Chosen

Severus' POV

I look at the potion in front of me and cannot believe what I see. Yet it is the same result as with the previous potion, and the one before that. I am certain that I have prepared each of them completely accurately; but every time there is the same reaction when I add a drop of my blood to the vial. The clear liquid turns blue. I am pregnant. Inside me, a new life is growing. The thought overwhelms me but at the same time it brings unbidden memories to the surface. Long silver blond hair. Cold grey eyes. My face pressed against the cold tiles of the shower wall. The pain as he forces himself into me.

Panic threatens to take over. I must not think of what happened. I must will myself to forget those horrible moments. All that counts now is the child inside me. I think of whom I could turn to for help. Dumbledore? Surely not, he has proven so many times already how little the life of a Slytherin means to him. He surely wouldn't care about the child of a Slytherin. I cannot expect any help from my family either. My drunken father would throw me out as a disgrace to the name of the Snapes. If I were lucky. My depressed mother can barely look after herself. No, I am on my own.

Ending the less than two week old life inside me has occurred to me but I know I could never do it. Despite its parentage, I love my child already. However, I know that I am in no condition to take care of it as I have another year and a half to go until I finish school.

******

I have found a spell that will allow me to arrest my pregnancy until I am ready to give my child the life it deserves: 'Retardare graviditas'. The child will stop growing until I end the spell. Or until the spell wears off by itself. But that is not going to happen for at least fifteen to twenty years. By then, my baby will already have been born.

Severus' POV

The brats are gone. Not for good but at least for the next two months. Two months of peace if it were not for the Dark Lord. I am awaiting his summon any time now. I am actually rather surprised that he has yet called not me, considering the most recent events in the Department of Mysteries.

I am feeling tired. Have been tired almost constantly for the past two weeks. And sick as well, especially in the mornings. I will rest for a while and hope that HE will ignore me for a little longer.

******

I cannot believe I haven't noticed the symptoms. I cannot believe that I actually forgot about the child that lies dormant inside me, well, lay dormant it seems. The spell I placed it under all those years ago must have worn off a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to end it when the times were good and safe for my child to be born. After I finished school, I joined HIM. Then there was the war. After the war, I tried to put the remains of my life back together. Then I did not as much forget about the child as always think that in the next year things might be a bit better. And now, the second war has started and my baby is growing. The spell cannot be reused so there is no way I can stop the pregnancy this time, unless... no, I refuse to consider that option as much as I refused to twenty years ago.

I cannot tell anyone yet. Knowing Dumbedore, he might try to talk me into an abortion. I will wait until the latest possible moment. That will hopefully protect my child.

******

My reprieve lasted longer than I was hoping for but now the Dark Lord summons me all the more. Since he has lost the majority of his inner circle, I have become one of his most high ranking Death Eaters. Which gives me certain privileges; and far more intense punishments than I used to receive. I fear constantly for the life of my unborn child. I have even thought about revealing my pregnancy to him in the hope that the child's paternity would keep it safe. But I have decided against it.

I wish I could rest for a few hours but I have to attend an Order meeting. The opportunities to give them my reports grow sparse as I have to spend more and more time at the Dark Lord's side.

Remus' POV

I feel empty. Lost. The pain and the grief are gone and have left an emptiness that is even worse. I have lost him again. For good this time. He is dead. My human side grieves the loss of my friend, my lover. The wolf in me howls at the loss of his mate. He makes the pain worse. He causes the emptiness. The desire to lie down and die. The wolf cannot live without a mate.

I do not want to attend the Order meeting but I do. I put up a brave face, say I'm fine. Inside, I have stopped caring. I go on out of habit, possibly even a bit for Harry but all in all, my will to live died with Sirius.

At least until HE comes in. He looks exhausted. His report is short, precise. Worrying. The Dark Lord constantly keeps him by his side. He is trying to stock up the ranks of his followers. My concentration fades and my thoughts start to drift. Suddenly I feel the wolf surface. He focuses on Severus. Even across the table, I can make out the potions master's scent above that of all the others. It is intense. Almost overwhelming. The smell I know as 'Snape' but also something else. A smell I know but cannot place. And I feel the wolf's choice. THIS is to be our new mate. Some of the emptiness seems to fade away from me. Then Arthur Weasley addresses me and my attention returns to the meeting.

******

I feel like I have betrayed Sirius. But the wolf in me is determined about its choice. It is still grieving its loss but it is also looking forward to its new mate. I recall Severus' scent and I try to place the sensation I could not identify earlier. It is not unfamiliar. I remember it from Lily when she was pregnant. From other pregnant women I have known. Does that mean Severus is pregnant? The wolf growls at the idea of anyone else touching its chosen one. I do not know about Severus being involved with anyone but then Severus is a very private man. But then the resolution sets in to conquer our mate if necessary. To fight for him against anyone who might oppose us. To protect him and his child.

Severus' POV

I stumble out of the floo in Grimmauld Place. HE was not pleased with me and he let me know it. My entire body is in pain. My last thought before I collapse on the cold kitchen floor is that there is something very wrong that I should remember.

