There Isn't Anyone Else

His eyes were crossing. He could feel it.

This is Hell. I swear to God, it is.

He'd tried everything. Flash cards - burned and vanquished by the end of his second year. No way he was going to waste his time guessing about little slips of paper.

Review with his friends - when Hell froze over. Nothing useful was accomplished when Sirius was with his friends, unless that friend was Remus, but a really long, sweet snog session wasn't going to help his grade in Charms.

Review with the book - well, he was doing that now, and his eyes were joining his brain cells in a well-organized mutiny because of it. Bad ideas, all of them. Studying was a lost cause.

Besides, he was in his seventh year. He didn't need to study anymore. He'd be free soon, and he really couldn't care less about his grades. Nothing was worth this kind of torture.

Sirius Black released his book and let it topple off the bed. Sighing deeply, he rolled onto his back and stretched, taut muscles thanking him heartily for some sort of - any sort of - movement. He was still stretching when the door to the dorm slammed open, bouncing off the opposite wall with a crash.

Startled, Sirius jerked into a sitting position. Remus Lupin slammed the door shut behind him, creating twice as much racket as he had when he threw it open.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. The hair along the back of Sirius' arms stood up, sending a shiver down his spine. Remus stood silently, back rigid, fists clenched, silent but for his harsh gasps. He obviously didn't realize Sirius was there - it was up to Sirius to say something, to break this silence.

He wasn't really sure how to, though. He'd never seen Remus act like this before.

Tentatively, Sirius leaned forward. "Remus?"

His friend jumped, eyes a dizzy flash of blue as he searched for - "Sirius." He took a deep breath, his face settling into a mask. "What're you - I didn't see you."

"Yeah?" Sirius slid over the blankets to perch on the foot of his bed. He grimaced a little - not good at this at all, this talking thing. He'd thought this sort of awkwardness went away after you turned fourteen "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Remus took another of those deep breaths. The lines of his body drew together in agitation, face absolutely unreadable. "No."

"What happened?" His voice was panicked - he swallowed, but Remus didn't seem to be paying any attention to him.

In fact, he was looking to the side, oddly forlorn and far too calm. His feet shuffled, like he was going to walk away but-

Face a violent grimace, Remus spun and slammed his fist into the wall.

Sirius jumped to his feet, half-stumbling to Remus' side as if the sound were a catalyst. "Remus?" He could have sworn that his voice stopped scaling up like that years ago, but apparently not. Remus didn't seem to notice him at all.

Sirius grabbed his fist when he moved to hit the wall again - isn't this what you do when someone's mad?

"Get off of me, Sirius." Remus turned to look at him. His eyes were dark and deadly, his head tilted at a predatory angle. Sirius could feel his stomach curdling, because what if Remus was mad at him? He didn't think he was, but . . .

Sirius tightened his grip. He searched Remus' face, thinking - struggling to understand. He pressed their foreheads together, could feel the slide of skin on skin. I don't know what to do . . . "What's wrong?"

"Nothing - is - wrong." Remus took a deep breath, held it. Choking something back. Sirius wondered pensively if Remus was going to hit him, and what he'd do if he did - yell? Hit him back? He couldn't imagine doing either.

The silence stretched taught before Sirius broke it. "Did I do something?"

"I don't know," Remus snarled. "Did you do something to make me this fucking angry!" He ripped his arm free and turned to storm from the room.

"Apparently so," Sirius muttered at his back, heart aching. "Shit, Remus, just fucking tell me what happened -"

"Nothing -"

"Don't lie to me!"

Remus stopped walking and stood still, almost out the door. His shoulders slumped, suddenly, in defeat.

Frightened again, Sirius slipped his arms around Remus' waist, pressing himself against Remus's back. "There wasn't anything bothering you this morning," he murmured, pressing his lips to Remus' hair. "Tell me."

For some reason, this worked when nothing else had. The tension drained from Remus' body as he turned in the circle of Sirius' arms, staring up at him with long, tired eyes.

Sirius traced a line over Remus' face, smiling as the other boy kissed his fingers softly and bit his lip. "Please?"

Remus' eyes fluttered shut, his eyebrows drawn together, a sharp line etched between them. Sirius kissed his forehead. At least he's calm.

"Pretty please?" he asked ruefully, because begging wasn't too much to ask, if it would keep Remus from exploding again.

Long lashes brushed against Sirius's throat, ticklish. Remus gasped, softly. Is he crying?

