Armilla

Chapter 47

Snape made me stay in bed for another two days to get over my cold and everything else that had caused illness according to him. Snape had spent a lot of his time sitting in my room to keep me company, either working or talking to me. I had not been happy one bit to be made to stay in bed all day and I thought Snape only let me finally get up on Friday because my peevishness was starting to override my cold.

"But don't even think about going outside," he said sternly, as I climbed out of bed, having just finished my breakfast. "You have to be well enough to go to classes on Monday and I don't want you outside in the snow until your cold is gone."

"It's pretty much gone," I replied. "And I've got no reason to go outside anyway. I just don't want to stay in bed any longer."

"Yes, I believe you've told me that countless times," Snape scoffed, rolling his eyes as he moved towards the door. "Get dressed. The Headmaster is out this morning, so I'll take you up to his office to see Mother. And then," he went on, his black eyes glittering, "you will come back here and rest. No wandering about the castle."

"I'm an expert at resting," I muttered.

"Indeed," he said, smirking. "And also an expert at crabbiness I might add."

I fought the urge to glare at the man and say that crabbiness was a genetic trait. I knew that Snape had started to get impatient with my irritability at staying in bed. If I glared at him, he might have told me to get back in.

"If your mood picks up," he continued, standing against the doorframe with his arms folded, "I might consider taking you out with me tomorrow...if I decide you are well enough of course."

"Where to?" I asked, doing my best to remove any grumpiness from my voice.

"I seem to remember promising someone that I would buy her new books," he said mysteriously, as if wondering who that person could be.

I smiled shyly. So he had. One new book for every one I had memorised at Father's house.

"I believe the total number of books you memorised came to five," he said. "Is that correct?"

I nodded.

"Well then, let us hope that I see no more grouchiness from you," he said, narrowing his eyes, "or I may decide to add some potions texts to your reading list that have to be read first."

"No, don't do that," I said, alarmed. I wouldn't have put it past Snape to do that.

Snape frowned. "Don't look so distressed, Armilla," he said. "Potions are fascinating."

I smiled, but I certainly didn't agree.

Snape's lip curled, though I knew he was only pretending to be offended. "You could at least try to enjoy them."

"Alright," I said. "I'll try."

Snape smirked. "Excellent. I have to replenish the hospital wing stock this afternoon. You can assist me."

"I walked right into that," I muttered.

"Indeed you did, how fortunate for me," he replied, looking most amused.

"I thought I was supposed to be resting this afternoon," I pointed out. The last thing I felt like was gutting dead creatures.

"You will be," Snape answered, raising an eyebrow. "I'll give you the easy things to do."

"Gutting toads doesn't fall under easy, does it?" I asked warily.

Snape gave a small smile. "That depends on how mean I'll feel this afternoon."

o o o o o o o o o

"Now," said Snape, as I joined him in the sitting room, "we have to be extremely cautious in regards to what information we divulge to Mother. I did inform her that you spent a few days alone with Father, but I was able to keep her from hysterics by informing her that you and I communicated daily."

"So what am I supposed to tell her if she asks?" I said, frowning. The delight I had felt at the thought of seeing my mother quickly faded away with prospect of discussing my week away with her.

"If?" Snape repeated. "She will ask, Armilla. She's barely on speaking terms with me at the moment because I didn't find a way to keep you from spending time with Father." He folded his arms, scowling slightly, though I knew it wasn't intended for me. "So when she does ask, keep all detail to a minimum. You don't have to say you liked it there, as she will see straight through that. Just keep occluding and remain indifferent about it. Don't mention Father hurting you. I told her about you memorising books and having a governess, so you can talk to her about that."

I nodded. "Why don't you want her to know things?"

Snape's face darkened. "Because I don't think it is necessary to burden her with such details, especially considering that she is in a position that does not allow her to help you." He paused, pursing his lips. "I know the position of being helpless in regards to all this, Armilla, and believe me, I do not wish it upon our mother."

"Won't she guess that we're hiding more details?"

