Take Care

Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta Mischief Manage Me, for all her hard work through the pains of computer crashes and internet withdrawal.

This story is dedicated to Bran, who never fails to disappoint me. I like you anyway, you bastard.

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I wanted you to know

That I love the way you laugh

I want to hold you high and steal your pain away

I keep your photograph

I know it serves me well

I want to hold you high and steal your pain

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away...

The wolf's breath was hot and putrid on the boy's face. The scratch on his cheek stung as it oozed blood. He was pinned under the wolf's huge paws, helpless and terrified, as it prepared to strike.

Sirius was trapped by more than the animal weight on his chest. His mind was spinning in circles, bouncing between what he knew to be true and what he desperately hoped. The werewolf was real, enormous, hairy, and vicious... but somewhere inside was Sirius's friend, smaller than Sirius and probably even more frightened. Sirius searched for the boy inside the feral eyes, taking hope from the fact that the wolf hadn't bitten him yet. Perhaps Remus was still in control of the beast; the terror loosened its grip on the wolf's victim. Werewolf or not, Remus was his friend.

And then he changed. Friend, echoed the dog. He pulled himself from the wolf's grip as its expression changed from hostility to friendly recognition, and the dog grinned back.

Friend. Run, jump, play, eat, fun! Friend! The dog's simple emotions finally stilled his frenzied heartbeat and the boy, lurking somewhere in the dog's body, was able to relax. He was out of danger for the moment.

The wolf and the dog left Hogwarts' grounds and headed towards the little village. The dog's instincts told him to steer the wolf away from people, which he did. They ran through the woods, chasing small animals they saw, digging when their noses said that something interesting was buried, and howling at the moon. A train passed on the tracks. They chased it, barking gleefully until it was nothing but a tiny dot on the horizon. They drank from the lake and snapped jokingly at the giant squid. When they tired, they went back to the old house and curled up together on the shaggy rug by the fire.

The dog didn't sleep, instead watching the wolf as it twitched and growled at imagined enemies. He was still watching when dawn came, the moon set, and the terrible transformation began.

Sirius was a boy again; the joyful and carefree spirit of the dog was gone. He hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes as the wolf began to howl. The change was always painful. Sirius's eyes filled with tears of helplessness when the howls became human screams.

And then everything was silent and still. Sirius opened his eyes and crawled over to his friend. Remus was sweaty and shaking; tears streamed from under his eyelids but he didn't make a sound. His mousy brown hair was matted with blood. Sirius smoothed it and Remus jumped.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, Moony. I'm here."

Remus craned his neck to look at his friend. He gasped at the sight of blood on Sirius's face. "Did I...?" He touched the long scratch lightly.

"No," Sirius lied with a smile. "Must've caught a branch across the face last night. I'll get Madame Pomfrey to fix it up later."

"Did I...hurt anyone?"

"Do you really need to ask? You've never had a chance, not on my watch." He smiled again and wiped the clotted blood from Remus's face. Remus relaxed again, leaning his head on Sirius's knees and closing his eyes.

Remus slept and Sirius kept watch over him. They wouldn't be missed in their classes. The full moon was gone for another month; they were free to be two 14-year-old boys for another month. The wolf and the dog would return with the next full moon.

The worst is over now

And we can breathe again

I want to hold you high and steal my pain away

There's so much left to learn

And no one left to fight

I want to hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open

And I don't feel like I am strong enough...

***21 years later***

Remus read the newspaper with disbelief; Sirius had escaped.

Unlike the rest of the country, Remus didn't waste time wondering 'How?' He knew. His question, the one that drowned out all other thoughts, was 'Why?' Why now? After twelve years of enduring the Dementors' presence, Sirius shouldn't have the will to escape. And why, after sitting quietly for twelve years, did he suddenly decide it was time to go? He had the ability all this time... Remus couldn't imagine what was going on in his old friend's head.

Rumors were flying all over the wizarding community about what Sirius could be after. Some said he was seeking his master again. Some said he was planning another Muggle massacre. But most whispered three words, over and over again: Hogwarts. Harry Potter.

Remus was offered the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher only two weeks before news of Sirius's escape reached the public. He had been willing to accept the position before, but now he was even more certain that he needed to be at Hogwarts this year. Only he was totally aware of what Sirius was capable of.; only he could warn Dumbledore, if it became necessary.

