All Our Yesterdays

All Our Yesterdays

Chapter 9 - Far away, so close

Emily was watching the white stripes on the road with distracted eyes. The car was moving at a nearly constant speed through the highway, which was practically desert. They were going west. Beside her the man who had just turned her life upside down was driving silently. His gaze was stuck on the horizon; his arms were hard on the wheel. He had been in that position for almost two hours, without saying a word. Emily had thousands of questions in her head, but she knew that, despite his impassible expression, Draco also had his head just as full as hers.

"Draco," Emily repeated mentally. The name sounded strange to her ears. Like a made-up name. On a normal day, she wouldn't have given him much thought. It was the gray eyes that pursued her. It was the soft touch that gave her the chills - good chills - down her spine. It was his hole being that was extremely familiar to her. She didn't remember him, but she felt as though she had always known him. And still, he was a stranger. He was a mystery. But a mystery that might put her life back on track.

Two days had gone since he'd found her. And since that moment, she was obliged to question every aspect of her existence. After the hug in the street, he had released her and, due to the evident questioning expression on her face, he had explained that he knew her; that he knew who she was. The three of them - Camila had followed them - went to Emily's house, where the sheriff was waiting. A little after that, John had arrived - apparently the policeman had called him - and the five of them had discussed a few details about who she was and how she had disappeared.

"Virginia Malfoy," Emily repeated to herself. Another strange name. She found out lots of interesting things about herself: she discovered she was a primary school teacher, she had living parents and six brothers, and she was married but had no kids. When she heard that, she no longer needed explanations to know who was her husband. Just looking at the disturbed eyes of the blond in front of her was enough. John, though, was shocked. As expected, it wasn't easy for him.

"But how is this possible?" the doctor asked, bewildering. "You didn't have a wedding ring when you were found."

"That's true." Emily turned to Draco a little intrigued. Slowly, the investigator took off his own ring and made it glide over the coffee table to her.

"Read the inscription," Draco said. "You had taken off your ring the day you disappeared to cook, and you forgot it at home," he completed and in some way, beyond her comprehension, Emily knew the moment he had said those words, that they weren't true. He was lying to her, but maybe he had a good reason for that.

Without taking her eyes off Draco, then, she extended the hand and took the ring.

"Ginny Weasley, 03/28/2000," she read out loud.

"Ginny is your nickname and Weasley, your maiden name. Your wedding ring is stowed and it recorded 'Draco Malfoy, 03/28/2000'; my name and the date of our wedding," he finally admitted in front of three pairs of surprised eyes. "The certificate is in London too, in case any of you would like to see."

"I trust you," she simply answered and for an instant she thought she saw his look brighten for a brief moment.

"Emily, don't you think it'd be better..." John started, still shocked.

"He's speaking the truth. I know it."

"Do you remember?"

"No, but I know."

"About your amnesia," Draco interrupted, "I know someone who might help."

"Someone?" Camila butted in. "We've already taken Emily to a lot of doctors..."

"You didn't take her to this one." Malfoy gave her a frosty look.

"Who is he?" Emily asked.

"If you don't mind, Ginny, there are certain things I would feel more comfortable to discuss privately."

"All right," she answered. "Camila, Sheriff..." Both of them stood up a little against their will, clearly distrusting the stranger.

"Call me later," Camila whispered in her ear while hugging her.

"Okay."

Right after they had left, Emily turned to her fiancé who was watching the scene impassive.

"John..." she started, but he interrupted her when he recognised that tone of voice.

"Emily, you can't be serious. You barely know him!" When Draco heard that, he stood up from the chair he was sitting and she noticed that he was about to explode. Something told her it that was best that didn't happen.

"John, come with me," she said quickly, pulling him by the hand making him leave the room.

"You barely know him!" he repeated when they left it.

"It's all right."

"No, it's not. How do you know he's speaking the truth? What assures you he's not the freak who kidnapped you, in first place?"

"John, my dear, I know he won't hurt me. I know!"

"How? How do you know?"

"I simply know. Now's not the time for us to argue. Can't you imagine how hard it must have been for him? He lost his wife ten years ago and now that he's found her again, she's engaged to another man!"

"That is if he's speaking the truth."

