Dusk

Chapter 2 Nothing can at times mean everything

Cho was not altogether correct about the atmosphere at Hogwarts. Although school life seemed back to normal, both students and teachers alike felt the air thick with tension, particularly during the first couple of weeks. It was not just Cedric's death. The rumours of the Dark Lord, the mayhem in the Ministry of Magic, as well as the scandals involving Harry Potter had completely muddled public opinion. It seemed to Cho that people believed what they wanted to believe.

"Miss Chang. I take it, by your transparent stare, that you have not done the work requested?"

Cho glanced up. Professor Snape's hollow eyes and sallow face were inches away from her own. "I have." She pulled the parchment out of her knapsack.

Snape grimaced but accepted her homework. "Thank you. I don't wish to have to come and collect it individually in future- perhaps you think you could hand it in when asked next time. What do you say, Miss Chang?"

Cho nodded. "I'm sorry." Arguing with Professor Snape was a waste of time.

"Snivelling old toad." Violet shuddered. "I can't stand Snape. And I can't believe he talked to you like that, Cho!"

"Its because our Cho is so well liked," laughed Winifred. "That's why he's so horrible. If you're not in Slytherin and you seem to be popular, Snape'll have a problem with you."

Cho smiled wanly. "I don't mind. I'm used to it- I think everyone is by now."

"So," Violet interrupted. "What's this about you and Roger Davies?"

"Roger Davies?" echoed Winifred. "Ooh, Cho, nice choice!"

Cho appeared confused. "Nothing. Who said I had a thing for..."

"That's not what I heard," Violet interrupted again. "I heard that Davies likes you, but you actually have a thing for Harry Potter."

"Harry?" Winifred made a face. "Sorry Cho- not my type."

Cho stopped walking. "Look," she said firmly. "There's nothing going on with me and Roger Davies, and there's nothing going on with me and Harry Potter!"

"Cho," said Winifred patronisingly. "You're blushing."

It was true. Cho couldn't believe herself- she had never been like that! She had always been so easy going, so good humoured. Now she was regularly going into hysterics, blushing at the mention of...

"I'm NOT blushing!" Cho pushed past them and ran into bathrooms, sobbing. A certain Hermione Granger walked past and shook her head rather grimly.

Cho stood transfixed at the sight of her own swollen, tearstained face.

Harry. Harry would understand, she said to herself. This strange fixation with him, its love, surely. I don't need Cedric anymore. Harry will talk to me about it. Harry will make it better. Harry will love me- like Cedric did."

"STOP!" she screamed at her reflection, heart pounding. She slapped herself across the face. "How can you say a thing like that!"

Don't feel guilty. Cedric would have wanted you to move on. Don't worry- Harry will make it all better.

"Stop that!" she screamed again. "Stop saying that! I can't bear it," she sobbed. "I cant."

"What can't you bear, Cho?" asked Marietta timidly, poking her head into the bathrooms. "I saw Winifred and Violet, they told me what happened. They're twits, I know! You don't have feelings for Harry, you're just upset about Cedric. That was really insensitive of them." Marietta wrapped her arms around Cho sympathetically.

Cho pushed them off and wiped her eyes roughly. "I'm fine, Marietta. Really. We'd better go to the dining hall, hm? We don't want to miss dinner."

"But Cho-"

"I'm fine," Cho's words said. Her tone said plainly, "You are outside of the grief. And I am not discussing this with you."

"Never mind!" Marietta beamed into Cho's tired face.

"Marietta- not now." Cho turned back to her homework. "I've got a lot of work to do. I haven't been concentrating in class very well. I hate potions."

"Oh, forget that," said Marietta impatiently, pushing the books away. "We need to get you a boy. You've already said you don't fancy Roger, surely there's someone else out there!"

Cho groaned. "Marietta- please, I really..."

Marietta gave an irritated wave. "I don't want to hear it. How about Alastor Malimban? He just dumped Ingrid, and..."

Cho laughed. "He's really good looking, Marietta, but I don't think..."

