Come Hither

Chapter 7

Cauldron Heating Up

"Sirius!"

The golden apparition smiled warmly (pun intended) in the fireplace. "Hello, Harry. Ron, Hermione."

Ron and Hermione greeted Sirius' face. They could see that Harry was left speechless; his face was arrested with the hugest smile they had seen on him since last year, before he had appeared on the ground with the Triwizard Cup and Cedric Diggory's lifeless body. Although they both knew that Harry wanted them to be here with him, now seeing such profound relief and happiness on his face seemed to make them think twice about intruding on this tender meeting, for they hovered awkwardly behind Harry.

"Wha--how--how are you doing?" Harry asked as he rubbed his shin, such immense relief washing over him that it almost stole his breath away; he had been so scared these past months for this man - was he all right? Was he hurt? Was he captured? Was he dead? Even after he got that magic owl that morning saying that he, Sirius, was going to fire-call him in this common room, the fear and anxiety hadn't left him in the slightest - so much could have happened between then and now. Now he knew Sirius was okay and healthy as far as he could see, which wasn't much from a fireplace, incidentally.

"I'm all right. Survived. Never been better, to tell you," Sirius replied. "And you, Harry?"

Harry made vague gestures with his hands. "I'm fine. What--how--what have you been doing all this time?"

Sirius wore a flat expression for a while before answering. "Just been surviving, as I said. There's not much you can do going around as a mutt, you know, although I've met a few interesting fellas along the way. I've spent most of my time in a cave Dumbledore has confined me in." At the end there, there was a bite to those words, and his dark eyes dulled dangerously similarly to when Harry had first met him face to face in the Whomping Willow a little over a year ago.

Harry's mouth fell open. "Dumbledore's keeping you in a cave? Like an animal?"

Sirius had the audacity, in Harry's opinion, to laugh - a low, gruff laugh sounding to be saturated with a certain quality. "Like a dog, you mean. Believe it or not, Harry, this is for the best. As much as I hate it, I have to agree it's the best option for the moment. I cannot be seen anywhere around. As far as everyone's concerned, I'm still a fugitive."

Harry's royal indignation remained. "But he can't just make you live in a cave, Sirius! It's bloody unfair! And then he takes and searches my mail without my permission! He's the reason why I haven't received your messages..." Then an odd thought occurred to Harry. "Is this the first time you fire-call?"

Sirius gave a wry smile. "No."

Understanding dawned on Harry's face and his eyes flashed green. "I'm going to have a talk with Dumbledore. He can't do this!"

Sirius looked wanly sympathetic. "Harry, Dumbledore knows what he's doing; don't get angry with him."

"But he doesn't have to make you live in a cave, Sirius! Why doesn't he hide you somewhere here in Hogwarts or something?"

"So you can skip your lessons to visit me?"

His abrupt silence spoke for him.

"I thought so," Sirius said with amusement, a little gleam brightening his eyes.

"He's right, Harry," Hermione agreed gently.

Harry whipped his head round to her with a deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, as though he hadn't known she was still there. His eyes swept over to Ron as well. He had been so involved with talking to Sirius that he had completely forgotten them.

"If Dumbledore put Sirius in the castle, wouldn't you be tempted to go visit him after every class? To the point where your education could be in jeopardy? Besides, Sirius would want to go outside and enjoy the sunlight; he can't be stuck indoors the whole time. In his cave--" Hermione grimaced apologetically at Sirius. "--he can go outside for a while whenever he likes, right?"

Sirius nodded and gave her a gracious smile.

Harry scowled at the both of them and crossed his arms. "Where is this cave then?" he asked, almost spitting out the offensive word.

"I can't tell you that, Harry."

Harry was taken aback by the flat, forward words. "Come off it! Why not?" His voice came out less confident than he expected.

The orange face remained stoically silent.

"Sirius, tell me where you are," Harry demanded firmly.

A few moments of silence past before Sirius spoke again. "I can't tell you that. Leave it. Now, tell me about your time at Hogwarts," he proposed rather, a small smile on his lips.

Hermione and Ron watched Harry closely, anxiously; Harry had a tendency to get rash. Fortunately, however, he relented on that topic, pacified by Sirius' warm look and inquisition.

"It's been...fine." How prominent did that word feature in his vocabulary?

"That's good. Preparing for the Quidditch season?"

Beside him, Harry heard Hermione's patented disapproving sigh. She probably had her lips pursed too and her arms just itching to be folded. On his left, he heard Ron inhale; Harry knew that numerous Quidditch strategies and tactics were forthcoming. However, before this could happen, there was a cleared throat.

"As fun as it would be to discuss Quidditch--" Harry thought that sounded almost like Malfoy's drawl. "--there are other serious matters we need to get through here. Sirius, the dagger."

The face in the fire raised a smouldering eyebrow. "Oh, Harry showed you the dagger I sent him? Do you like it, Harry?"

Harry smiled. "It's very nice, thanks. But what do those symbols on it mean?"

Hermione went still, curiosity overpowering her, seeking the answer to that precise question. She still managed to correct Harry, though, and only her mouth moved: "Runes, Harry. They're called runes."