"He is. Please, everything's going to be fine. Just leave us alone for a while," she asked, finally, and John knew it would be useless to refuse her.

"I'll be in the car outside in case you need anything," he answered before leaning to kiss her lightly on the lips, and left.

Emily still stood there for a few more seconds trying to recompose herself, but she ended up concluding that it wouldn't be possible. So, she came back to the room, where she found Malfoy standing up, with one of his hands on the fireplace. He was handsome, she couldn't deny it. But there was a heavy atmosphere around him. He didn't seem to be a friendly person, or even sociable but still she didn't fear him.

"So, who is this doctor you've mentioned?"

"He's not a doctor," Draco answered.

"And what is he?"

"Have you ever asked yourself why weird things happen around you, Ginny?" He had finally turned to face her.

"Weird things? What kind of weird things?"

"Objects exploding when you're angry, or moving without any explanation, doors slamming or anything of the genre?" He didn't seem to understand her surprise.

"I never made anything like that." Emily faced him starting to think it was some kind of joke.

"Never?" Now Draco seemed genuinely surprised.

"Never."

"Well." He was confused. "Maybe that's something to do with the memory charm..." he said more to himself.

"Charm? What are you talking about, Draco?"

"I don't know any more delicate way of telling you this, so: you're a witch, Ginny."

"A what???"

"A witch. That's one of the things you've forgotten."

"I'm a witch?" She obviously didn't believe him. "If it's some kind of joke..."

"It's not! Look." He took out what seemed like a straight polished wooden stick out from his pocket. "This is a wand."

"A wand? Don't you think I'm a little too old to be Cinderella?"

Without paying much attention to her last comment, Malfoy pointed the piece of wood towards the wedding ring that was still lying on the coffee table, saying:

:"Accio wedding ring!" In an instant, the ring came flying towards him and only stopped in his hand. Emily seemed impressed, but not necessarily convinced.

"I've seen magicians doing similar things..."

"This is not a trick!" he exclaimed furious, now pointing the wand to the fireplace.

"Incendio!" And a fire was lit. Scared, Emily took a few steps backwards, but now he had pointed the wand to the chair. A few more words and the chair came towards her, making her sit on it. "Lumos!" And the tip of the wand started to emit light.

"Nox!" And the light went off. "Wingardium Leviosa!" A vase on the table started floating. Next, Draco let it fall and when she was about to complain, he completed, "Reparo!" And all the pieces of potter were gathered together again, becoming a vase again.

"My God," was all Emily could say.

"I know this is a shock, but..."

"A shock? A shock? I'm not even sure if I'm dreaming or awake! I knew that watching too much X-Files would give me nightmares one day!"

"Listen, Ginny." He went down on his knees in front of her, facing her with those big gray eyes. "I understand your skepticism and, believe me, I would love to stay here the whole night making charms if necessary, but..."

"I don't know if that would be enough!"

"My whole life, then. God knows I wouldn't mind, but we don't have all that time."

And after a pause, "Look, there's a charm called Memory Charm. I think it was used on you to provoke your amnesia."

"A charm?"

"Yes, a charm. And maybe it can be reversed."

"And I could remember everything?"

"Yes! You could remember who did this to you and you could remember me," he completed, holding her hands gently.

"And this... this man you mentioned..."

"He's a wizard. He must know what to do with you."

"I want to remember," Emily said sincerely.

"And you have no idea of how much I want... How much I need you to remember," Draco responded, leaning his head to give a long and soft kiss on her hands.

"Come with me, Ginny," he muttered without standing up. "Please."

"I will," Emily simply responded. Somehow she knew she couldn't live in peace with herseilf if she didn't try. She trusted that man more than anyone else, and she barely knew him! She had to know where all that trust came from.

"Great," he said as if a big weight had been taken off his shoulders. "I'll pick you up tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow? You'd better not."

"Why not?" he goggled.

"I need at least one day here before traveling. I have things to organise." And after a pause, "My family... My parents, my brothers... Will you bring me to meet them after we see that wizard?"

"Yes," Malfoy answered annoyed. "After tomorrow, then?"

"After tomorrow is fine," she answered and then, an unconfortable silence came over them.