"Oh look, Cho." Marietta pretended to look surprised as Alastor entered the library with a feigned look of confusion on his face. "Alastor! Over here!"

Alastor made his way over to their table with an easy and confident smile. "Hey guys. What are you up to?"

Cho rolled her eyes at the blatant setup.

"Cho was just saying she needed help with her potions homework. You're good at potions, aren't you, Alastor? I just need to go ask Violet something, I'll leave you both to it..." Marietta made a quick getaway.

A sigh escaped Cho's lips as she picked up her quill. Alastor squeezed in next to her. "So. What did you need help with?"

But Cho was not in the mood to play games. Marietta's interference had aggravated her. "Listen, Alastor- I don't know what Marietta's been telling you, but I'm really not on some desperate search for a date right now."

"What's wrong now?" Alastor seemed genuinely puzzled. Tears had filled her eyes.

"I- I don't know! Everything seems to be making me cry. Don't worry, its nothing to do with you..." Cho fled to the bathrooms, sobbing, for the fifth time that week. But this time, Marietta caught her arm. "What's with you, Cho Chang? You're turning into a...a right prat."

"Just leave it!"

"I don't want to leave it! You can't grieve forever, you have to let it go. Move on. You don't feel like dating now- fine. But you'll have to eventually."

"I keep dreaming about him," said Cho dully. Marietta suddenly noticed how prominent the circles under her friend's eyes were.

"I keep seeing him- in strange circumstances. And at the end of every dream something horrible happens. He dies. Or I die. Or everything just goes dark in my

mind. I can't... I can't live like this anymore!" Her lip trembled. "And I'm not going to. You're right, Marietta."

Marietta had suddenly become quiet and still. "Look, Cho- maybe..."

"I'm going to date again. You'll see."

That's right, Cho. Harry will talk to you about it, and Harry will make it all better.

"But Cho...I didn't mean..."

"We'll talk about this later, ok?" said Cho quickly, ducking conveniently into her Defence Against the Dark Arts class.

"Thank you so much for joining us, my dear." Professor Umbridge narrowed her eyes. "Perhaps you'd care to sit down now?"

Cho mumbled an apology and made her way next to Jody Lin, who was too busy scribbling on her parchment to notice.

"I beg your pardon, my dear?"

"I said, I'm sorry."

"Sorry, who?"

Cho sighed. "I'm sorry, Professor Umbridge."

"Thank you!" Professor Umbridge exhaled angrily. "As I was saying, before this young lady's rude interruption, this class is severely behind. I have here the results of last lesson's surprise test and they are appalling!"

"Well, what did you expect?" muttered Phillip Thackerton irritably.

Professor Umbridge harrumphed. "Do you have something to say, Mr Thackerton?" Her eyes flashed dangerously.

Phillip straightened in his chair. "No. Sorry." Phillip had undergone one detention too many.

"Sorry, who?"

"Sorry, Professor Umbridge."

Professor Umbridge clicked her teeth. "Indeed. Apart from perhaps Ms Lin," and here the Professor paused and smiled sweetly at Jody, who still had not looked up, "...who scored miles ahead of everyone else in this class, you should all be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. You are supposedly sixth years! The standards of achievement and effort you have all thus far displayed are deplorable. Seemingly small factors, such as tardiness,"...Professor Umbridge glared at Cho, "...only drag this class down further, and will no longer be tolerated at all!"

Jody finally looked up. She cleverly; imperceptibly, even to Professor Umbridge's hawkish glare, slipped the piece of parchment which she had been scribbling on under Cho's nose. Cho snatched it up in surprise.

Cho [it read]

I was talking to Hermione Granger in the library before class, and she said something about a meeting in Hogsmeade to discuss Defence Against the Dark Arts. She asked

me to go, but I'm not going to. Harry Potter's involved- apparently he's giving lessons on the practical component of our course...? I'm not going though. My

parents would kill me- I've been expressly forbidden to go near him. Anyway, I thought you'd be interested, Hermione mentioned you. It's been planned for this

weekend at the Hog's Head. Tell anyone you think might want to join. Please don't tell anyone I told you or that I had anything to do with this, I don't want to get into trouble.