Remus covered his face with his hands. He knew Sirius was a murderer, a Death Eater. He knew Sirius was responsible for the deaths of James and Lily, for Peter's death. But he couldn't help thinking about the boy who had been there with him every month when the wolf tore its way out of his tiny frame. And every full moon, the wolf still looked for the dog.

Sirius was the first to unlock the secrets of the Animagi. The others, James and Peter, studied just as hard, knew just as much, but the problem was internal. Sirius was the first to find his animal form because he was the only one who knew exactly who he was. He was reckless and fierce, playful and lighthearted, loyal and dependable. He accepted the bad with the good and never tried to seem like he was anything else.

Peter, sorry little Peter, was trapped in the role in which he was cast. He could be whoever his friends wanted him to be, and that left little room for who he really was.

James was loved by everyone in their year, with few exceptions. He was a Quidditch star, top of the class, and the perfect clown. He only bullied the most unpopular or unpleasant people. He wasn't sure, not until many years later, that anyone would like him if he dropped the Quaffle and stopped clowning.

So James and Peter watched sadly as Sirius snuck out a few nights a month to be with Remus when he went to face the full moon. They listened jealously to their tales of their nighttime excursions. A year passed before James was able to join them in his stag form, and even longer before the four Marauders journeyed together.

Until then, it was only the wolf and the dog. Natural companions, they learned the scent of every animal in the forest. They traced every deer track and explored every alley. There wasn't a meat locker within 20 miles that they couldn't break into.

Sirius was there for every agonizing moonrise, ready to save Remus from himself and the damage he could inflict if he was left alone. And he was there each morning when the wolf became the small, frightened boy again, standing by to clean up the blood and the tears. He and Remus both valued the time they had together, after the sun came up but before the castle began stirring with activity. Sirius almost resented it when James became an Animagus.

Remus spent almost a year with his stomach tied in knots. Sirius was out there somewhere and Remus was responsible for him. Remus was the last of the Marauders. He should have gone with Peter when he went to confront Sirius. Peter never had the skill to compete with Sirius, but Remus might have been able to... to what? To kill him?

For twelve years, Remus asked himself that question. If he had faced Sirius - not the Sirius he knew, but a man with the Potters' blood on his hands that only looked like Sirius - would he have been able to utter the killing curse? He told himself that he would. And if he couldn't, he at least could've kept Peter from being killed too. But what had he done when he heard that Lily and James were dead? He had mourned. He had raged. And he had done nothing. Remus had to live with that.

It was no harder than living as the last of the Marauders. Once a tight-knit group, they had fallen apart because of one man, one war, one betrayal. And now Remus had to live without the friends he had come to see as brothers.

The pain of missing James had dulled over the years. Sirius's arrest had given him closure and a small measure of peace. Peter's death too had been avenged.

He never stopped missing Sirius. The bright, laughing boy who had turned into a murderous lunatic. Nothing could ever make that right.

When Remus laid eyes on Harry for the first time in twelve years, it all came rushing back. That indescribable longing grew exponentially through that year until Remus almost wished that Sirius would come to Hogwarts, so they could see each other one last time before Remus did what he should have done twelve years ago.

Remus was watching the Map when Sirius dragged Peter under the Whomping Willow. He thought the stress had snapped his mind at last. He thought the Map was lying. The Map never lies, he reminded himself. If nothing else, it ought to be able to identify its makers. He stuffed the old parchment in his pocket and ran out the door.

The short trip through the castle was long enough for him to figure out what must have happened. If one of Sirius's supposed victims was alive, then it was very likely that he hadn't killed any of the others.

The rest of that night was a chaotic blur. When Remus thought back on it, it was nothing but flashes: images, sounds, scents, and emotions. Sirius's face, ravaged by so many years in Azkaban. Peter's pathetic appeals for mercy. The full moon and the terror on the children's faces as they realized what it meant. The scent he'd know anywhere...the dog, the companion the wolf had missed for all those long years. Then the dog's blood and the smell of cold and fear that the Dementors carried.

When he left Hogwarts that June, he came home to find a team of Aurors in his house. They were looking for Sirius and they had instructions to bring Remus back to the Ministry for questioning. It was a long and agonizing process, with Cornelius Fudge himself leading the interrogation. Remus did his best to stay calm.

"How did Sirius Black gain access to the castle?"

