East Of Eden

Thanks to Darkwing for beta-reading.

East of Eden
Chapter 3
The darkest hour

 “You !” James gasped when Snape turned around. “Get away from the child, you fucking bastard.”

 He shot a quick glance over to Lily on the floor, while keeping his wand pointed at Snape’s chest.
"Lily! What have you done to her? What have you done to Harry? You goddamn traitor.”
He was shouting now, his voice breaking. Sparks came out of the tip of his wand.

Snape slowly lifted his hands over the head.
“ Me? You arrogant idiot. I’m saving your ass,“ he hissed at James.

“You are lying. You came here with Voldemort.” James face turned red from anger.

“James, no,” whispered Lily, “he’s here to help.”

 James blinked uncomprehendingly at his wife.

 Snape used the moment of distraction to draw his wand. Having seen the movement from the corner of his eye, James shot a body-binding spell at Snape, who dived behind the couch.

“ You coward!” James roared, now almost mad with rage.

He started to hurl uncontrolled charms at the couch. When the piece of furniture exploded in flames, Snape jumped out from behind it, and while throwing some badly aimed curses at James he ran over to the worn-out arm chair for cover. Black smoke, which made the two opponents gasp for breath, began to rise from the burning couch.
From his cover Snape fired some spells at James. Two of the spells only left dark torch marks on the wall. The third spell hit James in the arm.
Immediately blood began to seep through the sleeve of his Muggle shirt. Crying out loud in rage and pain he didn’t hear Lily begging desperately.

“No. James. Severus. Stop. Oh, please stop.”

She begged in vain, for Snape and her husband were locked in a death duel now.

One spell gave the next. A powerful “Corrumpis” curse made parts of the wand collapse, another minor explosion curse set the already destroyed bookshelves on fire. Spell by spell the living room was torn apart.
 Then two mighty curses met halfway. A totally uncontrolled outburst of destructive magic followed, which peaked in a mighty explosion. Another wall collapsed and parts of the ceiling came down.

The image in the orb on Dumbledore’s desk became misty and it quavered for a moment before it went back to normal.
 

In the smoke and dust-filled darkness only the frantic wails of the baby were to be heard for a few seconds.
Harry could only barely see one figure moving within the slowly clearing clouds of dust. It was Snape, who was struggling to get to his feet. Obviously his right leg was broken when he had been hit by some of the heavy oak beams and rubble from the ceiling. As soon as he put his full weight on it he collapsed on the floor again.

James was nowhere to be seen.

Eventually Snape was able to steady himself in a standing position by leaning upon the remains of a chair. Dazed as he was, James’ spell out of nowhere hit him square in the chest.

“EXPELLIARMUS!”

 Snape stumbled backwards into the half destroyed hallway, where he fell on his back.

His wand flew high up into the air, and in an impressive curve it came down right into James’ hand. He caught the wand with a triumphant cry, broke it into pieces, and went after its owner.

“Where are you, you son of a bitch?”

In the dimly lit hall Snape again tried to get up in vain when he saw James coming towards him. James threw the pieces of the wand into the face of the man lying at his feet.

 “You Slytherin piece of shit! Now you’ll pay.”

“ Listen! James, I would never hurt Lily! Don’t you know? Snap out of it, bloody hell!”

James face was contorted with emotion now - rage, fear, disgust and hate.
 “ You still have the nerve to ... to... . You filthy liar. Do you know Dumbledore trusted you? ” James’ voice snapped.

“Dammit, Potter, you arrogant jackass, listen to me!”

James made a threatening step towards Snape and raised his wand.

Snape swallowed whatever he was about to say and began slowly to crawl back in the futile attempt to get away from James, who was towering over him.

 “INCENSO !”

Series of firecharms hit the floor next to Snape, who now desperately scrambled backwards. His eyes, wide with fear like a cornered animal, never left James’ face. His hands were frantically running over the carpet in the search of anything that he could use as a weapon, but they only touched the many pieces of glass on the floor, that cut them open mercilessly.

“ It was, Sirius, your secret-keeper,  who...”

“Ha, nice try, but you’re wrong here. AND NONE OF MY FRIENDS WOULD EVER BETRAY ME!” James roared and aimed his wand at Snape’s head.

“Got to hell, Snape”.

“AVADA KEDAVRA” sounded through the hallway followed by a green flash of light.
 
 

James stumbled backwards until he reached the stairway. With an uncomprehending look on his face James Potter fell down the stairs. He was dead before his body hit the landing.

After a sickening thud there was silence.