Sirius frowned. "Runes? No, not runes. I don't know what they are, to be honest. Irked my since I got it from my father."

"How do you know they're not runes?" Hermione asked, sounding affronted.

"Because somehow Moony twisted my arm into taking Ancient Runes back in our Hogwarts years. Won't tell you my O.W.L. for that subject," he coughed; Ron stood a little straighter, looking piqued. "Have you seen these runes in your textbook? Or textbooks." His eyes darted to Harry and Ron, and all three exchanged amused grins; there was usually only one prescribed textbook for a subject but considering Hermione, that notion probably didn't fly on her watch.

The silence spoke for Hermione, and Sirius nodded. "That's why I couldn't find them. I've never seen them before, Harry, even in the advanced books in the library," she said, her voice sounding utterly dismayed as though she had failed to save someone from a burning building.

Harry felt bad about thinking her to be useless a few hours ago when he had been cross with both her and Ron whilst they had been doing Ron's homework together.

"If they aren't runes then what are they?" asked Hermione.

The question was met with silence in which Sirius shrugged. Hermione went quiet in thoughtfulness. Ron was still indignant that they had bypassed the Quidditch discussion. Crookshanks flashed into view, and as he leapt to the fireplace, suspended in mid-air, Harry saw Ron's leg give an odd twitch, as though Ron would love nothing more than to send the wretched ginger feline flying to the other side of the room, but Crookshanks reached the fireplace without assault, and he pawed at the face in the fire. Harry shooed him off before any limbs burst aflame, as it seemed Hermione was too absorbed in her own thoughts to do so herself. Crookshanks gave him a glare with his lamp-like eyes but didn't hiss, as he tended to do with Ron, before scuttling off.

Harry then saw Sirius' eyes look at him intently. In the silence, the orange face turned around to look at something behind him before he said, "There's been... increasing Death Eater activity as of late. Voldemort (flinches) is starting to gear things up."

The atmosphere seemed to grow a few degrees colder right then. "What's been happening?" Harry asked apprehensively, reeling from the sudden change in subject.

Sirius answered in a monotonous tone, "Well, there have some skirmishes, can't say I've seen them myself - that twat Wormtail knows my Animagus form so I can't really get out and sniff around." His eyes bore into Harry. "Harry, you need to prepare yourself. Now. Take any help you can get, listen to your friends, don't underestimate or overlook any agent of help."

A dark cloud passed over Harry's face. "I know," he said shortly; most of what Sirius said had already occurred to him before, if somewhat.

Sirius nodded solemnly. He looked behind him again. "I have to go, you three, it seems my time's up." He smiled at the three.

Harry leant forward from his seat. "Wait! Can't you stay for a few more minutes? Where are you fire-calling from?"

"It was good to see you, Harry, all of you." Sirius just had the time to say good-bye before the fireplace burst into flames once again and the orange face vanished.

A hiatus of silence ensued after. "I guess not," Harry sighed.

Sirius' dark words left a sparked aura behind. Wishing not to grant it further duration, Hermione started moving around - she packed her things up and then put the note she had made for the Hogsmeade meeting on the common room noticeboard. Soon after, they all called it a day. McGonagall's questions, Seamus' orientation, Malfoy's single status, Cho getting over Cedric's death, the Defence club, and Sirius' call - a long day it was, indeed.

In contrast, the days that followed this one whizzed by surprisingly quickly. The slew of Gryffindors coming in and out of the common room studied the noticeboard with wary apprehension, but they didn't show any signs of outright disinterest at Hermione's announcement of the Hogsmeade meeting. She, Harry, and Ron found themselves secretly peeking in that direction every time a student went up to read the notices; so far, there weren't any decisive conclusions they could draw up about the prospect of the number of people that were going to attend this meeting, if any; they would just have to see who and how many people show up on the day.

What was encouraging, however, was that they also started noticing that more and more people were frequenting the noticeboard lately, more so than usual, and by Friday, across the school, Harry picked up on more and more eyes on him and his two friends; was the word actually spreading? Was Parvati actually spreading the news as they beseeched her to? Seeing this becoming increasingly apparent, Hermione had personally thanked Parvati for her efforts, who had then told her that the momentum was building with more people becoming interested. Parvati then told her that she wanted to join this Defence club despite its uncertain future. Needless to say, Hermione went speechless at this, having written off Parvati Patil as a typically materialistic and insipid species. She was now compelled to revise that opinion, however.

Harry, on the other hand, was receiving kind remarks and greetings from people he had seen before but had never approached, let alone conversed with, such as that Hufflepuff, Ernie Macmillian, and many others. It seemed there were more people who cared about their safety than he, Ron, and Hermione had anticipated, given the natural apathy of students. Perhaps people weren't as shallow as to dismiss the threat for their own piece of mind, perhaps they wanted to play a hand in their survival, and perhaps they actually recognized their dire circumstances.