"He has always had extensive knowledge of the secret passageways. I assume that's how he got in."

"You assume? So you deny having any part in his attempts to kill Harry Potter?"

"Of course I deny it. Like you, I believed Sirius Black to be a murderer. I believed that he had betrayed James and Lily Potter. I had no intention of allowing him to murder their son as well."

"Believed? You don't believe that anymore?" Fudge's eyes narrowed.

"I believe Sirius was falsely imprisoned. I believe the murders were committed by Peter Pettigrew."

"You took the word of three children who obviously confused, possibly Confunded?"

"No. I draw my conclusions from what I saw with my own eyes. Peter Pettigrew is an unregistered Animagus. I saw him transform back into human form and I saw..."

"Yes, we've heard this ridiculous story. How did Sirius Black escape from the tower where he was imprisoned?"

"I haven't the first clue. I was indisposed for the remainder of that night."

"Indisposed? What do you...?"

"There was a full moon that night," Remus explained in a level voice, meeting Fudge's eyes without fear. Fudge scowled heavily, but he had no further questions. Remus was allowed to leave.

When he got home, there was a large rawhide bone on his stoop.

One night, when the Marauders were in their sixth year, the wolf escaped the protection of his friends for a few brief hours. The dog was the first to find him. The sleek werewolf body was collapsed on the banks of a creek a few miles from the castle. His mouth was ringed with blood.

Human blood, the dog's nose told him. Quickly, silently, he became Sirius the boy again. He wiped the blood from the wolf's mouth. With his hands in biting range of a live werewolf, he felt very little fear, efficiently checking his friend for wounds. Finding none, he pulled his wand from his pocket and performed a swift memory charm. Then he changed back into the dog and waited for morning.

Sirius was ready when the howling began, but it was no less pitiful and heart wrenching. When Remus was human again and unmoving, Sirius put a hand on his shoulder.

"Padfoot?" Remus whispered.

"I'm here."

"Where are we?"

"Not far from the school. Are you alright?"

"I think so. I didn't... did I?"

"Not on my watch," Sirius lied with a smile. He knew Remus could never know what he had done. It would destroy him.

When the Daily Prophet reported a werewolf attack a few miles from Hogwarts, Sirius was quick to reassure Remus that there was no chance he had done it. James and Peter collaborated the story. Sirius had seen to it that they didn't remember the time they spent searching for a missing werewolf.

"Sirius?" Remus called from the entryway. "Are you here?"

A muffled whisper answered him. "Is it safe? Are you alone?"

"Yes and yes. Where are you?"

"Under the sofa. It's dusty down here, and I may be stuck."

Remus laughed and bent down to pry his friend from the grip of the dust bunnies. When Sirius was standing, the two men wrapped their arms around each other tightly. They stood together in hushed relief for what seemed like an age before Sirius pulled back and brushed at his cheeks, leaving streaks in the grime. Remus laughed again and traced a finger through the dirt on Sirius's face.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

Sirius was in the shower for over an hour. Twice, Remus had to go to the basement and magically reheat the water tank. The inconveniences of a Muggle-built house.

When Sirius finally emerged, clean-shaven and wearing borrowed clothes, Remus was cooking dinner.

"I'm sorry, Moony," Sirius began with a sorrowful face.

Alarmed, Remus forestalled his apology. "Padfoot, you don't have to..."

"No, I do. You see...your shower. I'm sorry, but it may never be the same again. Twelve years of dirt, you know." He grinned and Remus had to smile back. It was the same boyish grin from their days at school and he felt twelve years of loneliness release their grip on his heart.

Later that same year, Sirius let his foolish sense of humor lead him into something even more idiotic than using memory charms on his friends. During one particularly ugly confrontation with Severus Snape, he suggested that Snape try out the passage under the Willow that night. He never dreamed that Snape would be bold enough to do it, nor did he foresee the horrible breach it would cause between himself and his best friends.

Remus spent that night alone, trapped in the Shrieking Shack without his animal attendants to support him. Peter's animal form wasn't strong enough to accompany the werewolf without the others; James, Sirius, and Snape spent the night in the hospital wing.

Sirius had thoughtlessly boasted to James about what he had done. James knew Snape better than Sirius did, and knew instinctively that Snape would follow Sirius's instructions and would probably be killed. He pushed Sirius out of the way and ran, hell-bent for the Whomping Willow. He stopped Snape in time to save his life but not to save Remus's secret. James threw a hard punch at Snape out of sheer frustration and broke the other boy's nose. Then he went back to the Gryffindor common room to deal with Sirius.