Sirius stepped back, pleading with his eyes to know what was wrong, but Remus didn't give him a chance - warm, hard hands found his shoulders and Remus pulled him down, kissing him, tongue fast and hot and his lips unbelievably soft.

Sirius gasped, jerking back. "Remus -"

A head shake was all he got in reply. Remus' hands slid over his arms and around his waist, he nuzzled the curve of his jaw and tilted his face to look Sirius in the eye. Another long kiss, this one softer, sweeter, both of them with their eyes open - and then he was pushed to the floor, no time to react, to do anything but catch himself on the back of his elbows and look up.

Remus was there right away, fucking his mouth with his tongue and biting his lips, teeth clacking together in their haste. Sirius shuddered, couldn't help but moan, because Remus had never done anything like this, been forceful like this, and it was scary, thrilling, intoxicating-

Sharp nails dug into his arms, making him wince, but a single thrust of Remus' hips chased all thought away. He heard himself moan and felt his face color, hands clawing under Remus's shirt, searching for skin. A soft, pained sound from Remus made him laugh, breathless, and Remus ripped their mouths apart and sucked hard at Sirius' throat.

"Fuck - God, Remus - yes -" Shudders racked his spine, vibrating his entire body, and he couldn't help it when he ran his hand between Remus's thighs, because he was seventeen and a boy and Remus had never, ever let him do this before. "Don't stop -"

Remus licked him, curiously feral, and lifted his head. Shocking, quiet moment.

Sirius took a deep breath. Remus pushed himself up with his arms, body warm and vaguely threatening as he pinned Sirius' legs with his own. He tilted his head so that their foreheads brushed and whispered hoarsely, "Can you fuck me, really, really, hard?"

Sirius drew a deep breath and it was all the answer he needed, scrambling to undo the buttons of his shirt, get it off and away and -

Suddenly, Sirius was on top, James' bed looming beside him. Remus opened his eyes and smiled wolfishly, letting Sirius take control, his long, slender hands slipping between them, under the hem of Sirius's jeans. "Are you going to -"

"Fuck yes." Sirius could barely breathe. "You still haven't told me -"

As if reminded, Remus yanked him down for another kiss. Sirius' shirt was yanked off, and he could feel the impossible strength of Remus' hands, leaving scratches along his arms. Sharp, tingling pain He shuddered and thrusted harder, wanting more. Remus rose up to meet him, hard and soft and warm, and muttered, "Bed."

Sirius obeyed instinctively, standing on shaky knees and struggling to ignore the ache in his jeans. Hair wild, eyes still fierce, Remus got to his knees and pressed his mouth to the inside of Sirius' cloth-covered thigh, smiling as Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, wanting - But then he was on his feet, and tugging Sirius towards the bed.

"Remus -" Sirius was beginning to think again and it was no good, because thought brought remembrance, and what's up with Remus? "Something's - the matter?"

"No." Remus pulled him close, about to fall into bed. Sirius caught him, held him up. Blue eyes flashed slyly through golden eyelashes - "Do you want to do it standing up?"

Sirius closed his eyes, blood rushing, because, wow, Stunning Visual. And if certain parts of his body weren't taking any interest in these proceedings, they sure as hell were now.

Remus sank to the bed. When Sirius opens his eyes, he was lying there, lips swollen and dark. "Fuck me."

Sirius bit his lip - gonna regret this - but he didn't want to stop, so he straddled Remus' hips and kissed him softly, determined to gentle him. Soft, soft, wet and slick - never done anything like this before, never been so hard and so nearly out of control. His fingers found skin and stroked, his mouth traveling to Remus' ear.

The werewolf shivered, his breath loud. "Sirius -"

Sirius opened his mouth slightly, letting his lips vibrate as he murmured "Hm?" against the shell of Remus' ear. The shiver deepened.

"You're trying to drive me crazy . . ."

Sirius smiled, flicking his tongue out, blowing softly. Remus grabbed his arm, shaking, kneading subconsciously as Sirius kissed the tender spot just behind his ear, licked the pulse of his throat. A soft, slow full-body rub, and Remus found his hand and grabbed it tight. "Jesus, Sirius . . ."

Sirius smiled. It was like all of the other times were practice for this, and he couldn't help but laugh because this was real, they were doing this, and he didn't want to wait, not even for a minute. He pulled Remus' shirt off, trailing his fingers down the smooth, slick skin, grinning like an idiot when Remus shivered and gasped. His lips brushed the middle of his chest, the soft curve of his ribs, and just below his navel, feeling the muscles tense and release with every breath.

