Miasma

Miasma

By Dimgwrthien

Monday

Harry was experimentally waving his wand at random objects, whispering words under his breath, getting several scraps of parchment he placed in front of him to repair themselves, then rip apart again. Remus wondered as he watched whether Harry's talent at such an early age came from loving magic or from his own genes.

"Watch this!" Harry said, waving his wand once more and getting the parchment to turn several different colors in seconds. Remus smiled.

"What were you trying to do?"

"Make it rip part again," Harry answered sadly, waving his wand once more, stopping the colors. "But I thought it looked cool."

"I have to admit, most people never do that until they're at least thirteen." Harry grinned at Remus.

"Really? So we learn how to do this then?"

"Yes," he answered, glancing at the clock. He was making sure that he did not go anytime past five, which he knew was still six hours away, but Severus' face kept coming to mind, telling him off. He glanced at a bag next to Harry. "Don't tell me you managed to go through everything from Honeydukes already," he said, smiling slightly. Harry took out a chocolate frog and opened the box, glancing at the card inside before eating it.

"I don't have this one yet," he mused, sticking it next to his knee before answering Remus. "Of course I haven't. There's still another bag."

"You take after James, I know it," Remus told him, stretching out his legs and waving his own wand to turn the piece of parchment Harry had been practicing on into a small, cardboard box. Harry muttered several spells under his breath, waving his wand, but the box remained there. "James could go through the entire Hogwarts kitchens in less than a day, I bet. And his collection of chocolate frog cards was the size of London."

"How did you do that?" Harry asked, picking up the box. Remus smiled.

"Magic." With another wave of his wand, it turned into a piece of parchment again. "It's called transfiguration. You'll learn it, but you'll only start out with small differences in your first year."

"Will I see you again when I go to Hogwarts?" Harry was fiddling with the parchment between his hands, giving Remus a sad look.

"I hope so," he answered quietly, leaning with his back against the bottom of the chair behind him. "I doubt it, but... maybe during a break I could see you."

Harry looked down-cast and stared at the floor, sighing. "Well, I'm not going to the Dursleys during break, I know that. I'd rather stay here. You're tons better than them. And you actually tell me about my parents. They told me one lie about them and never spoke about them again."

"I'm not good company most of the time," Remus answered, closing his eyes. He could feel a dreadful headache coming on and he felt both cold and sickeningly warm as though he were going to be ill. It was taking most of his energy to keep up and to speak to Harry.

"Is this about being a werewolf again?" Harry asked. Remus could only guess at the expression of his face. "Because I don't care that you're a werewolf. You're he nicest person I've ever met. I don't want you to think I hate you because of that. I mean, you can't help it, can you?"

"Harry, I really don't feel up to arguing the point."

"Well, if you don't, you can just agree with me." Remus heard a sudden noise like the snapping of breaking wood and heard Harry say, "Well, it turns out I can transfigure something. Didn't mean to do that...."

Remus, without looking, waved his wand once more and the parchment returned in front of Harry.

"Thanks. Anyway, I still say -"

"There's no case to argue, Harry," Remus told him sternly. "It's my problem, not yours, and I've dealt with it for over twenty years. I know the limits."

He heard nothing in response and looked to see Harry with his head bowed over the parchment, half-heartedly waving his wand.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. "I didn't mean to snap."

"You didn't snap," Harry said. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything," Remus told him, standing up. He reached for the arm of the chair, swaying slightly. His head spun and black spots appeared in front of his eyes. Staying still, he closed his eyes, then continued walking around to the kitchen. "Do you want anything?"

"No thanks," Harry muttered, picking up the parchment and dropping it, managing to freeze it before it hit the ground. "I'm fine."

Remus took a bottle from a cupboard and opened it, pouring some of the contents into his mug, moving the mug to swirl the two liquids together. He returned back to Harry.

"What is that?" Harry asked, glancing at Remus, who was drinking the tea and potion.

"It's a potion," Remus explained, glad that the tea hid the taste.

"Are potions made using magic like spells?"

"Not exactly," Remus told him, turning his mug in his hands, trying to heat them. "Some potions need a spell or two used on them, but mainly it's adding ingredients and so on. Rather like cooking in my opinion."