Neither of them had ever been in a real Muggle duel. They tumbled and punched, kicked and shoved until both of them were bleeding and exhausted and they had attracted a sizeable crowd. Sirius's nose was broken too, and James's hands were swollen to twice their normal size. All their aggression spent, they supported each other until they were under the nurse's care. She ignored their explanations but tidied them up and ordered them to stay the night for observation.

Sirius was just waking up the next morning when Remus burst through the doors. He was scratched and bleeding too, but he lacked no strength when he aimed his fist at Sirius's newly fixed nose. Sirius didn't try to defend himself.

"How could you?" Remus hissed, then turned on his heel and stalked out. Sirius sat calmly, feeling numb, until the nurse came to check on him and nearly had an apoplexy at the sight of his nose gushing once more.

Madame Pomfrey released him in time for lunch, but Sirius didn't go to the great hall. Instead, he went back to his dormitory and collapsed on his bed. A small cough alerted him to another presence in the room. He looked up to see Remus sitting on the edge of his bed. His wounds were healed but he looked weary beyond his years. Sirius's heart constricted with guilt.

"Moony...Remus, I..."

"Nothing you could say would possibly make up for what you did." The reply was flat and cold.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it... I guess I just wasn't thinking..."

"Right. You didn't think about the possibility that he could see me change. That I could bite him and curse him with this...hell. That I could kill him. Do you have any idea what that would do to me?" Tears were streaming from his eyes as he shouted. Sirius wanted to die.

"You're right," he whispered. "I just thought that..."

"You thought that you could scare him a little. That you could prove you're tough because you're pals with a werewolf. Sirius, I am not your pet. I am not a goddamned side-show freak and I do not like being used!" He turned his back to Sirius and his shoulders shook. Sirius stood up and crossed the room to stand behind the weeping boy that he had hurt so badly. His hand hesitated before touching Remus's shoulder, but when he did, Remus didn't shrink from his touch. His anger had worn off and now he simply wept for his loss. His life would never be the same, now that his secret was out. And he didn't know if he could ever trust Sirius again.

"Remus," Sirius murmured. "Please forgive me. I never meant for this to happen, I never meant to hurt you. Please, please forgive me. I'll never do anything like this again, I promise. Please believe me. Please." Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's chest and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. He didn't stop his whispered pleading until he felt Remus's hand grip his own. Even then, he didn't release his hold on Remus until after they had both shed their last tear.

Sirius was exhausted from the events of the past few days. After devouring his meal like a starving animal, he collapsed on the sofa. Remus waited until the sounds of snoring came drifting into the kitchen where he was washing the dishes. Then he levitated Sirius's prone body from the couch and tucked him safely in Remus's bed. He could do that much for Sirius. God knew the last time Sirius had slept in a real bed. Remus settled down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

Sirius screamed in his sleep. Remus was up the stairs and kneeling beside the bed before he knew it. Sirius had tangled himself in the sheets with his frantic thrashing. He screamed again, tormented by some internal demon, some remembered horror. Azkaban had taken its toll on more than his body. Remus touched his shoulder hesitantly. Sirius fell silent and still. His eyes opened into tiny slits and he whispered, "Moony?"

"I'm here, Padfoot."

"Go back to sleep. I'll be fine."

"I wasn't sleeping. I can stay for a bit, if you'd like."

But Sirius was asleep again. Contrary to his words, he had trapped Remus's hand in place and wasn't letting go. Remus didn't mind. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned against the headboard. He stayed there all night.

When Remus woke up, his neck was stiff and sore. Sirius was already up. Remus could hear him rustling around in the kitchen and went down to make sure that he wasn't breaking anything. He found Sirius attempting to scramble a mess of eggs with disastrous results. They said their good-mornings without any mention of the night's incidents.

"Padfoot, I knew you had strange tastes in food, but I didn't think you actually ate egg shells," Remus jibed, peering into the bowl, which was speckled with white fragments.

"There's something wrong with your eggs. It's not my fault they break easily," Sirius grumbled.

"I think that's a defining characteristic of all eggs," Remus countered, picking the offending shells out with his fingers.

They ate breakfast in silence. Finally, Remus found the voice for his questions.