******

I can feel it before I completely regain consciousness: warm fur against my cold and aching body, something cold and wet pressed against my face. I open my eyes and then the memory kicks in. The full moon, Grimmauld Place, Lupin, the werewolf. I am face to face with my worst nightmare. All rational thought leaves me as I try to scramble away from the beast next to me, helplessly fumbling for my wand. Big yellow eyes stare at me. The wolf makes no move towards me, does not threaten me in any way but I am too wrapped up in my panic to notice. My back bumps into the cold stone wall. The door is too far away. I am trapped. At the mercy of this ferocious monster which has tried to kill me once before. The short burst of adrenaline that made me try to get away is spent and my abused body refuses to move. My last thought before darkness swallows me is of my unborn child.

Remus' POV

The transformation has been painful, as usual. I have curled up in front of the fireplace, trying to find some rest. I miss Sirius. Padfoot would have wrapped himself around me and kept me company in the lonely hours I spend in my wolf form.

Suddenly my heightened senses pick up an unusual smell. I cannot place it and yet it seems familiar. As my nose leads me closer towards the kitchen, I recognize it. The scent that the wolf in me has been attracted to ever since I lost my mate: Severus. The one we have chosen as our new mate. Mixed with what I have come to identify as typically 'Severus' is another smell, in itself not unfamiliar to me but only recently associated with this man. The scent of a pregnant person.

As I reach the kitchen, I find Severus unconscious on the floor. His body only shows little outward signs of torture but I have no doubt that he has greatly suffered at Voldemort's hands.

I nuzzle Severus' face, trying to wake him up. He does not react but there is little I can do for him in my animal form. I lie down next to him and try to wrap myself around him as best as I can to protect him from the chill of the stone floor.

******

I feel Severus stir next to me. The next moment, he tries to get to his feet and scrambles away from me, seemingly in panic. It has not occurred to me that he might perceive me as a threat. Sure, the wolf tried to attack him once, a very long time ago, but things are different now.

Then I remember that Severus does not know we have chosen him as our new mate. That to him I am, at the moment, a mindless killer. Everything in me longs to comfort my chosen one, to make his pain stop; but I force myself to remain where I am. Severus is fumbling for his wand as he bumps into the wall. The look in his eyes is one of utter distress, realisation that he is trapped, that he cannot flee from the beast he believes me to be. It pains me to see my love in this state.

Then his energy is exhausted and Severus collapses to the ground again. With one leap I move to his side and resume my watch over him, wishing for the morning and my transformation back into a human to come quickly.

Severus' POV

I wake up in a bed. From the look of my surroundings, I am still at Grimmauld Place. As I turn around, I find Lupin lying next to me, asleep. He looks dreadful, as always after a transformation. Then it all comes back to me. Why am I still alive? Why has the wolf not killed me? Did the wolfsbane give Lupin enough control over the beast to keep it from attacking?

Lupin stirs and wakes up. When he realises that I am awake, he smiles at me. 'Good morning, Severus. How are you feeling?' he asks. I stare at him for a couple of seconds while I assess my own condition. Just as I am about to reply, morning sickness kicks in and I scramble for the bathroom. Luckily the first door I open is the right one.

When my stomach finally calms down, Lupin is standing next to me and hands me a glass of water. 'How far along are you?' The question startles me. I did not think he would know. Then I remember his heightened senses. 'About 5 weeks.' I hear myself answer. 'May I ask who the father is?' At this question I cringe. But then I tell him, tell him everything. All that I have kept a secret for twenty years.

When I finish, Lupin helps me up and leads me back to the bed. His movements are slow, stiff, and I realize that he must still be exhausted from his transformation. Which leads me to another question. 'Lupin... Remus, last night when I fell unconscious on the kitchen floor. Why is it that the wolf did not attack me?'

Lupin seems almost embarassed for a second but then looks me straight into the eye. 'We could never hurt you.' he says. 'You are our chosen one.' At the confused look on my face, he goes on. 'After we lost our mate, we did not want to live anymore until we found you and chose you as our new mate.'

This confuses me even more. Lupin, though definitely not the worst of the four Marauders, has never been even remotely close to me and now he tells me that he, they, have chosen me as their new mate. At the same time, a treacherous little voice at the back of my mind reminds me of my baby and how good it would be for child to have two parents. A real family. It doesn't help that Remus - when did I start thinking of him as 'Remus'? - continues: 'We would take care of you. Both of you. I know that there is a history between us and I do not expect everything to be forgiven and forgotten in an instant. All I am asking for is a chance. A chance to make this work because I believe it can work.'

These words seem to melt something inside me. The desire for a family I have had deep inside me for all my life comes to the surface. I know that, as Remus said, I cannot forget all that happened between us in an instant; but, with time, I might be able to.

'You are right, I cannot forget it all' I say, holding up my hand as Remus tries to interrupt me. 'But I am willing to give this a try and see where it takes us.'

The look of happiness on Remus' face erases any doubts I might have had about his sincerity. With a whispered 'Thank you' he kisses my forehead and lies down next to me. We lie together in content silence until we fall asleep again.