"I see that you are not going to go to any efforts to amend my poor opinion of you, my dear," said Professor Umbridge sarcastically. "Bring that note to me. Honestly! Such behaviour in a sixth year class!"

"I...I can't," said Cho thickly.

"Don't be ridiculous!" said Professor Umbridge peevishly. "What is your name?"

"Cho Chang."

"Well, Miss Chang, are you going to obey me or are you not?"

Cho swallowed desperately. "I...uh..."

Jody squeaked. Professor Umbridge turned to her, stony faced. "Is there a problem, Miss Lin?"

Jody shook her head, then seemed to change her mind and began to nod profusely.

"Well, girl, what is it?"

Jody pointed frantically to the window.

Professor Umbridge peered at the window through her spectacles. "Well?"

Jody's eyes widened in fear. "I...ah..." Amidst her stuttering, she managed to bump her inkwell, causing it to spill and ruin the parchment beyond repair.

"I...I thought I saw a spider," she finished lamely.

"Perhaps in future you could control your imaginings then, Miss Lin! I...Miss Chang! What is the meaning of this?"

Cho gasped. "I'm sorry, Professor Umbridge. I accidentally..."

"Yes! Very convenient for you, I'm sure, Ms Chang," Professor Umbridge snapped.

"No doubt some ridiculously juvenile declaration of admiration for a fellow classmate! Please keep your mind on task in future and on that note, here is your test paper. You rank somewhere half way up, which in this class is nothing to be proud of! Now clean this mess up immediately."

Cho nodded meekly and caught a flash of dumb gratitude in Jody's eyes. Her mind swam; lessons, from Harry? It was too perfect. She made a mental note to push the issue with the other girls at dinner.

"Leave me out," said Winifred flatly. "You can go to the smelly Hogs Head and talk about conspiracies and the dark arts if you like."

"But- Winifred..."

"Harry Potter is a liar," said Winifred, as if the idea had been programmed irreparably into her head, "...and Dumbledore's an old fool. After what happened to Cedric I can't believe you'd even begin to think otherwise."

"After what happened to Cedric, I can't believe you'd even think otherwise! People don't just die, Winifred," said Cho angrily. "This is important! You can't tell me that you're just accepting the rubbish the papers are printing."

"Forget it," said Winifred coolly. "Violet? Arianne?"

The three girls shot deprecating looks at Cho before leaving. Cho turned to Marietta desperately.

"No, Cho." Marietta had turned scarlet. "You know my mother works for the ministry. I can't. On top of that, Harry won't even look at me. I only ever see him around that snooty Hermione Granger. He just seems to be glaring at everything all the time and I'm getting a little disconcerted at the fact that he's so...well, delusional..."

"But what if he isn't?" demanded Cho. There was a hint of desperation to her voice. "Marietta, please!"

"I told you, Cho, for heaven's sake! My mother works for the ministry! I can't partake in something like this, can you imagine what that would do to her?"

"She's not going to find out."

"Cho," Marietta raised a hand. "You're asking me to disobey my mother and voluntarily be around Harry, who you know I'm, as of now, trying very hard to get over."

By this time, Cho's eyes were again brimming with tears. "Marietta- I need you. Do this for me. Don't you even want to hear what he has to say?"

"No, Cho. Not really. Its codswallop, can't you see that?"

"But it might not be. Please. Please. Just come along," Cho pleaded.

Marietta faltered. "Fine. But just this once, do you hear me, Cho Chang?"

"Thank you!" Cho crushed Marietta in embrace.

"Don't hug me like that! You know I'm not happy about this. I'm not happy at all."

Cho stood up and blew her a kiss. "I'll meet you in the Common Room!" Feeling slightly better, she slung her knapsack over her shoulder and began to make her way out of the Great Hall.

Before Cho realised it, the meeting at Hogs Head had come and gone. She felt remarkably strange; the flattery and smiles had drained her, leaving her empty, momentarily devoid of emotion. Was she trying to force feelings for Harry? She no longer knew.