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked with his mouth full of eggs.

"Are you going to keep running?"

"Well, I can't very well stay here, can I? I couldn't do that to you."

"If you wanted to stay, you could. I wouldn't mind." Remus strove to make it sound convincing. He didn't think that Sirius should stay with him, but not because he was worried about himself.

"Be serious. If you were caught hiding me, it would be Azkaban for both of us. I'm leaving after breakfast."

Remus sat upright with a start. "So soon?"

"It's not safe for either of us if I stay any longer. The Ministry is probably watching your house already. They know about our history and they know you believe I'm innocent. They have to know I'll show up here eventually. So the sooner I leave, the better." He finished his eggs off and stood to clear the table.

"Well, if you think that's best, then I suppose I won't try to talk you out of it. Will you be able to keep in touch?" He tried to keep the worry out of his voice. Sirius would only laugh if he confessed his fears.

"I'm not sure. If I can find a reliable bird to carry my messages, then I'll write as often as I can without raising suspicion. I still don't know where I'm headed. Probably south, somewhere warm. Do you mind if I keep the clothes? I don't think I can stand to put that prison uniform back on."

Remus nodded without speaking. Goodbye was creeping up on them again and he found its presence too disturbing for words.

"Moony, don't look like that. I won't be gone forever. Dumbledore is working on getting my name cleared. I won't have to hide for long."

"Yeah," Remus said in a scratchy voice. "You'll be a free man in no time. I'm not worried."

Sirius laughed, like a bark. "You? Not worried? That'll be the day." He clapped Remus on the shoulder and resumed his dishwashing.

"You don't have to do that. I can finish those up later," Remus offered, feeling helpless and desperate to do something for his friend.

"Please, let me. You've done enough." He dried the last pan and put it away in the wrong cupboard. Remus didn't bother correcting him. Sirius was picking up his personal effects, what little he had, and peering out the windows suspiciously. It was time to say goodbye again.

"Well," Remus said, clearing his throat. "I guess I'll see you...uh...later." Sirius turned from the window.

"There's a full moon in three weeks," he said absently. "I'll be here."

With that, he assumed the shape of the great black dog and whined for Remus to open the door. Remus obliged with a smile, patted the dog on the head, and watched his best friend disappear. He wondered if it would be the last time.

As the next full moon approached, people stopped and stared at Remus as he walked through the hallways. That week was the worst of his life. He found that he couldn't eat and his focus drained away. His dreams were plagued by blood and screams and an overpowering orb in the darkened sky. He couldn't sleep through the night. He woke in the wee hours of the morning, two days before the full moon, to find Sirius kneeling beside his bed.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, his mind still clogged with sleep.

"You were talking in your sleep. I thought you were going to wake the others, so I was going to put a silencing charm on you. I guess I don't have to now."

"What was I saying?" Remus barely remembered his dream, but if the past nights were any indication, he was afraid of what he might have said.

Sirius hesitated before answering. "Nothing, really. It was mostly mumbling and yelling. I couldn't pick out any real words. Go back to sleep. If you start again, I'll just smother you with a pillow." He went back to his own bed and drew the curtains around him.

When the full moon came, Remus wanted to be alone. The other three watched from the window as he disappeared into the passage under the Whomping Willow.

Sirius waited until James and Peter were asleep before liberating the Invisibility Cloak from James's trunk and creeping out of the dormitory. The Fat Lady squawked with outrage at being woken up, but Sirius slipped past her without response.

The willow grasped wildly for the invisible intruder it could sense, then went rigid with the pressure on the knot that opened the passageway. Sirius left the cloak at the entrance and shifted his body into the sleek black dog once more. He ran down the tunnel and burst into the Shrieking Shack, barking happily.

The Shack was empty; the wolf was gone.

Panic made it difficult to resume human form. The dog ran in circles, snapping frantically at his own tail until he calmed down and the boy reappeared. Sirius followed the fresh claw marks on the rotting wood floor to a window that had been boarded up long ago.

The boards were pulled away from the frame and the glass was shattered. Tiny drops of blood and silver hairs clung to the jagged splinters still hanging in the frame. The blood was still warm. The wolf hadn't been gone long.

The dog returned and leaped out the window. He hit the ground running, his nose to the grass. The wolf's trail was fresh and it led to the village.