In the dark hallway Snape lay trembling, clutching a wand in his bleeding hands.
For a moment he just lay there flat on his back with his eyes closed,  panting from exhaustion. Then he looked at the wand. It was Voldemort’s wand, which had been send flying into the hallway when his owner had vanished. As hard as he could Snape hurled the wand against the wall, from where it rebounded. The wand clattered down the stairs like James' body had before it.

Slowly Snape dragged himself over into the destroyed living room. Deaf to the wails of the child, he moved over to where Lily lay. Propping himself up against a pile of rubble he pulled her body into his arms.

“Lily!”

 She was barely alive. Her eyelids fluttered in her pale face, but they remained closed.

“ Harry, ... how’s Harry?“ She croaked.

“ Shh. Don’t worry. He is ok.”

“ Voldemort, I saw his eyes when I tried to reason with him. I was so ... so scared.” Lily’s voice broke.

 “ I know, Lily, I know. But he is gone now. You were very brave.”
Snape gently stroke her hair with his bloodied hand.

“Where... where`s James?” Lily whispered.

 Snape withdraw his hand from her hair as if he had burned it.

“ I ... don’t know.”

With a weak yet determined voice Lily demanded “Sev, don’t ... don’t lie at me. Where is James?”

Snape closed his eyes.  “He is dead, Lily.”

Lily flinched in his arms and let out a short whimpering sound. After a moment of silence she whispered. “How? You didn’t... . Did you kill him?”

Snape began to rock back and forth as the words started to pour out of him.
 “Lily, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Everything ...just has gone wrong, so terribly wrong. I didn’t ...”

Lily interrupted him. “Sev, listen to me.” Her voice was firm. “ Voldemort’s curse, it has somehow hit me, I think.”

Spasms were now running through her body and Snape tightened his grip to prevent her from slipping out of his arms. His face was horrorstruck.

“ NO, Lily. That's impossible! Surely help is on the way. Dumbledore will be here any minute.”

Snape forced a smile upon his features and whispered imploringly: ”Everything will be fine. Everything will turn out well. And...”

Lily interrupted Snapes hasty words once again.
“ No, ... no, Sev.” She whispered. “ Poor Harry, ... all alone.”

Lily opened her eyes wide and looked searchingly in Snape’s face.
”You ... you must protect Harry now. Do you hear me Sev ?”

Snape swallowed hard.

“I promise, Lily.”

A faint smile appeared on the face of Harry’s mother. The spasms diminished and stopped, and her fists unclenched slowly.

“Lily?” Snape shook the limp body in his arms. ”LILY! All will be fine! Lily, no. NO!” He clutched Lily desperately to his chest.

 In a frantic search for the transmitter owl Snape looked around.
When he found it, he turned his face directly to the onlookers gathered around the little receiver orb. He looked horrible. His face was covered with blood, dust and sooth. His desperate cries rang through the orb.
“Dumbledore, anyone, can you hear me? Dumbledore, where are you? Help her! Don’t leave me alone!”
 
 
 

At this point the Headmaster waved his wand over the crystal ball on his desk and the image faded. Harry stared into the golden mist that replaced it. For some time he was not able do anything but gaze into the ball. His mind was blank.

His mother, she had died such a painful death.
“You must protect Harry” Her last words echoed through his mind.
Snape.
He had been there.
He had killed his father.
SNAPE KILLED HIS DAD!

Harry jerked away from the orb at this thought. He realized that Dumbledore was intensely watching him with his glittering blue eyes.

“He has killed my Dad.” Harry whispered, tears starting to roll down his face.

He turned towards Snape, but found his seat empty. Unnoticed of him Snape must have gotten up towards the end of the record. He was now standing at the window in the back of  Dumbledore’s office, his hands gripping the window-sill. His forehead rested against the cold pane of the window, from which the rain was pouring down in rivers on the outside.

“YOU KILLED MY DAD!” Harry shouted at him.
He could see Snape’s shoulders square. Then he turned around to face Harry.

“ You are..., you  are a damn...” Harry fell silent when Snape’s fierce black eyes burnt into his.

“Yes, I killed James Potter.” He slowly said in his soft voice, as if reasoning about every single word. “He was not the first one, though. I know what I am, Harry.”

Harry said nothing. He just held Snape’s gaze.

 Then Dumbledore cleared his throat. “ Ahem. Those were dark times indeed.”
Into the tense silence he said: “See Harry, Severus used Voldemort’s wand when fighting with your father. The very same wand which was later picked up by Peter Pettigrew and kept till the day of Voldemort’s return.
Now, every wand fits the personality and the magic of its owner. This wand, the twin of your own wand, was stamped to do bad deeds by its owner. Severus wasn’t willingly choosing the kind of spell he was using against James. He killed your father in self-defense. It was an accident.”

