Switching Sides

Switching Sides

*

Male Conversations

*

The boys glanced at each other wonderingly as the door closed after the girls.

"D'you know what that was about?" asked James curiously.

Sirius shook his head slowly. "Wouldn't have a clue," he admitted.

"Most probably it was some girl thing we aren't even supposed to understand," said Peter, shrugging. "After all, when have girls done anything sensible?"

Sirius got a funny look on his face. "But it shouldn't affect Moony yet... should it?" he asked, sounding a bit confused. "She's been a girl for just a few hours! She should still be just normal!"

"Her mind is the same as before, true," agreed James, "but she already wears girls' clothes and make-up. Maybe it's just the way girls' brains work. Who knows?"

"Not me, at least," muttered the other raven-haired teen. "Let's just hope that she won't be much different from what he was."

"Professor McGonagall said that her personality would be just the same," Peter reminded him.

"And Paddy," James said with a grin, "you loved Moony even when he had a tail and fur. Surely it's not that hard to love her now, when she's at least a human all the time?"

"Besides, it's not like Moony was very different from a girl to begin with -- mph." Peter's cheeky comments were effectively silenced by the pillow Sirius threw at him. "Jamie's right, anyway," the small boy said then with a grin. "You love Moony, regardless of his or her gender. Now, free your inner bi and relax! It's not like this could come between you two -- unless she's now even more intelligent than before and realizes that she'd better break up with you."

This time, Sirius didn't have a pillow nearby. Therefore, Peter would have been hit by a Charms textbook, had he not been quick enough to duck.

For some time, they all were quiet, each going on their own things. Then, suddenly, the silence was broken by a sudden comment. "Jamie?" asked Sirius.

"Hmm-mm?" mumbled James in response.

"How's dating a girl different from dating a boy?"

Giving him a disbelieving look, James rolled around to lie on his back. "You're not serious, are you? And don't give me that ancient pun," he added with a sigh just as Sirius opened his mouth to say something.

"I am serious, however," Sirius then said, frowning. "I've only had a couple of girlfriends, and all of them were for so short time and so long ago that I don't have a clue."

"Aren't they just the same?" asked Peter, sounding confused. "If a girl dates a boy, and a boy dates a girl, they both are in the same relationship, right?"

"No!" exclaimed Sirius and James in unison. Then James added, "There have always been things I've been able to do or say to Lily and Paddy couldn't to Moony, and the other way around. But back then, it was rather easy to Paddy, 'cause he could just do what he wanted Moony to do to him. Now, however, we both have a girlfriend, and our dear friend doesn't know what to do -- right, Paddy?"

"I thought that was rather clear in my statement," grumbled Sirius. "It's not my fault if your brains cannot grasp all details." Then, noticing the two other boys staring at him, he snapped, "What?"

"Erm -- nothing, nothing at all," Peter said sheepishly. "It's just that -- for a moment, you sounded exactly like Moony there."

"I did?" Sirius looked astonished. "Oh, well. Must be rubbing off on me, then."

"Must be so," James murmured. Then he settled more comfortably on his bed. "So, Paddy-boy -- ready for your how-to-treat-my-girlfriend-the-right-way lecture?"

"Go ahead," said Sirius, nodding.

"I'm not interested," Peter mumbled. "It's not like I'd ever get one -- not that I wanted one, either, I happen to prefer boys. I'm going to the Common Room, I'll be back after a moment."

"Fine," James said, waving his hand dismissively. Then he looked at Sirius and said, "At first, you must not blame me if Moony's not happy with your behaviour. Most of the time Lily's not happy with my behaviour. It's almost impossible to tell exactly what girls want from boys. But, I'm sure I can give you a few tips." As Sirius nodded, he continued, "At first, the worst -- that time of the month. From the little I've gathered, the -- um -- period is not really hard to girls, at least not so much. Instead, it's the Pre-Menstrual Syndrome that flips them off. Whenever she has that, or you even think she has that, do everything just like she wants, talk sweetly, help her with everything, and never, ever say that anything is her fault. That way, you can maybe avoid most severe physical damage."