"Your fiancé is still outside, isn't he?" Draco asked after some time.

"How did you...?"

"I saw him leaving and entering in the car through the window. But I didn't hear the sound of the engine."

"He's worried about me... He..." Emily started, trying to apologise.

"It's all right," Malfoy interrupted her. "I could never expect you to spend ten years here without dragging any hearts. In his place, I would be doing exactly the same thing," he completed, but one look to his eyes was enough for her to see that nothing was fine, that that hurt him more than anything.

"Draco," Emily started, feeling guilty without knowing why... How could she have guessed that she was married? "But I knew," she said to herself. "One part of me had always known."

"Don't worry," he interrupted her. "I have to go," he completed standing up quickly, as if he was afraid of changing his mind if he waited more. "I'll come after tomorrow early. Around seven. Is that all right?"

"Yes."

"The wizard we'll see first is here in Scotland, and then we'll go to your parents'."

"Where do they live?"

"In England too," Draco answered moving towards the door. Emily was about to stand up, but he stopped her. "I know the way. Don't worry. I'll see you after tomorrow," he said, turning to the door and leaving, in the same manner that he had arrived: abruptly.

She remained still sitting in the chair for some time, thinking about everything that had just happened. She barely noticed when John came in again, and she only noticed his presence when he spoke.

"Did you light the fireplace, Emily? In the middle oft he summer?" he asked surprised.

"Huh?" She wasn't really paying attention.

"The fireplace is lit. And the chair, you changed its place. Any reason in particular?"

"No," she answered, still distracted.

"Emily, is everything all right?"

"Yes."

"You're going with him, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"To where?"

"See the wi... doctor he indicated and then meet my family."

"When are you going?"

"After tomorrow."

"You and him?"

"Yes, John."

"All right. I always knew this would happen some day," he said embittered. "I'll be in my house in case you need anything, but I think you have a lot going on your mind now, don't you?"

"John, don't do that..." she asked. "Don't speak like that."

"Bye, Emily. I'll see you when you get back." He also left through the door without waiting. She gave a tired sigh and went upstairs to her bedroom. She laid down in her bed, but didn't sleep. She stood staring the ceiling trying to find out what would happen to her life from now on. A little after that, the phone rang but she didn't answer. It was Camila. She would probably call John to know if everything was all right, so Emily didn't worry. She would talk to her tomorrow.

The next day, Emily was still in bed, with her eyes wide open. She hadn't slept all night. She had wished so many times for something like that to happen, someone from her past to come and finally answer all the questions in her head, and now that it had happened, there were so many more.

Finally, when the alarm clock rang, she got up, took a shower, got dressed, ate something and left to work. In the hospital, she went after her boss to explain what had happened and ask to anticipate a few days from her vacation. She was keeping the vacation for her honeymoon, but one week less wouldn't make much difference. During the entire day, she neither met nor spoke to John. She wanted to say good-bye to him, but, on the other hand, she didn't know what to say, so, she didn't look for him either. Towards the end of the day, though, she found Camila and both of them went out to dinner.

"I spoke to John," Camila said. "He's shocked."

"And I'm a bundle of nerves! Or have you forgotten it was me who discovered was married?"

"I'm not forgetting anything. Neither is he. It's just that, well, he thinks you won't come back."

"What?"

"Think, Emily, it's a valid idea. You'll get to know a whole new life. Maybe you won't want to come back to this one."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"He did, and that's why he's so shocked."

"Well, and what can I do? Not going isn't an option."

"I don't know, Emily. I don't know, really."

"Camila," Emily started wanting to ask the question that was on her lips since their hug the previous day. "Would it be possible for me to have some kind of residual or selective memory, or whatever?"

"Residual or selective memory?"

"Yes! You have explained to me that some people's amnesias work in a selective way. For example: they remember the street they live, but not the number of the house. Could it be my case?"

"Why do you think that? Do you remember him?"

"No. Not exactly, but it's like if I did, like if I knew... Even before he came! You know that. We were talking about it yesterday, during the consult!"

"No. Yesterday we were talking about your mysterious man."

"Exactly!"

"And don't you think you're only using this investigator to fill in the blank of your 'mysterious man'? How can you love someone you barely know?"

"But I knew him. I married to him."

