The Diary of Draco Malfoy

The Diary of Draco Malfoy: Chapter 1

October 15

I have decided to keep account of my daily experiences for I know that I shall be quite famous later on, even more than now, and that you would all soon be clamoring for my autobiography.

So maybe that's not why. But I hate to see a good load of powdered vellum go to waste. Mother said it would improve my already excellent vocabulary, and father said it would keep me from blowing up the kitchen or spying on the little Weasley girl while she is bathing in the river.

Fine, then. I shall decide upon our name. Benjamin. Very upper crust and refined indeed.

Nothing of importance happened today.

October 16

The first shipment of brooms has arrived. Brooms, Benjamin, are also made for flying. This model can raise up to 20 feet and has the speed of a running man. Thanks, but no thanks, I would rather tire myself running than buy that trash, it looks sick!

They took them first into our manor so that they can be tested. You never know, these might just kill someone, if they're stupid enough. Father said that he is of superb skill and intellect and can handle this " new technology " gadgets. Kiss my hide.

The testing went on very well for me. Father skidded three times on the grass and one on the stone pavement. I must tell the servants to get rid of the grass.

For laughing hard till my sides ache, I was whipped on the rump. They think an M looks very nice on me.

October 17

Decided on the 1st model's name. Lucius 1257. Not very original, Draconus would have been a more suitable one. Father slapped me on the forehead for saying that.

And he always says that I should be proud of my name. Figure HIM out.

I was sent to my sleeping chamber without supper. Suits me well, I hate to see my perfect figure go all flabby.

October 18

Today is the birth date of my Aunt Nadiya, my mother's younger sister. Both of them are always quarreling about the robes, the wands, who gets the white silk and the saffron one. Ye gads! I am glad that I am an only child, and a very good-looking one as well.

We had a grand feast that evening, accompanied of course by minstrels and jugglers. Father bought off a chef from the Kappelkoffs' manor, so that we could keep him as our own and let Aunt Nadiya turn green with envy. Mister Kappelkoff did not attend the gathering. He probably spent the evening looking for Stalin, the chef.

The seaweed pie has finally satisfied my gourmet tongue. I am looking forward to some more tomorrow. I asked my servant maid if seaweed has any fat, and she just shrugged. I should have never asked her in the first place.

Night-night.

October 19

Aunt Nadiya left the manor and headed for London, teary-eyed and all. Her special day was ruined because mother got the saffron silk. And saffron was her favorite color.

After greeting ( and wishing ) Aunt Nadiya farewell ( and good riddance ), I took the long way home. As I was walking past the river, the Weasley girl suddenly screamed bloody murder. I guess she remembered my face when I peeped into her bathing session, and when she was snuggling up to the pratty butcher boy Neville inside the Weasley barn. I want to say that I have already paid for the bathing thing, since last week I had an eye inflammation, but I figured it was of no use. She chased me around the streets and in and out of the bakery. I had a cut on my left cheek, my dress robes are all floury, and tomorrow, I shall seek revenge.

October 20

Revenge is sweet. I let my servant maid Camilla collect fleas for me to put on the Weasley girl's bath cloth. The red blotches should be appearing right about...now, both on Camilla's and Ginny's (the Weasley girl, finally decided to use her real name ) skin. I hope that Mr. Snape, the potion brewer, would never give her any cure for those.

Some family would be moving in the Evercrest Mansion, which is one street away from us, and just one meter away from the hangings. Even though I am exposed to bloodshed and torture more than your average 14 year old, I never find death fascinating. That is one of the big differences between my father and me.

They are to arrive one day before All Hallows' Eve.

This night, when we are having the Browns over for supper, the Lavender girl started fondling me and was evidently planning to tumble me. But I preferred to strangle her, it gives me so much more enjoyment than rolling all over my bed and ruining my sheets with the...stuff. I shall secretly throw cow dung at her tomorrow morning. Violence-Towards-Anyone-Regardless-Of-Gender is my middle name.

Better start keeping you under the bed, Benjamin, father is getting very curious.

October 22

Father confiscated my inks yesterday. He said I have been spending too much time writing instead of practicing my Dark Arts or fencing. Well, bully for him. I shall continue writing for I do not wish to sharpen only my perfect physical state, but my clever mind as well. Unlike SOME people, obviously.

Mr. Snape refused to tell me where the Weasley girl got her blotches. He gave the remedy! Damn, I thought there was someone else I could trust in this stupid world besides me.

It is a good thing that the Lavender girl got twice more goat dung on her face than on her pink kirtle, ( the cows do not feel like disposing. ) or else this would have been a perfectly rotten day.

October 23

There was a wedding in the cathedral today. It was the Knight of Rumford, of whom I do not know the name, and Duchess Lunaquis of Gloucester. We Malfoys were invited to the wedding, and so were the Weasleys, who are the settlers in his share of land. A mixture of the upper and lower classes, you bet. It was nothing fancy, really, we can afford much, much more. The colors were beige and amber, a queer but choice selection, and the bride's veil was showered with daffodils and little gold bells. Half of the goers snored throughout the ceremony, including father, which is a disgrace. They had no seaweed pie for supper.

If I were to wed (ha! ) , I would not accept just a rumble-tumble ceremony. There shall be a saffron and off-white kirtle for my bride, with yellow and white roses for her belt and a gold leaf tiara to crown her pretty head. I, on the other hand, shall wear whatever the hell I want, because I can look good in anything. Stop reading this if you are fed up with my vain and egoistical attitude.

So much for getting wedded, I can already see myself in 20 years as the only handsome bachelor in the whole of England.