For Our Parents Willed So

For Our Parents Willed So

*

Last Wills

*

"That bastard obviously thinks this is funny," mumbled James to himself as he gathered his DADA notes.

He could still hear the teachers' sarcastic voice. "As most of you are clearly incompetent to defend themselves against any Dark threat, you are going to write your last will and testament as a homework for the next lesson. You'll need it more than the little you manage to get to your head about Defence Against Dark Arts."

'Well, if we're not learning anything, it's most probably the teacher's fault,' he mused as he started to plan what he was going to write.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked from the other end of their desk, interrupting his thoughts.

"My DADA assignment," replied James. "My last will, you know. The teacher obviously thinks he's funny when he says that we're too incompetent to stay alive very long," he replied, and actually chuckled. "It's true, though. I think only Remus and a couple of others in our class would pass the exams if they were held now."

"It was the same with our class, although I do think that I, personally, would pass the exams. At least if the target keeps some noise in the practical parts, that is."

James nodded slowly. "I think they're going to make it easier to you," he said then. "I mean, you're obviously the best of the class in DADA, like you are in almost every class. Your only defect is the fact that you cannot see, and that's enough to put us others past you."

"Yeah..." Severus fiddled with the parchment in front of him. "I don't even know where to start," he sighed.

"What's your problem?" asked James curiously. "Don't you have anything to leave behind?"

The Slytherin snorted. "For your information, James, I have about one million Galleons," he said levelly. "I inherited half of my Mum's fortune, as well as everything from her parents as they died. No, my problem is rather than I don't know to whom I could leave anything without losing the rest of my reputation."

"Maybe you could make it something nasty," suggested James, knowing that Severus would like that.

"Like?" questioned the Slytherin, raising one elegant eyebrow.

"I once heard of a Muggle whose wife hated his habit of smoking," James told with a grin. "In his will, he left his whole fortune to his wife - with the condition that she must smoke a box of cigarettes every day for the rest of his life."

Severus's eyes actually lit up. "You can do that?" he asked almost eagerly.

Nodding, James replied, "Yeah. Another had ordered that with his fortune, there had to be a race held in his home village every year on his birthday. The racers must be riding on pigs."

A rare smirk spread on the Slytherin's pale face. "Beware, the world," he muttered with a nasty gleam in his eyes. Then, he started writing.

Shaking his head in amusement, James set to work.

At last, James got his last will written. It looked rather good, at least to him as he eyed it.

"I, James Michael Potter, in my full understanding and comprehension, am leaving the following parts of my property to the following people.

My invisibility cloak and my wand to Sirius Black, my best friend, who always is ready for a good prank.

My racing broom to Remus Lupin, who's the only one that I admit is a better flyer than I.

My engagement ring to Lily Evans, because she said she liked it.

Mr. Snuffles to Severus Snape, because he'll surely hate it. He'll also get my Animagus certificate just because he hasn't accomplished it himself.

My diary (AKA Prank Daily) to my parents, just in case they wanted to know what all I've done at school.

All my dungbombs, itching powder, and other prank means to the Slytherins. I leave it to my friends Sirius, Remus, and Peter to deliver them.

All other knick knacks that I've collected through the years I want to be thrown at the Giant Squid, since I've thrown so many things at it that a couple of more won't do any harm.

Once a Marauder, and always a Marauder,

James Potter'

He glanced up and saw that Severus had also put his quill down. "You done?" he asked.

"Yeah," replied the Slytherin, his fingers flying over the text in last checking.

"May I read it?"

"Sure, go ahead," shrugged Severus, handing the parchment out to him. James snatched the scroll and began to read it.

"I, Severus Salazar Snape, in my full understanding and comprehension, am leaving the following parts of my property to the following people.

A hundred thousand Galleons to Peter Pettigrew, with the condition that he must take also the portrait of me in my bedroom and hang it next to his bed for the rest of his life. The portrait must face him.

Also fifty thousand Galleons to Remus Lupin, with the condition that he must sing "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf" once a day for the next 10 years. Another hundred thousand Galleons if he names his first daughter Luna Silver.

My engagement ring to my father, who always thought much more of this engagement than I did. He may just sell the ring, like he did to my mother's engagement and wedding rings as soon as he'd killed her.

To Lucius Malfoy, who definitely doesn't need any more money, I leave the knowledge that I would've named my first son after him without hesitating (not that Potter'd accepted that). I also leave him my wand, for he's the nearest thing to a friend I have.

I leave a hundred thousand Galleons to Lily Evans, with the condition that she must dye her hair bright green and keep it that way for the next five years.

A hundred and fifty thousand Galleons to Sirius Black, if he changes his second name from "Solomon" to "Severus". I happen to know he hates his name anyway.

The rest of my properties - about five hundred thousand Galleons - to my fiancé James Potter, with the condition that he must wear the engagement ring he got from me for the rest of his life. I may not be very eager to be engaged to him, but the thought of him wearing the sign of his involvement with me gives me great satisfaction.

Missed by nobody, but hellish to the last breath,

Severus Salazar Snape"

At last, James raised his eyes at Severus. "I must say that you're one nasty thing," he said with a smirk. "Although I would take away that bit about your father if I were you."

"Maybe I should," Severus agreed, shrugging. "It's true, though."

James nodded slowly. Then he asked, "Do you want to read mine? It's hardly as twistedly amusing as yours undeniably is, but..."

"Give it here." The onyx eyes didn't glance down to the parchment even once as the long fingers danced over James's will, the dry smirk never fading or changing. "How cute," he said dryly at last. "Thanks for at least protecting my reputation. I don't think I could have ever lived it down if you'd said that you're giving me your puppy because I like it. And of course Evans likes the grin, I have a good taste after all."

"Full of ourselves, aren't we?" chuckled James. "Anyway, I think that part about Peter's a bit too nasty. After all, it's also Remus's bed - you're not paying him anything for it!"

"They can simply put Silencing Charms up if they want to do something, the portrait can't see any more than I can," Severus replied calmly. "The only reason I demanded that is that Pettigrew's still a bit scared of me sometimes."

"Who wouldn't be?" asked James with an innocent tone.

Severus glared at him. "Oh, shut up. You're my fiancé, you're supposed to defend me."

"In your dreams, Snape."

"Nope. You don't want to know what there is in my dreams."

"Why don't I want to know? Is it nightmares or wet dreams?" Now, it was James's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"As it's not about you, it can't be a very bad nightmare," said Severus, smirking slightly.

"Somebody, fast! Kill me before I die for laughing too much. Sev just told a joke!"

"Do not call me Sev."

"Sev, Sev, Seee-eeev..."

"You know, sometimes I wonder whether you're sixteen or six."

"That's a question my Dad's never managed to solve. He knows he was in labour for almost thirty hours to produce me, but obviously the pain hazed his mind enough to make him miss the year."

"Oh ha ha. You're so funny, James."

"I know I am. That's why you love me."

"And as I don't love you, just how funny can you be?"

"That I cannot answer, it's classified information."

"Oh shut up."

"What if I won't?"

"I'll get your beloved broom and stick it so far up your arse that you'll be eating the twigs for breakfast tomorrow."

"You're always so imaginative in your threats."

"And then I'll rip your balls off and stick them inside your head through your ears. There should be more than enough of empty space."

"Ouch..."

"Exactly."