How Do You Eat Yours?

Shit. Fuck, bugger, bollocks, I just made a complete arse of myself. I just kissed Harry Potter. Fan-fucking-tastic. Well, it looks like my brain has returned; now it's just a matter of time until...

Well that went balls-up didn't it Weasley?

...until Malfoy comes back.

A hello would've been nice. And yes that just went slightly balls-up.

And not in the way you want either, eh?

Oh just for ONCE will you leave it with the sexual innuendos? In case you hadn't realised I am in deep shit here. And being at war with my own mind really doesn't help.

Fair enough. So what are you going to do now? Go after him and declare your love, throw yourself of the Astronomy Tower?

I think I'll take the slightly less dramatic options and stay here, thank you all the same.

Suit yourself.

So I sat there. And I sat there. And I sat there. I sat there for a good hour and a half, in exactly the same position, me being the complete prat I am. And then I realised he wasn't coming back. And probably never would be. Not to me anyway.

That was when I went to bed.

**********

I awoke suddenly with a gasp, knowing immediately two things. One that Dean and Seamus were staring at me and two that I was in deep shit. Again. And it didn't have anything to do with the wet patch on my sheets, or the erection that was currently tenting my sheets, the one that I was wishing would die a terrible, painful death. And it definitely didn't have anything to do with a certain dream I had just had, about giving a certain dark haired boy that I had known quite a long time a blow job. Oh no. Six years, in fact, I've known him. And it certainly didn't have anything to do with the fact I had woken myself up yelling, and I know exactly what. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...

"Good dream then?"

"Oh go bugger yourself Seamus." I moan, rolling onto my side with a great heave. Lovely. Great. Soggy, sticky sheets. Bloody marvellous.

"Well I'm not going to but by the looks of you, you might need to."

They laugh and make their way to the door, sounding far too cheerful for this time of day. Bastards. Hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them...

"Oh and Ron? Don't worry, we won't tell him. But you probably should."

I don't hear the door slam. I don't hear the sound of voices in the hall. All I hear is the sound of a tiny voice in my head. I wonder who that could be?

They know Weasley, and they don't just know, they KNOW. All in all I think that went quite well don't you?

Fuck off.

*snigger*

Hold on, did my sub-conscience just snigger? Can sub-consciences snigger? And can... oh no. I'm not getting into that again.

Dean and Seamus know. Dean and Seamus KNOW. Shit. I see absolutely no way out of this. I hate my life.

Oh and Weasley? Just thought I'd tell you that you erection has died a merciful, if not a bit belated, death.

I really hate my life.

"Ron?"

Jesus fucking Christ! ... ... ... Owww, that hurt. But then jumping off a bed was never really the greatest of ideas, was it? Especially when you're left with stained sheets wrapped around you like a cocoon and a very nice looking sixteen year old boy staring at you. Oh, this just gets better and better...

"Are you ok?"

More than ok, fucking marvellous. What am I supposed to say? Yeah I'm great because I just had a dream which involved sucking you off and then I woke up and Dean and Seamus were there and everything went downhill from there? I settle with;

"Fine."

I untangle myself from the pile of sheets and limbs I seem to have turned into, cursing all the while at how lanky I am. Always have been fucking lanky. I perch myself on the bed next to Harry carefully, trying to tell my brain to remember to breathe.

"I was just..." Damn this is awkward. Harry's just sat there, looking everywhere but at me. And all the while I'm just sat here going, please don't say it, you don't have to, please don't say it, you don't have to... "I was wondering about last night." Bugger, he said it. "Was it a mistake or were you just trying to fuck with me or..."

Not fuck WITH you, just fuck YOU would be nice eh Weasley?

Oh for the love of... Oh right that was my cue to say something. Erm... right. Think Gryffindor bravery, think Gryffindor bravery... Ah screw it; I always thought Hufflepuff looked like a nice house.

"No it wasn't a mistake and no I wasn't fucking with you."

"Oh so you really are..."

"I really am what?" Right that does it, not only does he actually make me have this conversation, but he has the nerve to take the piss out of me, and looking fucking irresistible while he does it! No fucking way! "A poof? A faggot? A queen? A shirt-lifter? A pillow-biter? In love with a sodding guy? Go on, take your pick! They all mean the same bloody thing!"

"Calm down Ron." I don't know why he's so calm? Why's he so calm? Does anyone know why he's calm? Malfoy? Oh, just great, desert me again why don't you? "All I was going to say is you really are serious."

"Oh." I sink back into the bed, sighing as I do. What an idiot, what a complete and utter idiot. Why did I think Harry would desert me like that? I mean it's not like he's Malfoy or anything.

Oi! I heard that.

Oh so now your back. What the hell is Harry doing, rummaging around under his bed like that? And what's with the box in his hands?

"These are from Hermione. They arrived this morning." He says, chucking me something small and egg shaped out of the box. "They're for Easter, only small 'coz she doesn't have much money at the moment." Oh yeah, it's Easter today. A celebration. Ha-fucking-ha. Celebration my arse. "I doubt you know what it is?"

I frown, reading the name off the crinkled red and blue foil. "Cadbury's Crème Egg. Nope, no idea mate, sorry."

"Well they're Easter eggs of a sort, but they have a special way you have to eat them. I'll show you if you like."

Uh-oh, there's an unholy glint in his bright green eyes and I don't like it. I don't like it one little bit. Mummy! Help!

"Erm, you really don't... don't have to if you, erm... don't want to, I mean, that is..." Ah fuck it, I'm more screwed over than Malfoys mother. "Ok, show me how to eat the damn thing."

