Think Happy Thoughts

Neville shook his head angrily. "It's no good, I can't do it!" He waved his wand in frustration, then quickly tried to put out the book he'd set on fire.

"Are you sure you're thinking about your memory hard enough?"

"Yes! I'm thinking really hard, and it still won't work."

Harry gave him an uncertain look. "Maybe we should leave it for a while. The

Patronus Charm is a really hard spell to learn, remember. Professor Lupin told me a lot of older wizards have problems with it."

"You learned it two years ago," Neville pointed out with envy.

"Yeah, well, I had a lot of help."

Somehow, Neville didn't think that was the problem. Everyone else in Dumbledore's Army had mastered the charm weeks ago. Even the youngest member could at least make an indistinct Patronus appear, which just went to show what a brilliant teacher Harry made. Neville, however, couldn't even manage that. If a Dementor had happened to walk in, then knowing his luck all he'd just annoy it. Or make it stronger or something.

Neville had been struggling with the spell from the start. After a few weeks of fruitless work in the DA, Harry had eventually asked him if he wanted extra lessons.

Neville hadn't been able to see the point, really -he'd probably never be able to do the spell anyway- but Harry insisted, so he agreed.

"You sure you don't want to leave it for now?"

"Just one more go," Neville said.

"Well, any time you're ready..."

Neville rubbed his wand on his sleeve then pointed it straight in front of him.

"Expecto Patronum, Expecto Patronum, Expecto..."

A faint silver mist rushed out of the wand and hovered in the air in front of him. Neville was so shocked that he forgot to keep saying the words, and it vanished.

"I did it! It actually did something, it-" he stopped, and looked over at Harry.

"I mean, I know it wasn't very good after all this time, and-"

Harry was shaking his head. "Don't say stuff like that, Neville. It was good, and it shows how hard you've been working. It's a start, right?"

A start. Over a month spent working on one stupid spell, and all he'd managed to do was make a start.

But he didn't want to argue about it. "Yeah," he muttered, looking down at his feet. "A start."

"I'm serious," Harry told him earnestly. "If you keep at it like this then it'll only take you, what, a couple of months to learn it properly? Like I said, there's loads of qualified wizards who can't even manage as much as you."

Neville cheered up a little at that. "Bet they never had you as a teacher, though." Harry laughed. "Want me to try again?" he asked, suddenly feeling a lot better about it.

"Nah, I think you need a break. Better leave it for a minute."

He shrugged. "Fine." He stood there for a few seconds, watching Harry as he cleared away some of the leftover equipment from the DA meeting. "Harry?" he said suddenly. "Mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When you make a Patronus, what do you think about?"

Harry twisted around to look at him. "My happy memory, you mean? Well, it depends. It's best to use something recent, really. At first I tried using old stuff, like when I first rode a broom, but now it's normally something about Ron and Hermione.

Something from the last few weeks."

"It has to be something recent? Why?"

"Damn, didn't I tell you that?" He shot Neville a guilty look. "I should have told you that before now- must've forgot. If you use a memory that's too old, chances are you've forgotten half the happiness in it. New memories are fresher, clearer, so they always seem happier even if they weren't. Like- what seems happier, when you got a new toy for your birthday years ago, or when you got to sit out in the sunshine last week."

"But it wasn't sunny last-"

Harry grinned. "It was just an example, Neville. Anyway, what have you been using?"

"Promise you won't laugh?" Harry's grin faded away, and he nodded solemnly.

"Well, do you remember when we won the House Cup in first year? And I got the last ten points that got us the Cup? Well, it was that- the couple of minutes just after

Dumbledore read my name out. Everyone just started screaming, and a bunch of people hugged me-" Neville turned red. "I know it wasn't really me that won the Cup,

I lost a lot more points than that just from Potions, but it felt like I'd won it for us."

He chanced a look at Harry. He was glad that he didn't seem to be laughing, but was instead looking thoughtful.

"Hmm... well, that's a pretty good memory to use. But it's probably getting too old now. That was nearly four years ago, right? You really need something recent to use."

"Like what?"

"I dunno," Harry admitted, letting out a deep breath. "Er... how about the Christmas Ball in fourth year? You went with Ginny, right?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't that great. I mean," he added hurriedly, "Ginny's really nice and everything, but I just didn't have that much fun. I know Ron's your best friend, so I don't want you thinking I don't like her or anything..." He trailed off, seeing Harry's expression.