Visibly, things started to change up, heat up, and reach a new gear. It seemed like the kids moved just a little quicker in the hallways, had just a little more hardness, rigidity to their faces, and the air all around became just a little sharper, crispier, thinner, more vulnerable. Harry could also see this in his two friends. They, too, were changing, perhaps having a mental growth spurt, mentally preparing themselves. They were still the same beloved companions he had always known, but they, too, seemed like they had their own internal issues to sort out. It was all about the preparation to prepare, and Harry didn't know another soul more scared than he was, but the encouraging smiles he received from the people he least expected trickled into him more courage to step up to the plate of actually leading this Defence group club thing and possibly the entire war itself.

Another interesting dynamic playing out was the Malfoy situation. Besides spreading the news of the Hogsmeade weekend to interested people, Parvati had maintained her long-standing office of prattling gossipmonger (thus making Hermione's opinion of her vacillate interminably), and the new scoop was the apparent hostility of the House of Slytherin towards their leader, Malfoy. Growing close to the group, Parvati had now joined Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the library to study silently with them, Unfogging the Future open in front of her on page thirty-three.

"And I don't even know what exactly it is. You know how those Slytherins are: bloody secretive like they hold matters of Ministry importance!" Parvati huffed and crossed her arms indignantly. "Why can't I just get to the bottom of this Malfoy issue? Why are they shunning him out in the first place? It can't be just because he broke up with Puggy-Parkinson. Actually, I would have thought their split would do the opposite just about the opposite, really. I mean, I know Lavy is hopping up and down to jump on Malfoy given the chance, and she's not the only one - it's the rest of the school too."

The trio was also confused at the news.

"Do you reckon it's got something to do with his father?" For someone upholding the sole purpose of the library, Hermione wasn't being as perturbed by this conversation's lack of academia as she should've been.

"It could be," Harry answered. Perhaps Malfoy had failed one of Voldemort's missions and was now suffering the humiliation and, consequently, his son as well.

"Good for him, the ferret deserves everything he gets," Ron inserted, appearing quite satisfied with this outcome. Harry suspected that Ron's elevated relish at any of Malfoy's woes was due to yesterday when Parvati had mentioned Malfoy, and Hermione had lacked an absolutely refuting expression on her face for what Parvati had implied.

"Ron," Hermione admonished reflexively, and then she turned to Parvati. "What are you reading?" she asked her, in a manner Harry thought was a little vindictive, because since joining them in the library - a place akin to church for Hermione, he suspected - Parvati hadn't even looked at her book once after taking it out - in fact, Parvati had just laid it on the table for the sake of looking as though she were reading, leaving the book to open and flip to a random page dispassionately.

Parvati looked down at the object of inquiry and stared at it as though she hadn't expected it to be there.

"Honestly," whispered Hermione irritably, as she glared around the library as though offended on its behalf.

"Ah, Merlin, I swear I'm going barmy. I keep seeing this number!"

Her glare not entirely gone, Hermione frowned, looking almost like McGonagall, and Harry and Ron exchanged glances. "What number?" Hermione asked bemusedly, and a little twitch of her lips indicated she was suddenly amused as well; it was a Divination textbook, after all.

Parvati looked put out. "This number that keeps popping out everywhere! First, I had a dream: I saw these two hands holding up a book, they were statue looking, you know, grey and cement-ish, like a gargoyle, and the book had the number 'three' written on both pages. Then yesterday, Lavy told me that Malfoy and Pansy broke up three days ago. Then I only realized on Monday that I sleep in the third bed from the window. Then now, here it is - page thirty-three." She looked up to the three people looking at her quizzically. "Then you three."

Her words were met with sceptic silence for a few moments.

Hermione, who, together with Harry and Ron, had indeed been witness to this realization of sleeping arrangements, scoffed incredulously, "You can't honestly believe that all that means something." She looked down at the Divination book disdainfully; Harry and Ron knew of Hermione's strong and rather negative, to put it politely, opinions she held for Trelawney's 'imprecise' subject.

Parvati shot her a glare. "Of course it does! It says here in chapter three tha-Ah, see? Chapter three! Three again!" she all but shrieked, shoving the book from one nose to the other, feverishly jabbing at Chapter III - Premonitions with a nail-polished finger.

Although Harry didn't have such passionate a misgivings about the subject as did Hermione, but also being quite apprehensive about the vague field, he too thought this was just a little ridiculous.

"Why don't you take out your own book and see which page it lands on?" Parvati sang in petulant challenge.

Hermione gave her a blank look; it didn't appear she wasn't going to entertain this frivolity. However, before she could open her mouth and steer the topic to less deranged matters, as it seemed she intended, Ron slipped out a book from Harry's rucksack (of course he didn't carry any books of his own, except for Potions, needless to say). Hermione gaped, and appeared as though she couldn't believe Ron was falling for this, but this was shortly followed by her jaw drawing nearer to her mouth from the table and an expression of almost horrified understanding as though she had just reminded herself simply that, yes, Ron would fall for exactly these kinds of things.

Parvati gazed hopefully at Ron, seeing him taking her seriously.

The second-youngest Weasley hauled out Useless Magic: A Collection of the Most Marginal, Mundane Magic Imaginable and left it on the table to flip itself to a random page.