His ears led him to the wolf before his nose had a chance. Screams pierced the cool night air and set the dog's feet on the right path. They led him to a dark alley, where the wolf had his victim trapped against a brick wall. The dog didn't have time to consider his options. He charged the wolf and sent him sprawling. The wolf regained his footing quickly and snarled at the dog. The dog growled back as all the hairs along his back stood on end. The terrified woman's eyes went back and forth like a pendulum between the two animals before her.

Barking a challenge, the dog turned away from the wolf and ran to the end of the alley. He glanced over his shoulder. Sure enough, the wolf was following, bent on revenge for the interruption. The dog guided the wolf back to the Shrieking Shack.

There was no part of Remus left in the wolf that night. He attacked savagely as soon as the dog was within his grasp. The dog fought to save itself without injuring the wolf too much. They scrambled madly after one another, rolling and scratching, knocking over furniture and denting the walls.

Morning came and found the wolf and the dog tangled together on the kitchen floor, with no energy left for fighting. When the wolf began to howl in pain, Sirius emerged from the body of the dog. He didn't move from the wolf's grip, but held him tighter and felt for the first time the shifting bones, the contracting muscles, the fur retracting to become skin once again, the painful convulsions as the wolf went back into hiding inside Remus's body.

Remus gasped and his rigid body went limp in Sirius's arms. He was wracked with sobs that Sirius felt down to his bones. Between the shudders, Remus repeated over and over, "I'm sorry." Sirius tried to quiet him, but Remus echoed his apology with every breath. Sirius pulled back and wiped the tears from his friend's face.

"It's ok, Moony. It's over and no one was hurt."

"No, it's not ok. I'm a monster. That woman...I was going to...I'll be expelled, or arrested... they might kill me."

"Do you think I'd let any of that happen to you?" Sirius spoke softly, still holding Remus's face in his hands. Remus looked away.

"Why? I deserve it. It should happen. I want it to, don't you see? If I hurt someone...I'd rather die. At least then everyone else will be safe." He struggled to get up, but Sirius kept him pinned to the floor.

"What about me?" he asked faintly. Remus flinched and stopped struggling.

"What do you mean?"

"You think that rushing off to commit suicide is for the good of mankind or some heroic bullshit, but what about me? What good will it do me to lose my best friend?" Sirius was angry now. Was Remus really this selfish?

"You don't understand," Remus whispered. "I'm a danger to you too. I could've bitten you last night. I could've killed you, just because you tried to stop me. Because you tried to protect an innocent woman and I wanted to kill you..." Remus's voice cracked and he began to cry again. Sirius's face softened.

"Moony, you couldn't have bitten me. You know that werewolves only bite humans. I don't even know what would happen if you bit me while I was the dog. And you didn't kill me. You didn't even come close. Moony, stop crying. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We have to get past this. We'll be more careful next time. If we need to, we'll chain you up in here. And we'll never leave you alone again. Stop crying, please." Remus still shook with stifled moans. Sirius couldn't stand the sound any longer; it was breaking his heart. He did the first thing he thought of to stop Remus's crying.

Sirius closed his mouth over Remus's. It did the trick. Remus's weeping subsided into a gasp of pure shock and confusion. Sirius pulled away and stood up suddenly, dumping the other boy onto the floor unceremoniously.

"Stay here. I'll take care of this." He left the Shrieking Shack and, after a short stop in the village, headed for Dumbledore's office.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mr. Black, you're up early," Dumbledore commented cheerfully when Sirius knocked on the door of the headmaster's office.

"Yes sir, I need to talk to you."

"Have you come to tell me why you've used memory charms on all of your close friends?" His blue eyes twinkled over the top of those half-moon spectacles. Sirius did his best impression of a fish out of water. Dumbledore smiled.

"It would be very foolish to assume that I don't know what goes on in my castle. As it so happens, I know very well why you obliterated the memories of those closest to you, and I can't bring myself to punish you this time. Was there something else you wanted to say?"

This wasn't going quite the way Sirius had planned. He cleared his throat. "Yes, sir. It's about Remus..."

"You needn't worry about Mr. Lupin. The situation is under control, I assume?" How could Dumbledore know about Sirius's trip to the village that morning? Did he know everything? Apparently, the old headmaster could also read minds. He smiled as if he knew what Sirius was thinking.

"News travels fast, Mr. Black. Not another memory charm, I hope. I do think I would have to take some sort of action if you were found to be tampering with the memories of the villagers."