"Professor Snape would kill you if he heard that, wouldn't he?" Harry asked him, smirking slightly.

"I should think so." The potion managed to do what he wanted. His head no longer hurt as painfully as before and he felt his pulse slow down slightly. "He's always been more fond of potions than people, especially me."

For several more hours, Harry practiced spells, causing the parchment to do things that Remus would never have even thought about doing. Harry would ask Remus questions every few minutes, such as "What sorts of things did you four do to Snape?" and "What did my parents like to do together?"

Remus answered as best as he could with answers such as "There was that one time when Sirius cursed Snape to cause his tongue to be folded back for nearly a week. No one noticed until he was unable to answer in class," and "You're too young to know."

Harry's smile grew every time he heard something about his parents, and Remus felt overjoyed to tell Harry about every last second he remembered from when he was at Hogwarts. He had not spoken about those years for a long time, and Harry was the sort of person he felt he could deal well with. Harry wanted to know everything Remus had to say, no matter how small or unimportant.

A bit past four, they ate, Remus picking around his plate, Harry watching him closely.

"I'm fine," he answered before Harry even had the chance to inquire over his health.

"You’re always going to answer that, aren't you?" Harry asked, shoveling pasta into his mouth faster than Remus would have imagined possible.

"I think so," Remus told him, twirling a strand around his fork and dropping it back down.

"When will I be back here?" Harry asked.

"I think I'll pick you up around Tuesday afternoon." Harry nodded. "However, Severus may get the chore of actually getting you. But you'll be back here soon, don't worry."

Harry frowned a the mention of Severus' name.

They finished eating without talking and Remus got Harry packed up to spend the night at Hogwarts. They Flooed there soon after, meeting Dumbledore there. He was petting Fawkes the phoenix with one hand and writing a quick note on parchment with the other.

"Good evening," he said to them before looking up. "I'm assuming you found no one else to take care of Harry?" When Remus shook his head, Dumbledore continued, "I'm almost pleased. It would be unsafe to leave Harry is some people's hands."

"'Bye, Remus," Harry told him, stuttering slightly on the name. Remus smiled. It was the first time Harry referred to him by his first name.

"Have a good night," he said to Harry, bending to hug him.

"Be safe, alright?" Harry told him as sternly as a child could manage. Remus smiled.

"I'll be fine. Don't do anything stupid, alright?" he ordered, matching Harry's tone. A grin appeared on the boy's face.

"Thank you, Headmaster," Remus said, turning to Dumbledore. He nodded.

"Hurry along. Severus gets impatient easily."

"What about his classes?"

"We have found a wonderful substitute. I managed to convince Severus that missing part of a day of work was not the end of the world and that this was much more important."

"Thank you," Remus said again, turning to the fireplace. "Spinner's End!"

"Take care, Remus," Dumbledore told him as he disappeared.

He appeared in a house that could not have belonged to Severus. Severus, as he knew him, had style and taste. The walls were covered in books and there was only a dim light in the center of the room. It was certainly dark enough to fit him, however.

From the shadows outside the line of light, Severus appeared, dressed not in robes, but dark trousers and an equally dark shirt. "You managed to be on time for once," Severus told him.

"I've noticed," Remus said stiffly. "Could I ask a question? Why did you move here?"

"That would be none of your business," he answered, frowning slightly. "However, one reason is that I find Hogwarts to be suitable for most of the year and find no use of a larger house."

"You certainly crowded the place with books," Remus muttered, glancing at them. Some were potions books, some Dark Arts books, several with no titles, and plenty of old books that had to have been passed down to him.

"I find reading to be a pleasure," he told Remus. Now -" He turned and took out his wand hitting a certain spot of books with a spell. Remus heard a faint thump and scrabbling sounds.

"What was that for?"

Severus did not answer, but went to the wall, pulling on a shelf, which opened into a wide door. "In," he said.

Remus entered the dark room, glancing around. He could see nothing but blackness.

"Keep going," Severus snapped, and Remus took several blind steps forward, making sure not to walk into anything. When he had gone as far as possible, there was a tapping sound and several lights appeared.