Peering down her nose at the book, Hermione looked very confident of herself, which wasn't unreasonable, as the chances of the book landing on page thirty-three, three hundred and thirty-three, or even the infamous thirteen were technically remote.

Parvati looked on nervously at the book.

Ron looked between Hermione, Parvati, and the book.

Harry watched the weight of the book carry its pages flipping to the other side.

Page 279

It landed on page two hundred and seventy-nine; Hermione gave a positively disillusioned Parvati a victorious look, her one eyebrow rising in an 'I-told-you-so' way. Harry shrugged off the mini-challenge, thinking little of it. Ron, however, was studying the page - yes, studying the page.

"Hey, check this out. Spell number three hundred and thirty-three."

Hermione rolled her eyes to the heavens and clucked her tongue. "Honestly."

Parvati seemed to be reinvigorated by this new prospect, studying the book with hungry blue eyes.

Harry leant into the book to see what Ron was talking about while Hermione watched with an inclined chin from far. This being a book, she would soon follow suit.

***

Useless Magic, Section 4: Magic Manipulation, Sub-Section 1: Spell Manipulation

333. Combination Spells

333.1. History

The use of Combination Spells has been heavily debated in the past but eventually became abandoned due to its general lack of viability, this being mainly because of the fundamental fact that many spells are naturally incompatible with each other. However, there have been some spells discovered to possess the rare ability to fuse together, and most critically, do so satisfactorily. The combination of spells received very little attention from leading experts, who believed this to be impossible. In 1713, a retired Spell Researcher, who we shan't name, once remarked, "Wait, so you're telling me I can perform an Anaisthetus Charm and a Cruciatus Curse on a person at the same time? [I] should've been there for the War trials then; [the] bloody Death Eaters might've had something to say, after all..."

Possibly the only reason the relatively modern entertainment of Combination Spells was phased out relatively quickly was that the result of a successful combination had proved unpredictable, as found after numerous experiments. In the many trials held to investigate them, there were reportedly volatile and unsustainable hybrids produced, most of which having such short wavelengths that they were virtually invisible. This behaviour, understandably, was what drew the final straw for the investigating experts of the project, and the case was closed. Furthermore, apart from the disheartening cost involved in staging the mass research, there was still the uncertain factor of the magical capacity of the specific wizard performing the spell. Ultimately, many believed that there were just too many variables to accurately assess and investigate the possible field of Combination Spells, hence the official dissolution of the notion in 1893, only five years down the line.

Fortunately, Trevor Triviall Frivilus, the Chief Editor and Senior Researcher for the fourth and fifth editions of Useless Magic, and the grandmother of whom was popularly known for being undermined for her 'eccentric and rather strange' ideas, thus resulting to her soft dismissal at the Ministry of Magic more than three decades ago, was able to supply this treasured heirloom and provide us with some rare, never-before-seen information about Combination Spells, together with equally rare excerpts from the research papers (please refer to the Appendix version of this book which The Three Trolls Publishing co. © have sportingly agreed to publish, being the only company to agree to do so, since the theory of Combination Spells remains politically controversial to this day). Unfortunately, Mr Frivilus had a sever accident very near the publish date of this book and is under care in St. Mungo's.

333.2. Risks & Dangers

The major potential dangers include:

1. Blindness - once more, the extent depends on the two spells involved, but this is usually only temporary.
2. Exposure to radiation - depending on the individual properties of the two substrate spells you wish to combine.
3. Exposure to heat - upon casting the hybrid spell, immense heat is almost always produced, the temperature of which, again, depends on how powerful a witchard you are, and other various factors.
4. Lethargy; apathy - Combination spells use up much of your energy and will.
5. Permanent wand impairment - but in extremely rare cases - 0.2% probability.

The extent of these dangers is usually proportional to the power of the spell as well: lesser spells present negligible risks, but higher spells such as those involved in Trans-Species Transfiguration, Potion Augmentation, and Advanced Charmery tend to have extremely unpredictable results, much less a successful combination. We needn't even, and shouldn't, speculate on the Unforgivables.

Overall, this chapter has been heavily debated, from the very first edition to this one, whether or not it should be included in this book due to the very real and life-altering dangers contained within, as well as its vagueness. We at Weird Wizarding Whimsicats® caution you to be very careful upon attempting these spells.

333.3. Incantation

Following is a shortened, empirical list of the Combiner incantations upon performing hybrid spells. Please beware that as extensively tested as the incantations were, we advise extreme caution and disclaim all responsibility for injury - physical or mentally. The primary focus had been on combining two spells, therefore attempting to combine anymore than this is largely unprecedented and strongly discouraged.

333.3.1. Combiner incantation

The efficacy of the Combiner incantations decreases by approximately 30% down the list.

1. --malgam--
2. --combin--
3. --funder--

Important:
a) The Combiner incantation must remain unchanged, otherwise only the first incantation will come to fruition (see below) and the combination will not work - you will be short of breath and perhaps tongue-tied for nothing.

b) Letters 'K' and 'c,' 'ph' and 'f' sound the same when vocalized, so there is no consequence in combining spells which contain them.

