Burdens Removed

TITLE: Burdens Removed

BY: Dev-Aki Basaa

~~~~

Remus hadn't been able to shake this place from his mind all morning. Each turn he'd taken as he packed his things had him pausing before the window, staring out towards Hogsmeade. He couldn't imagine Sirius would be there, he should have been many kilometers away already, but the need to be sure tugged at Remus' gut like a string, pulling him from Hogwarts and bringing him to the shack. Remus had been standing in the old bedroom now for nearly an hour, his cold hands shoved in his pockets as he studied the claw scored wood floor and walls, the broken bed and the shattered windows.

When he heard footsteps approach, he didn't turn around. That sense of certainty settled in his gut like a deep drink of warm tea, all comfort and satiation. He heard Sirius breathing, still harsh from a withered body and prematurely worn and aged lungs. Sirius stopped not far beyond the threshold and said nothing. Remus wondered if Sirius considered him a specter, an exaggeration of his hope. Remus had thought the same thing when he'd first seen Sirius in this room, sitting against the faded wood wall, Harry's wand at his throat. There was so much he recognized in Sirius and so much he didn't know at all.

Remus lifted his chin and glanced around the room. He still didn't turn.

"This place used to haunt me once," he said, more an observation for himself than for Sirius. He heard Sirius walk closer and his breathing seemed less haggard so near. When Sirius spoke, Remus felt Sirius' breath ruffle his hair and raise gooseflesh at his nape.

"I remember," he said, his voice deep and thick from disuse. Remus shivered to hear it, so reminiscent of another time and a younger tone, deep and sultry and filled with emotion.

Distracted, Remus coughed and looked to the floor. Sirius' breath, warm against his neck, felt good in a way Remus wasn't quite prepared for. It took him a moment before he could continue.

"You and James would want to come here. It was the ultimate hideout." He paused and then shook his head, snorting softly, a small smile on his face. "I hated it."

Sirius didn't respond right away. "You never said anything."

Remus finally turned around. "There are many things I never said."

Sirius managed to look better this morning, less gaunt, less crazed, now that the burden of his innocence had been removed. Though he seemed hurt by Remus' claim, frowning and studying his face as if it might help him understand what Remus was trying to say.

"I wouldn't have made you come."

Remus held back a small laugh. For all his worldliness, even before Azkaban, Sirius could be terribly naïve.

"Yes you would have."

Sirius flinched, his frown even more pronounced with deep set lines and dark creases between his brows. "Moony..."

Remus' smile didn't fade. "Before you first kissed me? Before our relationship changed? Yes, you would have." He shrugged. "I'm not upset; I wasn't then even."

"I am."

Remus marveled at Sirius' pout. He shouldn't look so petulant, so childlike, all things considered. There was something in his eyes that his worn face couldn't overshadow: a forever youth. Remus' heart skipped a beat.

"Sirius." Remus leaned in for a kiss. Sirius' lips were rough and dry, but it hardly mattered. Remus drew back and chuckled, breathless.

"When did you forget how overwhelming you could be?"

Sirius shook his head; his mouth worked a bit before he spoke. "I didn't mean--" But Remus put his fingers against those chapped lips and spoke in a low whisper.

"I hated this place, but I loved my friends. Talking me into coming here wasn't that hard of a sell."

The slow relaxation of Sirius' expression made Remus remember apologies and relived hugs and make up kisses of long ago. Sirius could always reward forgiveness in a way Remus had never seen in anyone else. His thankful warmth glowed in his eyes and filled Remus to the tips of his fingers.

"I love you."

Remus nodded. "I know." He kissed Sirius again, not pulling away, lingering near and simply breathing Sirius' breath. He closed his eyes when he felt Sirius' lips move against his own, though the words seemed to come from somewhere beyond them.

"I have to go."

Remus' throat felt suddenly tight, sharp and painful. It took several moments before he could speak.

"I know that too." He sighed and tipped his head to rest his forehead against Sirius'. "Don't owl."

"I will."

"You shouldn't. They'll be watching me. They know you have my sympathies."

Sirius snorted softly and Remus felt it against his chin. "Moony, I'm not an idiot; I know how to cover my tracks. I'll write."

Remus smiled again, not expecting to feel so relieved. "All right."

Sirius caressed his upper arms, stroking up and down over his threadbare sleeves. "And when you see me again, I'll look much better. Less obvious wear."

"I don't care about that." His tone took a stronger edge than he intended, but he'd been reminded of his own ancient apologies to Sirius for too many scars or too thin a body.

Remus saw Sirius' hard swallow and his throat sounded tight when he answered. "I know."

Sirius slid his hands from Remus' arms around to his back and pulled him close. Remus hugged him in return, holding him as hard as he could. He closed his eyes and sighed, deep and long and full of peace.

And then, far too soon, almost as if it'd been a fantasy, Sirius was gone. Remus stood in the middle of the room, staring down at the dust-covered floor. There were too many footprints to determine which had belonged to whom now.

Beyond the shack window, Remus heard the flapping of wings -- huge, broad wings -- and he knew Sirius was at least safely in the air. He didn't know when he'd hear from him again; he didn't know how long this moment would have to last him until he could see and touch him again. In the end, that didn't matter. He /had/ seen him; he had touched him and that was more than he'd ever thought he'd have again.

Remus looked up. If he listened very hard, he could hear laughter -- a barking laugh mixing with a steady stream of bright laughter. James, Sirius, him, Peter, and a fractured time long gone, trapped in this desolate place. The memory was bittersweet, but not as tortured as it'd once been for him. The one he'd trusted the most, the one who'd promised he'd never betray him again, had kept that promise. Much like Sirius, a weight had been lifted off of Remus' shoulders and he could leave here now. He could leave it behind for good, for the first time in his life.

~end