"Not you. Ginny Weasley married to him. And still, it doesn't assure she loved him."

And after a pause, she continued, "Emily, I'm really worried about you."

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Be careful. Don't be so easy going, my friend, because it all may be just an illusion. Be sure before deciding anything. Will you promise?"

"I will," Emily answered. After that, Camila calmed down.

Both of them stood talking about non-important things till late. When Emily arrived home, she still had to pack her things and set her alarm clock. When she laid down in her bed, though, she couldn't sleep again. She stood awake, seeing the hours pass until the alarm clock rang saying it was time to get up. She took a shower and ate toast. Punctually, at seven o'clock, her doorbell rang. He had arrived.

And so Emily was now sitting in the car beside Draco, with thousands of questions to ask, but not in the mood to ask them. Finally the constant movement and monotony of the road added to two sleepless nights made her fall asleep and, like a reluctant child, she slept with the head supported on the car's window.

*

The road extended itself in front of him. A few more miles of silent journey and Draco started to ask himself if it wasn't an endless road, like his search, like his life. Ginny had fallen asleep a few minutes ago. "It's better this way," he thought. At least he wouldn't have to spend more time under her gaze, watching him, measuring him. That look at the same time so familiar and so strange. Finally, she was there, within his reach, alive, but still, he felt as if she was miles away.

When he found out she was fine and amnesiac, Draco had only thought how the lack of memory explained the fact that she hadn't gone looking for him in ten years. The only thing he felt was a huge happiness for her not being dead. He didn't know, though, that it would be so hard. Everything he wanted was to touch her, to kiss her, love her, like he hadn't done for so long; but how could he if she barely remembered him? She didn't remember the hidden meetings, the arguing with her brothers, the wedding, the small apartment that she loved, the plans for the future, nothing. And, even more, she was engaged to another man. He didn't even want to start to think about it. He was driving and it would be extremely dangerous, considering the fact that he would start to break everything when he thought of that man who dared to put his hands on his Ginny.

After talking to her two nights ago, Draco had left her house abruptly because if he had stayed for a few more instants, he wouldn't answer for his acts. He had slammed the door and entered in the car, but hadn't left immediately. He had stayed there, sitting, watching while her fiancée went to meet her. It was torture to stay there, standing still, imagining what both of them could be doing inside, but Draco couldn't avoid it. He only could start the car when, to his huge relief, he saw the other slamming the door too, entering his car and leaving.

When he arrived in London, late at night, he had found his apartment in the same deplorable state it was before, but with one difference: the coffee table, which was turned on the floor, was now back to its original position, and on it there was a note. Fearing for a minute that it could be the man from the phone, Draco extended the hand to grab it, but released a relief sigh when he saw the signed name - Hermione Granger.

Malfoy,

We came to look for you and obviously didn't find you.

From what we could see, the wall has shocked against other things in your living room, besides the phone. I would have fixed it, but I'm not your maid. We've brought, though, a new phone set, with an ID call. The phone company has already authorised the service. When the man calls again, you just have to write down the number it shows and then dial the number I left on the phone, identify yourself as a government investigator - give the code of your muggle district - and ask for the address of the place that owns the phone number.

See if you can get things fixed back here.

Hermione Granger.

Draco didn't know if he should get angrier for the two of them getting in his house without permission, daring to buy the damn phone for him without letting him know or for being reprimanded by a damn mud-blood. He almost started to break everything again, but, recognising the useless act, he decided to at least fix what was already broken. After all, he was still a Malfoy, and couldn't live like that.

After a few charms, the apartment was in order again and Draco let himself fall on the bed - still dressed. He was exhausted.

In the next day he went to the office and spent most of the time trying to locate Dumbledore. He had thought that, so close from the beginning of the classes, he would find the headmaster in Hogwarts, but he was mistaken. Apparently, nobody knew where he was. Draco was almost desperate, but in the end, after calling Eames to help him, he got what he wanted. He sent a letter to Dumbledore explaining what had happened and the answer came quickly, setting an appointment for the following day at the school. No matter how conflicting his feelings were concerning the headmaster, Malfoy had to admit he was the biggest wizard alive and Ginny needed the best.