Harry angrily jumped to his feet. “I strongly doubt that!”

He pointed accusingly at Snape. “ He killed my Dad. He is a dark wizard, a MURDERER.”
Harry was now shouting at the top of his lungs.

Dumbledore opened his mouth to talk, but Snape cut in.

“Who are you to judge that?” he yelled back, his usually sallow face red with emotion.

 “Do you think you know it all, because you have faced Voldemort once? Do you think you can tell good from evil, right from wrong? Yes you do, because you are Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Who only lived because I knew some ordinary muggle First Aid, by the way.”

Snape took a deep breath and continued in a calmer voice.
 "You are like your father- quick in judgement, and always right. Perfect Potter, the role model, Gryffindor’s golden boy.
The whole world seemed to have eyes only for him. Success was his middle name, and he got away with everything.Us lesser mortals could try all we wanted, but we would never reach his height. He would outperform us with a smile on his face at any task, every given day."

 Snape gripped the arm rests of Harry’s chair and leaned forward until his face was level with Harry’s.

“Maybe, Potter,” he hissed, ”if I was in the same situation, I would kill James again. And maybe I would smile then.”
 

Harry sat paralyzed by the time Snape released his chair and straightened. He turned towards Dumbledore.

“It was a mistake to burden the boy with this, Albus. It is beyond his comprehension.” Snape said in a matter-of-factly voice.

Dumbledore sighed. “No, Severus, please give him time. He will understand, and he will learn from the past.”

“Look who is talking." Snape shot Dumbledore one of the cold looks that he usually reserved for Harry.

"Look how much time you needed, Albus. And look at the price for your lately acquired infallibility and wisdom, that your are so generously sharing with us nowadays. Half of the cells of Azkaban and half of the graves on Tintagel South Cemetery are filled with your ex-pupils.”

Snape’s words were laced with a sarcasm that surprised Harry. He had never seen Snape talking so disrespectfully to the Headmaster.

 “Please Severus, don’t say things you will regret later.” Dumbledore said. Obviously he was struggling to stay calm.

Snape cocked an eyebrow and forced his mouth into a smile.

 "Me, regret anything? You seem to forget you’re looking at the infamous Severus Snape, cruel and incapable of any human emotion. That includes remorse, doesn’t it?”
 

 “SEVERUS!” Dumbledore seemed to be very annoyed.

 Snape stubbornly continued with his rant. He was blindly enamored to bitter sarcasm now.

“What if it had been the other way around? What if James had killed me? He would have been the hero of the day - a brave father in defense of his family, who had faced Voldemort and one of his evil minions; worth the order of Merlin first class, I daresay.
And how very touching he had lost his wife in the attack. It adds some melodrama to our hero.
Don’t you agree, Headmaster, that it would have been the more convenient ending for our little venture?
Tell me, would you have gotten me a nice marble tombstone at Tintagel or would my body simply have been removed by a Vanishing Spell before the Aurors came? ”

Snape stared at him for a moment, as if daring Dumbledore to argue with him. Then he slowly turned towards Harry.

“Believe me Potter,” he was whispering almost inaudibly,  "if I could change the past, I would. The world would have been better off the other way.”

With that he turned on his heel and left the Headmaster’s office. The door fell shut behind him with a loud BANG.
 
 

Dumbledore sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

Fawkes, his phoenix, left his perch and fluttered onto his shoulder, where he started to nibble at his master’s earlobe. Dumbledore pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.
“ Good bird, “ he said absentmindedly.

Harry wasn’t sure what to do. He was still shocked by the exchange between his two teachers. Maybe he should leave, too? He was already getting up, when Dumbledore looked up again. He seemed to be very tired and he looked every single one of his 150 years.

“Don’t leave, Harry! You must be so confused, poor boy. Maybe I can help you to sort out some of your thoughts.” He smiled cheerfully at Harry, but his smile was too painful to be convincing.
 

A million questions at once where whirling through Harry’s head, each of them equally inappropriate to ask the headmaster.

Finally Harry stuttered: “ Why... why is Professor Snape so ...err, angry at you?”

“ He has every right to be angry with me. You see, what happened was partly my fault. I should have researched that fateful Shielding Spell better. And I shouldn’t have left Lily and Severus alone with their difficult task. We were planning no less than killing Lord Voldemort, the most feared wizard in England. The whole situation was too much for them to handle, especially when it got so out of control.
Severus and Lily were both powerful mages, but they were so young and inexperienced. And Severus was well known to be a short-tempered young man. As was your father. Sending those three into a life-threatening situation together was like setting the stage for a classical tragedy. I should have been there. I should have had better cared for all my students.”