Careful fingers found the zipper for Remus' jeans, undoing them easily. He kissed him there, lingering, teasing, before Remus jerked him up abruptly, rolling on top of him, close enough to kiss, to smell - so close that the vivid, blue blur of his eyes was all Sirius could see. "You take too long."

Sirius grinned, and yeah, he knew he looked a little crazy. "I thought I was the impatient one."

Remus half-smiled and reached between them, finding Sirius through his pants and rubbing hard, the worst kind of tease, and thought of any sort was pretty much shot. Remus nipped the curve of his neck and shoulder, licking him again, and this was a fetish of his that Sirius could get real attached to.

Remus ground their hips together - Sirius could feel the blood flooding into his face, but he couldn't help the hoarse cry he made. Remus looked alive, riding his thrust, eyes dark and wide.

"God, don't want to stop -"

Sirius bit his lip to choke back another cry, drawing blood. "Do it harder."

Remus yanked his pants down and tongue-fucked his mouth, jerking him off through too many layers of clothing. Almost crazy, like animals - can't stop, can't stop, Sirius couldn't breathe. Remus muttered - "God, make that sound -"

"Don't stop . . ."

"Have to do this." Remus rubbed their faces together, like a cat, his mouth catching Sirius' and sucking his bottom lip. "Sirius, god, fuck -" His squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

Sirius shoved Remus back, yanking his pants down and off, running his hands between his legs and over his ass, slipping his fingers inside. God, he'd never imagined that Remus would let him do this, never.

"Are you sure?" Remus lifted his head, their breath mingling. "Are you sure you want to -"

"Jesus fucking Christ, yes." Sirius tilts his head up until their lips met, but they weren't kissing. "Will you let me?"

Remus eyes were burning, hot. "Yes," he hissed. He grinned as Sirius's fingers tighten on his hip - he'd have bruises in the morning. "In me, please, Sirius -"

"My name." Sirius pushed him into the blankets and thrusted against him forcefully. Possessively. "Say my name."

Remus bit his lip to keep it in for a moment, as if savoring the sweetness. And then he moaned and let it out. "Sirius."

***

He was dreaming.

In his dream, he was following a man through the halls of Hogwarts. But something was wrong - the halls were too dark, too dusty, too tall. Black-robed specters haunted the corners. Torches, hanging from brackets on the walls, remained unlit.

The man kept asking him why he was being followed; and all he could say was that he had to. There wasn't anyone else. He could mean that there was no one else in the castle, or the world, but that's not what he meant, and they both knew it. There isn't anyone else.

The man resigned himself to his companion, apparently, turning his eyes to the floor and walking in silence. He made his way into a rotting, decaying Gryffindor common room, up the stairs, and into a dorm. The beds were gone, but a pair of skeletons remained. They lied together, in a heap, still whole and attached, as if the flesh, muscles, and guts were merely invisible.

The man put his back to the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. He covered his face and there was silence; deep, horrible silence, except for the rattling of the skeletons' ribs, because they were still breathing . . .

Remus woke up.

He tensed for a moment, blinking dry eyes, sorting foggy dream-memories from actual fact.

He was staring at the red velvet of a bed canopy, tightly shut and sealed with a spell. He could feel someone lying behind him, arm curled loosely around his waist, warm breath brushing against the nape of his neck. And he could smell the familiar scent of Sirius.

Remus let his eyes shut again, too sleepy to feel like waking up properly. His body was heavy, tired - everything ached. His thighs, his calves, even the joints of his fingers twinged when he moved. He'd never ached like that before, and it was a little scary, a little sweet, like wiggling a loose tooth, like begging with Sirius when he wanted to tease . . .

Drowsy minutes passed. It was late, probably close to midnight. He could see the faint shimmer of a Soundproofing Charm that hadn't expired yet, deadening Peter's usual snores.

Remus opened his eyes again and sat up, turning to look at the boy asleep beside him.

Sirius was still sleeping peacefully, hair wildly mussed, arms littered with scratches. Remus winced as he spotted this - a peek over his shoulder revealed other, deeper scratches on his back.

He felt his face flush as he remembered. Remembered being pressed down, pushed open, and he remembered the intoxication of that feeling. How he dug his nails into Sirius's skin, how that first thrust hit that spot, and he jerked. A silky, hot shiver slithered down his spine, and he remembered how Sirius gasped and then kissed him, eyes wild as if he liked the pain.