A little more tranquil, Draco went home, but practically didn't sleep. If he wanted to be in Harmony Springs at seven in the morning, he would have to leave quite early. He was getting used to that journey to Scotland and, this time, he didn't miss - neither thought he missed - the way. He rang the doorbell punctually trying to push deep inside his thoughts the fear of her changing her mind or worse: that it was nothing more than a bittersweet dream.

To his relief, she opened the door as beautiful as always and said she only needed to pick her bags. Draco followed her and, being a gentleman at least once in his life, he took the not too big bags and put them in the car.

And now he was driving for almost three hours without saying a word. There were so many things he wanted to say to her! So many things that needed to be said! But he didn't know where to start. Now that he was there, he didn't know what to do, so he chose to do nothing. With some luck Dumbledore would help them and everything would be fine.

A little later - an hour, maybe more - Draco saw what he was looking for. He couldn't arrive in Hogwarts with a car, of course, so the headmaster had sent one of the horseless stagecoaches from the school to meet them a little before Hogsmeade. Malfoy parked the car and, not wanting to wake up Ginny, he took her on his arms and carried her. He sat down in the stagecoach still holding her.

Having her like that, so close, was so good, and Draco couldn't resist.

Watching her asleep, he passed his hand lightly through her hair, her cheek, her nose full of freckles, her red lips. He went a little down, passing the hand along her neck and letting it rest over her breasts. There was no guilt in that touch. Malfoy was just watching every detail, every tint and comparing to what he remembered. It was the same Ginny! Maybe with a closer look he would notice some little differences, due to the age, but that wasn't important. Finally, without being able to control himself, he did what he had been wanting to do for quite some time: he leaned and lightly touched her lips with his.

Ginny didn't wake up. She only moved a little and nestled better against Draco's chest, supporting her head on his shoulder. Malfoy didn't try to kiss her again. For now, he was happy to have her in his arms, close to his heart.

The stagecoach kept its rhythm and, after around twenty minutes, they approached to the entrance of the school. Reluctant in waking Ginny up - he was too comfortable in that position - Malfoy went out still carrying her. The big doors closed behind him and Draco noticed Dumbledore wasn't there yet. Gently, he put Ginny down sitting her on the stair and woke her up.

"What? Have we arrived?" she asked scared.

"Yes, we have. Everything's all right."

"Is it here that the wizard lives?" Ginny asked, standing up. She seemed curious.

"He's the headmaster of this school, so yes, he lives here during a good period of the year."

"Is it a castle?"

"Yes, Virgina, it's a castle." Dumbledore's voice could be heard softly and welcoming, like a father's voice.

"You are..."

"Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where you've studied."

"I have studied here?" She was surprised.

"Just like me," Draco responded standing up too.

"Were we from the same year?"

"No. You're one year younger."

"And we started to date at school?"

"Yes," he answered noticing the enigmatic smile on Dumbledore's lips.

"Well, why don't we go to my office?" the headmaster asked. "How about a cup of tea?"

"Headmaster," Malfoy interrupted before Ginny could answer. "We didn't come for the tea..."

"Yes, I know. The tea is just a bonus. Come, follow me," he completed, and the couple obeyed. Ginny seemed curious and Malfoy, annoyed.

The headmaster's office was still the same as he remembered, the same furniture, the same books, the same sorting hat and the same bird. Ginny was impressed with it. Who wouldn't be? She looked at all that with surprise, sometimes, fright, but, to Draco's relief, she didn't show fear. The headmaster made her sit down in front of his desk and, instead of sitting on the other side of it, he sat down beside her. He would conjure a chair for Malfoy but he declined and went to the window instead. The school's territory outside was also the same. Hogwarts had been practically the same for a thousand years, why would it change in the fifteen years Draco had left it? A little far away he could see the Quidditch pitch, stage of so many battles of him against Potter. All that seemed to have happened a life ago.

Looking back to the other occupants of the room, he noticed Dumbledore had already offered Ginny a cup of tea and now he was serving another one, which he offered to him. Malfoy declined with his head and the headmaster came back to the woman beside him.

"Virginia, Mr. Malfoy has already told me some of the circumstances of what happened to you, so I don't mean to tire you with questions, but there are certain things I'd like to hear from your lips."