"She might," Snape said, looking indifferent, "but all the same you and I will do the utmost to be convincing."

I nodded.

Snape stepped closer to me. "The sooner Mother can put her mind at ease about this, Armilla, the sooner she can leave the ring for good and properly join the afterlife," he said quietly. "At the moment she is neither alive nor properly deceased, but it is inevitable that she will leave that ring."

I said nothing. It was selfish of me to want Mother to stay in that ring forever. I wanted her around to talk to, even if she was not really alive. I knew that I only talked to her spirit, but it was a comfort to know her all the same. But deep down, I knew that Mother would only be around as long as Father was causing upset in the family, particularly in relation to my guardianship. As soon as things calmed down, and Mother was happy with the situation, she would go. When she was satisfied that I was well looked after, I would lose her forever.

"I don't think it will be for some time yet," said Snape softly, watching me closely. "Mother is far from accepting this situation."

I nodded. I knew the time had to come, and I couldn't be selfish about it when it did.

"It isn't fair for her to be trapped in the world of the living forever," he went on, moving closer.

"I know," I said quietly, looking at the floor.

"She sacrificed herself so that you could go on living," he said. "And she knew herself that she would only remain in that ring until she could be satisfied with your wellbeing."

"I feel selfish," I said. "I know it isn't fair for her to stay, but I wish she could."

"I know you do," he said softly, putting on his cloak. "It is not selfishness, merely a desire to know your mother."

Well at least he knew how I felt.

"At the very least, it is fortunate that you have been able to know your mother in a spirit form," he went on, opening the door. "Many others have been denied such a privilege. Come."

o o o o o o o o o o o

"Armilla!" Mother's smile told me that she was all too delighted to see me. "Now, tell me, how was your Christmas?"

"Wonderful," I said honestly.

"I'm glad to hear it." Mother looked at Snape, who was standing to my left. "Severus," she said coolly.

"Mother," he said quietly, inclining his head.

"I suppose I shall have to forgive you," she said, looking up at Snape. "Armilla looks quite well."

"She is getting over a cold, but it is so good of you to forgive me all the same," he replied coldly. "As you know, I do all I can to make her existence in this world a happy one, Mother."

I looked between the two of them, wondering how many times they had argued over me in the past week. They looked so much alike as they glowered at each other, each obstinate and determined to come off righteous in this situation.

"I heard you had a supercilious governess," Mother said, a twinkle in her eye as she turned back to me. "I hope you showed her that Merrigan women are refined and elegant and without need of training."

"I suppose..." I said, smiling. Though I shouldn't have, I had enjoyed getting the better of Rougier.

"Was she as arrogant and high and mighty as Severus described to me?" Mother asked, also smiling.

"She was arrogant," I said. "But I don't think she had enough intelligence to be as high and mighty as she would have liked."

"Actually," said Snape, folding his arms. "Armilla called her a painted old hag to her face, Mother."

I turned to glare at Snape. He merely looked back at me as if to say "what?"

Mother's eyes widened. "Did you really? I bet she was cross."

I shrugged. "She got over it."

Mother laughed. "Well then, I bet Severus was cross."

"He was," I replied smoothly. Now it was Snape's turn to glare at me, but I returned the "what?" look.

"I hope you weren't too hard on her, Severus," said Mother, still smiling.

Snape scoffed. "I am never hard on her."

Mother laughed. "Of course not, dear."

Snape narrowed his eyes at her, his lip curling. I supposed it was Mother's right to call her son 'dear' and get away with it, no matter how much Snape disliked it.

"Now tell me about your father," said Mother, turning back to me. "He treated you properly? Severus says he made you memorise books on pureblood society and etiquette."

"He did," I answered. "It was okay. He was happy with the amount of information I memorised, so there weren't any problems."

Mother looked relieved. "I'm so glad to hear it. Did he spend much time with you?"

"Not a lot," I said honestly. "Just a few meals here and there. I spent most of my time with the governess or reading books."

"And you stayed at Snape Manor for the duration of the visit? Aurelius didn't take you visiting with him?"