333.3.2. Procedure

1. Enunciate the incantation, in full, of the 'weaker' spell first.
2. Enunciate the Combiner incantation immediately and without pause.
3. Enunciate the incantation of the 'stronger' spell, lastly.

Important:
a) Beware that the first spell should be said in full. This is because it is the base substrate, or primer, for the combination to work on; the combination needs a robust platform on which to jump-start the reaction. The validation of the second spell is much less stricter in this principle.

b) It is advised that the weakest of your substrate spells be the first spoken. If you don't know which of your two spells is 'weaker', consult other reference books, particularly research journals, many of which are largely based at GWL (Grand Wizarding Library), a subsidiary of the Ministry of Magic's smaller library, LoM2. Note, however, that these papers are highly inaccessible to the lame man; usually, approval by a recognized person is required, a prominent and more approachable example being the well-known Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore, [MLN(I)].

333.3.3. Illustration

Spell 1 + Combiner Incantation + Spell 2 = Combined Incantation

1. Talantallegra + amalgama + Confundus = Talantallegramalgamaconfundus
2. Talantallegra + fundere + Confundus = Talantallegrafundereconfundus
3. Talantallegra + combini + Confundus = Talantallegracombinfundus

333.4. Notes:

333.4.1. Optimization

a) The falling away of specific letters, known at WWW as a follof (follofs, pl.) or a frivolity (frivolae, pl.), in a combined incantation is based solely on spellcasting intuition, hence trial and error feature hugely in this. The basic rule is that the letter/s of the Combiner incantation may overlay the letter/s of spell 1 or spell 2. This is strictly limited to prefixes which, after their (partial) removal, leave a unique fragment by which you can clearly derive the original incantation of the second spell. As you can see, the third illustration discards the 'co' in 'Confundus'. This is valid because no other spell's incantation ends with '-nfundus,' but a few, if obscure spells have the '-fundus' suffix. This selective overlaying, thus, doesn't unnecessarily give rise to any ambiguity and is therefore valid.

b) It is recommended that an optimal complementary Combiner incantation be used in order to have the final hybrid spell incantation as short as possible - that is to say, combining incantations which can overlay with one of the three Combiner Incantations is more viable and thus most practical.

c) The most powerful Combined spell is one which uses the most effective Combiner incantation, (--malgam--), and one whose Combined incantation contains substrate spells which are all overlaid with the Combiner incantation, i.e. a spell which has [2 (no. substrate spells) - 2] number of follofs. One example of such follows:

Aparecium + umalgam + amorcamorata = Apreciumalgamorcamorata

Number of follofs = 2 (2) - 2 = 2: {um, am}. This is called the optimal folloformula.

d) Combining spells of the same incantation (e.g. Lumos + combini + Lumos = Lumoscombinilumos), which give rise to what is termed a Frivilian-Morphelian spell, Biner spell, or Second-Order Combination spell, have previously been found redundant (see Further Notes). But in fact it has been recently found that, under considerable will, the Combined spell can have the power of up to 1.8 times that of the substrate spell. The Lumos-Biner Charm, as illustrated above, was found to have a luminosity of 1.7777777 times that of the stand-alone Lumos Charm. However, there had been an instant when our researchers combined this simple Lumos Charm in second order, and the luminosity was found to be exactly 7.0 times that of the stand-alone Lumos Charm. Chief Editor and Senior Researcher, Trevor T. Frivilus lies in a vegetative state in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries suffering from an unknown cancer and some form of blindness. His feat was never repeated, even after five hundred tests. Second-Order Combination spells were named in part after him in his honour.

333.4.2. Recommendations

a) It is advisable to use spells of similar, or of the same, family and/or category and/or class. For example, a Blasting Hex with a Blasting Curse (Confringo + fundere + Expulso = Confringofunderexpulso), or a Levitation Charm with a Summoning Charm, which both deal with motion. This more often than not ensures compatibility, which is critical in Combination spells. The combination of incompatible spells, such as a Stunning Spell and a Scouring Charm, may not work, and its result is distinctly unpredictable.

b) As lengthiness is the main disadvantage of Combined spells, it is discouraged that these be used in duels or defence, since you will be very hard-pressed to finish your incantation in time.

333.5. Wand Movement

Perform the movement for the first and second spell as normal, and for the Combiner incantation, perform a movement depicted by the symbol for proportionality.

333.5.1. Illustration

Spell 1 wm + Combiner incantation wm + Spell 2 wm

Wingardium Leviosa + amalgam + Alohomora

Swish upward, flick forward + swish left, swish right + half-circle up, line down

333.6. Further Notes

a) A temporarily entertained splinch-off from the theory of Combination Spells was the combined incantation of the originals spells solely and without the Combiner incantation. It was created rather to favour rhythmic appeal. For example,

Aguamenti + Furnunculus = Aguamentuculus

No hybrids of this type work at all, though many duelling witchards of that time enjoyed using these as bluffs during its brief vogue.

b) Editor's note: Anecdotal evidence, Trevor T. Frivilus, Chief Editor, Senior Researcher: 'During the study break of my third year at Vaux University when I was twenty-nine years of age, I went swimming with my estranged great-grandfather (he was ousted by my family because he always used to sit and do nothing all day. They called him useless, as if they were any better, half of them took more than a decade to get their O. W. Ls let alone N. E. W. Ts and the other half suffered mental regression) who always advised me to keep my wand at all times, even when swimming, and indeed when I decided to rather go for the fish myself because I'm useless with Summoning Charms, while great-grandfather Redundantima Frivilus was bending over, snorkelling nearby, I encountered two sharks of mammoth proportions.

