Translating Mad things Boys do to Win a Girl's Affection

Translating Mad Things Boys do to Win a Girl’s Affection

“I don’t care if Fred and George feel no remorse in causing trouble. I just hope they realize their acts might cause even more damage to the Gryffindors, especially with that wretched inquisitorial squad running around,” Hermione ranted as they turned the corner, heading for the Great Hall.

“Oh come on, Hermione,” came Ron. “The inquisitorial squad just docked five points for me having my shirt untucked. Fred and George aren’t going to ruin it for the Gryffindors any more than you’ll ruin it by putting your hands in your pocket!”

“I guess so,” Hermione agreed. “I just hope they don’t set off anything, like a giant dung bomb.”

Ron and Harry exchanged glances, it seemed the exact sort of thing Fred and George were likely to do. Hermione seemed to come to this realization as well.

“I think we should get out of here, you know,” said Hermione nervously. “Just in case...”

“Yeah, all right,” said Ron. With that, the three headed for the Great Hall. They had just barely entered, when Harry was tapped on the shoulder and greeted with a most unwanted surprise: Filch.

“The headmistress would like to see you, Potter,” Filch leered

. Harry jumped and absentmindedly uttered, “I didn’t do it,”

“Guilty conscience, eh?” he wheezed. “Follow me...”

It was clear to Ron and Hermione that Harry would have just as well liked to follow a blast-ended skrewt. However, at the look on their faces, Harry merely shrugged and followed Filch out of the Great Hall.

With the worry of their absent friend on their minds, Ron and Hermione proceeded towards the Gryffindor table with anxiety and low spirits.

“I hope Harry’s not in trouble again,” said Hermione in a low voice. “What with Dumbledore gone, and everything.”

“But he hasn’t done anything!” said Ron.

“Oh come on, Ron. Do you really think Umbridge cares if Harry’s done anything wrong? She’ll find something, mark my word.”

Ron said nothing, but shrugged and pulled an empty scroll of parchment out of his school bag. For several minutes, he starred at it as if hoping to gain inspiration from Ron Weasley, the only two words written on the page.

“I’m never going to finish this,” Ron grumbled, setting down his quill.

“Well, you shouldn’t have put it off then,” said Hermione, matter-of-factly. “I bought those homework planners for you and Harry so this wouldn’t happen. I suppose I was stupid for being surprised when you didn’t put them to use.”

Ron mumbled something about not being able to find his.

“That’s because I have it,” said Hermione, pulling it out of her bag. “For some reason, it was stuffed down a toilet in the prefect’s bathroom, lucky that I found it.”

Ron did not look pleased with the news.

Hermione tossed the book across the table to Ron, at which it opened and screeched, “A solid ‘fail’ is your fate, boy if you procrastinate!” Ron looked miserably up at Hermione as she told him to write down the Herbology homework they had just been assigned.

Just then, a great “BANG!” was heard from the floor above and several screams issued from the various students who were knocked out of their seats.

“What was...” Ron started, but was cut short by Hannah Abbott approaching the Gryffindor table, looking frantic.

“You guys better come quick,” she said breathlessly. “Someone’s let off a huge firework display on the first floor. What a nightmare for us prefects!”

Ron and Hermione both had a strong inclination as to who those “someones” were.

Hermione got up, but Ron ushered for her to sit back down, as he himself stood.
“You better stay here,” he said, and though he told her he thought someone ought to police the entrance hall, Hermione had a good feeling that Ron didn’t want the embarrassment of her telling Fred and George off for whatever they had done.

Hermione watched Ron leave and was particularly annoyed to find that he had once again forgotten his homework planner. She looked down at the planner where Ron had conveniently forgotten to write down the night’s herbology homework, and decided to write it down for him.

As she picked up her quill, she noticed something she hadn’t the day before when she had saved it from the toilet; three folded pieces of parchment were bookmarking a day in March.

Carefully, she turned to the page where he had bookmarked (be a man and write a plan!) and unfolded the rather wrinkled parchment.

Hermione hoffed as she saw what it was. At the top it read, “History of Magic Notes-March 5” below was written the name “Eikles the Old” and it was there, it seemed, that Ron had stopped his note taking. Below, were a series of doodles, scribbles (a particularly nasty one depicting Draco Malfoy in a crate full of skrewts), and a tic-tac-toe game he had inevitably lost.

When would she ever teach him to pay attention? Was she the only one who saw the importance of note taking, especially when O.W.L.S were so close?

She was about to put the parchment away, and go police the entrance hall like she said she would, when some writing on the second page caught her eye. She cautiously flattened the parchment and began reading.

Translating Mad Things Boys do to Win a Girl’s Affection
-By Ron Weasley

Her heart stopped beating. She remembered all too well the time nearly two months ago when she had written something similar (though much longer and more verbose) in which she had stupidly stated her love for a certain red-head. However, her effort had been in vain as he hadn’t even lasted through the first page.

Her mind wanted to stop reading, but her eyes read on.