"Michael Corner was staring at you like crazy in there. Is he the mystery man?"

Cho came back to reality with a groan. "Marietta, I don't want to hear about it. Anyway, he's going with someone. Ginny."

Marietta's lip curled. "Ginny? Who the hell is that?"

"Ginny Weasley. Fourth year. She was there today."

"Mm." Marietta rolled her eyes. She sighed dramatically. "Did you see Harry glaring at me? I feel so weird about him. Part of me really likes him and part of me desperately wants to hate him."

"Is that why you were glowering the whole time? He probably saw your sour look. Accounts for the glaring, too."

Marietta laughed. "I didn't realise." She sobered up. "Urgh. Can't stand that Hermione Granger. Someone ought to put her in her place one of these days. And by the way, I certainly hope you don't expect me to go to those "classes"."

Cho sighed despairingly. "We have to go. Didn't you hear what Harry said?"

"Yes." Marietta frowned. "Here's where the part of me that wants to hate him comes in. What rubbish."

"I believe him," said Cho staunchly.

"Geez, Cho." Marietta looked up at her wonderingly. "I'm starting to think there might be some truth to this stuff about you and him!"

Cho went crimson. "No. I...I'd never do that to you." For now, she added silently.

Marietta followed suite and flushed. "So it is true. He's the guy you were talking about, huh?"

"No!" Cho regained her composure somewhat. "Look, Marietta, I want to go to these classes. Not because of what...people have been saying, but because of..."

Marietta looked at her expectantly.

"Because of Cedric." Cho finished quietly.

"What does all this nonsense have to do with..." Marietta lowered her own voice, "with poor Cedric?"

"It's not nonsense," said Cho pointedly. "Maybe, maybe if Cedric had gone to something like this he'd still be here. I owe it to him, and I owe it to myself. Are you going to go with me or not?" The tears had become almost habit.

Marietta exhaled. "Ok. I...geez- OK, Cho, stop crying!" She put her head in her hands. "If my mother gets wind of any of this I'm history," she said miserably.

"She's not going to find out," said Cho, soothingly through her tears. She laughed. "Ok, no more crying!"

That's right, Cho. Soon you won't need to cry. You'll get Harry, he'll fix the grief, and the nightmares will stop. The nightmares will stop! Harry...Harry...Harry...stop...stop...stop...Cho stood abruptly as the voices in her head were grew more and more indignant. She forced her trembling lips into a smile.

***

"These meetings have been the stupidest waste of time!" spat Marietta, marching through the hallways with fury filled fervour.

"Would you keep it down!" Cho muttered.

Marietta threw her hands up with an air of complete and utter helplessness. "I've been breaking rules and risking my neck for months- and for what? To practice stuff like Expelliarmus!"

Cho was in fact lying, but it had nothing to do with the lessons. While Marietta continued to complain, Cho was fighting the same argument in her head that she had been fighting for months. The more she tried to force the feelings, the more she flirted, the more she realised that it just wasn't the same.

NO! No...you don't want to think that, do you, Cho? The grief will go on forever then. Forever and ever. You'll still love Cedric...but you don't need him anymore. Forget him, Cho! He's dead! But Harry...Harry's strong and alive, isn't he?

"Hey, guys," said a voice from behind them. Michael Corner had caught up with the two girls.

Cho seemed to neither hear or comprehend. Marietta jabbed her violently in the ribs. "Hey, Michael!" She flashed Cho a suggestive grin and made a quick get away.

Michael clearly had other things on his mind. "Uh...Cho? Do you talk to Ginny very often?"

Cho wrinkled her nose. "Not really. I mean, I don't know her very well. You two are going out, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but..." he lowered his voice. "I'm getting really mixed signals from her. Sometimes I don't think she even likes me!"

Cho suddenly felt awkward. "I'm sure she does," she said soothingly.

Michael smiled weakly. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted a friend of hers to tell me for sure. I hate...not knowing like this. Thanks anyway!" He gave a small wave and departed. Cho watched him leave, a sense of sympathy for him churning in her stomach.