Much more gently, Remus ran his fingers over Sirius' slightly open mouth. Warm breath tickled his fingers, made him smile. The tears in his eyes threaten to overflow.

There isn't anyone else . . .

His dream came back to him with a vicious ache. Tired beyond imagining, body empty of rage and passion, Remus rested his weight on his elbows and stretched out beside Sirius. His head hung as he lost himself in thought, eyebrows drawn sharply together.

A few moments passed in eerie silence. The gloom of his mind was lifted briefly, as Sirius cuddled closer, throwing one leg over Remus', his arm landing between his shoulder blades. Careless and loose in sleep, his hand started to slip, but Remus lied down so that it wouldn't.

It was warm and pleasant here, much more so than anywhere else. Remus closed his eyes and thought, I could stay like this, secreted away from them all, and the thought caused him no pain. If only Sirius' canopy could block out the world forever. If only Sirius' arms could protect him from the full moon - from his family . . .

A sigh pressed itself out of him, a prelude to tears. God, his family . . .

He wondered who told the wealthy patriarch of the Lupin clan his most precious secret. One of his cousins? He had three of them at Hogwarts, two girls and a boy. Katie - his oldest cousin - was harmless, beloved by all. She wouldn't hurt him for the world - wouldn't hurt anyone for the world, really, she was that sort. Amanda and Michael, though . . .

Of course they heard the rumors. He should have thought of that. He and Sirius were the only gay students in the entire school - of course there would be rumors. Of course they would hear them. Of course they would . . .

Amanda and Michael probably wrote home. Mentioned it. Maybe even brought it up deliberately, hoping to cause a ruckus. Katie, eternal innocent that she was, might have mentioned it in passing. But with her testimony would have come true problems, because she had seen them together, once, in the Gryffindor common room, and with such proof as that-

He should have known this would happen. He'd already strained things by being a werewolf, by no longer subscribing to the 'Lupin Code'. His aunts and uncles were out of patience with him. He would not plot with them, would not help them unseat and discredit each other, so they assumed that he was planning something so nefarious that he dare not share it with anyone. His disdain for material comforts, his anti-social tendencies, his loyalty to Hogwarts and Gryffindor House . . . pure, wolven instincts, all of them, none of which the Lupins had any use for.

And so, the letter. The letter that sent him into such a dangerous rage and made up his mind on so many important decisions.

Self-contempt and fear haunted him. I should have known.

A hand pressed itself against the back of his neck, distracting him. He lifted his head slightly and rested his cheek on the pillow, twisting his body slightly to face Sirius.

His lover smiled. "Hey."

Remus forced himself to return the smile. He could feel the tear tracks on his face, although he couldn't remember crying. "Hey."

Sirius touched his face, tracing the curve of his cheekbones. "Did I hurt you?"

Remus shook his head wordlessly. No, far from that . . . "But I hurt you."

Sirius snuggled even closer and kissed his shoulder. "Yeah, but I liked it." Remus shivered.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said around the tightness in his throat. He wondered if Sirius would leave, when he told him. Or, well, not leave, because it was his bed, but . . . kick him out.

Sirius kissed him in a silent reply, slipping his arm around Remus again. He looked like he might go back to sleep, but instead he asked, eyes shut, "Are you finally going to tell me what was bothering you last night?"

Remus sighed. But he had to tell him eventually - it might as well be now.

Regretfully, he untangled himself from Sirius' warmth, feeling dark eyes snap open and focus intently on his face. He found his pants - in a wad at the foot of the bed - and searched his pockets. The letter was there, a little crumpled, but the heavy parchment was durable.

Remus was still for a moment, staring down at the hated thing. He wished passionately that he had never seen it, that he could turn back time and erase the moment that he opened it. Something fierce and clawed struggled in his belly, as if seeking an escape. Apprehension.

Sirius sat up a long moment later. The blankets were getting tangled, Remus noted dimly, and he could see the planes of Sirius's stomach and hips. His face burned as he remembered -

"Remus?"

Silently, Remus handed the letter over. Sirius opened the envelope and unfolded the short missive, glancing briefly at Remus, still hunting for a clue as to what this was about.

Remus watched his face as he read. Mid-way through the missive, his mouth opened, like he might say something, but instead he chewed on his tongue, mind clearly racing. When he reached the end, he paled - Remus could actually see the blood flow from his face.

The parchment fell from his fingers to the sheets. Remus watched it, too scared to look his lover in the eye.

