Lost Innocence

Chapter Two

Tracey and the other students mounted the carriages to go home for Christmas. This was one trip home Tracey did not want to make. Her parents were going to either kill her or throw her out, and act like they had no role at all for her situation.

"Tracey," said Blaise, going up to her.

"Having second thoughts about this?" asked Tracey.

"You said you want me to help you?"

"Well, yeah!" said Tracey impatiently.

"You can have an abortion," he suggested.

"Where?" she asked.

"My mother knows this place in Knockturn Alley that does abortions," Blaise replied. "I don't know the name of the place."

"Right. Thanks," Tracey sighed. She had thought about an abortion herself, but was she supposed to ask her parents to bring her to Knockturn Alley for one?

--

The holidays were normally a happy occasion, but this time the house was filled with tension. Tracey's parents could not believe that their fourteen-year-old daughter was pregnant.

"How did this happen?" demanded Tracey's mother.

"You have a kid; don't you know how people get pregnant?" Tracey shot back at her mother.

"Don't take that tone of voice!" warned Tracey's father.

"What were you even doing, having sex at your age? You're fourteen!" snapped Tracey's mother. "You have no idea what raising a child involves!"

"I never said I was keeping the thing!" retorted Tracey, and she stormed into her room. Why did it seem that the only time they ever gave her their full attention was when she was in trouble?

"What's happened to her?" asked Tracey's father, shaking his head. "It's like we barely know her anymore."

"She's a teenager. Teenagers do things that aren't always the brightest; including, well, having sex and getting pregnant," answered Tracey's mother. "We just have to do the best we can, no matter what."

"When she acts like that?"

"She's our daughter, Colin," said Tracey's mother. "No matter how she acts or what she does wrong. If we give up on her and throw her out, what would happen? She'd be all alone, nowhere to turn, and it would lead to more bad decisions."

"I know," said Tracey's father. "It's just hard to believe that something like this could happen to us. It's one of those things that you think will never happen." He paused, and looked out into the distance, then sighed. "This is partly our mistake too, Vivien. We should have had a sex talk with her before she went to school."

"Her future isn't ruined as long as this doesn't lead to a downhill spiral. She's fourteen, she still has her whole life ahead of her, and we can still keep her on the straight and narrow," said Tracey's mother. "We just need to make sure she gets the care she needs, and what to do with the baby is her decision, we can't make it for her."

Tracey spent most of the time the next few days in her room, thinking about the abortion that Blaise suggested. It would be so much easier to just go there, have the abortion, and get rid of the thing. That way, she wouldn't have to worry about her parents grilling her, or about the other students finding out and labelling her. Problem was she knew she wouldn't have a chance, and if she mentioned it she knew that her parents would flip out. Maybe she could sneak away to Knockturn Alley somehow?

The next day, Tracey's mother arranged an appointment a gynowitch in London not far from where they lived, to arrange an appointment for Tracey.

"I know this is hard, for you and your daughter," said Madam Nurturessa.

"It is. Be warned, she's mad at the world about this," Tracey's mother sighed warily.

"Not surprising, many teen girls are. Mostly it's a cover because they're scared and confused," Madam Nurturessa said, nodding.

"To her this baby is an inconvenience," Tracey's mother explained.

"Again, not uncommon," said Madam Nuturessa. "They usually come around. Teenagers can try even the patience of a saint, I know. I've raised three. I'll see you and Tracey in a couple of days."

Tracey's mother returned home to tell her daughter about the appointment. Tracey rolled her eyes.

"Do I have to go?" groaned Tracey.

"Yes," said Tracey's mother firmly.

"Why?" Tracey demanded, glaring at her mother.

"Because you are. . . "

"I KNOW I'm pregnant! I found that out by Madam Pomfrey!" Tracey snapped.

"You're coming, you are almost thirteen weeks pregnant, you need to get the care for this baby," said Tracey's mother.

"FINE!" Tracey stomped upstairs.

Tracey's mother sighed and shook her head. Hopefully, when all the dust has settled, things would improve.

Two days later, Tracey's mother and Tracey went over for the appointment. There were a few other women there, but most were in their twenties and thirties. Tracey was the youngest person their by far and it felt like everyone was looking at her.

"Tracey Davis," said the clerk. Tracey and her mother got up and went into the office.

Madam Nurturessa entered the room.

"OK," she said. "So you must be Tracey."

Tracey nodded.

"And when is your birthday?"

"November," replied Tracey.

"November twentieth," said Tracey's mother.

"OK, so you're fourteen?"

"Yeah," said Tracey.

"OK. Tracey, I need you lie down on your back and I'll scan your belly with this instrument. It will conjure up an image of the baby, OK?"

"Whatever," muttered Tracey, but she did as she was told. Her mother gave her a warning look.

Madam Nurturessa scanned Tracey's belly where the ultrasound came up, she told Tracey she could sit up.

"This is the baby, as you can see, is still really small right now, but still looks like a person," she said, giving the picture to Tracey. She looked at it; it did look like a person, just a very small version of one. It slowly began to sink in.

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl at this point?" asked Tracey's mother.

"It's hard to say but I think I could see something," said Madam Nurturessa. She looked at Tracey, who was still looking at the picture, clearly deep in thought.

"Have you considered your options?" she asked Tracey.

Tracey shook her head. "I really haven't given it much thought," she admitted. "I was hoping it would just go away or there'd be a way to get out of it."

"It's hard to think that far ahead, but there are three things you can do. You could have an abortion if you wanted, they're generally safe. St Mungo's provides safe abortions. But it's best to do that early in the pregnancy so the clock is ticking for that," said Madam Nurturessa. "You could keep the baby if you wanted, and be a mother. Or if that's not an option there's always adoption. Open adoption means you would choose the family to raise the baby and you still get to visit him."

"OK," said Tracey.

"Adoption may be best to look into," suggested Tracey's mother.

"Is the baby's father going to be involved in any way?" Madam Nurturessa asked.

Tracey shook her head. "No. I told him and he just blew it off."

"OK, so it is your decision and it's up to you," said Madame Nurturessa. "I'll give you and your daughter some time alone to talk," she told Tracey's mother, and left.

"OK," said Tracey's mother. She looked at her daughter, who was looking straight ahead.

"Are you ready to talk about this now without yelling and telling me to shut up?" asked Tracey's mother.

Tracey nodded. "Yes," she said in a quiet voice.

"This is a big deal we're dealing with here," said Tracey's mother. "It affects all of us. You know that, right?"

"I know," Tracey replied. "Mum, I'm so sorry."

"Just the way it is when you're a parent," said Tracey's mother. "Good and bad, your children are your children. All we can do is to get through this, one day at a time."

"So, you and Dad aren't mad at me?" Tracey asked tentatively.

"Is this what I had in mind for my little girl? No," Tracey's mother replied. "Am I disappointed that you put yourself in that position? Yes," she said. "But. . ." she looked at Tracey. "Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yeah," Tracey said.

"One mistake doesn't mean it's over, Tracey. It doesn't mean you've ruined the rest of your life."

"That's exactly what Professor McGonagall said," replied Tracey, still not believing it.

"It's true," said Tracey's mother. "You're fourteen, you're still a teenager, and you still have the rest of your life ahead. As long as you learn from this and think about it more carefully in the future, you should still be fine. You're a smart girl, Tracey. And I love you, and your dad loves you. You made a mistake. A big one, but that's all it is."

She hugged Tracey, and this time, Tracey didn't try to fight her off.