The one closest to me got me by the leg, so, with little hope and in mortal panic, I said a Colour-Changing Biner Spell and by some miracle it worked, the end result being that the shark had been so nonplussed to find itself a dark brown colour like that of a sea lion - its companion even avoided him as though being the colour of a sea lion was contemptible for their kind - that it forgot to keep moving and it died on the spot. Its companion, perhaps a family member, was not as impressed with my spellwork, or I should say Combined spellwork, as I was, so without the energy to repeat the spell on another fully grown shark, I rather performed Aguamenti Biner spell and propelled myself of the water, landing soundly on the coast, at which point Redundantima's rear gave way and he saw my bleeding leg, which he repaired with a second-order Healing Combination spell, and you couldn't have seen I had just been attack a shark a myriad times my size and with an accomplice!'

333.7. Useless Usual Fun Facts!

33.7.1. Attempting a second-order combination of a Teeth-Whitening Charm makes your teeth so transparent, they become invisible; you will be mistaken for a very young pensioner or an extremely developed toddler - both garner great sympathy from others.

33.7.2. A male friend of one our junior researcher attempted a second-order Engorgement Charm on his genitals - the friend grew an extra testicle hanging below his two Bludger-sized original ones, and his penis was so large that whenever he became aroused, he suffered fainting spells, as most of the blood in his brains immediately rushed downwards.

33.7.3. To easily get rid of Doxys, perform a Combination of an Obscurate Charm and Sulpharoma Hex. The Combined spell is so effective that one of our veteran Spelltesters patented it, started her own business (Dorothy's Doxy Dopers - Specializing in the Extermination of Doxys, Cornish Pixies & Rather Timid Ventchers), and is now a Galleonaire. Weird Wizarding Whimsicats® has managed to stay financially buoyant solely by receiving royalties from her.

***

It was quite silent around the table.

Hermione appeared to be having a revelation - her mouth was hanging open, and her eyes kept returning to the 'folloforluma' and dilating; Parvati looked disappointed that her dreaming and noticing the little things all came up to Combination Spells; Ron, after looking much put out and shaken up and traumatized by the information-ness of it all, especially when the numbers started rolling, was now, together with Harry, wheezing silently in laughter at the editor's anecdote, tears streaming off their flushed cheeks, arms holding onto their stomachs, and feet lifted from the floor so as to keep from stomping them loudly in the library.

"Trevor Triviall Frivilus!" screeched Harry softly, his head on the table, his mouth hanging open, saliva pooling on the table, and his feet extremely tempted to stomp upon the floor.

Ron threw his head back, losing all his breath in one howl. "His grandfather," he choked, "Redundantima!"

Harry banged his head on the table, sure that his stomach would rip from all of this. "'His rear gave way!'"

Ron actually released a gruff shriek that sounded like a drowning chainsaw, and it then that Hermione shushed them, but it was of no use - Harry banged his fist on the table while Ron fell to the floor and did the same to it, the both of them irredeemable, their hilarity utterly unstoppable.

"Can't believe this! Harry, Ron! You'll get us thrown out!"

Parvati's was smiling at Harry and Ron, seemingly tempted to join them.

There was the sound of stalking heeled shoes; Harry heaved himself from the table and tried to control himself, while Ron hauled himself from the floor and returned to his seat, where he bounced up and down with laughter, biting his lip, his brow furrowed with the strain to rein himself in.

Hermione's head whipped around, frizzy hair aquiver, panic steeling her face, and when she caught sight of Madam Pince, she turned and gave them both her most deathly of glares that threatened a myriad of ills, including, perhaps, refusal of class notes; Harry and Ron's hilarity ceased quite abruptly. Harry swiftly swiped at his pool of saliva on the table with his sleeve. When Madam Pince prowled into view, she evidently couldn't see anything reprehensible, for, with a most sour face, she slinked on towards another corner of the library, still gazing at them like a hawk, an image enhanced by her horn-rimmed glasses, until she finally returned to her desk.

Now quite sour himself at Hermione because of his departed amusement, and without the appetite to begin another round of it, and with a slightly painful stomach and cheeks, Harry sat there with a thoughtful frown on his face, thinking what if these Combination Spells could really be possible, despite the text's depressing and mainly faithless view on this.

Hermione was eyeing the book appraisingly as though she was considering taking it back to keep for herself after reading the interesting chapter, as her regard for the book's significance had now risen, no doubt.

Parvati remained disappointed looking, uninspired, and not amused at all.

Finally, someone spoke up: "Do you think it's possible?" asked Ron, who was still red in the face.

Hermione shifted in her seat. "It could be. I mean, it was studied, right? Researched." It was said as though research was divinely omnipotent such that it was unquestionable. It probably was to Hermione.