The room was dank and dull with grey walls and several candles placed around the walls. A small desk stood in the far corner with a quill and several rolls of parchment next to it. Severus sat down at the desk and waved his wand. A wooden chair appeared next to Remus, where he sat.

The fact that the room was freezing cold and smelled faintly of rot did not help Remus, He tried to breath through his mouth, feeling shivers run through him.

"First I need to take notes on your present condition," Severus told him. "That is the reason why you needed to come earlier than moon rise. Full name, that I know." He scribbled down something. "Age I know, too." He wrote down something quickly and glanced at Remus. "Height?"

"About six foot," he answered, still shaking from the cold air pressed around him.

"Weight?"

"What's the point in these questions?"

"It is to make sure you are not overdosed," Severus answered smoothly. "If you give me incorrect information, you may find yourself dead in the morning. Weight?"

"A bit over nine stone," he answered. Severus glanced at him, looking him up and down.

"You're underweight," he said smoothly, writing it down. "It's amazing that the Headmaster will actually let you care for a child when you appear unable to even care for yourself."

Remus remained silent.

"Any sort of illnesses at the moment? Other than the obvious?"

"No."

Severus questions him a bit more, checking if he was ill, making sure of the dosage and such. When he finished, he walked out Remus several times, glancing him over, making notes.

"Subject's skin is becoming paler as the full moon approaches." He handed Remus a vial like the one from the day before. "Drink this."

Remus did so, wincing as it burned at his mouth and nose once more. He handed back the vial, feeling even more ill after having drunk it.

"How do you feel?"

"Dreadful," Remus answered, gagging on the remains of the potion in his mouth. "That potion can't work. It's certainly making things worse right now."

Severus watched as the quill recorded what he said. "What about weakness or nausea?"

"A bit," Remus answered, starting to feel it.

"Where?"

Remus raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Well, my throat is burning and I feel like vomiting."

"Shit," Severus muttered under his breath, furrowing his brows and stopping his pacing.

"What?" Remus asked, worried.

Severus did not answer, but continued to look over Remus. "How bitter was the potion? Not bad tasting, but actual bitterness?"

"Very much so," Remus answered, rubbing his throat. It felt as though someone had jammed a burning poker down it. "Severus, I -"

"Shit, shit, shit," Severus muttered, rubbing around his mouth with one finger, looking almost worried.

"What?" Remus asked once more, eyes widening. The world was blurring slightly and he felt dizzy even when sitting. He grasped the edges of his chair and took in a deep breath.

"Can you see well?" Severus asked, his voice lined with concern. Now he was not bothering to hide the fact that he was worried.

"No," Remus answered, swallowing and hoping to stop the burning.

Severus unfolded his arms and grabbed Remus by the shoulders, forcing him up and forcing him back the way they had come from.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, taking hold of one of Severus' arms to stop from tripping over himself.

"Taking you to St. Mungo's," Severus answered shortly, pointing his wand at the fireplace. "Can you Apparate? Side-Along, at least?"

"I think," Remus answered, his voice becoming slightly more slurred than it was before. He tightened his hold on Severus and found the room compressed around him, constricting him of breath. When they landed, however, he found that the still could not breath freely. He took in a deep breath, just managing it, and leaned more on Severus.

The walls were a plain white color and Remus found himself staring at them as Severus almost dragged him forward. He passed over the woman at the reception desk and marched straight to the stairs, forcing Remus to climb them. When he reached the third floor, grasping the werewolf by the waist, he stopped and glanced around.

"Do you see any Healers?"

Remus raised his arm, too tired to hold it long, but pointed at a witch in lime-green robes.

"Excuse me!" Severus snapped at her. She glanced up. Her straight, dirty blonde hair was pulled into a bun and she had a pale splattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose. When she saw that Remus was leaning entirely on Severus now, she jumped out of her chair and grabbed one of his arms.

"What happened?" she asked quickly, turning down a hall into a ward where they deposited Remus into a bed. She started to peel off his robes when Severus answered.

"Overdose of wolfsbane in a potion."

