See you in the next life, Luna

To Mrs C. Lovegood, Behind the Veil, Department of Mysteries, London, United Kingdom; from Miss Luna Lovegood, Hogwart's School of witchcraft and wizardry, Highlands of Scotland, United Kingdom.

June 12th1997

Dear Mama,

I know you told me in the dream not to be owling to you, and I know my letters just end up either being returned to me or getting lost- more than likely floating in the Irish Sea. But it is not easy with everything being so dark lately, so I'm going to break my two-year silence to you and divulge my troubles, because after all, you are my mother whether you are alive or dead.

So much has happened since my last letter, but I'm sure you know all about it. That owl seems like a million years ago, I was sobbing while writing it because nearly all the other third year girls got asked to the Yule Ball, and I didn't. I'm sorry about blaming you not being here for that happening. It made sense at the time that if you were alive, I would have known all about fashion and make-up and how to talk to boys.

Dad was never much good in that area. I couldn't help but become jealous of the other girls showing me their new dress robes they'd all bought in Diagon Alley, with their mothers. It's clear Dad tries his best, he just doesn't know what to do now that I'm not a little girl anymore; he still sends a 'Witchlets and Unicorns' comic for me, just the same as in first year. I don't think he realises that I'm sixteen at the end of August. Maybe you could have a word with him some night?

At the start of fifth year I missed the DA terribly, even if it was the reason I ended up in mortal peril in the battle at the Department of Mysteries. I kept the coin they gave us to tell us meeting times with me, just in case. Sometimes, I'd look at it, willing it to change with my eyes. Harry Potter- Dad said you went around with his mum at Hogwarts- had taught us all sorts of trendy spells and tricks to fight the Death Eaters with. But it wasn't the reason I wanted it back; it was because everyone worked together, helping each other. There was no 'Loony' this or 'weirdo' that or anything, I've tried to raise myself above teasings, but the DA really felt like I had lots of friends and that was a most wonderful thing Mama!

I'm not sure how much help I was to the DA in all the drama of fourth year, but after the battle in the Ministry, Harry asked me about you. When I told him that I'd see you again eventually, he seemed a little for the better. In my opinion, if that's all I can do to make everything easier for him after losing his godfather, then that's fine, I don't need any fancy wand waving. The Gryffindors especially have been really nice to me this year. Harry took me as a friend to a 'Slug Club' Party at Christmas, which was fantastic, because I had never been to a party before, and now it was the other girls' turn to look at me jealously.

Harry really is a good person, if not slightly self-centred, but he's had a hard past compared to everyone else, so he has a right to be. After the Quiddintch final, I really was pleased when I heard Ginny and him got together; he needs someone nice to care for him.

Ginny liked him for a long time, a very long time. Sometimes that scares me a bit. I've never spoke to anyone about it, but there was this one incident that really did unnerve me. It is difficult to explain, we were in Potions, just before our first OWL exams and I had said how happy I was to see her and Harry together. Then out of nowhere she said, 'Yes, it was worth the wait, but I'll not let him forget it'. It doesn't sound very omnious on parchment, but it was the way she looked and the way she spoke, like she was going to make Harry pay for all the time lost.

After Dumbledore's death- another battle, I'm becoming rather accustomed to them- they broke up. I hope Ginny doesn't do something foolish with her resentment; I definitely think something has changed with her; she's become more bitter or tired, I'm not sure I can quite define it.

But I don't want to talk about that stuff anymore. I doubt it even makes sense to you. I'm taking it for granted that you know everything and you don't, you're dead. Now I'm alone and there's this war and I don't know whom to trust, because even though I'm meant to the weird girl, everyone else is changing with circles under their eyes and no-one is smiling anymore. I wouldn't mind if they even laughed at me, if it just meant everything is back to the way is was, but there's this strained atmosphere, of waiting, like when you're waiting for a storm to come or news of a long awaited death.

Why did you have to do it? Why couldn't you be here? Some stupid spell- you didn't need to do it! Everyone knows what a wonderful a singer you were- you could have done that, not experimenting. I need you now.

Do you know what it was like? I rolled you over in the debris, and there you where, glassy eyes staring straight ahead.

I don't remember what happened after that, the Healers said I went into shock. The aunts came over from Donegal, to look after dad and me. Aunt Naimh kept trying to braid my hair; it was down to my waist then, you liked it long. But when I kept crying because of the way she was tugging it, she severed the whole thing with her wand. Right up to my ears, so I looked like a boy.

I hated the aunts and I hated Ireland. That summer I spent there while Dad got back on his feet, there was a terrible heat wave; the sun glowering down on my back, roasting my skin red so I had to stay indoors. Everything was strange and distorted, the milk tasted sour and lights were always too bright. Aunt Aoife's Augurey would snap at me with is sharp beak and its singing haunted all the rooms of the house, even the inside of my brain, as if it knew all my thoughts.

I kept humming the song you were singing before the accident, that way I wouldn't hear the bird. Over and over and over... 'It will not be long, love, til our wedding day.' Remember that one Mama?

I read Aunt Meabh's books on magical mythology to pass the time. Some of the creatures described were so outstanding, they have to be true. So I'm going to have faith that they are, besides, it is nice to find a way to bother Hermione Granger. Ron Weasely does like her, and she doesn't know how lucky she is. No boy has ever liked me.

I wasn't allowed to keep anything belonging to you, the aunts said there was no point in hoarding, but I managed to steal the radish earrings that Dad had bought you as a joke. I wear them from time to time even though people make fun of me. But I find they keep the milk from tasting sour and if those same people didn't get to say 'goodbye' to their mothers, they'd do silly things too to feel close to them. That's why I just ignore them.

Neville Longbottom knows how it feels. His parents are insane, tottering around St. Mungo's thanks to the wand of Bellatrix Black. We've never spoke about these things to each other, and I know he's probably a bit scared of my antics but we both have a silent understanding of what's at stake with Voldemort and we're going fight. I'm not going to have anyone else know what it is like to lose a parent.

I'm tired now, Mama, I have to pack because we're going home tomorrow morning. I wouldn't leave it so late only I'm just getting all my things back now. I thought after the Ministry Battle last year people would have had some respect for me, but old habits die hard.

I don't know for certain if Hogwarts will stay open, it would be a shock if it did. I'll say this much as my final remark:

I love and miss you dearly, forever and ever and ever,

See you in the next life,

Your daughter, Luna