Goodnight Sweet Girl

Sixteen: Walk Away

It was the clearing by the lake and the Forbidden Forest, the place from his dreams, the place where Harry had proposed, the place that seemed to hold some magic over the blonde's destiny. The fair skinned silvery blonde girl threw herself down on the ground, bringing her knees up to her chin as she closed her eyes obviously in deep thought. Suddenly the girl looked up and her exotic elemental voice filled the air:

"Why does it always seem to come back to this place? What power draws me here full circle? Why can't I simply walk away?"

The girl sat down, feeling defeated, on the grassy earth and sighed. Then her hand began to cramp and itch, a small smile tugging at her lips. She quickly summoned her sketchbook and pencils, and once she had them she closed her eyes, taking in the smells and sounds of her surroundings, and when she opened her eyes again it was new and beautiful, and like a mystery left yet to explore.

The girl held the sketchbook tilted at an angle in her lap and taking a pencil in her delicate long fingers began to draw the scene surrounding her. First lines, simple, some horizontal, diagnal, vertical, curved, until she had the outline of the world around her. The came the shadows, light near the water, and darker, more foreboding near the woods where the shadows truly lived.

The girl had been out by the lake for hours, the air was growing quite chill, and yet she could not make herself leave that place. She finally set her sketchbook and pencils aside, having finally finished the drawing, and then took up a similar pose to the one she had earlier, drawing her knees to her chin and staring over the lake, watching as the sun began to dip low into the horizon, and darkness blazed from the dying light of the sun.

Her breath caught at the magnificence of the view, and she wondered if she had ever noticed the beauty in a single sunset? Had she ever really seen the world before, and what it could hold? Had she ever loved anything or anyone before? Could she love...

Then warmth was placed on her shoulder, warmth in the form of a hand. The girl inhaled sharply, at first thinking Harry had come looking for her, but the hand was too delicate to be the roughened, yet soft, hands of Harry. She turned her head up slowly and the corner of her mouth pulled up weakly in the effort of a smile. Silvery gray eyes met the dark eyes of Blaise Zabini.

"Blaise? What are you doing here?" the girl asked softly.

The dark haired Slytherin took that as an invitation and sat down next to the girl, and noticing the girl shiver he took off his cloak and put it around the girl's delicate shoulders. The girl raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"What is this? Why are you here? Why now?" the girl asked again.

The boy looked down at the ground, finding something fascinating in the shadows of the grass; when he finally looked up he swallowed thickly and took the girl's left hand in his. His fingers traced over the beautiful emerald engagement ring, and his chest constricted tightly.

"He really would risk everything for you, wouldn't he?" The girl nodded at the darkhaired boy's observation, and the boy continued, "I wish I had been like that. I wished that I hadn't gotten jealous. Now I carry the scars for both of us. How do I make amends for that? How do I forget you?"

The girl took her hand from the boy's grasp and then put her arm around his shoulder as well as part of the cloak. "You don't have to forget me. I'm still here, I'm just not yours anymore. And you don't have to make amends. The time I have spent with Harry has taught me how to forgive."

"You don't understand, Draco," the boy said, a hitch caught in his voice. "You were never mine to have. You kept yourself so closed off, and seeing you now, knowing that you are who you are, and you are happy with him instead of me is almost enough to kill me."

"Then maybe it is I who should make amends. I'm sorry I wasn't capable of returning your affections. I did care though in some way, and I still do. You were the closest thing I ever had to a friend, and I would like to have that again. Not the relationship we had as lovers, but the one we had as friends. You knew my greatest secrets. Care to know them again?"

Blaise looked up startled, into those gray eyes, the ones he'd seen grow dark in desire and anger, the same eyes that grew soft in the presence of Harry Potter, and he saw warmth, and that was something he'd never before witnessed in those eyes, true warmth and the promise of happiness.

"After I exposed your secret, and after everything that has happened between us, you would still trust me?"

The girl nodded. "There was no one else I would trust more until Harry..."

Blaise noticed the waver in Draco's voice. "What happened? Why are you out here and not with him? What was all of that about with the headmaster this morning?"

"Call it confusion and anger, or what you will. It's just that I've never had any control over my life, and I thought with Harry I finally had that, and then I find out that fate was playing with me again. All because of my ancestors. Because of two stones, and a prophecy..." Draco paused. "You know, my father used a spell when I was conceived so that he could only produce a male heir. What if I had been meant to be a girl?"

"What are you talking about?" Blaise asked, somewhat confused.

