Perfect

Perfect

*

They always seemed so perfect together. They were everything to each other, one strong where the other was weak, always supporting and steadying each other in every thing. It was the ideal of a romantical relationship, they were like picked up from some of those romance novels girls like to read. Nobody could ever find anything wrong with their relationship, because it was perfect. They fitted each other like a pair gloves on a pair of hands.

The most fascinating thing, at least by my mind, was that they didn't only accomplish this perfection between two people. No, there were three of them.

Most people asked me the same thing. Always, always the same thing. And that thing was, was I jealous? No, I wasn't. I've never been interested in blokes that way, and certainly not in any of my friends. I was merely happy as I saw them, without any worries or sadness, simply happy and content in each other's arms. True, I was maybe a bit envious of their happiness, but only a bit, and never jealous.

All I ever wanted was a nice, kind wife, a comfortable house in the countryside, a good job, and maybe a couple of cute little kids running around and making noise. Yup, that has always been my image of a perfect life. I've accomplished my dream by now, I don't need anything else. Even back then, I had a clear picture of perfect life in my mind, knowing full well that the only part they had in my dream life was as my dearest friends. Why would I have been jealous of their happiness?

Especially when the happiness did not remain?

I was happy for them back then, yes. However, when they then broke apart -- well, apart and apart, into two pieces, anyway -- I was mad. Mad at them for not understanding their own best, mad at them for not trying harder to retain the perfection, mad at the world in whole for driving them apart when they were obviously meant to be. But most of all, I was mad at James for leaving Remus and Sirius. Who cared about Lily Evans? So, she was beautiful, intelligent, kind, magically powerful, and a wonderful person. What did she have that Remus and Sirius lacked? Tits? Pitiful, James, really pitiful.

Oh, well. It's no use to be mad at him, anyway, since that cannot bring them back together. To make a long story short, they got together in the end of our fifth year, all three of them. For two years, they were like glued together. For two years, they were deep in love -- sure, they fought every now and then, but who doesn't fight with their loved ones occasionally? And after those two years, there was nothing. Nothing that I'd know of, anyway.

All I'm aware of is that one night, near the Easter of our seventh year, they were talking in the Common Room, while I was already in our dormitory. After some time, Remus rushed in to the dormitory, his face pale and his lips quivering. "I hate that bastard," he hissed, and then tossed himself to his bed. Sirius shortly followed, settling down next to Remus and petting his hair comfortingly. They talked with hushed voices, and the only thing they told me that they weren't with James anymore.

James didn't show up very soon that night. In fact, he didn't show up at all until early in the morning, when I was startled awake as he banged the door to the dormitory open. The Lumos spell he casted to find his way to his bed revealed the ruffled hair, reddened cheeks, and the clear love bites all along his neck. I knew that Remus and Sirius saw them, too. They pretended to be sleeping, both curled up on Remus's bed, but I saw Remus's eyes flickering towards James under half-closed lids and Sirius pressing his head against the pillow, not wanting to see what he knew to be true.

The next day, and the several ones after that, they did not talk. Remus and Sirius only talked to each other, and occasionally to me, while James pulled himself away from everyone, me included. I bet most students, if not all of them, noticed the tension between the formerly inseparable lovers. At least one person did, that I know for certain, since two weeks later, James made his engagement with Lily Evans public.

I cannot blame Lily, I would never do that. I know her well enough to know that she would never try to break any couple or threesome apart just to get the person she wants. No, it was all James's fault. He was the one who started to pine after Lily when he had the two best people in the world all to himself, he was the one who broke up the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen, he was the one who practically ran to Lily just to make sure Remus and Sirius understood that he didn't want anything to do with them.

So, it was Easter when the boys broke apart. In the middle of August, James and Lily got married. I was James's Best Man -- he had nobody else who could, or would have done that for him. A few weeks later, Remus and Sirius followed the suit, and I was again the Best Man. None of them accused me of betrayal or anything of the kind only because I had the same role in both weddings, they understood that while I didn't like the fact that they'd broken up, I didn't want any of my friendships broken over their fights.