"Which potion? Who brewed it?" Her hands were reaching for several potions on the table and she glanced through them for a moment before picking one up and dumping some into a goblet. She held it to Remus' lips and he managed to get some into his mouth. It tasted almost as bad as the Wolfsbane Potion had, but he forced it into his constricted throat. It loosened a bit and he was able to start breathing.

"The Wolfsbane Potion. I brewed it."

"Are you a registered brewer?" she asked, then paused. "The Wolfsbane Potion? For werewolves? The one being tested?"

"That would be it," Severus answered, handing her a potion from the table before she could look again. "You need this one."

She glanced at the label and poured some into the goblet, forcing it between Remus' lips. He felt worse than he had ever felt in his life, even compared to the transformations. His eyes were blurring everything around him and his stomach was still threatening to empty itself. His chest was on fire even though his lungs were managing to work again.

"Can you speak?" she asked Remus, her green eyes widening in fright. She looked close to his age, though she had to be somewhat knew to have never seen wolfsbane poisoning. Remus guessed that it was a rare enough case, however, as most people never drank it.

He opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words would form.

"No?" She poured more of the second potion into the goblet and forced it into his mouth once more. This one tasted somewhat sweeter than the first and he tried to force it down his throat.

"Do you feel an chest pain? Nausea?"

"He does?" Severus answered for him. "Earlier, he said that."

"He'll be fine in less than an hour," she answered, breaking eye contact with Remus. "I would keep him for a few days to make sure nothing happens, but that wouldn't be possible." She bit her lip and frowned. "We're not used to having werewolves in on the day of the full moon. We'll keep him until he has to transform, at least. Who will he be with then?"

"Me," Severus answered, glancing at Remus closely as he had done before. He took the goblet out of the Healer's hands and tilted Remus’ head back, forcing him to drink the potion quickly. When he choked on it, Severus pulled the goblet away from him.

"Bring him back in the morning. We can take care of him from there." The Healer took Remus by the shoulders and gently held him upright. "This should control the blood flow to his head," she explained to Severus. "How did you managed to overdose him? It takes plenty of wolfsbane in a potion to affect a person."

"I had no clue of the weight and potion ratio," he told her with a touch of anger in his voice. He directed his next comment to Remus. "This is what I warned you about. You have to tell me your proper weight and height."

"I did," Remus gasped, amazed at how hoarse and faint his voice sounded. "When you asked... not the first night... should have... said earlier...." He breathed as deeply as his lungs would allow, ashamed that such a simple task was robbing him of all of his energy.

The Healer gave him a stern look. "You should have known better."

"Blame Damocles." Severus glanced at Remus. "I had the basic idea of your size. You're only about three inches taller than me and I could tell you're underweight from looking at you."

The woman stopped trying to keep track of the conversation and had placed several pillows behind Remus, keeping him upright. She hurried away while they spoke and came back with several more potion bottles. Remus groaned.

Pouring them all into the goblet, she swirled it around and forced him to drink. It was rather sour but it went down better than the Wolfsbane Potion had.

"If you try these potions anymore," she told Severus, "make sure a Healer is around who came attend to the subject before they're poisoned. Drink. No, no stopping. Just drink it all quickly."

Remus tried to force it down but he was still doing his best to stop from vomiting. He knew that the transformation on top of everything would make it a horrible night.

"Where you ill yesterday after drinking the potion?" Severus asked, looking slightly impatient and standing off to the side.

Remus shrugged and nodded, trying not to break lip contact with the goblet that the Healer was holding still.

"Damn," Severus muttered angrily. "And you never told me?"

Remus furrowed his brow and was going to answer, but the Healer interrupted. "No talking. Finish drinking it and then you go back with him, then you're coming back in the morning."

Taking a last gulp, Remus felt the goblet taken off his lips and a hand on his forehead.

"Warmer. Good. He was freezing cold when he got in here." She glanced into his eyes, opening them with her fingers. "Pupils closer to normal, but not quite. It'll have to do for now." She turned to Severus. "First thing. Bring him to Danielle Truman. That's me," she added unnecessarily.