It has recently come to my attention that certain girls think that guys are dumber than flobberworms. This accusation was made, not because we actually are(with exceptions-example: Gregory Goyle), but because we like to do stupid thing when in the presence of girls we like.

Harry Potter explains further. “Yeah, I liked a girl. I acted like a total idiot in front of her. My mind didn’t work right and I couldn’t stop drooling.”...

Hermione grinned as she saw a note scribbled on the side of the page.

I did not say that!

Yeah, but you thought it.

Hermione read on.

It is with that, that I begin.....

Chapter one-point one-Girls make us do stupid things

What I have noticed, is that guys do stupid things when confronted with their admired one. I don’t know why, nor do I really care, but this seems to make girls think that guys are stupid, as opposed to what they really are, head over heals for that girl.

So, I made a list of what kinds of dumb-headed things guys do when they like a girl.

1. Get extremely jealous when the girl seems interested in other guys.

2. Bicker with a girl constantly (it’s not because we disagree, it’s because it’s just so dang fun).

3. We like to...

It was there that the writing stopped. Perhaps Ron had gotten bored with his writing. This deeply annoyed her. After all, she had at least written a good sized volume. However, she then reminded herself that Ron had probably only written this to avoid taking History of Magic notes.

Hermione sighed. What had she been expecting, after all? A declaration of his own love for her, similar to what she had written on the previous Valentines Day.

Hermione stuffed the parchment back into the homework planner (Don’t have a cow, do it now!), feeling worse than she had in days. She slowly got up, and started heading for the common room, completely ignoring the chaos surrounding her.

So down-hearted, Hermione didn’t notice when the third piece of parchment dropped from the planner she was loosely gripping in her hands.

Ginny Weasley, followed behind her, keen to see the effects of Fred and George’s fireworks on their new headmistress. It was then when she saw what looked like Weasley handwriting scribbled on a piece of parchment lying on the ground.

Curiously, she picked it up, noticing indifferently that most of it was crossed out. However, from years of practice behind her, she could easily read what appeared to be an undated letter.

Hey Hermione,

I wrote this story for you because, well mostly I was bored (By the way, can I borrow your History of Magic notes?) Also, because I thought your similar book could take a leaf out of my book, and not use such big words.

Actually, my point is...well, I don’t know if you know this, but well... um... I was hoping you’d pick up on certain clues in my manuel that might lead you to believe that...

Ok. Maybe this guy I know likes a girl as more than a friend. He doesn’t know how to tell her this because they’ve been friends for a really long time and it might be really....

You know, how I sometimes make a complete git out of myself in front of you?
Well, this might be because I like you as more than...

It was there that the writing had stopped except for a short phrase (Wendy the Wicked-1573) at the bottom of the page.

Ginny sighed. It was clear that her older brother was about as good with words as he was at Quidditch.

As she looked up, she saw Hermione exiting the Great Hall, apparently oblivious to the shouts and screams that were coming from the floor above.

Ginny hurried and caught up with her.

“My brother sure is the romantic isn’t he?” she said brandishing the letter.

“Huh?” came Hermione dreamily, as she looked from the grin on Ginny’s face to the paper in her hands.

Ginny handed her the letter, wondering vaguely if this was the first time she had seen it. She then watched as Hermione turned a deep shade of scarlet.

“Smooth, he is,” came Ginny.

“Very,” said Hermione, though Ginny noticed an unmistakable smile cross her face. Hermione didn’t even notice the purple dragon spitting fire at a few first years at the other end of the entrance hall.

“Beautiful fireworks, aren’t they?” said Hermione, as she passed a sparkler spelling a repulsive phrase on a nearby wall

That night, Hermione entered the common room, homework planner in hand, though stripped of the parchment in which it had recently held.

She fought her way through the excited crowd to congratulate Fred and George.

“They were wonderful fireworks,” she said admiringly.

“Thanks,” said George, looking both surprised and pleased.

“Weasleys’ Wildfire Whiz-Bangs. Only thing is, we used our whole stock, we’re going to have to start again from scratch now.”

“It was worth it though,” said Fred, who was taking orders from clamoring Gryffindors. “If you want to add your name to the waiting list, Hermione, it’s five Galleons for your Basic Blaze box and twenty for the Deflagration Deluxe...”

Hermione quickly added her name to the list. She then returned to the table where Ron and Harry were sitting, looking as though their school work was a very nasty pair of old socks.

“You left this in the Great Hall,” Hermione told Ron as she handed him the homework planner.

“Oh...erm, oops,” said Ron, though the look on his face told her that he clearly had meant to lose it.

Hermione looked to her schoolbag; for the first time in her life, she felt like leaving her homework for another night.

“Oh, why don’t we have a night off?” said Hermione brightly. “After all, the Easter holidays start on Friday, we’ll have plenty of time then...”

“Are you feeling all right?” Ron asked, starring at her in disbelief.

“Now you mention it,” said Hermione, happily, “d’you know...I think I’m feeling a bit...rebellious.”

At that, Ron raised his eyebrow.