The Girl Who Loved Cats

The Girl Who Loved Cats

*

Ashley loved cats.

I've always thought it was kind of ironic. After all, her Dad was a werewolf, you'd think that she didn't like feline creatures. But no, Ashley just loved cats. It always only reminded me of just how different she was from her father. That she wasn't lycanthropic, by Merlin's grace.

That she was alive.

Remus died giving birth to her. I know he didn't regret it, however. We knew the risks even before he took the Fertility Potion. We'd thought through it all, and decided that we wanted a child anyway. That no matter how low the changes were for both of them, Remus and the child, surviving, it was almost certain that one of them would. And if it were the child - well, Remus was fine with it, also. He didn't mind dying to create a new life.

No, it was me who had the problem with it. I was afraid if I could do it. If everything went fine, would I be fitting for a father? Everyone but Remus knew - and still knows - me as a snarky bastard who never has a good word to anyone. Definitely not the man anyone would want their father, or the father of their child. Least of all I wanted to imagine how could a child of such a perfect creature as Remus come out if it were tainted with my genes?

And if the baby didn't survive, but Remus did? It'd for certain leave him weak and injured. Most probably he hadn't been able to walk for the rest of his life. I'd been burdened with the duty of taking care of him - not that I'd minded the slightest, no, but I didn't think I'd be able of doing it. And did Remus truly want that kind of life, being dependant on someone other in every little thing? I know he loved his freedom, he always did. There were only a few things he'd given it up for - I was truly proud to be one of those things.

But what most worried me was, what if the baby made it, but Remus didn't? If I wasn't sure of being fitting for a parent accompanied by Remus, just how horrible I could be alone? How could I take care of an infant in my sorrow over losing him? How could I bear looking at my child every day and knowing he wouldn't see them, wouldn't play with them, wouldn't be a father to them when I didn't know how?

Remus laughed softly, pushing all my doubts aside. I'd be fine, he assured me. He'd be fine. We'd all be fine.

And then he died.

I know he wasn't afraid of dying so. He wasn't afraid of the death at all. To the end of pregnancy we already knew that he wouldn't survive the birth. I was bitter about that, I almost blamed the baby, but Remus showed me the truth. My beloved husband reminded that it'd been our decision to have a child, and even more his own, as I'd been against it with all my doubts about myself. Remus wasn't angry at the child, he was merely glad that an offspring of ours would live on. He wasn't bitter or sad about dying, the only thing he was sad over was that he couldn't be there as our child grew up. He made me promise to always tell about him to the baby.

And, by Salazar, that I did. Her first word was "Dad" - and she for sure didn't mean me.

Ashley was my treasure, my precious little thing, the light of my life. She was a constant reminder of her other parent, and the love we once shared. She could light up the darkest of my days, drive away the foulest of my moods, make the sun shine through rain clouds with only one smile of hers.

My daughter was a pretty girl - she came to her Dad in that. She had long, golden curls, deep black eyes from me, and - thankfully - Remus's straight nose. Her round features and curly hair always made people call her an angel when she was just very little. Her smile could charm anyone, make anyone smile back and give her a candy.

Unfortunately, that smile didn't charm her murderers.

I don't think I can ever forget it. I was the one who found her, in the alleyway. I'd come home a bit earlier that day. In the way to home I'd stopped in the pet shop and bought a kitten as a surprise for her - just because she loved cats.

When I got home, she wasn't there. I got worried and went to look for her in the nearby streets, asking everyone about her. They hadn't seen her. I know they would have known - everybody at least three streets' worth people around our house knows her, she's everybody's pet.

And then I found her. The strong scent of blood turned my head, and I saw her - the bloody heap in the ground. She was beaten unrecognizable, but I knew instantly it was Ashley - she was my daughter, after all. I went to her immediately, and found out she was already dead.

I still don't know how I made it to home. I recall hovering around with the little body on my arms, and telling one of the neighbours to call the Aurors. We live in an all-wizarding neighbourhood, in the house I bought for us, Remus and me, when we got married. It's a good place - only a few streets down from there is a shortcut to Hogsmeade, so I could go to Hogwarts and come back without having to Apparate. I couldn't anymore, anyway - one of Voldemort's little departing gifts before his final defeat was to generously cut away at least half of my magical powers. Including my power to Apparate and Disapparate, unfortunately.

