going to die, or explode on the spot. I was so angry with you, Hermione, so angry because I thought that you hadn't understood a thing. I don't blame your friends for telling me this, especially not Emric. I should thank him again for saving your life.You're lucky to have him for a friend. To have Sophie for a friend. If you had died, Hermione, I don't know what I would have done. It was so unlike you. You're not the kind of girl who'd commit suicide, especially not for a man. But I guess you had your reasons. Maybe you'll tell me one day. As for being even with Eileen... Well, I guess the only way she'd want you to be even with her would be to take care of me. Don't think I'm boasting, but that is just the kind of thing she would have wanted. I remember talking with her one day. She was talking about her parents and her grand-mother. She began crying because she remembered what it felt like to be alone on earth. As I was hugging her, she told me she was glad I had such a nice family, such a nice best friend. And such a nice friend like you because if she was to die, I wouldn't be alone on earth.

I guess she always knew I loved you. Why she didn't break up with me, I'll never know. I guess that even though she knew my heart belonged to you, she was scared that if she broke up with me, she would be on her own again. She never realized I was her friend. I shouldn't have played her game. I shouldn't have promised her the white fence when I wanted you to have it. But what is done is done. I cannot spend the rest of my life apologizing or blaming myself. I cannot turn back time, though I wish I could. Oh, yes, I wish I could. But time turners aren't made for this, as you know.

Last night, I went to this movie thing you wanted us to go together to. I loved the movies very much. Strictly Ballroom intrigued me very much. I'm not really used to Muggle movies... or movies in general. But Romeo + Juliet almost made me cry. Believe it or not, it actually made me want to read the book- the play - it was based on. But Moulin Rouge! was my favourite of the three. It taught me one thing, one sentence I will never forget. This sentence is rooted deep within my heart, forever. Maybe because it hit home. Because it made me think of you. Of us. I don't want to paraphrase or anything, Hermione, but ' The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved, in return'.

I shall end this letter on this statement. But you need to know, or rather I need you to know, that my train will leave the Saint Lazare station at 6 p.m. I'm writing this letter from the Station Café . People are looking strangely at my owl, but I don't give a damn about it. Why the train, you may ask yourself. I guess I want to pretend that I'm back on the Hogwarts Express with my two best friends. Well, with my best friend and the love of my life - you, not Harry. (She couldn't help but laugh) Just joking. The train will take me to Calais. From there, I'll take the ferry to Dover. Then back on a train. Or maybe I'll just Apparate home. But I don't want to leave France by Apparating to England. I don't want to leave France alone as well but that is up to you now. Please, Hermione, my love, come. Come to the station. Please. If you don't come, I'll take it as a way of telling me you don't want me in your life anymore. If that is the case, you'll never hear from me again. I won't tell anybody you're in Paris. And I'll never come back.

Be happy, Hermione. With or without me. But please, be happy for us both.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you....

Yours Forever,

Ron.

P.S.: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Hermione let herself collapse on her sofa and burried her head in her arms, crying.

"Ron.... why?" she asked, pounding the sofa with her fist, "Why did you have to write me such a beautiful letter? I don't know what to do! I always hurt you. Why you love me, I don't know. I can't make this decision. If I go back with you, I'll hurt you again and you'll end up hating me. If I don't come to the station, I'll hurt you as well. I wish I knew what to do! I wish I knew what to do! For Merlin's sake!" she cried, throwing her arm over her coffee table and making everything fall on the floor. She then attacked her radio and threw it on the floor with rage. Instead of breaking, the radio fell on the 'on' button and music instantaneously filled the room. Hermione recognized the song immediately.

It was Nature Boy, by David Bowie. A song from the movie Moulin Rouge.

Hermione put back the plant she was about to throw against the wall as someone started to speak in French over the music.

"The Baz Luhrmann marathon, which took place yesterday night at the Montmartre Gaumont Cinéma was a huge success. About a thousand people had gathered in the two rooms devoted to the projection of the Australian director's three movies, Ballroom Dancing (Strictly Ballroom), Roméo + Juliette and Moulin Rouge!, in which the action takes place in Montmartre. Our special reporter Guillaume Samuell was there and interviewed some of the spectators for us.

3 a.m.

As Moulin Rouge's closing song, Boléro, starts, tear-strained people start leaving the two rooms in which took place the Baz Luhrmann Marathon. When asked which movie was their favourite, many answer Moulin Rouge! but Roméo + Juliette is not far behind. Ballroom Dancing, is less known to the French spectators. Many of them discovered it tonight.

"It was great," said a woman, "but it lacked Moulin Rouge's craziness and bright colours. But it was great nonetheless. Baz Luhrmann's a genius! "

Many agree with this woman and as people wipe their tears away, it's with smiles that they confess that they wouldn't have miss the projection of what Luhrmann himself calls his 'Red Curtain Trilogy'.

"Not everyone likes Luhrmann's movies," admitted Michel Démaret, at the origin of this marathon, "But whether you like his work or not, you cannot deny that this man is a genius. He is a wonderful director. These movies are like an explosion of colours, of love. They make you feel alive. At the end of Ballroom Dancing, you want to dance. At the end of Roméo + Juliette, you want to rush to your house and read the play. And at the end of Moulin Rouge, you want to fall in love. Luhrmann's movies are about universal themes. Love, hatred, violence, life, death, music, dance are central themes of our existence. And that's the genius of it all. By simply telling you stories revolving around these themes, in a straightforward way, Luhrmann makes you want to feel alive. "

But he also teaches us a lesson that we should not forget. As Ewan McGregor, Christian in Moulin Rouge, says in the movie, 'The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.'

Guillaume Samuell, Montmartre. "

Hermione was now sitting on her sofa and was looking at the radio as though it had slapped her in the face. She was shaking from head to toe, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her nostrils were flaring. She swallowed hard and stood up all of a sudden, crying, "It's a sign! It's a sign! It has to be a sign. I want it to be a sign! I need to go to the station. I need to be with Ron. You were right, Ron, you were so right. You're smarter than I am. It can't be harder to be together than to be apart. I wish I had realized it sooner! I..."

She froze and turned her head towards the clock.

5.30 p.m.

Ron's train was leaving at 6. She didn't have much time. She ran to her bedroom and looked for her coat. She then remembered she had thrown it to the floor right after coming home two days before. She turned round abruptly and nearly slipped on her carpet. She took her coat and frantically looked for her wand in the inside pocket of the coat.

"Merlin, where is it? No, not now! Don't tell me I've lost it! Not now! Please!!"

She threw her coat in a bundle towards her kitchen. It landed near her fridge, under which, unbeknownst to her, her wand had rolled many days before.

She looked for her wand under her sofa, under her coffee table, under the carpet, in her bedroom, her bathroom, her kitchen. She threw a dark look at her coat which she had decided to consider responsible for losing her wand. She ran a hand under the fridge before thinking there was no way her wand could have rolled under it.

She slipped on her coat and ran to her door. If she ran to the station, she could maybe make it in time. Opening the door in a hurry, she nearly collided with Monsieur Préel, her old neighbour, who was climbing up the stairs.

"Oh, sorry, Monsieur Préel."

"Miss Smith," he started but she was already rushing downstairs. "Your friend was looking for you!" he yelled, looking over the guardrail of the staircase.

He shrugged when she didn't answer. He then noticed that she hadn't closed her apartment door. He closed it with a smile, before entering his own flat and closing his door behind him. This young woman was crazy, but he couldn't help liking her.