"Sure," she answered quickly.

"What, exactly, do you remember?"

"Nothing. I mean... nothing from this world."

"I understand you were in a coma for a few days."

"Yes, for two weeks."

"And from when is your first memory? Before or after you woke up?" He kept talking to her while mixing his tea, as if Ginny was still just a student who had come to the headmaster with some school problem.

"From after. My first memory is waking up in the hospital."

"I see." Dumbledore couched back in his chair and took the cup to the mouth. "Has Mr. Malfoy talked to you about your family?"

"My parents and my brothers? Yes, he has. He'll bring me to see them afterwards."

"Have you already talked to them?" Dumbledore turned to Draco.

"Not yet. I'll send an owl from Edinburgh."

"You could've talked to them before. This is undoubtedly news they'd like to hear."

"I know, but I preferred not to take any chances. Especially when the subject is Ginny's disappearing."

"I understand." The headmaster seemed satisfied. "And you, Virginia, wouldn't you like to ask me any questions?" The woman faced him as if that was the last thing she was expecting to hear.

"Thousands. But I don't know if you can answer all of them."

"Probably not, but I might answer some of them. What do you say?" She seemed to stop for a little thinking. Her look instinctively went to Draco and he felt his heart jump in his chest seeing her turning to him searching for some orientation.

"He'll probably have more patience than me," he said to encourage her even knowing that wasn't true. He would be able to stay and answer all her questions for the whole eternity only to have her close if needed.

"For how long have I studied here?" she started, as if she was still getting used to the idea of asking everything she wanted.

"For seven years. From the age of eleven to almost eighteen."

"And do you remember me specifically?"

"I remember all the students who have already been in this school since I've became the headmaster and all the ones I've taught before, but I have specific reasons to remember you too. Your parents, for example, are very good friends, and besides that, it's not every day you get to see a Gryffindor who ends up getting married to a Slytherin. You, Ginny, have always been a very special girl."

"Gryffindor? What is it?"

"Oh, Hogwarts' students are selected in different houses according to their characteristics. Gryffindor to the brave ones, Hufflepuff to the loyal ones, Ravenclaw to the clever ones and Slytherin to the ambitious ones. Yours was Gryffindor and Mr. Malfoy's was Slytherin."

"And what's so special about it?"

"Gryffindor and Slytherin don't get along well."

"Why not?"

"It started with a fight between the founders of the houses and, with time, of course, the reason was lost but the rivalry remained."

"That's quite stupid."

"Yes." The headmaster smiled. "Very stupid. What people don't understand is that the four houses together are very powerful. Separated, they're good, but combined, the power is extraordinary, because each one represents the best of a wizard, its founder, and through them, each one of the founders is still alive."

"That's all very interesting." Draco interrupted starting to get irritated, "But we're here for a reason."

"Of course yes, Mr. Malfoy. I'm just not sure if you know what is this reason."

"It's the memory charm they've put on her!"

"There's no charm."

"What? But it's impossible!"

"When do you think this charm was put on her, Mr. Malfoy? Before or after she ran away?"

"Before, of course!"

"So, shouldn't she have some memories of what happened before the coma?" Dumbledore asked as if he was explaining things to a child.

"But that... That doesn't mean anything! They might've gotten into the hospital, might've..."

"That's not all. There are other signs too. And, particularly, I don't think such a powerful memory charm could've been made without some permanent damage to Ginny, which doesn't seem to have happened."

"But what happened, then?"

"What did your doctors say, Virginia?"

"Amnesia," she answered with one word.

"Clinic or psychological background?"

"Psychological."

"There's your answer, Mr. Malfoy."

"I can't believe it. It can't be true."

"You came here to listen to my opinion. Well, here is my opinion: no charm has caused her loss of memory. There are no magical causes to what happened. Cause was physical or psychological."

"And what do we do now?"

"I'm afraid there's not much to be done."

"You're saying there's no cure?" Draco asked and his despair could be felt. There had to be some way!

"Yes, there's a cure, but there's nothing we can do to heal her. Except, maybe offer a tour through the school. Familiar things might help you to remember, right, Ginny?"

"Doctors have said so."

"Do you want to remember?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"Of course I do."