Sirius watched him closely, looking slightly disbelieving. "How bad can it be, then?"

James sighed. Time for his friend to face the reality. "Paddy," he said, "PMS has been successfully used as a mitigating circumstance when one's accused of a murder or other violent crimes1."

Sirius's face paled considerably. "You'd better be kidding," he whispered.

"Unfortunately, I'm not," James replied with a haughty chuckle. "I doubt Remy's going to get that bad, however. If you're lucky, she'll be a bit more sensitive than usually. If you're very unlucky, well... let's say that if you give her enough of the chocolate, flowers and such, and don't even consider making any contact with her if she doesn't clearly want that, you might survive."

"I think I'm in a deep, deep shit indeed," muttered Sirius gloomily.

James, however, just laughed. "Don't worry, most of the involved male population in the world deals with the same problems, myself included, and we're all still alive. And, if you ask me, it's definitely worth the trouble," he then added, grinning. "Even otherwise, you have to be oh-so considerate and polite and generally a gentleman. Although as Moony has still the same personality, she won't hopefully be as picky as the worst girls."

"That should not be so hard," said Sirius, "considering that gentlemanly behaviour is what my Mother has been banging into my head for the whole of my life."

"And, of course, if you want to get any further, you have to learn how to unhook a bra."

Sirius blinked a couple of times, then groaned aloud. "Oh, no," he whined. "Of all the bad things in existence, you have to remind me of that?"

Grinning wickedly, James nodded. One of the very few girlfriends Sirius had had before happily settling on Remus had left him because he couldn't unhook a bra without at least five minutes of fumbling and cursing. "Face the reality, Paddy," chuckled James. "Moony's a girl now, therefore, she wears a bra. And therefore, you have to learn how to unhook it."

"How on earth am I going to accomplish that?" groaned Sirius.

"Practice, my friend, practice," advised the bespectacled boy with an even broader grin than he'd previously had.

"Practice?! You mean I should go to the next girl in a corridor and say, 'I'm sorry, Miss, but can I practice unhooking your bra so I won't disappoint my girlfriend?'"

"Of course not, you daft," laughed James. "I only meant --" he reached a hand dramatically towards his half-open trunk, and then inside it, "-- this!"

For a moment, Sirius just stared at the thing in James's hand. Then he bursted into laughter. "My, my, Jamesie, I didn't know you had that kind of hobby," he cackled. "Why you never told us?"

"Shut up, you prat," James huffed. "Lily left these accidentally when -- well, you probably don't need to know the details. Anyway, you can practice unhooking these."

"How?" asked Sirius, frowning. "It's a bit different to do that when the bra's just lying on the bed than when somebody's wearing it."

"Fine, then," sighed James. Then he started to wrap the bra around his upper chest.

Sirius's eyes flew very wide in shock and surprise. "You're not serious," he breathed disbelievingly. "You cannot be serious!"

"Indeed I am," said James with a wide grin. "What wouldn't a Marauder do for a friend?" Then, with an even broader grin, he added, "Come on, Paddy. Surely you're not afraid of a little piece of clothing?"

*

It was quite some time later that Sirius had somehow mastered the art of dealing with a bra, and James had got many good laughs in the progress. At the moment, they were both sitting on James's bed, Sirius's hand again fumbling with the hooks of the bra fastened around James's chest. Both boys were trembling with suppressed laughter and their hair was muzzled by the occasional wrestling matches they'd taken on the floor.

Suddenly, their fun was interrupted. "Err... guys?" they heard a shocked voice from the doorway. Both boys froze, then raised their eyes very slowly to the intruder.

"Oh, hi, Peter!" piped Sirius, his cheeks - and most of the rest of his face - bright red in embarrassment. "We were just -- um --"

Peter shook his head slowly, his eyes very wide. "I have a feeling that I'd better not even ask what this is about." With that, he turned around and fled again from the dormitory.