"Do you think we should try it?" Harry asked tentatively, wincing slightly at his worn cheeks, which gave him even more pain.

This was met with silence. It was what all of them were thinking. It was considerably likely that if the book had to be published under a ridiculous name such as Useless Magic, then it was probably to mislead the government so that they could publish the very content that had been banned by them.

"Can't hurt if we try," Ron suggested, shrugging with forced nonchalance.

Their eyes met. Hermione met Parvati's, which didn't even have a victorious gleam to them for the sustained importance of the number 'three' if it was to arouse such interest in the three, especially Hermione herself, who had wanted nothing of this in the first place.

"It's an idea," Parvati piped up bravely.

Hermione's eyes grew wide at this. "But... didn't you read? It says there are very real dangers here!"

"We won't use like complicated spells, Hermione, just stupid ones like a Tickling Charm or something," Ron whined, almost in entreaty.

Hermione still looked unshaken.

Harry came to his friend's aid, also wishing to see how far these Combination Spells would take them as accomplished wizard and witches, as well as to strengthen his own stake on Hermione's name. "Yeah, Herm, we can just use simple spells. The biggest injuries we can get are getting a few burns from the heat or being blind a few hours, which won't be such a loss to me," he laughed.

"What about the radiation?" Hermione countered, refusing the joke any effect.

"What's radiation?" Harry asked, feeling slightly miffed at his unsuccessful joke. He had heard a little about radiation back in the Muggle world.

"It means the combination could create potentially volatile particles by decomposition of the two spells. This is highly dangerous and we shouldn't be doing this."

Ron looked exasperated. "Come on, Hermione, it's just for fun, for Merlin's sake. Let's see what happens and then if something bad happens, we'll stop doing them."

Harry looked on to the girl with hope. Hermione's hardened features seemed to melt a little at this latest suggestion. Finally, moments later, she relented. "Fine, we can do them, but if I see even one of you bumping into corridors or looking bald all over, I'm reporting you straight to Dumbledore!"

Harry and Ron grinned at each other, having gotten what they wanted.

Parvati was silently victorious for this discovery - this proved that her premonitions did mean something, after all.

"What's a 'witchard'?" Ron asked after an uncomfortable silence started to grow.

Hermione turned to him minutely, her lips still a little pursed. "There's a glossary at the end of the book you can look at. It's probably a combination of 'witch' and 'wizard'."

Ron took her word for it, for he didn't flip to the back of the book. He was looking positively impressed with this book for its inventiveness. First Combination Spells then 'witchards' ...What else could the book invent for them?

At this point, a tall, rosy-cheeked girl with short, light-blond hair came up to them, carrying a small, rolled up piece of parchment with an elegant, light magenta/power-blue ribbon. She sort of hopped on her feet but didn't, as though just rocking on the balls of her heels slightly as she walked. Without a word, she proffered the missive to Harry. Parvati looked immensely interested by this, a bright sparkle in her eyes, no doubt just itching to run out of the library and send rumours flying about Harry's secret admirer, a seventh year, no less. Hermione had a wary look about her, casting a nervous glance at Parvati.

"Er, thanks," Harry said bashfully, not entirely knowing why he was blushing. He took the note from the Ravenclaw, who maintained a rather impressively dispassionate face, turned around and bounced out of the library, leaving him to hold the note in his hands uncertainly, as Parvati was still there.

A few moments of uneasy silence ensued.

"...Well?" Parvati spoke up, looking at Harry intently. If she could have been any more expectant, she would be tapping her foot.

Harry cast a beseeching look at Hermione; they had a gossipmonger in their midst and couldn't afford for her to speculate on anything or read the note.

Hermione - what would Harry do without her? - turned to the girl. "Parvati, this is... classified information that no one else but us should see. It really has got nothing to do with that girl at all."

Parvati shifted her glare to Hermione, and since it didn't relent, it probably meant she probably figured her for lying. "Oh, classified information, I see!" she mocked.

Hermione and Harry winced; if only she knew how piercing it was, it being a common Muggle phrase. Parvati stood up from her chair forcefully, grabbed her belongings, and left the table with exaggerated dignity, nose high in the air.

Their curiosity excused their lack of contrition as they bent their heads and read the note:

Mr Potter,

I regret to inform you that due to your more pertinent commitments, especially considering recent events, you are not to join the trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Please report to my office at eight o'clock sharp.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

"Oh, that's just bloody unfair, that is!" Ron bellowed.

Hermione, who was clearly determined to avoid a repeat performance of Friday's, shushed him severely amidst the numerous glares shot at them.

Ron peeked out around the bookshelf to see Pince craning her wrinkled neck to see who had made the noise. He just about retracted his head in time before her spectacles caught him.

Harry had a similar opinion: he was screwed. Hermione also looked worried at this new turn of events.

"What about the Defence club meeting at the Hog's Head?" Harry bleated.

Hermione sighed dejectedly. "But, Harry, I think Dumbledore's right - you have to go on with your training; you can't let a trip to Hogsmeade to get in the way of preparing yourself."

