Unforgivable

Hermione threw a cup at Draco's head, screaming, "How can you do this to me? You said you loved me!" The cup was reflected by Draco's wand behind her head, missing her by a foot. She threw another.

"Hermione," Draco said, using his wand to send the another cup away. "Calm down and listen to me."

"Listen to you?!" she screamed hysterically. "I did, and then you --" she stopped in the middle of her sentence, tears pooling her eyes. How did I end up this way? she wondered to herself. "Then you hurt me."

Draco stood there, watching her silently. His face showed pain, maybe even regret, but she didn't want to listen to him. She didn't want anything to do with him at this point. Without saying another word or waiting for his response, she grabbed her cloak and headed for the door of their London apartment.

Draco tried to reach for her arm as she passed, but she purposed pulled it out of his reach. "Wait, Hermione," he said, his voicing almost pleading.

She turned to him and replied viciously, "Why should I wait? There's nothing to wait for. I don't want your excuses or your reasons. You can't explain this away, Malfoy; you can't make this better!"

Draco looked as though he had been slapped when she used his surname. She knew she hadn't used his surname when referring to him in years, at least since they started to see each, but probably even before then. And she had added salt to the wound by telling him he couldn't make it better. If there was one thing about Draco Malfoy you realize when you first get to know him is he hates it when there is any kind of problem he might not be able to fix.

Hermione stared at his hurt, beloved face for a long moment before grabbing the door knob. He made a grab for her again, but she pulled out of reach again and walked out into the city. She walked at a brisk pace until she was a block from the apartment. Slowly it dawned on her that she had no place to go, and she was literally walking aimlessly in the Muggle city of London. She knew she could always go home, or maybe Ginny's, or the Borrow, but she wasn't in the mood to be told "I told you so" by the Weasleys.

She glanced behind her and saw that Draco hadn't followed her. "I didn't really expect him to follow me anyway," she muttered to herself, getting herself a strange look from a passerby. She turned her glaze from the sidewalk in front of her to the ground, pulling her cloak closer even though she wasn't the least bit cold.

How did I let this happen? she asked herself. I love him. I know, deep down, he really does love me. But he was... he was with her. I wish I hadn't gone home early... I wish I hadn't caught them. I wish I was still ignorant. Because at least then, when I didn't know, I still had him. Tears fell even though she tried to suppress them. I have no love. I have no boyfriend. I have no home. What the hell am I going to do? I do have friends, but all they will do is give me a place to say, fake sympathy and understanding, and say "I told you so." But I want Draco.

Randomly she thought of some of the times Draco and her had shared. She smiled at the memory of them at Christmas two years ago. They had barely been friends when he had showed up at Hogwarts where she was teaching to replace the Potions teacher. They had been stuck there together with barely any students, no classes to teach, and the other teachers where actually the teachers that taught them. They had stayed up by the fire and talked. Just talked. He had revealed a Draco Malfoy she had never known existed. On Christmas, he had surprised her with a gift. The gift wasn't something she could share with anyone either; the gift was a kiss.

They had been sitting at the empty table after everyone had finished Christmas dinner, talking, and he leaned over and whispered, "Hermione, I've really enjoyed this. You know, getting to know you." He just stared in her eyes for a moment, and she held his glaze. His silver gray eyes... they could still make her heart jump. A stray strand of her bushy hair fell in her face. He leaned over, automatically, and pushed it off her forehead, tucking it behind her ear. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, then he simply leaned over and kissed her. It had been amazing to Hermione.

The tears fell harder as she thought of all the times that followed. They had shared so many laughs, and moved in with each other during the summer holidays even when all her friends had said it was a mistake. They had been saying it was a mistake since the beginning and all she continued to do was ignore their warnings. "I know Draco better than any of you," she had claimed. Suddenly she wondered if she had really ever known Draco Malfoy.

She knew she had known him, she had to have. No one could live with one another and spend so much time together -- alone and with other people -- and not know each other. Their first time together should be enough to show her she did know who Draco was. He had been so gentle, so loving, that night. But that Draco seemed so far away when Hermione thought of the Draco she just left. She hated to admit it, but she also knew she loved the Draco more than anything in the world. "But what he did was unforgivable," she tried to convince herself aloud.

"Nothing's unforgivable," a voice said from behind her.