"No," I replied. "He did go visiting, but he didn't take me. I went out once with Madame Rougier, but that was all."

"You went out with the governess? Whatever for?" Mother looked most displeased.

"To get her nails done," Snape scoffed, before I could answer. "Apparently I've been neglecting them. I'm thinking of forwarding an official declaration of guilt to that damn woman."

"Don't say damn, Severus," Mother said, looking stern.

Snape glowered at her. "I have a more colourful range of words I'd rather use to describe the woman, Mother, but I fear they'd be offensive to your ears."

Mother fixed him with a harsh expression. "Don't talk like that, Severus. Your sister is at a very impressionable age."

Snape raised an eyebrow, looking mildly amused. "That's why I was refraining from using them."

Mother snorted, turning back to me. "So your father was not too cruel to you? Promise me that he treated you properly."

"I was fine," I insisted.

"Put it this way, Mother," Snape said, looking impatient, "There was nothing Father threw at Armilla that she couldn't handle. I hope you have noted that she is currently standing in front of you in one piece?"

"Don't be impertinent, Severus," Mother snapped. "I was worried about her."

"As was I," Snape retorted, "but she is fine, and we shall leave it at that."

"As you wish," said Mother, eyeing her son with an expression of suppressed fury. "Armilla," she said, turning back to me. "Have you bought your brother's birthday present yet?"

"Uh...no, not yet," I answered. Oh God, I had forgotten about that.

"Don't put pressure on her, Mother," Snape snapped. "She doesn't have to buy me anything."

"You're only thirty-six once, Severus," said Mother, seeming to forget her anger at her son.

"What an insightful statement," Snape drawled, looking bored.

"Would you rather discuss your marital status?"

"No, I would not," he snapped.

"I do not believe that You Know Who will win this war, Severus. If it's a matter of endangering family-"

"It is not," Snape interrupted, glowering at his Mother. "Didn't I just say that I didn't want to discuss it?"

"But don't you want to hold your own baby one day, Severus?"

Snape blinked, looking aghast. "My own baby?"

"Certainly," said Mother, smiling. "There's nothing like it. The first time I held you-"

"-this conversation will not end well, Mother," he interrupted. "I suggest you stop now."

"But don't you want a wife to love and grow old with?" Mother seemed very persistent. I thought she must have spent a lot of time thinking about this. Maybe she wanted to convince Snape that marriage wasn't all bad before she left the ring.

"No," he answered, looking appalled. "I would have thought that you of all people would know that marriage is not suited to everyone."

Mother glared up at Snape. "I was happy to marry, Severus. I just married the wrong person obviously."

Snape folded his arms. "Obviously."

"But I had two children, Severus. Don't you want children?"

Snape's lip curled. "No, I have never wanted children, Mother."

"Well, that's a nice thing to say in front of your sister!" Mother exclaimed.

Snape cast me a fleeting look before glaring at his mother again. "Armilla's not a five year old child, Mother. I didn't raise her. I never said I didn't want Armilla."

"And what if you had found out about Armilla when she was a small child, Severus?" she said indignantly. "Would you have raised her then?"

"That's neither here nor there," Snape snapped. "This whole conversation is completely irrelevant. I have told you before that I will not marry and I will not have children. That's how it is and I'm not changing my mind." He shook his head in exasperation.

"Fine," said Mother, eyeing him coolly. "I will say no more about it, Severus-"

"Yes, I'd appreciate that," he answered, looking moody.

"Well, back to Severus' birthday then," said Mother, as if she was running a business meeting.

"No, not back to my birthday," said Snape. "Having it pass unnoticed is my greatest wish."

Mother shook her head and turned to me.

"Do you agree with that, Armilla?"

I looked between the two of them. Neither would appreciate me being impartial, and I did have an opinion. "If that's what he wants, then yes," I said finally.

Mother opened her mouth in surprise, and then closed it again. Snape looked over at me, his mouth twitching slightly as if trying hard not to smile. I found it just as hard not to smile back.