Uh-oh, the glint has returned, along with a grin. And I like the grin even less than the glint. "Ok, well I'll eat mine first and then you can have a go. First you have to take the wrapper off." He peels half of the shiny foily stuff off. Ok so this isn't so bad. "And then you have to bite the top off to get to the middle." Ok so this really isn't that bad. I mean it's just like a normal Easter egg, only smaller. I just wish I knew why the glint was still there. "And then you have to get all the stuff in the middle out." He sticks his finger into the egg and begins licking the filling off it. Jesus fucking Christ. It's white. It's bloody white and it looks like, it looks like, it looks... it...it...

Oh for fucks sake Weasley it looks like cum. Get over it. I mean it's not like you haven't seen it before.

Yes but this... this is...

Harry. This is Harry and you wish it was what it looks like and that his finger was something entirely different. Is that about right?

Why does Malfoy always have to be right? And more importantly why do I have to have a 'Malfoy Sub-conscience!' were they on buy one get one free when I was born or something? Why could it not be someone nice like Neville or caring like Hermione or funny like Seamus. Actually, on the other hand, maybe not Seamus...

Ah crap, Harrys finished. He's looking at me and that glints still fucking there. I will get rid of it if it's the last bloody thing I do! And when he speaks again, his tone is challenging and soft and, seductive? No, just soft and challenging. If I stick to those two my head may not end up like one of Nevilles potions.

"The question is Ron; How do you eat yours?"

Right. If the words weren't challenge enough, that glints sat there fucking laughing at me, I know it is. Well Mr Harry James Potter, I am going to remove that glint from your eye if it kills me. I will make you squirm even if it takes the last shredded scrap of my dignity. If you can make eating on Easter egg hot, I can make it ten times hotter, just you watch me.

I grab the egg out of Harry's outstretched hand and, with an attempt at a devilish grin, tear half of the little shiny bit off. I take a large chunk of the top of with my teeth, closing my eyes as I swallow, head thrown back. I've always loved chocolate, thought of it as the muggle equivalent to Butterbeer. I love the way it just kind of flows down my throat, all rich and thick, and then seems to warm you from inside out. But anyway, enough with the girly feeling towards chocolate, and on with the real bit. Operation Make Harry All Hot And Bothered. (Or MHAHAB. Genius I think you'll agree.)

I started out slowly, just putting a tiny bit of the filling on my finger and closing my mouth around it, withdrawing my finger slowly. I didn't mean to moan but, oh fuck, it was fondant. And if there's anything in this world better than chocolate, it's fondant. I'm glad I did moan though, because it elicited a small, sharp breath and a squirm out of Harry. That's it, squirm damn you, squirm! This continued until Harry moved towards me. Pointing to my mouth. What the fuck?

"Here," he said, voice slightly more gravelly than it should be. He wiped his index finger across the corner of my mouth. "You've got some on your mouth."

My next move was based on something I never would have if I was playing any other game, chess for example. It was based on impulse. I reached out and grabbed his hand and stuck his finger into my mouth, sucking along the whole finger before licking the end and dropping it heavily down next to Harry, who had his mouth wide open and was breathing heavily. Well I didn't want to waste any fondant did I? With a half cheeky, half apologetic grin, I turned back to my egg, wondering what the fuss was about. I soon found out, when my very next finger full of fondant was scooped into the hot wetness of Harrys mouth. Breathe, Ron Weasley, breathe or else you'll die.

Yeah but you'll die happy won't you Weasley?

Ohh, shut up, I'm having fun. I don't want you to interrupt it with your sarky comments.

Suit yourself Weasley. But I'm still watching

You dare to watch I will forcefully bash my head against a wall until you come out and then hex you into oblivion and back, understand?

Understood. But did you know you burn a hundred calories an hour from banging your head against the wall?

Mmm. Malfoy why are you full of shitty random facts?

Comes with being a Malfoy. I can also tell you the capital of every country in the world and sing the National Anthem of half of them. Backwards.

Uhhh. But that's something I really don't want to know. Oh, oh don't stop! Don't fucking stop!

Why has Harry stopped? When did Harry stop? And when in the fucking lifetime that we've been sat here did he start kissing me??? Oh god, he tastes like chocolate. Like chocolate and fondant and... Wait a minute. Wasn't he just going on about me fucking with him? Oh no, he is not doing this. He is not just kissing me to get back at him. No matter how hard it is I have to break myself away from him. Must break away, must break away... Aha!

"What the fuck??? You were just the one going on about me fucking with you! Decided to turn the tables have you? Because I refuse to be fucked with."

Harry has that face on, the one where he's trying to be patient with me but not exactly succeeding very well. "Ron, I am not fucking with you. Therefore, I'm not fucking with you, you're not fucking with me but if you'd just shut up for ten minutes we would be fucking."

"Mmplf."

Since when did Harry turn into Malfoy? That should be disturbing but it's strangely... hot. Argh now that is disturbing. Must never mention that to Harry or Malfoy, must never mention that to Harry or Malfoy, must never...

"Ron, you think too much. Now move your arse over here and let me sno the hell out of you."

Aha. Right. Well. This is Harry. My best friend Harry. The person I have fancied forever Harry. And Harry always gets what he wants. So obviously he gets me. And I've just realised something as well.

I can have him.

I can have Harry.

Which is how I now find myself in Harry-heaven. A very, licky, sticky, happy, Harry-heaven.

The End.