Once in a Blue Moon

CHAPTER SEVEN

Not much had happened to Remus since Lyca disappeared after being bitten last year. During the course of his 7th year at school, Lily and James got very serious, and Remus found himself making distance between his normal happy friends, and the broody inner-self that he cultivated in secret.

James surprised the entire population of Hogwarts by purposing to Lily during the end of the year banquet. Everyone clapped and cheered loudly for the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and a gaggle of Lily's friends ran up to hug and congratulate her. Sirius tired to make some very profound remarks on the subject, subsequently sending Peter into a fit of uncontrollable hysterics. Remus clapped and joined in on the fun, but he felt very disconnected from the happiness that radiated from the Great Hall.

After some of the excitement had died down (and Lily had shared some very passionate kisses with James) everyone ate and conversed jovially. The conversations around the Gryffindor table ranged from possible careers, to plans for the summer holiday, and (inevitably) to the entertainment options available for James's bachelor party (proposed by Sirius obviously). Remus had a hard time swallowing for a moment. He imagined how his friends and classmates would have an easy time procuring and maintaining their jobs. This wasn't school anymore; he couldn't hide in the Shrieking Shack with Dumbledore watching his back any longer. This is the real world, Remus thought to himself as images of rejection and failure filled his head. He would never be able to make enough money. A horrible pang of longing hit Remus as he thought of all things he had wanted to give Lyca before the incident, a family, a beautiful house, money. How could he even think of such wonderful things, when not only did not deserve them, but he would probably never have an enough money to support himself. Let alone a family and a house. His deformity was causing him so much grief. Suicide always nagged at the back of Remus's mind, causing him to pace back and forth in his dormitory room late at night, especially when he was nervous or upset. He had even taken to drinking in secret (a habit which he was not especially proud of); partly to numb the pangs of his guilt, and partly to allow himself to sleep without experiencing the same cold, vicious nightmares again and again.

Remus watched Sirius's newly transfigured schoolbooks scuttle away as frightened mice and lizards, and chuckled despite himself. Suicide was the easy way out. Killing himself meant admitting to the rest of the world that he couldn't handle the challenges life had dealt him. Suicide meant that he was weak; that he was still that same terrified little boy who could do nothing but trip and fall. Then and there, amidst the horrified squeals of the Hogwarts's girls, Remus silently vowed never to retreat to those bad habits ever again.

The Potters' wedding was held in the spring, and, of course, Sirius was the best man. It was a simple wedding; only a few close family and friends were invited (most of James' family was dead, and Lily's sister, although invited, chose not to attend or even RSVP for that matter). Lily and James were elated, and with no surprise Lily was pregnant in November.

Then the Potters went into hiding...