"Even knowing that remembering your family means remembering the trauma that has caused the amnesia in first place?"

"Even knowing that," she answered, but her voice was a little hesitant.

"Well, then, why don't we go for a walk through the school?"

"I think it's a great idea," Ginny answered excited. Draco, though, followed them without paying attention to where they were going or to what they were saying. He couldn't stop thinking about what the headmaster had just said. He knew what the man had done to her. He knew what had happened and just the thought made him feel like vomiting and like killing him, but Ginny didn't remember. She might even know, but she doesn't remember. Somehow, that made things a little better. It was almost like it hadn't happened. The question, then, was if he really wanted her to remember. In that moment, Draco Malfoy was having the least selfish thoughts of his entire life.

Most of the professors were already in the school and, to avoid curious looks and questions, the three of them had lunch alone. Ginny was excited with all the new things around her. They walked a little more after the meal, but not too long after that Draco was obliged to remind her that they still had a long way ahead.

As they reached the exit, though, while Ginny was distracted, the headmaster approached Draco. "She told me she didn't show any signs of magic during these ten years. Did you know that?"

"I thought it was something to do with the charm, but if there's no charm..."

"Exactly."

"Might it be because of the amnesia?"

"No, it can't. It should be like a reflex, something involuntary. Doesn't make difference if she remembers or not."

"And why is that to worry?"

"I'm not sure yet, Mr. Malfoy. I need to do my own investigations, but in the mean-time, it's very important that you keep trying to find out who kidnapped these women..."

"I didn't mean to give up the case."

"And it's very important that nothing bad happens to Ginny."

"But what could happen..."

"If the others were killed and she wasn't, it might be a problem," Dumbledore answered deadly serious.

"But if the murderer knew where she was and has done nothing this whole time, why would he do so now?"

"I don't know. But whatever happens, Mr. Malfoy, she must remain alive. Is that clear?"

"Like water," Draco answered equally serious. A warning from the headmaster wasn't necessary for him to know he would defend her with his own life. But when he heard him emphasising how important that was, he made a decision without noticing it. The toughest decision of his life.

*

"Draco," Ginny started with a weak voice, like if she was in doubt whether she should or not say something. They had already left Hogwarts and driven a couple of hours in complete silence. "What is... How was it that Mr. Dumbledore said you call the people who don't make magic?"

"Muggles."

"Yes, muggles. What do muggles see when they look at the school?"

"I'm not absolutely sure, but I think they see mines and signs saying to stay away. Something like that. Why?"

"Nothing," she said turning her face to the window. "Just curiosity."

Malfoy took his gaze off the road for a few instants to face her and saw her still looking at the view through the window. He had the clear impression that she wasn't saying all the truth, but he didn't force the subject. The last thing he needed was her thinking he didn't believe in what she was saying.

The silence came back again for a long period. Finally, Ginny decided to talk, and what came out of her mouth made Draco's heart jump inside his chest.

"Draco," she started, now looking at her hands. "There's something I've been wanting to ask since before yesterday, but, well... I didn't know how to touch the subject." She stopped and, seeing he wouldn't say anything, "When I woke up, the doctors said ... They told me I had lost a baby." She finally rose her head. "Did you know that?"

"Yes," Draco said holding the wheel so tight that his fingers' joints started to turn white. "You had just told me before you disappeared."

"And why didn't you ask me..."

"I thought you had lost the child after all that had happened, but I wasn't sure if you knew you were pregnant," he answered with an extremely controlled voice, fighting not to let all his pain show up.

"Was I happy with the pregnancy?"

"I'd never seen you happier," Draco said, trying to hold back another wave of sadness that was trying to choke him. "Emily," he whispered.

"What?"

"Emily. That was the name you wanted if it was a girl."

"Really?" she asked surprised, involuntarily bringing her hand to the empty belly. "I woke up with this name in my mind in the hospital. I had no idea..."

"It's the name of a childhood friend of yours."

"Did she study in Hogwarts too?"

"No, she died at the age of nine, of some disease. I don't remember."

"That's why the name was so special," Ginny muttered to herself.

"Yes," Draco said without knowing what else he could add. Both stood in silence for a few more minutes, until she noticed the exit he took from the road.