"Danielle?" Remus croaked, rubbing his throat more, glad that he could finally breathe. "Did you know Peter Pettigrew?"

"Yes," she said quietly, staring at the ground. "I used to date him." She gave him a curious look. "Why? You didn't kn- You're Remus Lupin, aren't you?" she asked, smiling. He nodded, feeling his throat give up. "Nice to see you again," she said, putting out a hand that he shook. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

Severus grabbed Remus rather harshly, pulling him off of the bed. As they walked away, Remus heard Danielle muse, "I never knew he was a werewolf...."

"You know her?" Severus asked as they walked back down the stairs. Remus was able to stand on his own again, but Severus still had him by the arm as a precaution.

"She was in our year," Remus retorted, clearing his throat. "I knew that potion was too disgusting to work," he muttered. Severus shot him a dirty look.

"Be glad I brought you here rather than letting you die."

Remus refrained from saying that if he died, it would have been Severus' fault and he would be in Azkaban. Instead he said, "No personal attack. Just an acknowledgement."

Once they reached the bottom level, Remus found himself unable to breath once more, and was about to tell Severus, when he saw that they were Apparating. They landed again in the dark street outside Severus' house. Remus had not been able to see the outside when he first went there, but now saw that it was plain and old outside, much like inside. They entered, Severus shooting a red beam from his wand at the hidden door once more and entering.

The pulls of the transformation were already starting to get to Remus and he bit his lip to keep from feeling it. Severus was in the corner, waving his wand and muttering spells. Remus glanced over and saw that a large cage had appeared, solid and metal with an open door.

"How long do you have?" Severus asked, glancing at Remus, wand still out.

"I would say about five minutes," he answered, breathing shallowly and trying to control his thoughts.

"In," Severus ordered.

Sealing the door after Remus, Severus conjured a lock and placed it on, walking back to his desk and glancing at the notes on it. "Are you going to get undressed?" he asked lazily, turning his back on Remus to give him some privacy. He heard the sounds of material moving and slid through the thin space between bars.

Several minutes passed in which Severus tried not to look at Remus, afraid that he would already be seeing the monster he turned into. He had seen enough of it at the age of sixteen, and had no interest in seeing it again. It was only because of that damned Damocles that he was doing this.

Finally, he heard the sounds of Remus' breathing grow louder and bones cracking. Still forcing himself not to look, Severus tried his best to block out the sounds, but the sounds still came.

After several minutes, the sounds stopped and Severus turned to see a wolf there, laying innocently on the ground. It was larger than a normal wolf, and the snout was longer than normal. Brown fur covered its body, and its eyes were a strange blend of gold and blue. He supposed that within minutes, they would be all gold, and found himself right.

Severus took in a shaky breath, willing himself to walk forward. Once he did, however, the wolf was up and snarling at him.

"Lupin!" he scolded, taking a step back. The wolf paused, snout still wrinkled in a snarl, though that fell away, too. Soon, the wolf was merely sitting there, giving Severus a curious look.

Taking another step forward, Severus watched warily as the wolf got up and stepped back. When he was up against the cage, close enough to reach through the touch the wolf, the werewolf jumped forward, snarling. Severus jumped backwards, took Remus' clothes from the ground, and walked back to his desk.

He picked up the quill and dipped it in ink, writing a hurried note.

'Subject, in transformed state, shows signs of memory, though still is territorial.'

He spent a few hours trying several approaches with the wolf, calling him by his full name, getting close to the bars, making loud noises, and testing to see if he still fit under the category of the average werewolf during the full moon.

After doing so, Severus reached the last test. It was the one Damocles told him to avoid doing if possible, but Remus was on borderline of having the potion work and not. He slipped his sleeve up to his elbow, taking a thin knife in his left hand, making a thin cut, just enough for blood to drip down his arm. Walking close to the cage, he reached his arm out, close enough to smell and see, but far enough that if the wolf saw, he would not be able to bite Severus.

Ears perking up, the wolf stared Severus down with his gold eyes.