Hermione froze in her steps. She knew that voice. The tears that had been falling stopped briefly then continued for a different reason. Draco had followed me! she thought to herself happily. But then she was confused. What the hell am I thinking? she thought. It doesn't matter if he followed me. It doesn't change anything! Somehow she didn't even believe herself.

Slowly, Hermione turned around to face him. Draco stood there. His face was hopefully, yet there was an underlying expression of hurt. She didn't say a word and waited for him to say something else.

"Hermione," he started. There was a soft hitch in his voice, as if he'd been crying. "I'm sorry."

The words hung in the air. In their two years of dating each other, Draco had never once said he was sorry for anything. He looked into her eyes and Hermione saw, in his silver ones, that he was being honest. He was truly sorry. Hermione felt her heart leap into her throat. She was so confused. She was still hurt and she didn't see how she could forgive him, but there was another part of her, a bigger part it seemed, that loved him so much all she wanted to do was throw herself in his arms.

If he will admit what I saw, what he did that was wrong, then I might be able to forgive him, she decided. "For what?" she whispered, turning her glaze to the ground. She refused to get lost in his silver eyes.

He took a step closer to her. Gently, she felt his figures on her chin, lifting her face so she met his eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry you saw me with Pansy. Hell, I'm sorry I was with Pansy."

She knew he was being truthful, but somehow, even after her decision, the truth stung. Hearing it from Draco made it so much more real to her. "Malfoy," she whispered, her eyes still on his. She saw the flicker of pain at her using his surname. "I don't think I am forgive you."

His hand dropped. "Why not?" he asked, genuinely.

"Because you hurt me." Tears began to gather in her eyes again. She cursed them and tried to hold them in without blinking.

"In the two years of us, I have never done anything like that before. And Hermione," he searched her eyes again, "I never will. I am sorry."

"I know you are sorry," Hermione assured him. "It's not about weather you are sorry or not; it's about weather I can forgive you or not."

He looked at her solemnly, no hope in his eyes. "And you can't forgive me?"

She started to shake her head, but then stopped herself. "I have to know something, before I can answer that. Why?"

He cocked his head to the side, as if actually thinking. "You know I don't really know." Hermione started to turn away. But he grabbed her arm and went on, "I think it was because I'm scared."

She turned back to him, a confused expression on her face. "Scared of what?"

"You."

She wanted to laugh. "Scared of me? What the hell are you trying to pull, Malfoy?" she spat out angrily. She had just wanted a straight answer, but he wasn't even willingly to be honest.

"Excuse me?" He looked genuinely taken back at her reaction. "I'm not lying. I am scared, and I'm scared of you. Do you know what you do to me?" Before she could response scathingly, he rushed on. "You have turned my world upside down. I just wanted a damned teaching job, but you were there. And then you.. you actually listened to me; you actually cared to listen. You started to fall in love with me, I saw it happening, but I tried to ignore it. I said 'let her fall, that doesn't mean anything.' to myself, but damn it, Hermione, it didn't stop there. I started to fall in love with you. A Malfoy is not suppose to love. I'm scared. I'm terrified. It seemed so easy to just... let you go. But instead we progressed. We moved in with each other. And honestly I couldn't have been happier. That scared me. That scared the hell out of me. Don't you see? I slept with Pansy so you'd leave me. Not because I thought she was remotely desirable. Compared to you -- she's not even comparab! le."

He stopped in mid-rant. His silver eyes showed his sincerity. Hermione felt herself giving in. He loves me! she thought. She never doubted his love, but to hear him say it, wasn't something completely different, new, and incredible.

"Hermione," he said, lowering his voice. I'm sorry for hurting you. I can understand if you can't forgive me. But I beg you to forgive me, to let me prove myself again or for the first time. Hermione, I love you."

They stared at each other the street as people rushed past them barely giving the couple a second glance. They only saw each other. Draco had made himself completely vulnerable which was something he had never done before. Hermione felt her heart telling her to forgive him while her head was still firmly telling her to walk away. Slowly, she brought her hand up and cupped his face. "It's unforgivable," she whispered.

"I know," he whispered softly. "I'm sorry." His eyes revealed that he thought he had lost all hope of her forgiveness.

"No, what's unforgivable is that it took you so long to tell me. You should have told me before." He stared at her, confused. "I love you, too, Draco."

He leaned down and kissed her. As all the people walked by them on the street, they just wrapped their arms around each other.