Remus never minded that I couldn't use all my powers. He was just glad to help when I couldn't do the spells myself, always being there with his wand. He usually knew what I needed even before I voiced those needs to him, and knowing how hard it was to a man wit my pride to ask for help, he helped without asking. It was how he was; the kind, nice, and loveable Gryffindor I loved with all my heart.

Sometimes, I hope I could have him back. That everything hadn't gone like it did. I know it couldn't have been any else way, he wanted the baby so badly, I couldn't have stopped him. And once I had Ashley on my arms... My little, happy, pretty Ashley Remia Lupin-Snape... I knew it had been worth it no matter how bad I felt about it. I loved the daughter he'd given me with the cost of his own life, I wouldn't have traded her to anything in the whole world. Not even to Remus, given the opportunity... for I knew he'd been mad at me if I did. He had willingly paid his life to give life to this little perfect creature. It was his sacrifice that made me love her so, that gave her the ability to light up the darkest of my days.

Then, abruptly and cruelly, that perfection was taken away from me, just like her Dad had been taken from me. Never have I had the change to hold for long on the people I love, never have those I care for been safe. It's like a curse, like I'd been doomed to lose everything I value in the life, and still have to cling on this miserable life, filled of only painful memories and sorrow.

Ashley made it feel worth it. Her smile, her laugh, the twinkle in her black eyes that I knew would never be seen in mine had every day given me the strength to go on, to face yet another day without my beloved mate. Seeing her turn out so much similar to Remus was painful, yet it was a relief to me to see the joy she had for life. I enjoyed listening to her singing, to buy colourful children's books to my little bookworm, to watch the pictures she drew. Pictures of cats, mostly.

Sometimes, I hope she hadn't loved cats so much.

That's how they got her, after all. When the Aurors caught the bastards we heard it. They told they'd promised her a kitten of her own if she went with them. Ashley, poor child, had trusted them. She didn't know how not to trust, she'd had her Dad's character at that - she'd trust the Dark Lord himself without questioning. That was both of theirs downfall, Ashley's and Remus's - they were too good for their own best.

They were too good for this world.

I'd always kind of known that. I knew I would lose Remus in some unfair way. Just the same way I knew I'd lose Ashley. They were too good, too pure to survive in this cold, harsh world. It broke their innocence; their idealistic, pure Light hearts were crushed by this evil world where no true Light can ever survive for long. Just like Harry Potter had been crushed, in the mere age of seventeen as he'd sacrificed himself to defeat the Dark Lord.

But why had it to be this way? Why this was the way I had to lose my daughter, my only link to my beloved husband?

The men were proud of what they'd done. They laughed as they told how she'd looked around in the dark alleyway, asking innocently where the kitten was. They laughed even more as one of them described, in detail, just what they'd done to her. How they'd tortured, raped, and finally killed her.

They said she deserved it. "A spawn of a beast," they called her. "Born from the Dark, not deserving to life," they said, and they were themselves the ones who hadn't deserved to even be born.

The men laughed as I walked to them, telling exactly what I would do to them if it wasn't illegal. They didn't laugh, however, as the Aurors told they'd get the Dementor's Kiss right away. They looked shocked, shocked and terrified. They hadn't expected this.

They hadn't expected to be punished at all. After all, they'd only done what was right, hadn't they? She was a child of a beast, tainted with Darkness even before her birth.

I still don't know whether the "beast" and "Dark" meant Remus or me.

I'll never forget their laugh. People have called me heartless, and at times, I've thought they are right. But those men - they were truly heartless, even I could see that. There were no other emotions but pride and joy about their "accomplishment" as they told the story of Ashley's murder. A couple of Aurors went to throw up as they heard the story, and they've all seen a hell's worth of bad things. The years of the Second War taught a lot to people, after all.

But how could they do that? How Dark has a person's mind to be to make them capable of something like what they did to Ashley? To rape, torture, and finally kill an innocent, a mere child who's never hurt a fly in her short life?

Ashley was just five, for Merlin's sake!

Just a little girl who loved cats...