Hating himself for doing it, not for Remus' sake, but his own, he reached his arm through the bar as best he could. The wolf, on the other side, sat up, staring him down. Then, so suddenly that Severus almost stopped to make sure of it, the wolf jumped forward, snarling, trying to reach Severus. His elbow caught in the bars, and he pulled hard just as the wolf jumped onto his arm.

"Shit!" he yelled, pulling his arm close to his face, peering at it. The elbow was red and raw from where the bars slid around it, and below that area were long scratches from his elbow to his wrist. They were all bleeding, and the wolf was staring at him once more, having smelled the blood.

"Damn you," Severus muttered under his breath, taking out his wand and tapping his arm. Only the cut he did himself healed. Cursing more, he rubbed the blood off with his robes and made another note on the parchment.

Several hours passed before Severus heard another sound from the wolf other than snarling. He had taken to rubbing his arm with a cream, trying his best to heal it. There would always be scars on there, he knew, but fading them would help. Dittany had been rubbed in, which he knew would help a bit.

There was a repeat of the sound of bones cracking and Severus waited until the sounds faded away to look up.

Remus was lying inside the cage, looking ragged, but at least there was not much blood. One of his arms had been bitten up somewhat badly, Severus noted, and he tapped the lock, causing it to fall off. He entered slowly, glancing down at the body on the floor.

"Lupin?" he asked, raising his voice. When he got no answer, he used his foot to flip Remus onto his back, checking him over. The only damage that could leaving scarring would be his arm, he noted, and walked back to the desk, scribbling down notes before returning.

"Lupin, wake up," he said, bending down to get on an equal level with him. He used his fingers to open one of his eyes and glanced at him. They were still gold, he saw, though the blue color was returning to them.

"Off," came a faint voice, and Remus tried to get Severus' hand off his face, but Severus managed to grab Remus by the shoulders, picking up his torso. "Se-?"

"Don't talk yet," Severus told him, taking a firmer hold on him and almost picking up the werewolf. Remus used his feet to kick up and Severus was left, holding Remus up almost entirely.

"I'll have to take you to St. Mungo's," Severus muttered in his ear, "That Danielle girl you're so fond of wants you there."

"I'm not fond of her," came the tired reply. "I just know her from years ago."

Severus heard how weak Remus' voice was and doubled his grip on him as he led the man to the desk. "Get dressed."

Remus slipped into his trousers and shirt, trying to keep upright. Severus frowned.

"You lost weight," he said, concern riding on his voice.

"Always happens after the full moon," Remus answered somewhat sourly, roughly pulling his cloak over his arms. He leaned on the table for a second and Severus took his arm tightly, about to Apparate.

"Give me a second," Remus snapped, giving Severus a cold look and leaning on the desk for support more heavily. He rubbed his arm and pulled back, seeing his hand coated in blood. "I'll suppose the potion failed?" he asked, checking his arm.

"It worked somewhat well. That happened minutes ago. I think the dosage should be upped, and the wolfsbane should be toned down, and then it'll work out." He looked into Remus' face, making sure there were no other injuries. His eyes were lined with dark shadows and heavy-lidded through exhaustion. His cheekbones were sharp against his skin, and several scratches ran down his neck, but there seemed to be no other damage. "Put some dittany on it," Severus said, reaching out for the softened bark. Remus placed a bit of it on the cut, using his robes to wipe up the blood.

"Not as bad as usual," he muttered, keeping a hand on the wound.

"What's usual?" Severus asked, not sure whether he wanted to know the answer. Remus glanced up at him, eyes bright compared to his deathly pale skin. Severus shook his head. "Never mind. Let's go now. She'll be expecting us."

He took Remus around the waist with one hand, grabbing his shoulder with the other, when Remus stopped. "What happened to your arm?" he asked, voice low.

Severus glanced at the scars running down it, still red and inflamed. "I was testing to see if the potion worked. It's only a scratch."

"Damn!" Remus hissed, taking Severus' arm, leaning slightly as he lost part of support. "Werewolf-induced injuries don't heal, I hope you know." He examined the arm closely. "Damn, Severus. At least they're shallow. And at least it wasn't a bite."

Severus took Remus around the waist once more and felt his weak grip on his arm as they Apparated out.