"Well, I suppose I am overruled," Mother said huffily. "Just treat it like any other day then."

"That would be nice," said Snape, in a tone of forced politeness.

"So you're not getting your brother a gift then?" Mother demanded, now glaring at me.

"Of course I will," I replied. "Once I work out what to get..."

"He's hard to buy for, you know," said Mother, rolling her eyes. "I once bought him a racing broom and he-"

"-It doesn't matter what I did," Snape interrupted, looking furious.

Mother stared up at him, looking thoughtful. "Why don't you get him something amusing, Armilla? Something trivial, but funny?"

Snape folded his arms. "Well, that would be money well spent," he said disdainfully.

Mother smiled at him, before turning back to me. "Don't your friends ever buy you trivial gifts just for a laugh?"

"Yes, she was given a mooing alarm clock by Terry Boot for Christmas," Snape said, sneering.

Mother chortled in delight. "What fun! Why don't you give your brother something to make him laugh for his birthday, Armilla? Lord knows he rarely laughs."

"I don't think he'd like a mooing alarm clock," I said thoughtfully, feeling a bit uncomfortable now.

"Indeed I wouldn't," Snape replied, shaking his head.

"I think Armilla would be able to find you something that would make you smile at least, Severus," said Mother playfully. "I bet she can."

"Oh you do, do you?" he said, narrowing his eyes. He turned to me, sneering slightly. 'Well, if you're up to it, why don't you oblige your dear mother and accept the challenge?"

I would have said no right away, but the image of the front cover of a book I had flicked through a few years back suddenly flashed before my eyes. Something that would make Snape smile. I had the perfect gift. But I would have to order it by owl post, because I couldn't buy it while Snape was around.

"Yeah," I said, shrugging indifferently, "I'm up to it."

Snape eyed me suspiciously, but as I was occluding, it was a bit hard for him to know what I was thinking unless he charged his way in.

"Excellent!" said Mother happily.

Snape scowled in reply.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o

That afternoon, I joined Snape in his main office where he already had a few potions brewing. We sat together at a workbench and I watched as Snape summoned a large number of ingredients towards us.

"Restful work," he said dryly, gesturing some of the ingredients in front of me. "And I've made it interesting for you. Those ginger roots are to be chopped up...you can pretend the roots are Rougier. The scarab beetles need to be ground...you can pretend they are Rougier. The Boomslang skin needs to be shredded..."

"I can pretend the Boomslang skin is Rougier?" I said, smiling.

"I see we have an understanding then," he said, his dark eyes glittering as he swept over to his numerous cauldrons to check on the progress of various potions.

Snape was right (as usual). Preparing potions ingredients for him didn't seem like work at all, especially because I wasn't surrounded by other students. In fact, it was restful, even if I enjoyed myself by pretending that the ingredients were Rougier.

Snape joined me at the workbench and he carried out the tasks that didn't appeal to me so much, such as extracting rat spleens and chopping up slugs. He talked for awhile about the various potions he had to make for Madam Pomfrey, the best way to make them and which ones the school nurse needed a large supply of. I listened intently, interested in everything he said. It was different to being in class. Snape didn't sneer once, nor did he snap or glare in every direction. He only frowned when he was concentrating, but then, I always did the same thing when I was concentrating.

It was clear that while Snape was extremely skilled in everything related to the subject, he enjoyed it too. I wondered if he would have moved into research work if he hadn't been a teacher. It seemed like it could have been a singular occupation, which would have suited Snape down to the ground.

Thinking about careers Snape could have chosen led me to think about my own career choices. I had no idea what I wanted to do. But ever since Father had mentioned being married and not having a career, I had been worried.

"Well?" said Snape suddenly, pushing a set of scales he had been using away and picking up a cup of dried nettles.

I looked up at him, at a loss for what he meant.

"You're thinking about something that worries you." He met my gaze. "Care to enlighten me?"

I stared at him. I had gotten very good at hiding my feelings while I had been at Father's place. But Snape always knew.

"Alright," I said, a little uneasily. "When Coleman came over, he asked me about my career aspirations."