"Neville, it's not your fault if you didn't enjoy yourself with Ginny. I'm not going to go tell Ron to hex you or anything."

"I shouldn't have asked her, anyway," Neville muttered.

"What? Why?"

He looked guilty. "I only asked because I didn't think anyone else would go with me. I didn't want to be stuck on my own."

Harry grinned again. "Well, who would you rather have asked then?"

Neville hesitated for just a second too long. "No-one."

"Oh, come on! There must have been someone you wanted to go with."

"No!"

"I won't tell, I promise."

"Want me to have another go at the Patronus Charm now?" he said quickly.

"Neville!"

Neville gave him a rather panicked look. "Well, okay, maybe there was someone else. But if I'd asked, he'd never have-" He broke off, looking horrified.

Harry didn't move. He just sat there for a moment, staring at Neville. Then his face split into a broad grin. "He? Neville- you're gay?"

"No! I mean... well, yes, but... don't tell anyone! Please!" He was starting to look like a deer trapped in headlights.

Harry shook his head, still smiling. "Course I won't, you know you can trust me. So go on then, who was it?"

"Who?"

"The boy you wanted to ask," Harry said, putting the slightest emphasis on the word 'boy'.

Neville blushed an even deeper red than he already was. "Seamus. But it was just a really short thing, I'm over him now, and please don't tell him!"

Harry looked mildly affronted. "You really don't trust me, do you? I won't tell anyone, especially Seamus. I think he's straight, with the way he's been sneaking off with Padma Patil all the time, and people get funny about stuff like that sometimes."

"Are you okay with it?" Neville asked him timidly. "You're not going to- get funny about it, are you?"

"Me? Nah. That kind of thing never bothered me. Look at Lupin."

"Professor Lupin's gay?" Neville asked, genuinely shocked.

"You mean you couldn't tell? Actually, I only found out this year, because he told me he'd been sleeping with Si- someone," Harry corrected himself. Neville barely noticed. "So, if you don't like Seamus anymore, then who do you-"

"I think we'd better get back to the Patronus Charm," Neville told him quickly.

"We've been ages, and I've got a ton of homework to do."

"Fine," said Harry, looking vaguely disappointed. "Well, can you think of any recent happy memories?"

Neville thought for a moment. "The DA," he said. "That's been fun. It's nice to be actually good at something- apart from this, of course."

"Well, go on then, have a go!"

Neville raised his wand. "Expecto Patronum, Expecto Patronum..."

The silver mist appeared more quickly this time, but it was still very faint.

Harry shook his head. "That's better, but you still need something better.

Anything else you can think of?"

Neville tried, really tried to think of when he'd last been really happy. But all his best memories seemed to be a long time ago, like when he first got his Hogwarts letter.

Of course, there were plenty of unhappy memories. Snape taking twenty points from Gryffindor when he almost blew himself up, for a start. Malfoy making snide remarks about how Hogwarts was definitely going downhill, if they let near-Squibs in. And almost every time he saw his parents.

He shook his head unhappily. "I can't think of anything really good that's happened to me lately." He didn't look at Harry, not wanting to see the look of pity he was almost certainly getting.

There was a long silence. Then-

"Neville? This might be a really stupid idea, so please don't hate me, okay?"

"What might be?" His curiosity got the better of him and he glanced up.

Harry had moved closer to him while they were talking. Now he leaned even closer still, took hold of the other boy's hands, and then before Neville knew what was happening, he was kissing him.

Neville had once heard a group of sixth years talking about kissing girls. He had only been vaguely interested at the time, and could only remember one boy's claim that it was 'like seeing fireworks in your head'. He had never believed that description, until now.

Harry pulled away slowly, seeming quite reluctant to do so. Neville couldn't stop staring at him.

"I'm sorry," Harry told him, as he self-consciously wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "But you- well, it seemed like you needed a happy memory." He looked at Neville anxiously. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Mind?" Neville asked, feeling rather dazed. "Why on earth would I mind?"

Harry's grin returned. "Well, you know, some people get funny about stuff like that sometimes. Anyway. Want to give the spell another try?"

Neville traced his fingers along his lips absent-mindedly. Then he smiled. He picked his wand up from where he had dropped it on the desk, and raised it once more.

"Expecto Patronum!"