Ron drew breath and was just about to snort indignantly but held himself when he received a warning glare from Hermione.

Harry still thought this was unfair; now he couldn't go to Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks. He wasn't so suicidal as to grumble, 'Bloody perfect,' in front of Hermione at the moment, though it was hugely tempting. She wasn't the one denied going to Hogsmeade and having to deal with Professor Slughorn's disconcerting interest in him.

Shortly after, the three went out the library to head for Gryffindor Tower. After stepping out into the hallway, Harry's shoulder was battered by a passing streak of platinum-blond hair. Ron, seeing that Malfoy wasn't accompanied by his two trollish bodyguards, took the opportunity to twist the smaller boy around and hold him up against the wall before he could disappear into the library.

"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. "Get off him!"

"No, Hermione, he can't just do that to Harry; he's going to apologize!" He glared down furiously at Malfoy.

Harry was familiar with Malfoy's disinterested nonchalance, even though he was currently locked between a wall and Ron's gangly body, but now he also had a different look to his eyes, to his whole countenance.

"Just leave it, Ron, it's only Malfoy, after all," Harry said, trying not to make a scene or end up duelling the git. Ron was a very mediocre duellist, but Malfoy... Malfoy has probably been duelling since he could grasp solid objects, being a pureblood and all, Harry was of the opinion. Ron might have had that too but perhaps Malfoy was trained by his father or a professional trainer at an early age, or something, for Harry was more than acquainted with Malfoy's crisp, clinical, and swift duelling style (of course, with the flair as well, which Harry most certainly believed was exaggerated than natural).

He was equally familiar with the Slytherin tactics as well; yes, it was usually Malfoy widening his eyes at something behind him and Harry, in stupidity, looking back, expecting a professor to be hurtling down the corridor, which gave Malfoy the window of opportunity to hit him with a good, nasty spell with which to start off. Harry would usually just about come out on top, nonetheless, that is if they even finish the duel, which was highly rare. Regardless, Malfoy was definitively the most challenging and formidable opponent Harry has every faced in his age group.

Malfoy's calm, grey eyes didn't steer away from Ron's red, teeth-bared face, but there was a little strain to his neck muscles, a small set to his jaw; there was definitely something minutely different about him - possible agitation or uncharacteristic nervousness for something. Harry watched Ron leaning in closer to the other boy to hiss menacingly, "Apologize, Malfoy."

"Let go of me." It was said calmly and neutrally.

"Ron, leave him alone, he's not worth. Let's just go!" Hermione chastised.

But Ron wasn't relenting.

Harry saw a muscle jump in Malfoy's neck; the boy was growing increasingly agitated. Knowing how powerful a wizard he was, after the aforementioned numerous impromptu duels in various corridors, he went to go pacify his friend before Malfoy did something to him. He wasn't afraid of Malfoy himself but he was afraid for Ron. He laid a firm hand on his shoulder. "Let him go, Ron, I don't need his apology. It'll be worthless anyway." He didn't meet his rival's eyes, who, too, had eyes only for Ron.

"No, Harry, it's time we teach his ferrety git a lesson; he can't treat people anyhow he likes. Where are your bodyguard trolls, Malfoy?" Ron mocked with devilish satisfaction.

Here, Harry looked to Malfoy: his grey eyes were hooded and his face was extremely passive, but there was also a shaking to it, a slight tremor to the veneer, and Harry was inclined to believe it wasn't because of Ron.

"Call your pooch off, Potter," Malfoy drawled.

Ron grunted and drew his fist back, but his motion stuttered when he realized Malfoy wasn't even flinching or trying to defend himself at the least.

"Ron, don't you dare!"

Harry separated the two by inserting himself between them slightly. "Ron, don't do this, you don't want to be expelled for violence, especially for him!"

Ron glared furiously one last time behind Harry to Malfoy before releasing him stomping off the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. Harry sighed in relief and backed off to turn around to his arch nemesis, not knowing what to expect.

Malfoy lazily patted down his expensive robes without sparing him a single glance. He then turned on his heel and strutted into the library. No glare, no acerbic words, no Malfoy smirk - nothing.

Harry caught Hermione's eye at this strange demeanour. They didn't say anything but hurried to catch up with Ron to the Fat Lady.

Later into the evening in the Gryffindor common room, Harry, Ron, and Hermione did their daily homework. Hermione had gone over to a very offended Parvati to apologize and clear things up. She had come around only when Hermione, much to her dismay, no doubt, had to go to the length of admitting that Trelawney wasn't as bad as she thought she was before. Of course, Hermione didn't tell her exactly why she had a minutely higher opinion of her; Harry had told her of the Divination professor's true vision back in third year; having at least one true vision in one's life was something. Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, and the rest of the Quidditch team were outside practicing diligently for the upcoming Quidditch season.

Before going to bed that night, Hermione assured Harry that they would hold the meeting and do what was necessary. "Although it would have been great to have you, to drive more oomph into it," she had said.

"Maybe I can ask Dumbledore to leave early," Harry had suggested.

Hermione, of course, had a disapproving look about her but relented in the end, for the greater good, ironically.

Harry performed his mandatory meditation before calling it a night.