Sirius was finally able to breathe again. "No, sir. I didn't."

"Very well. I trust that Mr. Lupin will not be left unsupervised next month."

Sirius didn't have the energy to be surprised anymore. He nodded once and left quickly.

He went back to the Shrieking Shack to find Remus in a fitful sleep in front of the fireplace. The fire was out and Remus was shivering. Sirius curled up along side him and covered them both with a blanket. He stroked Remus's hair and whispered reassurances to him until he too fell asleep.

Summer days are gone too soon

You shoot the moon and miss completely

Now you're left to face the gloom

The empty room that once smelled sweetly

Of all the flowers you plucked, if only

You knew the reason

Why you had to each be lonely

Was it just the season?

When the full moon drew nearer, Remus spent every moment sitting by the window, pretending not to look for Sirius. He didn't think Sirius would break his word on purpose, but he hadn't heard from the fugitive since he had left the cottage three weeks earlier. Remus didn't know if Sirius would be able to make it by the full moon.

He finally gave up his nervous vigil and went in the kitchen to make tea. He was stirring sugar into his tea when a tiny *pop* made him drop the cup and saucer he was holding.

Sirius stood next to him, grinning like an idiot.

"Dammit, Padfoot. Look what you made me do," Remus scowled to keep from laughing as he repaired the cup with a flick of his wand. "I'd offer you some tea, but now I don't think there's enough for both of us. Though, there's plenty on the floor, if you care to lap it up." He gave Sirius a searching look. When he left three weeks earlier, he had been gaunt and haggard. Now he had filled out a little and his skin was a golden brown.

"You look better," Remus said lightly. Sirius smiled again.

"A good climate makes all the difference." He didn't offer to tell Remus where he had been and Remus didn't ask.

They talked and laughed until the sky grew dark. Then Remus lit the end of his wand and guided Sirius into the shed behind the cottage. It was barely tall enough for both of them to stand upright. The two of them huddled silently until Remus felt the moon take over. Sirius transformed and barked happily. The wolf emerged and returned the greeting.

It was the reunion they couldn't share at the last full moon. They spent night chasing squirrels and badgers. They howled at the moon. They followed interesting scents and marked every tree. They were taken back twenty years and everything that had happened since didn't matter. The wolf and the dog were nighttime companions once more and they savored every moment. When birds began to chirp signaling the approaching dawn, they hurried back to the shed and fell asleep.

The change was the same as ever. When they were both back to normal, they were tangled together on the dirt floor of the shed.

Remus sighed. "Good to have you back, Padfoot."

Sirius's breath tickled Remus's neck as he replied, "Good to be back." He absent-mindedly planted a kiss on the back of Remus's head. Remus rolled to face his friend. Without thinking, he slowly reached out to kiss Sirius on the mouth. Sirius responded with nothing short of fire. They were wrapped up in each other, close enough to be one person.

Between kisses, they whispered everything they had been wanting to say. I missed you so much. I'm sorry I doubted you. Don't ever leave again. I love you.

The kisses deepened and the passion heightened. Their ragged clothes were flung away by desperate hands and no body part was left untouched.

Later, they walked back to the cottage hand in hand. They cooked breakfast together, without speaking. They had said everything they needed to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The full moon had waned and it wasn't safe for Sirius to stay any longer. Remus held his friend, his lover, one last time before Sirius Apparated out of the cottage, back to wherever he was hiding. He promised to write if he could. He promised he would be back in a month. It didn't make the separation any easier.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next two years were full of change. Remus stayed in his cottage, living from his savings and doing occasional research projects for the Order until word came that Voldemort was back. He moved out of the cottage and into a tiny flat in London. He spent many nights at 12 Grimmauld Place. It was a harsh existence, waiting for Voldemort to strike and hoping no one would notice the interaction between himself and Sirius.

Not that there was much to notice; they went on as they always had. Twenty-some years of friendship had made for a smooth transition and complete comfort in their relationship. They were partners, in more than one sense of the word. As far as they knew, no one suspected anything. To the casual observer, they were simply two old friends taking care of each other. Life went on as it always had.