White hands touched his chin: Sirius gently forced him to look up. His hands were trembling and his eyes were stormy. Distress tightened the flesh of his face. "Because of me . . ."

Remus thought of a thousand things to say. Make him laugh, make him smile, try to make him understand. But when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, "I love you."

That seemed to hurt Sirius, for some reason. His eyes shut, the line between his eyebrows deepening. He bowed his head.

Suddenly desperate, fear leaving his chest and exploding into a riot in his stomach, Remus grabbed Sirius' shoulders and craned to see his face. "It doesn't matter. I've got good grades. I can get a good job . . ." The silence was taut. Left unspoken was the word werewolf. "At Hogwarts, if I have to. Dumbledore will help." Sirius said nothing. "Sirius, love, don't . . . don't do this. It doesn't matter . . ."

Sirius lifted his head and peered directly into Remus' eyes. "You expect me to believe," he asked hoarsely, "that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't matter at all, that-" he took a deep breath "-that they disowned you. Because of me. That . . ."

Remus felt his insides clench at those words, felt the shock and a little of the grief cross his face. Some of the strength went out of him, and then he was in Sirius' arms, the other boy pulling him as firmly into his lap as if he were a child.

He realized that tears were pouring down his face, unbidden, falling from his cheeks to paint Sirius' skin. Something inside of him was howling with despair - the wolf, which, in the end, knew nothing of familial politics or self-righteousness or betrayal, just the pack and it's acceptance. Remus shook with the force of it, the wolf's grief, his own, and the terrible, gut-wrenching relief of Sirius's warmth and love.

Moments passed. Silencing himself, Remus kissed Sirius' shoulder, his neck, his jaw, tasting the salt of his own tears, but God, so glad, so glad, that he was there. His insides felt hollow and he didn't want to hurt anymore, he'd do anything to make it stop, to let the beast inside of him claw it's way out and leave him be.

Maybe that was why he dove so fervently into Sirius last night. He sought escape.

But there was something else to tell Sirius now, something he had to know. The wolf, sensing more turbulence, drew away, curling up in the corner of his mind like a frightened puppy.

Alone now, Remus released his grasp on Sirius - and when did he throw his arms around him, anyway? - looking up into his face. Gentle kisses rained down on his cheeks, soft, meaningless words were whispered. But while Remus wanted nothing more than to let Sirius soothe all of his worries away, he had to do this, he had to say this.

"I love you," he said again. Sirius's eyes flickered.

"I love you, too." He pushed Remus' hair out of his face, sending tingles down his spine. "You know I do. You don't have to worry . . ."

"I know," Remus whispered. And oh, he knew - Sirius loved him. Of course he did. He wondered why he doubted, when so often it was the one thing that he was sure of. "I'll never - be with anyone else." It was harder than he thought it would be to force the words out. He took a deep breath. "Never. You're the only one . . . I mean, I won't . . ."

Sirius shook his head, not disagreeing, but telling him that he didn't need to say this now, but he didn't understand-

"I can't." Remus lit upon the proper word with glee. "I'm a werewolf. I can only have one - er, mate, ever. And . . . that's you."

Sirius froze. Remus had to watch at him, wondering if it was too much, praying that Sirius wouldn't overreact, wouldn't freak out.

"I . . ." Sirius reached up, pushing Remus' hair out of his face suddenly. He seemed torn between tears and hilarity. "I didn't know that." He shook his head, as if to clear it. "Is that why you . . . ?"

Remus nodded, biting his lip. "I wasn't sure."

Sirius turned his eyes away, breath quickening into an upset rhythm. "And you were sure last night?"

"More than anything. When I got that letter . . ." His voice trailed away as he thought back. "It didn't matter - I mean, it did matter, but . . . It didn't even occur to me to turn my back on you to win them over - and then, when it did, the thought was just unbearable. I just knew." He smiled faintly, mostly to himself. "I just knew."

Sirius slumped and didn't fight the urge, grabbing Remus in his arms and falling backwards, pulling his werewolf down with him. A laugh burst out of him, a little hysterical, almost like weeping.

Remus laughed with him, kissing his face, kissing him everywhere. Sirius rolled them over, covering his body with his own. "With me forever?" he asked, breathless, exhilarated. Delight shone acutely in his dark eyes, turning his mouth up in a grin.

Remus let Sirius' warm lips touch his face, the tightness in his chest dissipating at last. "With you forever."