Snape looked sharply at me. "And?" he said. "What did you say?"

"I told him that I hadn't thought a lot about it," I said. "It's the truth and I knew Father was happy for me to say that."

Snape nodded. "I am glad you said that," he said quietly, picking up a pumice stone. "Go on."

"Well, don't fifth years have to go to careers advice meetings soon?"

"They do," he answered, inclining his head.

"I don't know what to tell Professor Flitwick," I said, "and I don't want anything getting back to Father...or anyone else involved in..." I trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence. Fortunately, Snape understood.

"Say no more," he said. "Fifth years do need to see their Head of House for careers advice. You don't. Flitwick knows you may not be coming to see him because you may as well see me. It is your decision who you talk to, of course," he added as an afterthought.

"But what if Draco Malfoy asks me, or-"

"-You will tell him that you are undecided," he replied. "Many students go on to NEWT level without knowing what they want to do. Even if you do have some idea within the next few months, you will still tell anyone who asks that you are undecided." He fixed me with a stern expression. "Understood?"

I nodded. We worked in silence for a minute or two. "Father wants me to be a housewife," I said, shredding the Boomslang skin.

"I don't," he said, looking up again, his lip curling. "And I'm sure you don't. Narrower shreds," he added, watching what I was doing.

"I don't," I said quietly.

Snape watched me in silence for a few moments. "So no ideas at all, then?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. I know what I don't want to do, if that helps."

Snape smirked. "Do not become a teacher," he said, his eyes narrowed. "Despite what some say, it is not rewarding work."

I smiled.

"It's not funny," he said, pretending to be affronted. "Do you know how many dunderheads have passed through my classroom door over the years?"

"Too many," I said, still smiling.

"It's mind boggling," he said seriously. "Well, tell me then, what have you ruled out completely?"

"Auror, Trade, Curse Breaking, Muggle Relations-"

"Ah, I'm glad for your sake that Muggle Relations is out," said Snape, sneering. "Father certainly would not approve of that."

"No," I agreed. "Well, that's about it."

"You forgot to add teaching," he drawled.

"And teaching," I said. "Definitely not teaching."

"What about Healing?" Snape suggested. "You could easily do that. And it's always challenging."

"It's a possibility," I said thoughtfully, "but I'm not sure I have the people skills." That was honest. I could be social when I had to, but I generally preferred to keep to myself and work by myself.

Snape understood. "Research then," he said. "There are many fields you could explore."

"That's more appealing," I said. I watched him get up and carefully add the dried nettles to one of the cauldrons. "If you weren't a teacher, would you have gone into research?" I asked.

Snape straightened up, clearly surprised at being asked such a question. He considered the question for a moment as he stirred the potion.

"Yes," he said finally. "I think I would have."

We stayed silent for a few minutes while Snape concentrated on stirring another potion a certain number of times anticlockwise. I went back to preparing ingredients. So much for telling Ron Weasley that I didn't spend spare time chopping up Potions ingredients for Snape.

Five minutes later, Snape rejoined me at the workbench. "You haven't had enough yet, have you?" he asked.

"No," I said honestly, shaking my head.

At that moment there was a knock on the door.

"Enter," said Snape, looking up.

A small dark haired Hufflepuff girl came in, looking nervous.

"Miss Bilson," said Snape, acknowledging the girl's presence. "What is it?"

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see you, sir," the girl said quietly. "He's in his office."

"Very well," he said, standing up. "Armilla, when the Sleeping Draught starts to bubble, stir it counter clockwise three times and then again when it turns mint green."

I nodded, looking at the little girl lingering in the doorway. She was shaking with nerves, clearly not knowing whether she had been dismissed or not.

"Be off with you then," Snape told her sharply, waving a hand at her to go. She didn't need telling twice. She cast him a terrified look and scampered from the room.

Snape shook his head as he moved to the door. "Hufflepuffs."

"That was mean," I said. "She's scared of you."

Snape turned back, smirking. "I still have it, then."