Petunia's Pain

She stared at the mist that curled around the train station teasing her, teasing the mundane one, teasing the one who had dared to dream. Had dared, she thought bitterly. Of course, she still adored her sister and lapped up stories of Lily's magic world like cream. But it was poisoned cream. After the holiday's end, Petunia would lay awake in her dorm, tears silently streaming down her cheeks, thinking of all the things her sister took for granted and that she could never have.

Enough self-inflicted pain! she thought sharply to herself. Lily was coming home and Lily did not pity her. Her parents felt sorry for her and her severe lack of magical talents, but Lily knew she was the same Petunia she had always been. Anyway, Lily was bringing friends home for Christmas and the New Year: her boyfriend, James Potter, and his best friend, Sirius Black. Lily warned her, by owl, that they loved pranks a bit overmuch and were not used to living like Muggles. Petunia didn't care; she loved all things magical and if they were magical boys - well, all the better, in her opinion. This Christmas - only two days away - would be wonderful. Lily would be home and, with the boys around the house, her parents couldn't ignore her or pointedly leave her out of magical conversations.

Petunia held her breath as the scarlet train entered the station. Then she was promptly knocked over by a pink-cheeked red head.

"Petunia!" Lily cried. "I missed you! Wait until you see the boys!" Lily released her sister from the bone-crushing hug and spun around to find James and Sirius. "James! Black! Over here!"

Petunia blushed slightly; Lily was making a scene, again. Then she caught sight of the two boys ambling over and blushed for a different reason. She wondered which one was James and started to fix her hair, as fifteen-year-old girls are wont to do when they come in contact with older boys. The answer to her question - which one is James - was quickly answered when Lily delivered another bone crushing hug, this time to the short boy with tousled hair. That left the longhaired boy to be Sirius.

Petunia smiled shyly at Sirius while they watched James struggled out of Lily's hug. He offered her his hand and introduced himself. Petunia giggled and smiled. Sirius thought she looked a bit touched, but didn't want to say anything to get him kicked out of the house before he arrived. It was either Christmas with the Evans or Christmas with the Blacks and even Muggles were preferable to his family reunions.

The whole car ride back to the Evans home in Surrey, Petunia made eyes at Sirius, but he was too busy talking to James and Lily to notice. They were talking about things that she didn't understand anyway - animagi, an Order of some kind, a battle, and a phoenix. Well, at least she knew what a phoenix was. Sure, she had burned most of her well-loved books when she was eleven, but she had read them so many times she could still recite some passages from memory. Too bad no one was interested.

At dinner that night Michael and Sonya quizzed the seventh years on their classes and teachers. They were careful to reveal no extra knowledge of magic. No one could even know that they weren't Muggles. Of course, this made James and Sirius quite comfortable in telling them absolutely everything they were learning - Lily's parents wouldn't even know what they were talking about!

Petunia sighed from the door of Lily's bedroom as she watched the boys get ready for bed in hers. She really didn't mind sharing a room with Lily over the holidays. She still idolized her older sister and sharing a room meant that Sirius Black was in the house.

"I hope you're not standing there planning to steal my boyfriend, sis," Lily laughed.

Petunia spun around and flopped onto the spare bed. "No, I was looking at his friend."

"You have to be kidding me!" her sister exclaimed. "Sirius Black? He is the most ill mannered, self-absorbed, egotistical-"

"Hottest guy on the planet," Petunia finished.

"Ew!"

"Not that'd he even go for me - I'm a Squib, remember?"

"Oh, Sear doesn't know that! And Muggle-magic relationships aren't entirely uncommon," Lily replied, not daring to tell her Sirius' family views on Muggles.

"Really?"

"Really." Lily sincerely hoped that this was just a passing crush and that Petunia would be over Sirius before the holidays ended. Sirius had never been on Petunia's end of unrequited love.

On Christmas Day, after all of the presents were opened and Christmas dinner was finished, Petunia and Lily had some old Muggle friends come over to the house for a party. They played some music, danced, and had a general good time. At first James and Sirius were hesitant to take part in the festivities, but, as the night wore on, they soon became the life of the party.

Around eleven, one of Petunia's friends, a girl named Eliza, caught Petunia and Sirius standing under the mistletoe together. "Ooh!" she squealed. "You two have to kiss now!"

Sirius looked a bit confused by Eliza but complied with tradition. Petunia thought she never wanted to be kissed by anyone else in her entire life. Lily frowned; this was not good, it would only prolong her sister's crush.

Later that night, when heading for bed, Petunia passed the boys' bedroom and heard them talking.

James was laughing.

"Hey, stop that!"

James continued laughing and it sounded like Sirius punched him.

"What was that for?"

"You were laughing at me!"

"You kissed Lily's sister!"

"Yeah, so? We had to comply with tradition."

"She's been mooning over you since she first saw us at Platform 9 ¾."

"She has?"

"It's been rather obvious."

"I don't see where the point is."

"She likes you, you git!"

"So?"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Sear, you have to do something."

"No, Jamie-boy, I don't. Can you imagine what would happen if I ever, ever showed up anywhere with a Muggle like that?"

"Point taken."

Petunia gasped and ran into Lily's room, only to dive onto her bed. She was "a Muggle like that" to Sirius?

Lily looked up from the book she was reading. "Petunia? What wrong?"

Petunia threw her pillow at her sister, who caught it with one hand. "Go away."

"Pet? What's wrong?"

"Go away."

"Is it Sear?"

Petunia nodded.

"What happened?"

"I head him talking to James and he said he could never be seen with a Muggle like me."

"Oh, Pet, don't be upset."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"The situation's beyond Sirius' control. He can't afford to be seen with a Muggle - any Muggle, not just you."

"And I suppose a witch would be just fine?"

"Pet, don't say it like that."

"Why not? Its true, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"It beyond his control. His family - they follow You-Know-Who and-"

"No, I don't know who and what does his family matter if he doesn't live with them?"

"It isn't like that! He wouldn't be safe! His own family would abandon him!"

"Like he hasn't abandoned them."

"Pet, You-Know-Who is gaining power and Sear's family is all Dark. And-"

"No, I don't know who and I don't understand your world, Lils! I guess its like Mum and Dad say - I don't belong in anyone's world!"

"They do not say that!"

"Not to me maybe, but to each other. If I'm not welcome in this house or any of your lives, I may as well leave now!"

"Pet!" Lily cried as her sister stomped out of the room.

The rest of the holidays were tense and stressful for both Lily and Petunia. When Lily and the boys left for Hogwarts, Petunia stayed home to pack. She refused to say good-bye to the others and quietly left for school with her friends. The magical world had abandoned her once more. First it stole her family. Now it stole her heart. What more could it ask for?