And in the end of January the next year, little Harry Lupin-Black was born to this world, much to the joy of his two loving fathers. He was the cutest baby boy I'd ever seen, really, and nowadays, he's even cuter. Not to mention clever and happy and a born flyer. Although I may be a little biased -- I'm his Godfather, after all, just like my wife is his Godmother. And yes, we're also the godparents of James's oldest child, young Viveca -- she's about three years old now, as opposed to Harry's five years of age. Both Harry and Viveca have a younger sister, and from what I've gathered, Harry's going to get a baby brother in a few months.

Remus and Sirius probably think I don't know the truth about Harry, but I do. I know it even though James doesn't. He's never noticed how little the boy actually looks like Remus, he always misses the signs that should be too obvious for anybody to miss. Like how Harry has blazing green eyes, while Sirius's are pale blue and Remus's whole family has warm brown eyes. The only ones other than Harry whom I know to have those bright green eyes are Lily - and James's mother. Talk about inheritance.

No, I'm not stupid. I have figured it out ages ago. Even when Sirius announced that he was pregnant, I already figured that the child was not Remus's -- if it had been, they wouldn't have told so loudly and in so many occasions that it was. No, it was James's kid, the last thing he left to his two lovers before turning away from them, never looking back. Remus and Sirius still miss him all the time, although they have learnt to hide it pretty well. James doesn't seem to miss them, or if he does, I haven't noticed it. He doesn't seem to care. Why would he? He's lost too much to care a lot about anything anymore.

We all lost a lot in the War. Remus lost his both parents, just like James did, although for a wholly different reason -- Remus's mother was a Muggle, while James's parents were the most known supporters of Dumbledore. Everyone lost somebody close to them. And if not anything else, then their innocence. I have done things I'd never allow my children even hear of, leave alone do. And yet, I was on the -- supposedly -- Good Side.

Not that I hadn't thought about otherwise. Oh, I'm not a saint, rather I was the one everyone would have thought to be the traitor -- I've always been weak-minded, unable to resist any kind of mental attacks or persuasion. But no, in the end, I wasn't the one who turned their back to Light.

Oh, I did consider joining the Dark Lord, I truly did, and a lot. I probably would have, had it not been for Monica. Monica Jayson, who'd been a Ravenclaw on our year. Sweet Monica. Wonderful Monica. Adorable Monica, the only girl who would voluntarily try to see past my stuttering speech and plump appearance. The only mediwitch student in the magi-medical school I attended to who would go out with me. At the moment, she's also my wife for five years and the mother of our three kids.

Yeah, I have kids. Three of them, a boy and twin girls. Remý, Sirina, and Jamie. Pathetic, yes, I do realize that. I know very well that I am hopeless, you do not need to point it out to me. These choices of names do little good to my attempts to prove that I'm indeed my own independent person, and not just a tag-along of my friends. Of course, the fact that I actually do have a family speaks on my benefit, though.

However, even having a family cannot change people's minds about some people's personality. Let's take Severus Snape for an example. When we were at school, he was a nasty, snarky bastard. Nowadays, he's still the same nasty, snarky bastard -- and he also happens to be the only guardian of the Boy Who Lived. Being Alice Longbottom's cousin, he was the one they gave Neville to when Alice and Frank were killed by the Dark Lord. And even though some people pity the poor child for having to grow up with Snape, I happen to know -- through Remus, yes, but that's just as certainly true as if I'd witnessed the things myself, as Remus never lies -- that Neville's happy with him, really. Sure, he is strict, but he does really care for the boy, and would do anything in his power to protect the little one. And not a few things not in his power. When Severus Snape takes a liking on someone, he doesn't give up his affection easily.

It's funny, really, how we've all changed, in the War and otherwise. How Remus, the one who always thought only the best about everyone, doesn't trust anybody nowadays. I can't blame him, though -- I would be untrustful, too, if I had been betrayed the way he is. At first, James left him and Sirius -- it was even worse to Remus, since werewolves take it really hard if their pack is broken apart -- and then he was lured to Death Eaters' trap by someone he thought to be his friend. Just the same way, Sirius has become more mature -- carrying Harry and Phoebe and now the new baby most probably have something to do with it. You don't go running around and doing dangerous things when you're with a child, or when you know you have a little baby waiting for you at home. The whole family thing did it to him.