Harry frowned as the Headmaster stared out into the winter rain.

“Back in the and 70’s during Voldemort’s first rise, I was biased against the Slytherins, as everyone was at that time. I had once been in Gryffindor myself, and so it seemed only natural to me.
I always prided myself on being a just Headmaster, yet I had shut my eyes to them becoming the outcasts among the four houses of Hogwarts. No one trusted them. Slytherin was synonymous to dark wizard. That made it easy for their Head of the House, Tiberinus Lohman, to use Slytherin as a recruitment camp for prospective Death Eaters.
Too many of the young wizards and witches were easily convinced to turn against the Magic Society. The Death Eater movement offered them power and the feeling of community.
And in the beginning it was not as violent as it was in the end. It started out as a tempting idea of an alternative style of magic, a renaissance of the Old Ways, the non-wand magic. A fancy ideology, like there were many among the more intellectual wizards and Muggles in the 70’s. People tend to forget about that. All they kept in mind was that the most Death Eaters came from Slytherin.”

Dumbledore sighed heavily.

“I might have prevented  a lot of conflicts, if only...”

Harry felt fury rise in him when he heard his beloved Headmaster blame himself for Voldemort gathering supporters among the Slytherins.
“No, it can’t all be your fault. I mean Snape, ... he is an evil man. He is always so mean to me, and he's such an unfair teacher. And he is a killer. Why is he still walking around as a free man? My parents ...”

Dumbledore interrupted him. “Let the dead rest, Harry. No punishment can revive them. And Severus has already paid dearly for the sins of his youth. For the events of that fateful night I truly bear my share of guilt, too.”

He looked at Fawkes, who was still sitting on his shoulders.

“And guilt also weighs heavily on Severus’ shoulders. You must understand, that this is the reason for his unfairness. A guilty conscience would drive other people to feel sympathy with you or they would try to befriend you, but it’s simply not Severus’ nature. Instead he tries to keep you away from him, and the memory with you. He doesn’t really hate you, he hates the whole world and most of all himself.
You should know that he is always volunteering on the most dangerous missions against Voldemort. Every time he has to spy on the Death Eaters, he fears for his life, but still he forces himself to do it. Maybe he sees gambling at this high risk as his personal road to redemption. You never know the ways that man's mind is working.”

Dumbledore paused for a brief moment.

“ He would never talk about it, but I’m sure every time he teaches you, he feels like a part of him is back in the ruins of Godric’s Hollow and at Azkaban. That’s what makes him so cruel towards you.”

“Azkaban? Snape was in Azkaban?” Harry asked.

Dumbledore nodded.

“As I said, he paid dearly for the sins of his youth. He was there for eight weeks before his trial.
The very night of Voldemort’s downfall, rumors started spreading about a baby killing him. As Severus stated earlier, we had no reason to make people believe otherwise. So all credit of what he had worked so hard for, and almost died for, was placed on a little child. You. And the only person besides me, who knew otherwise, was Severus himself in his cell far away in Azkaban.
Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Hagrid and all the Ministry officials only came to the Ruins of Godric’s Hollow later, when Severus was already gone.
It was the easier story to believe. Plain black and white. Not shades of gray . And people needed heroes so dearly then. They were grateful for the tale of Lily and James and their fabulous baby-boy.
And after the trial we couldn’t change that story anymore without exposing Snape as a high ranking Death Eater and the killer of James.”

“Why? Wasn’t Snape cleared of all charges in his trial?”
 

“Yes.” Dumbledore seemed to consider his answer for a moment.

* * * * *

 

Deep in thought Harry shuffled through the abandoned hallways of Hogwarts towards his dormitory in the Gryffindor tower. He was one of the few inhabitants there during the Christmas break. Only two girls were staying in the first year’s dorm, but he assumed they were sound asleep by this time of the night.

He felt no urge to talk to them right now, anyways.

When he lay in bed he couldn’t sleep.

Blurred images whirled through his head. He saw the face of his father contorted with rage, and his mother dying in the arms of Snape. He heard Voldemort’s high pitched laughter and then he heard him scream.
 

So Snape had been the legendary wizard who killed Voldemort ...

Somehow Harry was relieved that after all it hadn’t been him, who defeated the Dark Lord. He was just an ordinary wizard child, not the savior of the whole Wizarding World.

Very deep down he was a little bit disappointed, though.
Quickly he dismissed this thought.

Harry was confused. What was he supposed the think and feel about what he had seen?