But they always had the full moon. Remus looked forward to it as much as he had dreaded it before. He waited for those few moments when he and Sirius would lie quietly together in the forest after a night of adventure. It was their time and no one could take it from them. It was the only time they were away from that grim old house and the smell of corruption. Eternity could come and go in those few moments and neither man would have noticed. It was their time.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything was torn away from them in one dreadful evening. If someone had asked Remus how and when he got to the Ministry on that awful June night, he couldn't have told them. His memories were colored by panic and grief; his world hacked to pieces that night.

He fought with the rest of the Order against the Death Eaters who had invaded the Department of Mysteries. Faces filled his memories of that night, faces changed by fear and pain. Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Bellatrix Lestrange. And Sirius.

When he thought of that night, the first things he thought of were Sirius's eyes. How they had met Remus's as Sirius was falling, falling through the veil.

His own words echoed in his head unbidden. "He's gone. He's gone." He remembered holding Harry back from the archway and that horrific tattered veil and uttering those final words that rang out forever.

Remus was alone again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh, I've been longing for as long as I can remember
For something like this to go my way
And it always felt so right,
And then you take it all away

Tell me how I'm missing you like that again
I'm still sleeping, missing you, early in the pouring rain
I'm still dreaming of those nights - our first together,
You see I thought I'd found the love I'd have forever

Remus felt empty as he opened the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. His voice wanted to call Sirius's name, to bring him out of hiding. His arms missed Sirius's body already - that strong chest, finally back to normal after twelve years in Azkaban. His fingers missed the silky black hair and the rough skin. His lips missed Sirius's. His back missed Sirius's strong hands massaging away the tension. Remus was shaking with rage and suppressed tears. He Apparated away from the house, not caring if he splinched himself through sheer carelessness.

He turned up inside the tiny shack where he and Sirius had first been together. His instinct was to knock it down; instead, he curled up on the muddy ground and let his tears carry him into a restless sleep.

When he woke, he felt a gentle pressure against his back. His sleep-muddled brain didn't realize he should be alarmed.

"Padfoot?"

"I'm here, Moony."

Remus drew in a sharp breath as it all came back. "Am I still asleep?"

"Yes. I came to say goodbye."

"We've said goodbye too many times," Remus whispered.

"I know, Moony. I know. This time it's for good."

"There's no coming back?"

"Not this time, old friend. I wish..." Sirius's voice trembled too.

"So do I. Can you stay for a little while? Just like this?"

"I have to go, Moony. I don't have long." He tightened his arms around Remus's chest. Remus kissed the rough hands that held him.

"You can't leave. You can't. Who will take care of me?" He rolled onto his back and looked in his friend's face. It was the face of a 16-year-old again. He ran his fingers across that smooth cheek, through the fine hair.

"You'll find someone," Sirius whispered, his eyes gleaming in the morning light that slipped through the cracks in the boards.

"No. Sirius, no. No one else. There can't be anyone else. I love you. I always have. There's nobody else for me. Please, don't go."

Sirius kissed Remus's forehead and smiled sadly. "I can't stay. I'd give up everything I have for just one more minute, but it's my time. I have to go."

Remus clung frantically to Sirius's shirt. He couldn't draw his gaze away from those inky black eyes that looked at him with such pain.

"Remus, you have to let go. You have to let me go." Remus shook his head.

"I love you. Goodbye." And then Sirius was gone.

Remus woke into the real world. The world with no Sirius. He longed to go back to sleep, to find Sirius in his dreams. But he knew that Sirius wouldn't be there. He was gone. He would always be gone. Goodbye had taken its final toll.

He stepped out of the shed into the darkness. Up in the sky, a half moon glared menacingly down on him.

Remus stared into the moon's hateful eye and howled.

Now I'm hiding myself behind this shattered veil
And I know it's only me to blame
And I'm swimming through this ocean of grief
And I'm sailing up your way

Tell me how I'm missing you like that again
I'm still sleeping, missing you, yeah, early in the pouring rain
I'm still dreaming about those nights - our first together
You see I thought I'd found the love I'd have forever

And everything in this house is something of you
I can't escape even though I try
Photographs of memories
I never knew I had so many tears to cry

Tell me how I'm missing you, yeah, like that again
I'm still sleeping, missing you, yeah, early in the pouring rain
I'm still dreaming of those nights - our first together
You see I thought I'd found the love I'd have forever

Credits:

Art by AlexiusSana

Lyrics:

Seether (feat. Amy Lee) - Broken

Norah Jones - Shoot the Moon

Imogen Heap - Missing You