You Will Never Know

You Will Never Know

Dear Harry,

Do you even know? Can you see what this is doing to me?

I bet you don't. I bet you can't even see a difference.

It started this year. I don't even know why. I guess I would have figured it out sooner or later.

That I am totally and completely in love with you, Harry Potter.

I guess the problem is that I don't know how to tell you. Or if I should tell you at all. But if I don't, I know I'll regret it forever, wondering what you would have said. Though you'd probably say "You're not really in love with me, it's probably just hormones or something." It may very well be the damn hormones, but the thing is that I love you and I always will, no matter what.

But, how could I not be in love with you? I'm mean, you're perfect. In every single way I can think of. Your face, your mouth, your nose, your neck, God, your whole body! Do you know that in every moment the passes, I'm aching to touch you? To feel you soft pale skin under my stroking fingertips. To completely surrender myself to you. To make you feel for me what I feel for you.

I would die for you in a heartbeat.

And do you know why? It's because you and I have been best friends for six years now and you've become part of me. You are like my other half. I'm closer to you than I am with my whole family... any of my brothers... or anyone for that matter. Without you, I would be incomplete. I can't stand the thought of living without you. I really can't. I know I'll regret it forever if I don't tell you, I have all this pent up emotion inside me trying to break free, but I can't let it go. I can't. Not for you, not for anyone. I hate this. I hate you for doing this to me, and I love you for doing this to me.

If you were Hermione, or any other girl, this would be so much easier, I would just tell you. But this is you. You're a fucking guy! You're my best friend! It's not supposed to happen like this! Can't you see this is hurting me? Probably not, because I don't show it.

Do you notice I never talk about girls anymore? Because the only one I want is you. And maybe, just maybe, someday, I'll even tell you that, to your face, and not just my mirror, or imagining what would happen in my head. Nothing on earth would make me happier that to spend the rest of my life with you.

But for now, you'll just keep talking about Cho, about other girls, and I'll sit here and pretend that I'm not dying inside. That this isn't crushing me, because it is. I don't know how much longer I can do this for. How much longer I can pretend. This is killing me.

I really do love you, but you will never know.

Ronald Weasley