James is still the same: an irresponsible, immature brat. Sure, he goes to work, and works well enough to support Lily, Viveca, and little Elena. But at times, the old Marauder shows up in him, making him do things nobody else would even think of after turning twenty. Or after growing up, like Remus once said bitterly.

Severus Snape? Sure. He still snaps and barks at anybody he doesn't like -- a list which contains everybody but Dumbledore, McGonagall, Neville, and occasionally Remus -- but with Neville, he's the most gentle and caring father I've ever seen. After I saw him tying the boy's shoes for him, I just haven't been able to look at Snape the same way as before. Of course he doesn't admit that he has got softer, but I know he has.

Have I changed? I suppose so. I've dared to take myself apart from my friends enough to settle down on my own and start a family. I've come to notice that while I'm maybe not the best father in the world, I'm the best one for my own kids. And even though I still don't understand how I ever got Sorted in Gryffindor, I can stand up to myself and my loved ones, I proved that well enough in the War. If course, I'm also changed in appearance -- I'm not plump anymore, instead, I'm in a quite good shape, although I do admit that I could still weigh less. But at least the fat Peter Pettigrew is gone, hopefully for good.

But which one of us has changed most since we were, say, sixteen? It's hard to say. At first, I'd say James -- he did break up the seemingly unbreakable relationship, after all, and preferred a woman to his two lovers. No offense to Lily, but if I had Remus and Sirius to myself (assuming that I was gay, of course) I would never give them up for anyone. I could also say Snape, even though the change isn't visible, it's still the greatest one I've ever seen in a person.

But no, I cannot say either of them, since there's somebody who has changed even more. And his change is unique; nobody else has changed the same way -- or at least I desperately hope so.

But, as it seems, he truly is alone in his new role. We others became fathers, he became... what he is. A traitor.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, the traitor of the Light Side. The one who caused the death of Alice and Frank Longbottom, and almost got Remus killed, too. I would have never believed that from him.

Oh, well. Nobody's perfect, I think. Nothing is perfect. Not even my friends.

-- Peter

Peter closed the journal with a small thud. For some time, he just stared at the book, not knowing what to do next. Should he still write some more? Or go outside with the others?

Then the choice was made for him. The door opened, and two little boys ran in.

"Father!" exclaimed one of them, a fair-haired boy with deep brown eyes. "You must come and look at our snow man! He's great!"

"Sure I will, Remý," replied Peter with a slight smile. "But I didn't know there's snow yet, it's still September."

"There wasn't," said the other boy, who had messy hair, spectacles, and blazing green eyes. "But then Dad made us some! Come and look now!"

"I already said I will," he said teasingly. "Well, I'm getting up, you see? No need to drag me forcefully," he added to the boys, who seemingly were rather excited about getting him outside.

Once he got outside, he saw a rather deformed snowman, as well as three other kids, who were all as snowy as Remý and Harry. Three adults stood to the side, talking cheerfully. As they saw Peter, one of them, a dark-haired man, made a mock-salute.

"At last you came out, dear bookworm!" Sirius laughed. "The kids have been truly anxious about you not coming to see their creation. Isn't it Remus's job to sit inside in front of books?"

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away while I was writing," Peter said sheepishly. Then he spoke to the children. "Did you all make this? Wow, this is magnificent! A really good snow man!"

"I still don't think it's good for them to get snowy," huffed Monica, eyeing disapprovingly the temporary winter wonderland Remus had created on their front lawn. "They'll just catch cold. You especially shouldn't get cold, Sirius. It'll do no good for the baby if you get ill."

Sirius gave a haughty laugh, then placed his hands on his rounded tummy. "You keep your ware, Monica," he said. "I've been pregnant more than you. One day, I just might get angry with you for advising me in a matter I know more about than you do!"

"No, you won't," Monica said self-confidently. "You'll do nothing of the kind. Getting highly upset isn't good for the baby, either."

Peter smiled slightly as he heard his wife and friend continue their bickering while they all watched the children play. Remý, Sirina, Jamie, Harry, and Phoebe were now all playing in the snow, right in the middle of some form of a snow war, while Sirius and Monica just went on and on. Maybe they hadn't changed so much after all.

And maybe, he thought, as sun was shining and the children laughed and everybody was happy, maybe every once in a while, everything could be perfect for a little while.