"My ancestors were Morgana Le Faye and Sir Thomas the Fair. The Malfoy heirs get their complexions and coloring from Sir Thomas and their eyes from Morgana. This little ring on my right hand was the seat of all of her power, and she charmed a wishing stone, the moonstone around my neck to find me. All of this was out of my hands," Draco said with a sigh and then laughed bitterly. "And you know who gave me the stone? Why none other than our respected and esteemed headmaster."

Blaise's eyes widened. "What? He gave you the stone that made you change? And all I got from him for Christmas was a pair of socks."

Draco shook his head and playfully punched Blaise in the shoulder. "I'm talking about conspiracies against my person and you are complaining about Christmas presents? Really, I used to be the only important thing to you!"

"I'm sorry, but it's a lot to take in," Blaise said and then looked around. "Hey, it's getting late, let's go back inside, it will be full dark soon."

Draco shook his head as Blaise stood up and held his hand out for Draco to take. "No, you go on back, I want to stay out here for a while longer. I still have a lot to think about, and I find it peaceful here."

Blaise raised an eyebrow. "You do realize how close you are to the Forbidden Forest? What if one of Hagrid's pets find you?"

"Have you forgotten what I can do by just holding my hand up? How do you think I kept the teachers from closing in on my father and me? I didn't even realize what I was doing at the time. It felt so strange, and yet if felt natural. All that power for the taking and I never knew I had it."

"Well, if you are so safe out here than I will go back to the castle where it is warm. Don't stay out here for too long, and you can keep my cloak..." Blaise hesitated and then spoke again. "I will always be here if you ever need me. I would lay my life down for you, and I'm glad that you've found happiness. Even if it is with Potter."

With that the boy turned and began walking to the castle. Draco watched him leave and realized how hurt he must have been over everything.

"I am sorry, Blaise. I never knew you loved me until it was too late, and even if I'd realized sooner, it still would have been too late..." Draco whispered to the wind as it began to pick up in a light breeze.

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Blaise tried to focus on anything but the pain, yet it wasn't easy. His insides were being cut apart and his throat, if it tightened anymore, threatened to choke him. Once he was inside the castle he leaned against the wall, the cool stones providing comfort against his scarred back as he shook, trying to fight the overwhelming emotions threatening to consume him.

He hit the wall with the side of his fist and let his head fall back against the stone wall. He felt as though he were shutting down and dying inside.

"How do I let you go, Draco? How do I walk away when you are the only thing in this whole world that I have ever loved?" Blaise whispered softly, his voice strained. "How do I fight the dying inside of me?"

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Harry had been pacing in the Gryffindor common room ever since he'd returned from the headmaster's office. He had missed lunch and missed dinner, as well as his classes and quidditch practice. Hermione and Ron returned to the common room after dinner to find that Harry was still pacing and this worried them. Something wasn't right with him, and finally the two of them got up the courage to ask him what was wrong.

"Harry, what happened in Dumbledore's office?" Hermione asked.

Harry looked up sharply, finally stopping in his frantic measured steps. He retreated to a chair by the fire and his two friends followed him. "Draco, he said he may not be able to marry me. He's off somewhere thinking and here I am wondering what he will say the next time I see him."

"Well, mate, maybe not marrying a Malfoy won't be so bad," Ron said, and was smacked hard in the shoulder by a very annoyed Hermione.

"You use of tact is quite astonishing Ron!" she snapped.

He simply rubbed his shoulder and shrugged.

Harry tried to smile, but failed miserably. "I wasn't whole until I was with him. I actually used to enjoy fighting with him, you know, before. It was always a challenge, a kind of game, a competition. I didn't realize what it was until near the end of sixth year, and then when he fell during that Quidditch match. I felt as though I'd fallen with him. Now that I've gotten to know him, I can't see myself without him. It's like he is a piece of me, and I don't want to let go. I never want to let go. But what if that choice has already been made and I have to let go. I don't know if I have the strength if it comes to that."

"If he feels the same way then he has to come around. I mean the git can't be that thick," Ron said and put a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "You'll see Harry, these things work out, and you do what you have to do."

Harry got up and Hermione looked at him skeptically, knowing something was going on in that mind of his. She sighed as he headed toward the seventh year boy's dormitory. Judging by the way determination shown in his every step she knew that he wasn't going to bed.

Harry opened the door of the room he shared with his fellow seventh year comrades and went to his trunk, where he pulled out his invisibility cloak. He drew it around him, smiled, finally feeling that there was something he could do. Then he pulled out the Marauder's Map and noticed where Draco was, by the lake and near the Forbidden Forest, the same place where Harry had proposed only days ago, had it been days? It felt like lifetimes.

