Matter of Interest

Matter of Interest

Here's how it happens:

You learn somewhere, from someone, that the opposite of caring is indifference, and you're sick of Malfoy. You're sick of getting riled when he speaks, sick of itching to hex him when he sneers; you're sick of caring about the things he does. You resolve to become indifferent to his words--his very presence--so that when he steps into a room, right into you personal space, you can gauge his contempt and meet it with an air of superior nonchalance. All schoolyard bullies back down when they realize their target has stepped above them, and you're sure Malfoy would marry a muggle-born if it meant he wouldn't appear inferior.

You think it just might work until the next you see him. He walks by your table in potions and deliberately knocks off the tree roots you spent fifteen minutes cutting perfectly without making it look purposeful because he's just annoying like that.

He says, "Look, Potter, you've made a mess," and smirks when he walks away. His foot accidentally kicks the roots across the stone a little.

What someone forgot to tell you is that when you're indifferent--or rather, by being apathetic you can't react in the way you used to because it would be moving backwards. You would be, in fact, caring and you couldn't care less about Malfoy, so you don't punch him in the face the way you want to--wanted to; it's all very complicated.

*

You don't intend for it to happen--no one ever does, you suppose--but you must end up in his way because he's so keen on making you get out of it. Still something, and it could be the lack of protective add-ons that are usually at his sides, but something about his stance is keeping the threat to walk right through you in two seconds, trampling you into something akin to flobberworm pulp from being effectively menacing. The old, reckless part of you wants to say that you'd like to see him try, but ultimately you yawn.

He's not exactly pleased that you find him boring, and that's probably why he ends up right in your face. This close the sneer is the only thing to focus on or think about.

"Move, Potter," he says, speaking slow and deliberate like a kid sounding out a brand new word.

Potter starts with "P" and makes the PUH- sound which is one of the few things in the world you're completely sure about at this point. And if you're to do this right, you can't just step out of the way because then he'd win.

No. No, you can't have that.

In retrospect, you will conveniently think of this as accidentally misinterpreting the situation. "Move" doesn't necessarily mean make a move. You can't hurt him, but no one ever said anything about not touching him at all, about being nice to him, and your fingers slide over the back of his hand. He drops his books. You graze his lower lip with a nail, and his mouth falls open.

He says, "Someone will see," as best he can without moving his mouth too much because your fingers are still there. This is so amazingly unnatural that his best effort at pushing you the hell away is saying that somebody might catch you both. Funny, that. He's not really as quick-witted as everyone thinks.

"I think you're only deliberately evil," you're whispering, declaring quietly. He literally smiles then, with you practically leaning on him, like it's possible for someone to be unintentionally evil, like for some people wickedness is honestly second nature. He does a good job of pretending, though.

The idea of anyone being born Satan would be absolutely hilarious if you weren't about to kiss Draco Malfoy. Classic example of executing a plan before fully considering it, you think. Reaching indifference is, possibly, only half the journey, or so you're beginning to figure out.