"Hey! You took the wrong way!" she exclaimed looking back.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did! The road to Edinburgh..."

"We're not going to Edinburgh."

"Where are we going, then?"

"Harmony Springs."

"But..."

"Ginny, answer me one thing, honestly." He turned to her without realising how evident the pain was in his eyes. "Are you happy there?"

"Yes." She took a while to answer. "But..."

"No, no 'buts'. What I want, what really interests me is for you to be happy," Malfoy interrupted her, now looking straight ahead, afraid of meeting her eyes. "I don't want you to remember me if it also means remembering everything that has happened to you when that man kidnapped you. I don't want you to remember that!"

"But I know what happened. The doctors told me. I..."

"You know, but you don't remember and the difference between them both is huge."

"Even if I never remember, I still might..."

"No," Malfoy answered impassible. He had made his decision and he wouldn't change his mind. He was convinced it was for the best. "We are our past, our memories. It's our yesterdays that define us and, without this past, you're not my Ginny," he said and even while the words came out, he knew he was saying the biggest lie of his life. "You're not the Ginny Weasley who married to me in a night where the storm was so strong that even the church's walls seemed to oscillate with the wind, who liked to see the snow falling on Christmas Eve, who told me that she was pregnant with the biggest smile in the world on her face. You're not my Ginny. You don't have to love me," he finished with the voice lightly embargoed. He wanted her more than anything in his life, but he could never live with himself even if he had her at the cost of his own happiness. She was alive. She was fine. And somehow, this knowledge would have to be enough for him.

The rest of the way was made in silence. A heavy silence, full of questions. Ginny spent most of the time watching the view with distant eyes and Draco tried to focus on the road, but actually, he could only repeat mentally to himself how insane he was.

When they arrived at her house, he came out to help her with her bags, which had ended up being useless. Malfoy was sure he would regret it all the next day, but then, it would be too late.

"Stay with this," he said giving her a piece of paper. "It's my phone number. Call me if you need anything. There will never be a bad time to ask for my help."

"Don't you want to come in?" she asked. "I can..."

"No, it's fine," he answered. "I have to go," he finally said, but he didn't leave immediately. He stood there, in front of her, watching her, without knowing what else he could say, but without really wanting to leave. As always, he knew he would be lost if he stood too long looking into those big brown eyes.

"Draco..."

"Don't say anything," Malfoy interrupted her, embracing her for the second time in a tight hug. The intention was to make that a good-bye hug, but when his senses were invaded by her smell, by her heat, he knew he was a man without hopes.

Before he realised, he was kissing her. Quick and desperate kisses. First in the neck, which was closer, and then the ear and cheeks. He kissed her forehead and the eyelids, the nose and, before she could do anything to stop him, he kissed her lips. It started with a quick kiss, so desperate as the others, but soon it evolved to a deep kiss, full of longing, full of love and full of desire. He passed one of his hands around her waist and pulled her closer, as much close as possible, and kept the other hand holding her cheek, not letting her go away. He knew that was madness. A delicious madness, but still, madness. To his surprise though, Ginny didn't try to stop him. She responded to the kiss. Maybe not with the same intensity, not with the same desire, the same longing, but at least she wasn't pushing him away. She was kissing him too.

For a few instants - few long instants - Draco felt what it would e like to have her back, and that made the good-bye even more painful. When he finally released her, she faced him with interrogative eyes, as if she was awaking from a dream and still didn't have the exact idea of what had just happened. He didn't wait, though, for her to get the idea.

He left her there, standing in the sidewalk in front of her house, while he turned and got in the car again. He didn't look back. If he had done so, he knew he would give up leaving her, and he had to do that. He had to let her live her life, with no fears, without the shadow of a horrible past, with no doubts. He would suffer, that's true, but at least he would be the only one to suffer.

He tried to repeat to himself what he had said to her in the car. He tried to convince himself that that was Emily Watson, and not Ginny Malfoy, his wife, but when he finally looked back through the rear-view mirror and saw her still standing in the sidewalk, all red hair at the distance, he had the certainty that it wasn't true. That was his Ginny. Not the same Ginny, that was true, but still she was the only woman he had ever loved and would love. While he lived.