Deciding that it might be cold Harry took the comforter off of his four-poster and shrunk it down to a managable size with his wand, then he left his dormitory and Gryffindor Tower. He didn't stop until he reached the portrait of food, tickled the pear and left the kitchens with a basket packed full of food. If he was hungry, then he could safely assume that Draco was as well.

He then walked out onto the castle grounds heading toward the lake where he knew he would find Draco.

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Draco was laying on the ground, back against the cool earth, eyes taking in the glittering stars held captive within the night's rich black velvet. A breeze passed over him and he pulled Blaise's cloak closer around him, and then inhaled. The cloak was tainted with the heady scent of cinnamin, vanilla, and pine, yes, the cloak certainly belonged to Blaise.

Draco's lips curved in a soft smile, as he sighed and then whispered to the wind, "Yes, Blaise, we had some good times. Pity you went to my father, but we are all pawns to that queen bitch I call fate."

Draco was laughing to himself when he heard the muffled sounds of footsteps on the grass, someone was coming near, and they obviously wanted it known that they were advancing.

"Mind if I join you?" A soft deep voice filled the air.

"Harry," Draco sighed, sat up, and then patted a spot on the ground beside him.

Harry smiled and took the spot Draco indicated and then Draco noticed the cloak draped over Harry's arm and the basket that he carried. The blonde raised an eyebrow. Harry only blushed faintly.

"I know it's a bit late for a picnic, but I haven't eaten anything since breakfast. Have you?"

Draco shook his head and then looked eagerly at the basket. "Honestly, Potter, you have your uses. So are you going to share or am I to be tortured while you eat in front of me? I will have you know that I am perfectly capable of incapacitating you and taking that wonderful basket of what promises to be delicious. Oh that smells so good. How did you get them to fix... Are those lamb chops?"

"I seem to be rather popular with the house elves," Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Draco rolled his eyes. "You're 'rather popular' with everyone it seems."

Harry then pulled out the comforter and changed it back to its regular size. He draped part of it across Draco's back and the other part across his own, and then the two of them dug into the food the house elves had prepared.

After both were fairly sated they put the basket aside and laid back, Harry drawing Draco close against his body and then wrapping them up in the comforter. Draco gave in as Harry drew tiny circles onto his shoulder.

Draco moaned. "How do you know where to touch me? That feels so good."

"I'm only drawing circles. If I'm that good..." Harry trailed off as a wicked grin spread across his face. "Care for a back rub?"

The blonde snorted. "As nice as the offer is, I must decline. Now why are you out here?"

"I could ask the same of you," Harry shot back.

"I'm not in the mood now. Just give me a straight answer," Draco said, his voice tight and tired.

Harry drew Draco as close to him as was possible. "You were all alone out here. I didn't know how you were taking it all, or even if you'd eaten. So I brought the food and the company."

Draco began to pull back from the warm embrace, the comfort of Harry's arms. "I thought you were going to give me time. What do you call this? How can I adjust or even think when you are always around?"

"I didn't mean..." Harry paused and then anger and confusion shadowed his face. "What do you want, Draco? You always used to know when we hated each other. You knew you wanted to hurt me or get me into trouble. So what do you want from me now? Do you want to hurt me? You're doing just fine! Do you want to run from us? Because if you do it will destroy me. I don't know if I could let you go."

"And I used to be the one accused of being a selfish sod," Draco said with a dry laugh. "This isn't about you, or what I want. This is about who I am. I have no bloody clue. Can't you understand that? Or have you always known you're the great sodding Harry Potter? Excuse me if my identity issues are causing you confusion, because I find it rather puzzling myself!"

Harry looked down at the ground and began to pick at a stray strand of grass. Slowly he looked up, shadows of thought slithering behind his fiery green eyes. "We can find out who you are together. I want us to work through things. I've been alone all my life. Sure I've had friends, and Ron and Hermione are the best friends I could ever hope for, and I love them, but I've never had anyone or anything to truly call my own, unless you count Hedwig, but she hoots all night."

"Dammit! Stop joking. And let me go. Let me walk away from fate and for once have a say in my life," Draco snapped. "Don't you get it? I've never lived for myself, I've only lived for others. First it was my father, and now it's you. I love you Harry, but I have to find myself. Please let me find the pieces of myself, the pieces I have left. I-I still want to marry you, if you will have me, but give me time."

"Time is more of a tyrant than any dark lord, but if that is what you need..." Harry never finished as Draco's lips descended upon his, tongue demanding entrance, and gently assaulting his mouth. The kiss was full of passion, regret, hope, but most of all love.

The blonde broke away from the kiss and Harry watched as Draco Malfoy trapped in a woman's body walked away.

The dark haired boy shook his head. "Have you any idea that you are my whole world you silly git?"